Random compliments to strangers are such a big deal. When I plan to compliment someone my heart is racing racing racing, I start sweating, the adrenaline numbs my limbs, I’m mostely mumbeling while unsuccesfully trying to seem like THE most CONFIDENT mofo around
BUT.
It’s all worth it. Seeing a strangers eyes first light up in confusion... and then happieness! 10/10. Everyone likes compliments! Even I do! Even that old lady waiting for the bus does! Or that guy with marvelous eyebrows over there!
so basically complimenting strangers is like a lot of little love confessions, it unleashes a strangely giant amount of energy AND helps a lot with shyness, trust me
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Even though I was born in Germany here are times where I feel extreeeeeemely un-german. When I think about punctuality. When I think about working painstaking and precise. When I think about correct pronunciation.
When I think about lunch time. What kind of crazy person can have a real deal lunch at 12am???? Like with meat and stuff????? At 12am my body is still in snooze mode, how should it take all that stress?? Don’t get me wrong, I love food. But bOy, yOu gOttA bE niCe to yOur boDy anD sTep doWn a Notch omg.
Then theres me over there having #1 breakfast, #2 breakfast, #3 breakfast and dinner #nostructure #noboundaries
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hey ho all of you! after 600 years of inactivity heres a lil summary
first of all: to everyone who still hasnt hit the unfollow button: ur bootiful and i want to smooch your faces ╚(•⌂•)╝
yes, its true, its at least years, centuries, EONS ago i posted a text about me and my little life so only today (and later on too) you will have the chance to catch up
ok what the hell is it with tumblr and changing its layout so its shittier every time? anyways
im still not able to properly use comma
i in fact have been artistically active but since ive lost my tablet pen... somewhen... and still havent found it?? there sadly are no digital pictures (audience boos)
-> that means i will soon post photos of my paintings and other artsy outpourings to my artblog
i got back to my anime phase and i dont regret it
right now im having all my finals and soon ill be done with all this school bullshit just
to go to another school! i applied to an art school in augsburg and even attended the entrance exam. guess what?
I FUCKING PASSED :D
means i will move from my fine little room to a dorm in augsburg
(thats only the first stage of my plans tho, my true goal is a flat share with chill people!)
my mom, stepdad and little brother are still in new zealand, currently moving to and island literally called “best island” ouo
as far as i know they are safe and happy, which makes me happy too. missing them and sometimes catching the sads but still happy for them
bad news tho is... im having a lot of problems with my real dad.
its not only lots of financial struggles between us but also the way hes treating me, his constant emotional unstability and well... lets just say im very very VERY glad im old enough to live on my own
which brings me to my own emotional state.
taking the meds that had been prescripted by my therapist is a huge support for me, as well as having friends i can talk to, fuck shit up and party with.
keeps me sane yknow.
by now im not sure anymore if im still depressed or just ...regulr levels of sad. what i know is that there are still some emotional dissociations in my life. its a state where my mind is unable to connect to the real world. let me explain that one: it feels like im moving, talking and watching everything in a parallel universe. im unable to feel or express what is going on inside me which mostely results in silence or a very slow, sluggish talk. up to now i havent really talked to anyone about it... but one reason is that is damn hard to explain, you see?
my therapist diagnosed some sort of ptsd, which is, in my opinion, fitting well (unlike the adhd diagnosis my old therapist made)
my main task now is to find a good therapist in augsburg to talk about those issues, which are influencing my everyday life, just like my acute procrastination issue (it is HUGE and very untreated)
so yeah
thats it for now folks
love all of you and i wished i cood make you all pancake towers!
P.S. if youre bored why not visit m sideblog seifuku-love ?? =u= shamelessly self promotes
help help help my gay is showing lately and its IMMENSE
got extreme dokis lately from thinking of two girls and im not even very close to but just??? will my body hyperventilate whenever im interacting with a girl from now on?? idk knees weak arms spaghetti *SCREAMING EMOJI*
also the eternal struggle: is she staring at me cus shes a lesbian or did i just do something weird??????????????
so of course my brain be like: target looked at us 2,5969 seconds longer than the average girl. this is an emergency. immediately send the paralyze guys to the limbs and face and also send out the adrenaline guys come on QUICK QUICK QUICK
