#inccident

Hello everyone. So there has been a lot going on in my life which I want to share with you guys. This post is going to be long because I am tired of keeping all of this inside me and I just want to let it all out. Like when you shake the soda can and the fizz is just dying to get out.....? That is me right now. Some of these problems may seem mundane or unnecessary, but to me these are something that have been affecting me. I am not writing this to get self pity, i just want to let someone or actually let myself know, that everyone in life faces similar problems. No matter how different we are we all are insecure in one way, scared, fragile but strong too.

1st

So if you guys have been reading my blogs (which i am thankful for if you are), you might know that in my Blog 3...or 4 (I am not sure)   a very disturbing accident had happened on a family trip, not with me but with my dad. Long story short we had gone for White Water Rafting and my dad had gotten down in the river (even i had) but my dad let go and got taken away by the rivers current. me and my mom got worried. We eventually found dad. Although he knows how to swim very well just the thought of something happening to him scared the hell out of me.

Somehow unknowingly this accident has been affecting me in a way I wish it would not. I love swimming but the moment I get into the pool these days I feel as if I am going to drown. I don’t know why I am feeling like this... It is scary and irritating. I am making progress and I have been trying to swim without feeling dizzy.

Also a few days back my uncle had come for a visit to our house. He wanted to know the exact story about what happened with my dad, and mom starting telling the “story”. Although she seemed unaffected and both my parents were laughing while telling the story, the moment my  mom starting narrating the incident I started feeling shivery and walked away and went to my room. Just the thought of loosing my dad somewhere I could not do anything to save him scares me.

2nd

So this happened in school today. Basically in my new school I have been recognized by the music teachers a lot because according to them I sing well. Yes, I have passed Grade 3 of Vocal School and I can play the keyboard and the guitar., but to be honest I don’t think I am that great. I wish I was Taylor Swift but I am not.So today I was very surprised when my music teacher in school called me and two other children to the Recording Studio in school (Yes we have a recording studio in school). Basically in my school there are two option in music- Western and Indian. I obviously chose Western because English is my forte. We went to the recording studio and sir told us that we have have to sing an Indian song. I obviously wanted to chicken out. The main reason I don’t sing Indian classical is because of my pronunciation. I am not clear.... which I have known for a long time.  And in a recording studio obviously that will be emphasized on more. So this teacher heard the three of us sing and he commented on everyone’s but I think the comment he said on my singing was the most stinging.  This is what he said:-

“You sing well, but you need to say the words more clearly. Don’’t take this to your heart but even when you speak you are not clear.”

I was so hurt. Like come on, you can comment on my singing, but my speech?!? He literally made me feel so bad. I know he is right, I am not perfect, but it hurts when someone just tells you that the one thing you do the most in life is wrong.

I am literally gong to cry know as i am typing this.

3rd

In my new school there are all these really cool people who are thin pretty and have boys drooling over them. And here I am with my curly hair, a curvy body, and zero boys appeal. I just feel a little, well...... insecure. I know there is nothing wrong with me, that I am as normal as them. But while they are getting boyfriends, I am here getting a new album. While they post selfies on inta I post Taylor Swift and Captain America on IG. I don’t know. I think I will eventually find out where I fit in. I just hope I do find out who I am because right now I have no idea....

If you have read up till here, THANK YOU. Even if you don’t fav this post or comment just the mere possibility that someone is reading this calms me and makes me feel that maybe tomorrow will be better, maybe tomorrow won’t hold me back with the miseries of today.

“Yesterday lasts forever. Tomorrow comes never. “

xoxoxox