#inappropriate behaviour

Okay, I am back from the Institute of Water annual conference in Portsmouth and have a lot to do and not enough time to do it, so I’m going to keep this post short. 

I had the best time at the conference, where I finally got the chance to spend some time with my CEO and Eddy the elephant (our mascot), and network with many other great people! 

Photo: My CEO (Jim Panton), Eddy, and I. Source: Phone camera. 

Unfortunately, I also had some negative experiences at the conference with how I was treated, specifically by men. For instance, I made the apparent mistake of wearing high heels to the conference, because I ended up with comments like this in my LinkedIn (!) inbox... 

“Those heels worked well for you or you worked them well. You turned some heads” (in response to me saying thanks for his initial comment about my shoes)

“I’ve not got legs like you have!!! 🔥🔥🔥” (when I tried to laugh it off and say this person should take inspiration from me and Noel Fielding and try some heels out himself)

“Do you work out or are they natural?” (about my legs again)

“Oh sorry didn’t mean it like that” (when I finally called him out on his inappropriateness) 

This man is someone I met at the conference and who played quite a key role in its organisation. I did nothing to warrant this kind of behaviour and violation of my inbox. I was dressed professionally (as you can see above), representing a respected company. It also drives me insane when men say things like “oh I didn’t mean it like that” or “calm down I was joking” when you call them out on their bullshirt, trying to make you feel like you're overreacting. Top tip: If you ever feel like someone is being inappropriate or making you uncomfortable, you’re right. Don’t be scared to say something, don’t just laugh it off. Ignoring it is how behaviour like that continues to happen. I will fully be telling my boss about this, who ironically asked me when I joined the company why women don’t often stay in the water industry. 

Another example was a man from a water company openly hitting on me and kissing me on the cheek, TWICE. Once at the conference social night, which I brushed off as him being under the influence of alcohol, but the second was when we were leaving the conference and IN FRONT OF MY BOSS. Just, eurgh.

Another day, another fight against sexism.

However, on a more positive note, being at the conference and being treated appallingly by some people really reinforced to me that I made the right decision with Panton McLeod, where I have felt nothing but respected and appreciated. 

Now it’s back to finishing my PhD so that I can move into the role full time! 🐘

I also leave you with a photo of a beautiful sunset over the Portsmouth harbour. Irrespective of how dark some days may be, the sun will rise, and we will try again...

Ciao!

Photo: Sunset in Portsmouth. Source: Phone camera.

Hey lovely,

I’m sorry to hear that your dad has done that. I can imagine it made you really uncomfortable and that you hated it! But when you’re at that age, it can be really hard to stand up against these kind of things. You don’t really have any reference material so you don’t know whether it’s supposed to be normal or not, so you let it happen even if it makes you uncomfortable. Now that you’re older you realise that regardless of whether it’s normal or not, if it makes you uncomfortable you’re allowed to stand up for yourself! 

Do you think you can tell your dad that you don’t like it when he criticises your friend? His criticism is very superficial and what matters in a friendship is how much fun you can have together. What she looks like is so unimportant. Friendship is based on so much more than looks, often everything but looks. Is this something you can try to explain to your dad and? If you’re able to explain why it bothers you, he might stop doing so. It can very well be the case that he simply has no idea this is bothering you but that he definitely doesn’t want his comments to upset you so that he’ll stop right away when you tell him. 

How is your relationship with your dad in general? You mention two aspects that don’t seem to be great, but I’m curious as to whether overall you do have a good relationship with him or if there’s more underlying issues there. I think that if you do have a good relationship then it’d be worth considering to not only tell him about his upsetting comments about your friend, but also about that you didn’t like it when he poked you when you were younger. If your relationship isn’t as good, then it’s still something you might want to consider but I can understand if you don’t feel comfortable opening up to him about.

I don’t know if there’s another parent or guardian in the picture, but maybe it’s something you can talk to them about as well? It can help a lot to have someone by your side, whom you can talk to whenever anything happens that makes you uncomfortable. Your comfort is what matters most here! I hope this helped at least a little bit. Remember you’re allowed to stand up for yourself! <3 

#I want to rub my dick against this post because FUCKING THANK YOU 😩🙌🏽

(via @candyheartwaste)