#inafunk

I really would like some advice, tips, tricks, and ideas on how to deal with bad mental health days. Been in a bit of a funk. Could really use some tips. Please keep it positive. Thanks guys 💕

Changed my work shift to even earlier in the day to see if that reduces stress. With the old shift, I was in traffic for about an hour in the morning, and between 1.5-2 hours in the afternoon. 

I would often feel like a cranky toddler once I hit the 2 hour mark. Sometimes I would literally have to scream. It’s nice to be in one of those positions now that says come in whenever works for you! As long as you get your work done, you can choose which ‘shift’ works best for you. Let’s see how this goes.

Traffic is a lot of stress, I drive so far and you have to stay vigilant and aggressive so you don’t get run over or pushed around by other cars and trucks on the highways. 

Also slightly freaking because I know phones are only supposed to be kept for 2 years but I kept mine for 5 because I dont like change and I take good care of my shit....until it finally limped on its last legs. 

I just want my voicemails off of it. I saved voicemails from my granny, whose voice I will never be able to hear again. She left me two very funny voicemails.

One was calling and trying to get me to tell her a funny story. I was known as the story grandchild. I told stories to her so good her teeth would fall out. She would even tell the nurse that usually came by with the good pain meds to come back in an hour so she could finish the story with me. That was big for her because by the end she was like Smeagol from Lord of the Rings with those dang pain meds. But hey, arthritis sucks soo....

The second was just gut busting. She found out me, in my early twenties went out into a local park at 6am and ran into a herd of deer with my dog who was then a 7 month old knuckleheaded hound pup. I was in awe of the herd as they couldn’t smell us coming, or hear us over the noise of their own feet. I have never been so close. Anyway, somebody tattled on me probably meaning to share the glory of such a moment as a beautiful thing but my granny don’t like animals and she took it the wroonnnng way. 

So I had two glorious minutes of her southern twang berating me and telling me that God’s Angels were around me and that damn dog and I was lucky I didn’t get clocked in the head by those rabid beasts!!!

Because deer are like bears apparently. 

I can’t handle it, and I won’t handle it very well if Apple Genius Bar cannot give me my voicemails back. Because I didn’t know there was more stuff of her I could lose, other than her physical presence.

I know it will hurt. But the hope is it won’t hurt too much. But then I think of how wonderful she was, and doesn’t she have a right to hurt me that much? Because she was so wonderful? Still not fair, but prepping myself, and Genius Bar better prep themselves too...#helloinvoluntarytearsihateyou

Also Charlie is five, and I bought him a tennis ball cake because I’m that dog lady who doesn’t have any kids and loves kids birthday parties so must subsitute her dog until she has kids. So as soon as I figure out my fate, I will post those pics because he was too cute. 

Also the vet is now calling him middle aged. That makes him older than me. So now I must look upon him and see that he has surpassed me in wisdom and experienced. Stuffed all that learning in a shorter time period than me. We always wonder about immortality don’t we? Well here I am, staring at him and wondering if he notices that I have not aged?

Isn’t it strange?

I have not aged. Not like he has, does he notice?

Does he wonder?

Isn’t it strange to be able to observe his whole lifetime? To be able to observe his whole lifespan at least 3 if not 4 times?

All I can tell myself is to enjoy it. Laugh. Hold him. Love. Every moment beautiful. Even when he pukes all over my floor. Because one day he won’t do it anymore. 

But isn’t it strange? 5 years. It has been awhile hasn’t it? I have surely grown a bit, haven’t I? But in his eyes.....And when he is ten and he notices that I can still run, that I can run without him, what will he think? I can’t say this time has been short because I have felt every year. But when you are told ‘middle aged’ given a time period on which to now compare everything, how can the next 5 not feel too fast?

I wish she had never said it. I wish I had just had the discovery on my own. Just an,

Oh. I must slow.