#important conversations

Given we are right out of Black History Month and in the middle of Women’s History Month, I am going to be bolder in my reblogging of posts that discuss the misogyny and racism that permeates a lot of fandom spaces.

Yes, buzzkill. Also important.

If you don’t want to hear it, I’ll be tagging it #bellisima discusses the hard things.

I have no ill will toward the person who left this comment, nor will I pass judgment on them—but I do think it’s worth addressing, because it gestures toward a much larger, more pervasive issue: the misapplication of social justice language in the service of ego, not education.

The claim was that pillow princess is a “lesbian-only” term, and that using it outside that specifc context is offensive. Which is simply not accurate. Yes, the term originated in queer spaces—specifically among women who love women—and that history should be recognized BUT it has, like many expressions of identity and desire, evolved.

We don’t gatekeep terms like bottom/top, femme, or dom/sub anymore. They may have emerged from specific communities, but over time, they’ve been adopted more broadly—across sexualities, genders, and subcultures—because language is fluid. It adapts to the way people live and relate to one another. Clinging to a rigid, one-size-fits-all interpretation of a term that has long since expanded beyond its original bounds isn’t cultural stewardship—it’s reductive. It ignores the reality that language, especially around intimacy and pleasure, is constantly in motion. When we insist on policing language that has organically expanded beyond its initial context, we are actively flattening culture as it grows and develops. Reducing it. Pretending that sexuality and identity exist in tidy, controllable categories when they never have and never will.

If you’re truly concerned that someone’s language might be offensive, there’s a respectful way to approach that. It starts with curiosity, not condemnation. A private message. A question. A willingness to have a conversation instead of dropping a half-informed comment under a fictional work as if you’re declaring a universal truth. That’s not educational. That’s performative. And believe me, when you do things like this you are never being anywhere near as educational or "woke" as you think you are.

I care deeply about the language I use. I’ve worked to further DEIAB initiatives since high school, served on multiple organization’s boards for multiple years, and brought those same values into my professional life. This isn’t a reactionary stance—it’s a lived one. I’ve had the hard conversations and done the work. I’ve also been in a serious, long-term relationship with a woman, so spare me the suggestion that I’m speaking out of turn or co-opting something I don’t get.

Correction, when done with care, is generous. It assumes good intent and offers knowledge in return. That can be transformative because, in some cases (but not this one), people truly just don't know. But when it’s done to feel superior or be seen doing it, it stops being about the issue at hand. And becomes entirely about the person delivering it.

If your goal is progress, then start by assuming the people around you are trying, too. Because some of us are. And we’re doing the work—for real. If you’re truly here to make things better, lead with integrity, grace, and kindness.

Chapter 153 (Update #163) was posted this week!

Chapter 153: LINK

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Chapters 146, 147, 148, 149, 150, 151, and 152 are also available in advance!

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More extras are also available on Ko-fi. :)

You have the right to make your space comfortable for YOU.

You can block people who make you uncomfortable.

The blacklist is flexible!

You are not obligated to allow triggering information into your space.

You don't have to answer every question.