#imonly17

Nothing hurts quite like watching your country finally become a good team in football only to still be losing in the first tournament you qualify for in 23 years.

Today I sat at the park with my grandma and got in the sprinklers and it hurt. It mostly hurt because I remember as a little girl these were the happiest moments and now I'm seeing how my negative emotions can overtake these times. I wish I didn't feel like that because I know I'm destroying myself. I cried at the kids playing and laughing because it's just like wow, that was once me. I can never be that little girl again and it will always hurt. There's so many holes in my heart from my childhood and I know if I don't now work on these holes they will eventually be too big to fill up again. The fact that little girl me was so excited to be teenager and now she is but now wants to go back is just proof that everyone was right, DONT RUSH GROWING UP!!!!

Being pregnant is easily the scariest thing ever in my life. Fuck the death threats. Thats taking life. I am going to be responsible for a tiny life. For a small human that will rely on me for everything. I can only hope that I can be a good parent. Just fuck man. Im too scared to even think right now.

Getting to old and tired for all this bullshit.