#imdelicate

thanks!

Hey there Tay! It’s been an insane few months and i’ve really missed being online. I’m super excited about tour and I can’t believe how close we are to the start. I’m READY for it. Where to begin on what chaotic mess my life has been the last few months. When I last left I was due to meet my new specialist and try make some sense of what was happening to my insides. He was really great, but he took one look at me and told me I was clearly “suffering miserably”. Nobody wants to hear that. The six weeks that followed were exhausting. I had test after test, that made me feel miserable and worse. We found that my stomach empties too quickly, can’t digest the food or absorb it properly and can’t move it along because the muscles are totally unresponsive. I’ve been having pain around my heart also, which warranted a stay in hospital and an emergency referral to a cardiologist. It feels like I haven’t had much chance to just stop, breathe... it’s been intense. Around the end of February, it kind of felt like too much to deal with. I felt like the constant pain wasn’t worth the trade of living. I got to a point where I couldn’t get out of bed, my boyfriend had to put me in the shower, wash my hair, feed me like a baby, all things that I used to take for granted. I asked for help and slowly, we’re making progress. I’m learning to appreciate the small achievements now, going out in my wheelchair, enjoying the beautiful sunny weather we’ve got at the moment (albeit from my bed). I have a hundred hurdles to tackle, before I see you in june, but it’s giving me a goal to get there. I’m not quite “better than I ever was” but i’m trying. I’m trying. I’ve been cheering you on still, just from the sidelines, and loving ‘BABE’. I’m hoping to start on costumes for my boyfriend and I to wear,  we’re both super excited, and definitely going to go all out!  Love from Becky x  @taylorswift