#ilya devorak x apprentice

Julian’s fluff ABC 

❥𝘼 = 𝘼𝙩𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙫𝙚 (𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙙𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙛𝙞𝙣𝙙 𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧) Everything. You’re mesmerizing in every sense to him. Your personality, your little mannerisms and quirks, he adores. And he can’t keep his hands to himself either. You’re amazing in every way. I get a feeling he absolutely adores your eyes and eyelashes too. Not because he has one all infected and “nasty looking” (his words really, you think it’s super cool, with or without the eyepatch), but because they’re just so pretty. The way they express so many things, whether it be anger or profound joy, he loves it. I’d be lying if I said he hadn’t crashed into some stands in the Vesuvian market because he was too distracted looking at how your eyes look like under the sun leaking from the makeshift roofs there.

 ❥𝘽 = 𝘽𝙖𝙗𝙮 (𝘿𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙖 𝙛𝙖𝙢𝙞𝙡𝙮? 𝙒𝙝𝙮/𝙒𝙝𝙮 𝙣𝙤𝙩?) He’d love to, especially if he gets to share it with you. BUT he’d like to live everything else there is to live before setting down to have a family. Like exploring the sea, for example. Traveling with you and Portia is definitively on top of his list, of course meeting his parents, getting a place of your own near the clinic and you and Asra’s shop... just, many things! But yes, he’d love to have a family with you <33 

❥𝘾 = 𝘾𝙪𝙙𝙙𝙡𝙚 (𝙃𝙤𝙬 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙘𝙪𝙙𝙙𝙡𝙚) You laying your head on his chest as he wraps an arm around your waist and your leg is bent all the way to his thighs/hips. It’s easy to move if you need to and if you get too warm, then you can just separate for a second and then be back in your positions once you’ve cooled. Now, do I need to say he loves being the little spoon? Yes, it’s not practice, and it’s quite funny how you can’t even manage to fully wrap your arms around him. Most of the time, you’ll toss around at night and end up on top of him or him on top of you or one on each side of the bed or- you know what I mean. But you always find your way back to each other.

❥𝘿 = 𝘿𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙨 (𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙙𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙨 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙢 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚?) It’s pure blissful chaos. You both probably have the whole thing planned, since you always end up doing the most random shit you could think of; like that time, you were supposed to go to the theater and ended up swimming in the lake while feeding the ducks that swam around you. Yes, it was weird. Though you have got to your plans and destinations twice, admit his spontaneity is amazing and improvising for dates becomes your favorite thing to do after giving up on following a schedule. He feels guilty about it sometimes, but we know that some kind words and assurance will help him remember it’s part of the things you love about him.

❥𝙀 = 𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 (𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙢𝙮 ____ (𝙚.𝙜. 𝙢𝙮 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚, 𝙢𝙮 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙡𝙙…)) “You’re my light, Y/N Y/L/N”. Listen, we all know life’s been extra tough on my boy, and after you’ve been to hell and back together (literally), well... let’s just say that to him, calling you ‘his light’ or ‘the light of my life’ is an understatement. The brightest part of his life, aside from his childhood, started when he met you. You make life brighter.

❥𝙁 = 𝙁𝙚𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 (𝙒𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙙𝙞𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚?) It was definitely something progressive, and his feelings grow every time he looks into those eyes and realizes he feels home in them. Even when he thinks it’s quite impossible to adore someone’s existence more, you unintentionally prove him wrong. But, if he had to define a specific moment, it would be the times you showed him you’d stay even when you both weren’t sure if he had killed Lucio or not. The moments where you believed in him, even when everyone in town knew him as a killer. The moments where you were present. When you decided he was a person with feelings before a criminal. A person with feelings who was deserving of love and compassion. 

❥𝙂 = 𝙂𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙡𝙚 (𝘼𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙜𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙡𝙚? 𝙄𝙛 𝙨𝙤, 𝙝𝙤𝙬?) Dude, he’s the kindest person you’ll ever meet. You’re dating the sweetest, most adorable dork in the history of Vesuvia. He’s always trying to get a smile out of you, for the pure selfishness of relishing in the sweetness of it. He loves seeing you happy, so he’s always unconsciously caring and doing his best to keep you comfortable at all times. The tone in his voice, how he tries to monitor you in sizeable crowds without crossing the line, the way he looks at you when you’re talking about something you like or when playing with Faustus... Hell, even when he holds you; you can feel his adoration through his touch. He really loves you.

❥𝙃 = 𝙃𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙨 (𝙃𝙤𝙬 𝙙𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙝𝙤𝙡𝙙 𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙨?) This man has long fingers and I mean that in the most sfw manner. That being said, he’s  o b s e s s e d  with comparing hand sizes with you, as if there was ever going to be a difference from the first time he did it. Intertwined fingers must be one of his favorites, because he can totally feel how small your hand is against his, not to mention you basically live like that. You keep some kind of physical contact at all times, almost always being this specific position. But he has a special place in his heart for when you hold one of his fingers with your entire hand like a baby would. This makes him so fucking soft it’s not even funny. It’s the wholesomeness of it all. Your hand looks so small like that- Ahhh, he loves it.

❥𝙄 = 𝙄𝙢𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙤𝙣 (𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙛𝙞𝙧𝙨𝙩 𝙞𝙢𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙤𝙣?) Listen, he tried very hard to come up with the best dramatic entrance. He was convinced this was his moment to shine, his big moment. And it was. After all, how could such a beautiful stranger react to a 6′4′‘ man wearing a plague mask who just popped in out of nowhere, late at night, at a shop that isn’t even theirs? He had all the advantage in terms of confidence. He knew you would not kill him. After all, you were a friend of Asra’s and insanely cute for a killer.

You were the one who didn’t know the intentions of the red-haired stranger. Oh, but the internal dialogue he had with himself before that... “Боже мой (Oh my god), they’re gorgeous. Asra you lucky motherf-. Fucking- i-is that the countess?” Yes, that’s the first thing he thought. I get a feeling he was rehearsing his entrance in the dark as you and Nadi talked, not going to lie. And yes, of course he almost lost his shit when you recognized him as “Doctor Jules”. He kept it together for long enough to ask for a tarot reading, as we all know.

❥𝙅 = 𝙅𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙤𝙪𝙨𝙮 (𝘿𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙟𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙤𝙪𝙨?) Yes, but you know it’s the insecure type of jealousy. Have you gotten tired of him already? Oh, he knew it was just a matter of time before you to found a better person than him. I mean, we all knew, right? Look at him, an unstable mess, fearing of commitment who tried to push you away more than once. They all leave. He’s the problem, isn’t it? And he always recovered, but he wasn’t too sure if he was going to if you left. He’s only good at boring people and making them leave. (A/N:The thought of him thinking this of himself makes me so sad actually-) That’s what is on his head every time he gets jealous like that. 

And it’s not like you make him jealous/insecure on purpose. You would never. You’re always trying to make everything crystal clear on your feelings towards other people, and make sure you make it clear he’s your boyfriend to anyone who tries flirting with you in any type of situation. If it does happen, pulling him away to a quiet place and repeating words of assurance with lots of physical touch and ‘I love you’s should do it. Yes, they don’t disappear completely, but with this, you hope that some day he can understand you’d never leave him for anyone else because he’s everything you’ve ever wanted and more </3.

❥𝙆 = 𝙆𝙞𝙨𝙨 (𝙃𝙤𝙬 𝙙𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙠𝙞𝙨𝙨? 𝙒𝙝𝙤 𝙞𝙣𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙛𝙞𝙧𝙨𝙩 𝙠𝙞𝙨𝙨?) Well, your first kiss was of a mutual approach and I think we an all agree on that. And it was a really sweet first kiss if you ask me, nothing more romantic than kissing in the comfortable silence night brings with it, faint lights coming from inside the cottage, enjoying the other’s presence as you complete the touch you have craved pretty much since you met. 

Now.

Julian’s kisses are different every time. And it’s not even intentional. Sometimes he grabs you by the neck (though most times it’s you doing it and that is a known fact), sometimes he literally sweeps you off your feet to reach your lips, other times he’d just wait for you to stand on your tiptoes and duck his head just a little. Oh, and did I mention Eskimo kissing before a brief peck on the lips is your way of saying goodbye? You two are absolutely the type to go from a single kiss to a whole make out sesh wherever you are, too. Not judging at all, it’s completely understandable when your S.O. looks like that.

❥𝙇 = 𝙇𝙤𝙫𝙚 (𝙒𝙝𝙤 𝙨𝙖𝙮𝙨 ‘𝙄 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪’ 𝙛𝙞𝙧𝙨𝙩?) That’s definitely him, but you say it back right away because who wouldn’t? It’s so complicated with him. When he thinks of you, ‘I love you’ doesn’t seem enough and words seem so incredibly limiting, it’s absurd. ‘I love you’ seems common, but it’s the most common and classic way to express his feelings for you. But, and he questions this to himself all the time, when people say ‘I love you’, do they feel like the quickest combustion is to happen if their lover looks at them one more second because oh my god they’re so amazing and they make them oh so happy just by existing? It’s complicated. The moment he said it, he didn’t feel the need for you to say it back, it would’ve been just fine if you didn’t (it wouldn’t, it’d hurt a lot but oh well...), but when you said it he smiled adoringly and placed a gentle kiss in your nose and then your lips. He loves you.

❥𝙈 = 𝙈𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙮 (𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩’𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙛𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙢𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙮 𝙩𝙤𝙜𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧?)  It happened in open sea terrains. Portia had gone to sleep, and after checking everything was working fine so you could go to bed too, he found you staring into the distance, hands placed on the edge of short walls that separated you from diving into the mysterious waters. You looked so tranquil and joyful at the same time. The moon’s light dimly caressed your side profile, accompanied by the light of the torches you had propped up before. And Julian fell in love all over again (not that he wasn’t before, it just multiplied to a thousand). 

He quietly approached you, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his chin on your head as you turned your head a little to gently peck his arm, being the only place you could reach- waves softly crashing on the boat's walls. “What’s on your mind, darling?” He asked, his voice so low, so low he wasn’t sure if you could hear him. “Us,” you replied, elaborating right after, “And I’ve concluded on something. My time and my love are all I have. They are both eternally yours if you want them, Julian,” you said, turning to face him. He looked down at you and saw the universe, and he couldn't help but let out a soft “Oh, Y/N” before he crashed his lips with yours, almost letting happy tears spill from his eyes.  

Bonus!: (At 3.am, they can’t sleep) Julian: Y/n: Julian: Y/N: I’m the majulia- Julian: I WAS NERVOUS OKAY???????

❥𝙉 = 𝙉𝙞𝙘𝙠𝙚𝙡 (𝘿𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙨𝙥𝙤𝙞𝙡? 𝘿𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙗𝙪𝙮 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜?) I feel like Julian’s money isn’t something important to him. Yes, it’s necessary, but not important. He doesn’t spend too much on certain things and doesn’t mind paying for something a bit too overpriced every once in a while. If you mention you want something, he’ll try to remember for your birthday or Christmas or Valentine’s day. He’s not the type to go across the world to get it. 

That being said, if it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity and you absolutely adore and are sure you “need” it, he’ll buy. Is it a spell book you’ve been looking years for and it’s right there? Go get it, his treat. He’d love to see your sunny smile as you admire whatever you got, and talk passionately about it, saying why it’s so special and him listening attentively to every word you say. And you both know being with each other is more than enough. So yes, he spoils you every once in a while and you’re more than okay with it. 

❥𝙊 = 𝙊𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚 (𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙘𝙤𝙡𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙧𝙚𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙙𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙢 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙖𝙡𝙛?) Shades. Of. Purple. And. Blue. The sheer fabrics wrapped around your waist and most of the spells you cast have those colors! Plus, they look absolutely stunning on you. Sometimes, when he sees something in the market with these colors, he buys it for you. These include rings, crystals, empty jars and bottles, and such.

❥𝙋 = 𝙋𝙚𝙩 𝙣𝙖𝙢𝙚𝙨 (𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙥𝙚𝙩 𝙣𝙖𝙢𝙚𝙨 𝙙𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙪𝙨𝙚?) He practically changes them every day, and listen, the man knows 7 languages, so expect many of them to be in various dialects. His favourites include; “солнышко” which means ‘baby sun’, “ojitos” which means ‘pretty eyes/eyes’, doll, and “hase” which means ‘bunny’. Luckily, you know the definitions to all of them, and every time he comes up with a new one, you ask and he happily translates.

❥𝙌 = 𝙌𝙪𝙖𝙞𝙣𝙩 (𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙞𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙛𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙣𝙤𝙣-𝙢𝙤𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜?) I’m pointing out these with the standards of ‘non-modern’ of today. He absolutely adores writing you spontaneous love letters. And you don’t need to be away from each other for him to do so. He will leave them in the shop when you’re looking the other way or tell Asra to give them to you, or maybe if he had to go run some errands early in the morning he’ll leave the one he wrote the night before right in your bedside table. Things like that. They’d be cheesier the more you read, and you’re completely fine with that. 

❥𝙍 = 𝙍𝙖𝙞𝙣𝙮 𝘿𝙖𝙮 (𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙙𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙙𝙤 𝙤𝙣 𝙖 𝙧𝙖𝙞𝙣𝙮 𝙙𝙖𝙮?) He used to hate rainy days because they made everything visibly gloomier and darker, but you learned how to appreciate them together. Most of the times, you’ll close both the clinic and the store and just spend time together in your home. He loves reading with you (one or separate books, he really doesn’t care), checking up on some work he can do there, dancing to some music together, sharing tea while chatting and if you’re up for it, going for a walk to the Ash beach while it’s still raining because the sea looks incredibly pretty when raindrops fall on it.

❥ 𝙎 = 𝙎𝙖𝙙 (𝙃𝙤𝙬 𝙙𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙘𝙝𝙚𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙢𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙫𝙚𝙨/𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙨 𝙪𝙥?) Julian is usually sad when he’s feeling stuck, overthinking, or guilty about things that aren’t his fault at all. And that’s quite often. I have to admit you being with him has changed him for the better and he improves every day. You’re super extremely proud of him. He, too, tries his best to keep you happy, and when you’re not, he’ll try his best to make you feel better; even if that means staying away from you for a while. Yes, he despises it, but he knows it’s what you need and want, so it’s okay. However, if you do like being with him and talking about the thing that got you sad, you both would go for a walk far from the loud places in town and won’t be back home until he’s made sure you’re better.

❥ 𝙏 = 𝙏𝙖𝙡𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 (𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙙𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙖𝙡𝙠 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 Your future and the present are topics that are really consistent in your day-to-day life. He’s a very spontaneous person, so your conversation topics are rarely the same. Those two are the ones you talk about the most. You’re just so fucking excited about life with each other. He loves you dearly and knowing how exceptional one day was, at night, he can’t wait for tomorrow to see what amazing things faith has in store for you. And he makes sure you know it. So you can talk for hours about how great your day was and how your life is going to be if everything goes right. It can cause some future nostalgia on him, but he’s sure everything will be alright as long as you’re by his side. 

❥𝙐 = 𝙐𝙣𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙪𝙢𝙗𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙙 (𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙝𝙚𝙡𝙥𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙢 𝙧𝙚𝙡𝙖𝙭?) You playing with his hair. You can’t change my mind on this one. He adores physical touch, and soft tingles on his scalp or along his back and neck really help him relax after a long day at the clinic. Just laying there quietly as the only thing he can hear is your heartbeat and you stroking his red locks while reading. Then maybe bathing together and enjoying each other’s presence in bed while talking about your day. Routine calms him. And when in stressful situations that need resolution at the moment, you pulling him down by the collar of his shirt and telling him to breathe before he freaks out more helps a lot.

❥𝙑 = 𝙑𝙖𝙪𝙣𝙩 (𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙙𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙤𝙛𝙛? 𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙙 𝙤𝙛?) He’s very proud of what you’ve both built together. Being established and having a routine was never part of Julian’s life before the whole fighting-the-devil-and-saving-the-world-with-the-love-of-my-life thing, so, having a life with you is one of the things he loves the most, whether it’s out in the sea or safe on land. He could’ve never wished for someone as great as you, and to have a home for yourselves that will contain many more wonderful memories than the ones you already have is everything he ever needed. The sole thought of your home(s) makes his heart feel content and full of passion.

❥𝙒 = 𝙒𝙚𝙙𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜 (𝙒𝙝𝙚𝙣, 𝙝𝙤𝙬, 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙙𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙚?) He talked to Portia about it before doing it. He was so incredibly nervous it’s not even funny. His mind kept telling him you loved him, but not as much as to marry him and committing to forever being by his side. Who would? Portia knew you both were crazily in love with each other and had absolutely no problem into talking some sense into his brother’s thick head. Everyone knew you’d say yes in a heartbeat and would’ve married him the moment you came back from hell if it was up to you. 

You noticed he was acting different for a while before the proposal, but you didn’t think much of it after asking if everything was okay and he answered “Of course darling” and left a kiss on your cheek before walking off to god knows where. He spent a whole two weeks in buying the ring, choosing the place he’d propose in and asking for advice from Nadi, Asra, and his sister. 

After everything was settled, the action started. “Doll, would you mind closing the shop a bit earlier today?” He asked, hiding a bouquet in his hands behind his back before you said yes to the “improvised” date he was about to ask you in. “What for?” you asked, wrapping your arms around his waist and resting your chin on his chest as you looked up at his face. "A date,” he smirked, giving you the flowers. “I’m flattered doctor,” you giggled, accepting them and taking a quick smell, noticing it was composed by Wolfsbane and your favorite flowers “Let me finish rearranging those herbs, shouldn’t take over five minutes” you smiled, holding the flowers carefully and walking towards the shelves.  

After you were done, you walked through the city holding hands. You spent your day doing things you both loved doing together; scanning the products on the market and taking a few bites of whatever samples the merchants offered, making stories out of strangers you saw in the town’s square, a few drinks and dancing in The Rowdy Raven, and ending it all by swimming in the tempered Vesuvian sea while holding each other with all the care in the world and no worried on your mind. 

You rested your head on his naked chest as he held you tightly enough for you not to float away from him, his feet being the only ones touching the sand beneath you. After talking the whole day, comfortable silence broken only by the few birds flying over your heads and the soft splashing of salty water into your skin. “Y-Y/N?” he asked, almost like he was sure you weren’t there with him and couldn’t hear him, even when everything was quiet. “Hm?” You answered without taking your eyes off the water. 

“I love you, you know? I love your sweetness and the light that fills my heart when you smile. You are enough to drive a saint to madness or a king to his knees, and you’ve made me the happiest man alive since I’ve known you“ he smiled fondly, looking down at you. At the moment, you thought little of it, since Julian loved to say these types of things when you both had a great time and he felt like saying it. It wasn’t unusual for him to express how much you meant to him. “I lov-” “Marry me, Y/N” he sighed, your eyes meeting his in shock. You could tell he was nervous, but the determination and devotion in his eyes was bigger than any negative feeling. 

“W-what?” you asked, thinking you must’ve misheard him or that this was all a dream. “Marry me” he repeated, thinking you did hear him but you didn’t want to marry him for a second. “Are you joking!? Of course I will” you nodded, pulling him by the back of his head into a salty kiss; both from the happy tears you were both producing and the water. You hated your lungs for needing oxygen the moment you parted, but thanked them right away when you saw Julian’s smile “I-if we swim back to the shore I can give you the ring. I was planning on proposing in the docks, but t-the moment felt right, you see,” he giggled, stroking your cheek with his thumb gently, “Let’s go darling” you said, swimming back to land, him by your side as it was supposed to be from now on, not that it wasn’t that way before it ♡

❥𝙓 = 𝙓𝙮𝙡𝙤𝙥𝙝𝙤𝙣𝙚 (𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩’𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙨𝙤𝙣𝙜?)

Curses by The Crane Wives “Won’t you stay with me, my darling? When this house don’t feel like home?”

Soñé by Zoé “Tengo ganas de ser aire, y me respires para siempre, pues no tengo nada qué perder” ( I’d love to turn into air, just so you can breathe me forever ‘cause I have nothing to lose”)

❥𝙔 = 𝙔𝙚𝙨 (𝘿𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙠 𝙤𝙛 𝙜𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙙/𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜?) Yes! As mentioned earlier, the highest form of commitment in society’s eyes he knew was marriage, but he was super scared you’d say no. Of course he wanted to tie the knot with the love of his life... but what if she didn’t? It was a battle in his head every time something or someone reminded him of weddings, so, as mentioned earlier, Portia was the only thing he needed to actually do it. Again, not because he didn’t want to, but because he was scared, you’d say no even if you have never given him any signs you would. Because you wouldn’t.

❥𝙕 = 𝙕𝙚𝙗𝙧𝙖 (𝙄𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙖 𝙥𝙚𝙩, 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙜𝙚𝙩?) Well, you both already have Malak, and Faustus visits quite often when Asra’s too busy or she misses you, but to be honest, you both don’t exactly consider them as pets, they’re more of friends and part of the family to you. But for now, you both haven’t thought of it. If you were, I feel like you’d get a hedgehog. And you’d name him Steve. Steve would be your child. You love Steve. 

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

It was near second nature now, reaching out for Asra’s magic, but it took a bit longer to feel around for this time given the distance. The clear, large wash basin full of water I’d just summoned definitely helped, and made it easier to find him. I was glad to have the little bit of luxury Julian had spared us in picking the inn now; he had even pointed out said wash basin for this very purpose.

There were other voices around Asra when I saw his face finally coalesce in the water.

“--off just a hair on your measurements, darling.”

“She’s right, Dad,” Asra replied. “Not enough to cause serious damage, but you’ll be more efficient if you shrink the ropes down a bit.”

“Am I interrupting something important?” I asked, unable to help my grin. My friend’s eyebrows jumped up into his fluffy white curls, eyes searching the room frantically until he noticed where I’d appeared.

“Oh, there you are! Always showing up in my tea,” he scolded playfully. I chuckled, but I could tell he was feeling off. I’d expected as much.

I heard his parents in the background, asking if it was me calling. When he blushed and sheepishly nodded, I saw their beaming faces appear in front of his to say hello before he had the opportunity to shoo them away. Finally, he seemed to carry me out of the area and let out a sigh of relief.

“Sorry about all that.”

I shook my head, finally stifling the giggles Aisha and Salim had brought on. “I should be apologizing. I can call later this evening if you think you’ll have a better time then?”

He swallowed, looking a little pained and sighing subtly. “No, no it’s alright. I actually hadn’t anticipated to hear from you while you were in Nevivon, much less only a week into your trip. Aren’t you busy exploring and causing trouble?”

“I told Julian to go out with Portia today. Said I had a headache and wanted to have a day in.”

“And… you lied.” It wasn’t a question, Asra could tell what I was saying, but he raised his eyebrow to ask why.

I shrugged. “Because I could tell he wanted to spend some time with her here, and I didn’t want him to feel guilty for it like he does. And, because I wanted to call you.”

He nodded. I could tell in the way he averted his eyes that Asra knew why I had; they were stewing guilt beneath the starry purple. I didn’t want that to be the only reason he thought I called though, so I changed the subject for the time being.

“How have you been? Your parents settling in okay still?”

“Yes,” Asra nodded, a little proud small crossing his lips. “Yes, Nadia seems to really like having them around. They’ve been having me up at the palace quite a lot lately though, I haven’t had much time to run the shop.”

“Not that I imagine you mind, getting to spend time with them and Nadia and all.”

He allowed me some eye contact then, and shared the smile I was giving. “No, of course not. I wish I had some more time to go visit Muriel lately, but I know I’ll get caught up with him soon.”

I took a deep breath, thinking it perhaps as good a thread as any to grasp onto. I had to start the hard conversation somehow. “He’s… He’s alright, last I checked. I went to see him the day before we left.”

Asra looked surprised, as I expected, then gave me an expression like he knew I needed to continue. I tugged my cloak around myself a little more, despite being in a perfectly warm inn.

“I had been having some… dreams, Asra. You’d been busy with your parents before we left for Nevivon, but I had at least hoped you’d come see us off. When you didn’t even come home those few days, I was a little worried. I went to Muriel to check on him and to ask about some of my dreams, because I figured he would be able to give me some answers.”

“Are you,” Asra looked like he was suddenly becoming allergic to air as he spoke. “Are you saying, what- what I think- ?”

He couldn’t even finish the sentence, he was so worried. But I knew he would be, and I swallowed a little before I nodded, clutching the emerald necklace of his I’d had for so long now.

“Some of my memories are coming back. After everything with the Arcana, Julian has his back. It’s made it easier on me, so it’s not painful anymore. He’s been helping me distinguish what’s real memory and what’s my magician brain doing weird things, but Muriel… he told me a lot. We, um. We really need to talk when I get home, Asra.”

My voice had come out in a murmur by the end, still afraid he would run away from me again. But much to my relief, Asra let out a guilty, shaky sigh and ran a hand through the white fluff on his head, and then nodded.

“Yes, I- I suppose we do.”

I opened my mouth to speak again, but this time Asra beat me to it, clenching his eyes shut a moment before meeting mine. “Y/n, I’m sorry I wasn’t there. It- It’s been stressful lately, still, after everything that’s happened. I hope you can forgive me.”

“I can forgive you for not showing up at the docks if you promise that when I get back, your ass is going to be at home waiting with tea.”

There was a chuckle, though it sounded bittersweet. “Yes, I- I think I can manage that just fine. I promise, I’ll be there this time, Y/n. There’s a lot we should talk about in person.”

“I agree,” I said, hopeful now. “There are… more things I want to discuss with you than just my memories from back then.”

Without meaning to, I trailed off a little, smiling with a blush on my cheeks at my skirt thinking about how I’d seen Julian acting lately. How affectionate and doting the big goof had been to me, the change in his demeanor looking so alive and hopeful for our future. Our future. Julian was talking more and more about it now, our future and what wonderful things it could entail. I was only beginning to realize what was on the pretty ginger’s mind lately, but the excited whispers with Pasha that I’d found so cute this morning were one of many tells of his plans.

“You seem happy,” Asra noted, breaking me from my trance. I was blushing harder now, worried about his reaction. He didn’t know everything I knew yet, I hadn’t talked to him about-- no, no it was fine. Asra was smiling, and it was real.

“Yes, I- Nevivon is a lot of fun. It would be fun to bring you out here sometime, I think you’d like it. Though I know you’re quite partial to Vesuvia and being left alone. The hot springs are definitely nice though, Faust would enjoy them.”

“Swim!”

Asra and I giggled at the little excited shout the snake made, her head immediately popping out of Asra’s scarf to slither closer to his teacup. I got a hilarious view of her little snout and tongue up close in the water basin.

“Home?”

“She’ll be back in a few more weeks, Faust. She’s with Ilya, remember?” Asra told her, looking ridiculously adorable having a conversation with a snake who was giving him a much-too-human look. Gods, I loved them both. I missed them both, my little magic family.

“Squeeze!”

I laughed again, though Asra took a second to realize her intentions. I nodded at her through the water. “You can squeeze Julian when we come back. And me too.”

My best friend shook his head with a chuckle, amazed at my interpretation and Faust’s pleased bleps. He finally stared back at me looking a little less guilty and reserved than when I’d first called for him.

“Enjoy your trip, Y/n. I’m going to get back to work. Don’t let Ilya get you into too much trouble.”

I scoffed, waving my hand. “Mazelinka has had her eye on us the whole time. I’ll be just fine. But, don’t be a stranger while I’m gone, okay? Check in a little. And give my love to your parents and Faust.”

There was a hum, knowing purple eyes cocked at me serenely. “I will, but I don’t quite give hugs like you, so they’ll want to see you when you come back. Now go have fun, don’t coop yourself up just to talk to me.”

With that, his image faded away in the ripples of the wash basin. I let out a huffed breath, glad that that talk had gone over more smoothly than I thought. I let myself have hope in Asra this time, let myself count on the fact that he would keep his word and not run off; this time I knew if he let me down, he would deserve the wrath that real disappointment would induce, but I also had a trust that he would keep his promise.

My thoughts were interrupted when Mazelinka knocked and threw the door open, hobbling in to look at me quizzically. “You aren’t in bed at all! The kids ran into me in the market and Ilya said you were lying about with a headache. What’s wrong?”

She had come up to stand before my chair, inspecting me for injury or illness before I’d even begun speaking. “I just told him I wasn’t feeling up to going out so he could have time with Pasha, without worrying about leaving me here. I saw how much he wanted to spend time running around with her today and you know how he is.”

The old woman let out a noise of understanding and nodded, hands on her hips. “Well I hope you haven’t been too bored here on your own. If I’d known, I’d have taken you along with me instead.”

I shook my head. “No, I was alright, thank you. I took the spare time to check in on Asra and the others back home.”

“Oh, good. Poor magician is probably a bit lost without you there, eh?” she chided, bustling around the room on instinct. Mazelinka was hoisting up an armload of Julian’s clothes that he’d left strewn about the place, naturally grumbling about it and showing she’d been doing this for years.

I opened my mouth to reply, but my stomach got to it first and let out a loud rumble. Mazelinka bellowed with laughter.

“It seems all that magic worked you up an appetite,” she giggled. “Let me take this down to the washroom, and then you come with me and we’ll go eat in town. Besides, better get your energy back up; I think Ilya was talking about going dancing again tonight if you were up for it.”

At that, my gut dropped out of me and I froze. Without meaning to, I felt myself pale. A flush was settling in my ears and up my neck, making the old woman eye me curiously. “Dancing? Like, how fancy, dancing? Do I need to- to dress up or- or something, dancing?”

A mischievous, knowing grin peeled across her aging face. “Oh, I see. You’re catching on to that boy’s shenanigans faster than I thought, HAH! No need to fret dear, just out to have some fun tonight. Drink, and dance, and music.”

I sighed, embarrassed at how worked up I’d gotten as she left. I changed into some better clothes to go out in, leaving the emerald hanging at my chest. Somehow, it was still soothing to my anxiety to feel its weight there. My heartbeat lay just beneath it, and I pulled my fingers away from the warm jewel as a hard stop to where my thoughts would trail if I considered it all too long. Those were things I couldn’t think about until I’d talked through them with Asra. Now, it was just time to enjoy myself, and be here for Julian and Portia.

Mazelinka met me back downstairs, a pleased grin on her face as she led me out the door. We walked our way past all the houses around the inn they kept for guests, waving to some of the grandmas as we passed them.

Once we got into the market and began our search for a good snack, she gave me an eye like she had words for me, and jabbed my ribs with her elbow.

“You’ve been taking good care of Ilya,” she noted, tossing me a few fruits from a nearby stall and passing the owner his coin. “The other grandmas have taken notice of it. It’s all they talk about now, how much he’s grown up and smitten with you.”

I could feel how red my face was getting, but I tried to just smile and thank her. “He’s doing better, yeah. I don’t have to chain him to the bed and feed him your drugged soup to get the man to take a full night’s sleep.”

“It wasn’t drugged! I just… gave him some herbs in it, since he always showed up at my house looking bedraggled and bleary-eyed.”

Her reply had me laughing as we kept moving through the stalls towards the square, picking up a chunk of hot bread and some cheese to split as well. When we found a place to sit at some tables lined along the square’s edge, there was a band already playing nearby, and all the children were dancing and playing in front of them. Mazelinka turned her gaze to me, serious again while we ate.

“All I’m trying to say is, thank you,” she said with a teasing tone, waving her piece of fruit at me pointedly. “And don’t get yourself worried about what that rascal is doing, he’ll manage it in his own time.”

A sigh escaped my lips and I shook my head, grinning up at all the kids. Instead of responding to her advice, I decided to ask about the evening, and the scene before me.

I waved a hand at the cluster of laughing Nevivonian kids. “So is this the ‘dancing’ Julian wanted us to come out to? I have to say, quite entertaining.”

“Ah yes,” Mazelinka laughed, and eyed the slowly setting sun. “The grandmas and parents will be putting the young children to bed soon. They always go in just before dark, but the musicians play a little while beforehand so the kids can enjoy some fun beforehand. Pasha and Ilya will find us here sooner or later when the rest of town comes out to party.”

Sure enough, around the time we finished our dinner, Grandma Halinka came out to the square waving her little arms at the kids. The little band stopped playing and waved at the kids, setting instruments down to go fetch drinks and food. Other grandmas, and some parents, hurried out of all the homes nearby calling for the children and sweeping them away in flocks back inside. The sun was almost fully set, and more adults and teens scurried excitedly around the square in a brief few minutes of quiet to light lanterns.

A familiar pair of voices rounded the corner just before the telltale unruly pair of auburn heads did, and when their eyes caught sight of us they were quickly running over.

Julian had a massive grin plastered on his face, scooping me up in long arms and spinning me into an embrace.

“I assume you’ve had a good day then?” I giggled when he set me down.

He blushed a little, but nodded, glancing happily at his sister a second before cupping my cheek in one hand. “I did. How are you feeling, darling?”

“He’s been fretting all day,” Portia teased, hand on her hip.

Julian sputtered. “I have not!”

“Have too.”

“Not near as much as you’ve been fretting about your date with Nadia. I should send her a letter filled with all the worries I’ve heard. ‘Oh where should I take her? What will she want? What can I do that’ll stand out to the Countess?’”

Mazelinka and I were laughing loudly now, possibly the only thing that could’ve broken the red-faced siblings from their bickering. Julian caught my eye and pressed a kiss to my temple.

“Are you up for a night with the town? That band is the best I know.”

“Oh, absolutely,” I replied, poking his chest. “You’re gonna have a hard time keeping up with me, I’ve had all day to rest.”

By the look in his eyes, I could tell Julian had sort of known I wasn’t really sick, but instead of mentioning it, he made a dramatic face of mock offense as he pulled me by the hand into the growing crowd.

“I don’t think you understand, my dear. It’s you who’ll have to keep up with me. But don’t worry, I’ll hold on tight.”

His cheeky, suave smirk made me laugh. Julian had sidled us up closer to the band, and his face lit up as one of the lutes started strumming. In a flash, I was swept up into the crowd’s dance, clearly something everyone knew to do together. It wasn’t too hard to pick up on, thankfully, weaving in and out of lines among other giddy Nevivonians. Portia and I laughed at each other as we met in a fast circle, and I heard her hoot at me loudly when her brother’s nimble fingers gripped hold of mine to swing me around him. It was intoxicating, the laughter and the motion of it all.

Julian was a natural. Some songs had us paired up, deftly swinging me around him and back into his chest at rapid paces. Everyone seems to have endless stamina here. All the people around me have contagious grins on their faces, my feet barely keeping time with theirs for many of the faster tunes. The lutes and vielles and drums and flutes cried out excited tunes with the voices of their masters, every one of them seemingly common knowledge among the town. Every time Julian caught me back in his arms, he was enthusiastically trying to sing along to various parts. He kept his hands on me each time we were partnered instead of dancing as a crowd, skillfully able to spin and swing and dip me without losing his rhythm or grip.

The music filled the air, half the town singing along with what often sounded like sea shanties and working songs. For some of them Julian got passed a vielle, and played along while I danced with Portia through the crowd. Occasionally, ballads would interlude between, and Julian would press me against his heaving chest as the excitable grandmas skittered off the cobblestones for drinks during the slow moment. They’d kept pace even with the teenagers, and it was almost as entertaining to watch as Julian’s theatrical song and dance performance.

It was just after a group dance that I ended up panting, meandering towards the front where I could see Julian eagerly talking with one of the vielle players. He caught sight of me and held out his hand, gently taking hold and pushing my hair out of my sweaty brow with a laugh.

“This is one of my favorites, you’d better be ready,” he snickered close to my face, stealing a kiss quickly before another musician got his attention.

“You ready, Ilya? You’re takin’ the lead on this one!” the other man joked. Clearly, these people were just as used to Julian’s love of drama and performance.

Julian smirked proudly, hand locked around my waist. “When am I ever not ready for this? Just try and keep up, Baruch!”

And then the lutes strummed to life, and Julian started singing. It was gentle at first, both the swaying he guided me in and the sound of his slightly off-tune voice. The others were singing too, and Julian was too enraptured in the song to care what he sounded like. I could tell by the excitement in his eyes and in his muscles it wasn’t going to stay sweet and slow, and the moment he held out a long note and dipped me low to the ground, I returned the playful challenge in his grey eyes.

Suddenly I was flung upward, tossed in the air to be caught by the hips just as Julian tossed his head back and belted out the lyrics of a clearly traditional Nevivonian tune. It talked of the city’s history, held up by strong elders and salt miners, partying with pirates and fighting off bandits, and a love for the people. Julian was putting his best into this performance, all suave grins under the red curls sticking to his face. He swept me up close to him, our feet quick and light and perfectly in sink. The glint in his eye was my only warning before I heard his knee-high boots tud onto a chair, hoisting me up after him and then spinning me by the hips onto the nearest table.

Elders below us were laughing heartily, some singing along and giving Julian teasing looks; but he paid them no mind. His gaze was mine, and though the song flowed across the cobblestone square with his fellow performers, the words seemed only to be aimed at me, telling me his story.

There was a short slow bridge again, and I teased Julian with stolen kisses across his face, surprised he was still singing and twirling me across the tables for how hard he blushed. The lanterns cast shadows across his chiseled, glistening face, and he dipped me low over the edge of the table. My toes and his arm were the only things keeping me from tumbling off the sturdy wood. The moment Julian paused to take a breath again after a long, gentle note, he pressed his lips fervently against mine. Somewhere in the crowd, I heard Portia’s whooping over the others that cheered his drama. And then, just as quickly as it started before, the music picked up speed and Julian whirled me around to dance across the tables the rest of the night. I was quite certain my muscles would hate me the next morning, but his loving gazes and pure giddy grins kept my stamina unnaturally strong.

-------------------------------------

The streets were exceptionally dark tonight, but no less inviting. After so long again at sea and in Nevivon away from home, Vesuvia enveloped me like a warm hug the moment my toes touched her docks. I gave my leftover food from the ship ride home to some of the orphans who lived there, remembering how two of my best friends once had their fate.

Julian had offered for me to stay the night with him at his little house in the South End, but I declined. I had told him about my talk with Asra, and he understood I needed to go. Plus, despite loving that I got to stay with him our whole trip, I really wanted to be back home at my shop. So, without much protest, Julian walked with Portia and I most of the way back to my shop, then ended up being tired enough he got talked into staying at her much-closer cottage. I told them I’d come see them at the palace in the morning, since we all needed to go visit Nadia as well.

I couldn’t even suck in a deep breath, I was so nervous. Apprehension filled my muscles as I wondered what I would find beyond the familiar wooden door. I’d faced the Devil mere months ago, and yet… facing the potential of Asra running away from me again felt so much more dreadful. It took spooking myself, shoving my hand out against the wood so suddenly even I was surprised, to get me out of my frozen state.

My heart sank. The shop was dark, and the glass counter and nearby table still a little dusty from no one being home in a while. Just as I reached out with watering eyes to the stairwell curtain, I was enveloped in warm candlelight and the smell of my favorite tea.

Asra’s white head popped around the corner when I reached the top, and I dropped my back to race into his embrace. I felt Faust slither around my shoulders and happily “Squeeze friend!” while Asra sighed in content.

“I’m so happy to be home,” I sighed. “I’m so happy you’re here.”

My oldest friend pulled away and gave me a smile that I could tell held the weight of a lot of worry and guilt. “I’m glad you’re back. Come on, you must be exhausted.”

Though he was right, as I felt him tug my hand towards our little kitchen alcove, my mind was more alert and awake than my weary body had been all day. Our teapot was sitting on its colorful woven trivet, ready and waiting as I had asked.

“No trouble with the teapot this time?” I asked teasingly. Asra blushed a little, some of the tension leaving his face.

“Minimal, this time.”

Asra sat down at our tiny table with the cushions all around, tucking his legs beneath him and pouring two cups from the steaming pot. With a look, he urged me to sink into the nook with him, bright pillows and cushions cradling me like a baby. He took a few minutes to ask about the journey, calm conversation and hot tea easing my aching muscles and anxious mind.

“--And just as I show up with Portia ready to load up, we find Julian shrieking in the middle of a bob of salt seals, trying to wrestle his way past the mothers because the pups are tossing his boot back and forth.”

“Leave it to Ilya to get into trouble even with seals,” Asra laughed, then trailed off staring into his cup. The tone started to change in the air around us, I could feel it. His aura was nervous, and felt pained as I watched him work his way back up to words. I gave him a reassuring look, trying to portray that I would let him approach this how he felt was best.

“Y/n, what I did… back then. I’ve told you already that I was in the darkest state of my life. When you died, I didn’t know what to do with myself, and I felt like it was all my fault for not being here when you got sick.” Asra paused to take a desperate gulp of his tea, not meeting my eyes through his spiel. Faust was coiled around his arm in comfort. “I was… heartbroken. We were--”

“I know we were in love, Asra,” I told him softly, finishing the sentence that was catching in his throat. Tentatively, I reached across the table to his hand, and he thankfully breathed out a little of the tension when my fingers looped into his. Faust snuck further forward, coiling round our clasped hands. He gave her a loving gaze in thanks, and I continued.

“I’ve had dreams of past memories with you. Masquerades, trips to the market, knitting Faust sweaters. Us, happy, and together. I saw how we felt about each other,” I explained, slowly, so I could try and give both of us time to process the raw emotion involved. “Those, I knew were true by how they felt. Julian hadn’t known me then but Muriel did, and he was… more than happy to be honest with me, surprisingly.”

Asra nodded at the tablecloth, thumb running anxiously over the handle of his teacup. I poured us both another drink while I tried to think of how to phrase my next thoughts.

“Part of why I needed to talk to you is that,” I paused to take a sip. “You mean a lot to me, Asra. And I need to know you’re okay, now, with how things have turned out. I have a few hazy memories of how you felt back then, but I can only ask how you feel now. I don’t- I can’t lose you, either of you.”

“Oh, Y/n,” Asra consoled me, his fingers under Faust’s warm belly squeezing mine. His purple eyes were suddenly locked on mine, and a gentle smile surfaced on his golden face. “You’ll never lose me. Really, I--I’m okay. It… It did hurt, at first, watching you fall for someone else. Sometimes the change is shocking enough that I worry I’m going to lose you. That… That’s why I wasn’t there, at the docks that day. I couldn’t face the fact that it felt like you were leaving me again.”

“I was only leaving you for a month!” I tried to tease, wiping my misty eyes. “You’ve been gone for that long just hanging out in Nopal or your magician’s gate without me.”

“I know, I know, I'm sorry,” he replied. There was a little sniffle, but he seemed okay. “Look, the point is, you’re my best friend, Y/n. I wanted you to do what made you happy, and clearly being with Ilya is what did that. You’re never going to stop being my best friend, and I’m sorry I was an ass before but I’ve had time to heal and to see that this is what’s best for you. For both of us.”

His words almost made me cry again, a little twinge of fear having me squeeze his hand. “Thank you. There’s just one more thing that scares me.”

My friend nodded for me to continue, comfort in his purple gaze. “Asra, between Julian and Muriel I know most of what happened with the ritual back then, but I never knew… how I was brought back. What kind of deal you made. And some of my dreams… Asra, I need you to tell me if the price for your deal was serious, because these dreams I’ve been having about--about our hearts--it feels like this could have really painful consequences for all of us.”

Asra’s eyes were wide, Faust peering between his frozen face and my shaking shoulders. He seemed more shocked than anything, but then let out a shameful grunt and blushed, dropping his head.

“I, um. It does- does have to do with our hearts, yes. I don’t think you’ll love the truth. But I don’t think it’s anything you should worry about for the future, either.”

His voice was nearly a whisper, but clear, and firm as if he’d been working up to saying this for a long time.

“I keep seeing my heart in sync with yours. And I’ve noticed it before, in the real world, they’re always in sync. We always are, always knowing a little too well what the other is feeling, and I brushed it off as just our closeness for so long. Whatever this is, I can’t be ignorant of it and let it hurt Julian, or you. Please just, tell me, Asra,” I pleaded.

Asra’s eyes were watering when they looked back at mine, his voice broken and defeated. He shrugged a little, a sad smile wavering beneath the tears threatening to spill as he tapped a finger on his chest. “I gave up half my heart.”

For a moment, all I felt was confusion. But then, as the realization hit me, as the hunch I’d had before turned out to be sort of right, I gaped at him.

“Asra,” I breathed. “How could you do something so dangerous?”

Faust slithered away from our hands back to her master’s shoulders, and he brought my hand to his lips in what seemed like an attempt to comfort himself. “Because I loved you. Because you were and are my best friend, and I wanted you to have a chance to live happily again.”

I let him breathe the tears away, and finally both of us were calm again. Emotions were roiling in my chest, some of them I assumed to be Asra’s now. Pain, guilt, relief, gratitude, love. There was such a deep, strong connection that I had with Asra, that we had always had. I loved him, and he loved me, and we would always take care of each other.

“Now,” he finally sniffed, laying his free hand on top of our clasped fingers. “You have that chance. And you’re taking it. And I couldn’t be happier to just be here with you and see you living, Y/n.”

“Oh, screw this crying,” I whined, launching myself over the cushions around the table to embrace him. We laughed, the dirty laundry now out in the sun for us to claim, and we were happy.

When I sat back up, I could see he was being genuine. Asra really was happy that I was with Julian. It reminded me of the good news I had wanted to share with him, the little secret I was aware of that I hadn’t yet even said out loud. The thought made me blush at my hands in my lap, a dopey smile I couldn’t contain conjuring the image of a rowdy redheaded ruffian and his dramatic grin.

“I have, um, good news,” I murmured. “Now that I know you’re okay. Though it is a little… much, for after all this, so if you wanna wait--”

“Honey,” Asra interrupted, hands grasping both of mine. “You’re clearly super happy about something important and I’m honored you want to share it with me. I don’t care we’ve been crying, just spill it.”

I couldn’t help it, I grinned at him; it was the kind of goofy, loving teenager grin that’s so giddy your tongue practically peeks between your teeth. My voice came out tiny, like this secret was so special that I was subconsciously worried of anyone outside our kitchen hearing it. I suppose, perhaps, it was that important to me.

“He’s gonna propose soon.”

Much to my surprise, Asra’s reaction was full of drama. His purple eyes bulged, actually tearing up again for a moment, then suddenly clamped shut in a giddy grin and shriek as he threw his arms around me.

“Oh my gosh, that’s amazing! Wait, how do you know? Oh who am I kidding, it’s Ilya and you’re sharp as a hawk. Oh this is so great. What’s been happening? Tell me everything!”

Laughter rang like celebratory church bells out from my chest while Asra berated me with questions, holding me by the arms. His eyes were still watering with how much joy he was containing within this little magician body, but any tears he may have shed were held back by sheer excitement and curiosity.

So I told him everything. I told him about how doting and loving Julian had been lately, and how often he brought up our future and how happy he was about it. I told him how Julian snuck off with Portia more than a handful of times and I’d seen them in the markets, deep in conversation coming away from the jeweler’s stands. I told him how I’d walked in on both siblings talking to Mazelinka and Grandma Halinka at the latter’s kitchen table one morning, everybody falling silent when I entered, and Julian’s beet red face looking terrified while the women beamed at me. I told him how I’d woken up one night on the ship ride home to see Julian sitting awake by the woodstove, fondly twiddling with a little box.

And the rest of the evening went on, just as happily as we had been so long ago before the Arcana and the adventuring shook up our lives. Maybe even a little happier than before. It felt like old times, gossiping with Asra over tea in the middle of the night, but now it felt so much better. We had friends, new and old, and we had each other with no secrets, and we had love.

“When I do get married,” I said softly, rolling over to face him on the big bed we usually shared when I stayed here. I hadn’t thought about this until now, but it felt so natural, like it was the place he was meant to be. “Asra, would you be my Person of Honor?”

Faust answered for him, because now Asra really was too speechless and watery-eyed to talk. “Yes!”

I giggled, pulling them both into a bear hug, scratching the snake’s chin when she lifted her head above mine. “I’m glad you’re both this happy with how things turned out. I’m really excited. You can be my Person of Honor, and Faust will be the cutest flower girl the world has ever seen.”

“Pretty!”

“Yes, you are,” Asra laughed, sniffing a bit and reaching to pet her as well, his white floof still laying against my chest. He turned his gaze to me a moment. “I would love that. Are you sure you don’t want to have Portia or Nadia, though? I don’t know how much use I’ll be with a wedding.”

I gave him an 'are you crazy’ look, raising my eyebrows in true Julian dramaticism. “Asra. Sweetie. You are my best friend. I will need you by my side to help me get through that ordeal with a level head and without killing anyone. Besides, Julian will need Portia with him. She’s the only one I trust to beat his ass back into focus when he inevitably panics that I’m going to leave him at the altar.”

Asra belted out a laugh. “That’s fair. Don’t worry, we’ll make sure you both make it out alive. I’ll always take care of you. And now, it seems, I’m gonna be helping take care of Ilya too.”

The look he gave me was so sincere I blushed, a twinge in my chest touched at how far he’d come. Asra was willing to include Julian in our little family, albeit a little at a time it was eons of progress compared to the old days.

“And I’ll take care of you too. And of course, Faust. And Muriel, because I’ve known where that’s going for ages.”

When he froze, my nose and words going right into his white curls, Asra gave me a wide-eyed, ‘how dare you’ and I laughed.

His eyes flicked upward to meet your own, then, closes as he slouches over the table. The cup teeters and you moved it away in case Julian makes a sudden movement. He lets out a shuddered breath, causing a pit to form in your stomach. You reach out to touch him but stop midway, dropping it onto the table.

"Julian," You murmur and pause, unsure how to proceed. "Where have you been?" Again, he doesn't respond. Another shaky breath exhaled and more silence. "Please, Julian."

He sits up and leans back to rest against the back of the chair. When you first saw him, slumped and sleeping against your front doorsteps, you couldn't clearly observe him due to the darkness of the streets. Now, with him underneath direct ceiling lights, you're eyes flittering over his appearance to make sure he isn't injured. Besides a few fresh scrapes and bruises, he appeared fine. However, it isn't until you glanced at his face that you realized he's suffering.

Despite purple dark circles being a key component to the allure of the leech doctor, they appeared to be deeper, overtaking the brightness of his eyes. Not only that, but his face also seemed gaunt and paler than usual.

"Here and there. I can't really remember."

The urge to roll your eyes at him is suppressed. "Have you been sleeping?" Julian's shoulders noticeably tense and his dimmed eyes finally look at you. You shift in your chair, pushing yourself off the edge and lean over the table.

The auburn-haired man shrugs. "Why sleep when there's so much of the world to see?"

Deflection, a common occurrence in Julian's behavior. "Julian," Although you say it as gentle as possible, you can't stop the annoyance that seeps into. He's offhandedly mentioned he suffers from insomnia to the point he's stayed up for days at a time. For some reason, you brushed it off at the time—never dwelling much on the negative impacts insomnia can have on someone. But with his disappearance, ratted appearance, and of course, his lackadaisical approach to life sends warning signals to your brain. Julian can't healthily function on micro naps.

He says your name in an equally biting tone, warning you to drop the topic. Normally, you wouldn't because you wouldn't allow him to spiral down to rock bottom. However, you notice his fingers begin to tremble and a deep yawn emits from his mouth as tiredness slowly overcomes him. You relent this time.

You stand up from your chair and hold a hand out to him. "I think you need a hot bath and then you'll sleep." As someone who doesn't suffer from insomnia, you don't know if the bath will help or if sleep will come easily to him. But you can only hope that his brain is tired enough to let him rest.

"Why would you want to help me?" He bites out, referring to your messy breakup with him months ago.

You sigh, briefly closing your eyes for a moment. Sad flashbacks of tears, yells, and heartbreak fills your brain. You want to physically erase those nasty moments from not only your memories but from Julian's.

When eyes open again, you find him staring at you the same way he did when you rescued him from the devil's grasps. You can't help but return the sentiment. "You know why."

"Will you stay with me?" He whispers, his voice quivering as if he's afraid he'll break the atmosphere of adoration.

"Always."

He stares at your outstretched hand for a few seconds before tentatively grabbing it. He holds on the entire way up the stairs of your home and even as you attempt to undress him. His lips form into a pout when you force him to let go for the process to go as smoothly as possible. But as soon as you both enter the hot bath, naked and vulnerable to each other, he latches back on. You'll allow him to for as long as he'd like.

────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────

Her head still hurts as she walks down the hallways of the castle in search of doctor Devorak. This, unfortunately, won’t be the first time she comes to him at three in the morning with a migraine that makes her head feel like it’s going to combust at any moment. He should expect her by now. Every time Lucio and Y/N fight, she ends up in his office complaining of the throbbing pain from the stress the whole thing caused.

He heard them argue today, as many times before, and she just knew that if there was a possibility of him being more extra than how he already was, he’d be setting up his herbs and making some tea to help her headache and brag about how much he knows her. 

She finally reaches his door. 

Knock, knock, knock. 

Only then, she noticed how the cold tiles on the floor touching her naked feet wouldn’t help her current state, but she could just hope he’d open the door soon so she could sit down and pull them away from the coolness. The thought made her even more impatient, so she reached for the wood with her hand curled up in a fist to knock again whe- “Hello there... your highness” he smiled, faking the decorum and tone he used back when they first met and bowing dramatically.

His everyday outfit changed little, the key being his blouse. It was unbuttoned all the way down, but still tucked. Might’ve interrupted him while he was changing. But he still opened the door, so, whatever. “Greetings, doctor Devorak,” she sighed with a light giggle, but picking up a serious demeanor right after sitting in one of the chairs inside. 

“I’m here because I need help!” she said dramatically, trying to keep up with Jule’s silly little game. “Let me be useful, countess, for I was born to serve you. I’m all yours,” he winked, making her both laugh and blush furiously as he began heating water on a makeshift fireplace he had set up on his desk. “My head hurts terribly, I’m afraid,” “Oh dear! We must fix it right away. I can’t stand another second knowing milady is in agony... but what should be the reason for this tragedy?” 

He asked like he didn’t know the answer, making her momentarily re-live the fight... displaying visibly on her face, assuming by how he continued his speech right away; “It must be that yellow fellow you have for a husband, huh?” he said, raising his eyebrows in question. The nickname he used for Lucio making them both die of laughter on the spot, her laugh making him laugh and beginning a never-ending cycle they greatly appreciated during such hard times created by the plague. 

They laughed so hard, for so long, the hurting in her head moved into a much more pleasant one in her belly. Julian caused that pleasant pain that she never wanted to let go quite often.

And then there was that silence.

The one accompanied by the noises of two people trying to catch their breath and small giggles interrupting every once in a while.

Quietness. Sincerity approaching.

One...

He sits up straight and puts away the boiling water.

Two...

He turns to look at Y/N warmly. 

Three.

“Wanna talk about it, darlin’?” he asks, looking her straight in the eye.

And to be honest, Julian knew she’d vent for hours and he’d listen to all of it if that meant she’d feel better. God, he’d love avoiding the pain Lucio caused her if he could. But he was her husband, and she was his wife. There wasn’t much left to do other than listen to her and treat the migraines all the crying served with the salty cheeks. 

He’d kiss her tears away if he could- no. 

He needs to stop himself for two reasons;

One, she was Lucio’s wife. 

Two, in his head, she obviously loved him as a friend.

And Julian had been pondering this for a long time, yes. But he still couldn’t figure it out; Were the feelings platonic? Was he actually in love with the countess? Would she feel the same if he were? There were many unanswered questions rushing a thousand miles per hour inside his head when he had time to think about “mundane matters”. 

Mundane matters? Were his feelings for the bright girl who walked with him through the city looking for herbs and other products mundane? No, they weren’t. Love is as strong as a hurricane and its winds can lift you high into the air, making you feel full of joy and adoration, only to let you fall hard and deep into the confines of a heartbroken soul. That isn’t mundane. 

That’s rather important and something to worry about if you ask me.

Julian thought he had gone through all the potential scenarios that his feelings (or the lack of them) could cause. Considering all the possibilities, circumstances, issues, parts.

And he had, except one. A crucial part of this dilemma.

Y/N.

Oh, poor Y/N was confused too. She cried herself to sleep almost every single night over how the man she married ignored her most of the day. And smiled until her cheeks hurt over how happy Julian made her feel. Then she let the guilt eat her alive because how could she be feeling something other than friendly appreciation for someone else while still being married to that dickhead? 

In the beginning, there were moments where she thought she could decide between Ilya and Lucio; like when Lucio came upstairs a bit earlier than usual and the first thing he did was hug her waist and leave a tiny peck on her head before dozing off. “He loves me. I fell in love with him... he might not show it all the time, but he’s really sweet. Plus, he’s really busy trying to protect Vesuvia from the illness,” she thought to herself, smiling and snuggling closer into his bare chest, only to be completely ignored the next morning. 

At some point, she stopped hurting herself with fake ideas of what she could do to have her Lucio back. 

That’s when she realized something about Jules; 

His mere existence brought joy into the deepest confines of her hurt, neglected soul.

And so, they started spending more and more time together.

Truth is, they both knew they were slowly falling for the other, but subconsciously repressed and denied the situation.

“Darling?” he asked again while pouring the previously boiled water into a cup and adding some herbs before handing it to her. “I-It was the same old stuff, Julian. You heard us, no need to act like you didn’t” she laughed bitterly, the sound he loved to hear exuding everything but joy. “I’m sorry, Y/N” “What for? It’s not your fault Lucio keeps forgetting he has a wife or a life away from social approval and people who love kissing his ass all the time... or the plague. A-Am I being selfish? I’m sorry if I-I am Jules I- should probably go to Asra w-when these things hap-pen, r-right? On-e little spe-ell and po-off huh?” she recalled, feeling some tears well up in her eyes once again, emotions hitting her like a wave crashing into the shore as she giggled bitterly on that last part. 

“Come here,” Julian cooed, opening his arms and letting Y/N sit on his lap, head buried in the crook of his neck as she sobbed. The position felt familiar at this point. He rocked back and forth softly, caressing her hair and whispering some comforting words. 

“It’s okay, Y/N”, “It’s not your fault, doll”, “I’m here”. 

He knew how to make her feel better, and he hoped the words he offered when she came to him would make a difference with time. For now, all he could do was hold her close. 

They stayed like that for a few minutes, or a few hours. It could’ve been centuries. He didn’t mind.

Her crying stopped eventually, but she stayed in his warm embrace for longer, feeling certain familiarity and adoring it during every passing second. “Do you want to rest on the couch?” Julian questioned, mumbling it right into her ear as if he was afraid someone might hear them. "Yes, t-thank you Jules” she sighed, rubbing her eyes for a second before pulling herself to her feet with Ilya’s help. 

They both walked carefully to the worn-out sofa Julian had spent many nights on, at least trying to sleep. She lay down, resting her head on a small pillow as Julian covered her with a blanket before crouching before her. “Are you comfortable?” he smiled, touching her forehead as he searched for any signs of fever. None. He felt tremendous relief, knowing that as long as she had no fever or popped red veins in her delicate hands, they were out of the danger zone. Good. “Hmm,” she hummed as an answer.

 “Do you need anything? Maybe a bite to eat could help. I’ll go get you some from the kitchens. I’m sure they have some fruit or sweet bread for you to-” “Julian, I need you,” she admitted, not feeling uneasy about her confession whatsoever. He blushed and Y/N swore he’d find out someone can actually die of cuteness right then and there, her being the first victim. “D-do you want me to...” he trailed off, knowing full well he did not need to end his sentence because she’d just understand.

She giggled as she moved a bit to make space for him. “Yes, come lay down with me. You look like you could use some loosening with all this madness going on,” she spoke, nodding subtly to his desk full of leeches and walls covered in papers, then to the floor, which was crammed with books full of annotations. “Okay,” he nodded, taking off his boots and doing as she said gladly. 

It was comical, really; His feet, uncovered from the shelter the blanket brought to the pair, rested on the end and fell off the surface slightly. A light pressure on his chest, having Y/N draw small shapes on the clothed part of his torso with her fingers. “Thank you, Ilya” Gods, how he loved the way his real name sounded falling from her lips. He could hear it forever. The sweetness, the delicacy of her tone when she said it was one of his favorite sounds. “I’ll always be here when you need me, Y/N” he assured, pecking her head softly and resting his cheek on it. 

Those were the last words they both said to each other that night. Y/N didn’t take long to crash, and Julian followed soon, after making sure she was asleep, of course.

I think there’s no need to say that was the best sleep doctor Devorak had had in a while.

●  

Nights with doctor Devorak were always unforgettable; full of cuddles, warm bodies, and comforting words that incremented the unanswered questions relating her feelings towards both men. But now, there she was again. And she couldn’t help but realize that no matter how many times Julian made her feel better, it was all temporary. 

She’d always be back in bed thinking, wondering what she did wrong for Lucio to turn the way he did. Not even sad, just... curious and a bit self-conscious about it.

Her husband was now in a meeting with the courtiers and some doctors. They were waiting for her to show up, surely. She was supposed to show up. After assuming the fact that Lucio would never go back to being the same a few months ago, she slowly started to function as she did before, but without Lucio. 

This time, she just didn’t want to attend the stupid reunion. 

The simple thought of sitting next to Lucio while holding his hand as they listened to Valdemar talk eagerly about the number of deaths of the day and how they could improve the corpse disposal system if the coliseum was used as a common grave exhausted her poor soul. Why would anyone ever want that? 

She had talked about the torture those sessions were with Julia-

Julian.

She immediately got up from the bed, fixed her hair quickly and walked out the door with a little smirk on her lips. “There’s no way I’m letting him go through that on his own,” she thought to herself, practically skipping her way in the hallways that led to the lounge the meeting was being held in. 

As she got closer to the big white doors, she could hear boisterous laughs coming from the inside. Julian’s was the sweetest one. She opened the door to find them all sitting at one round table drinking tea, heads turning at the sound of doors opening. “Darling! Finally, we can start” Lucio smiled, patting the sit next to him softly.

“Hi everyone, hope you weren’t having too much fun without me” I said, glancing over them, holding my gaze on Ilya for a moment longer, earning a wink from him, making me blush lightly “It’ll be much more amusing with you here, countess” he smirked, grabbing my hand delicately and placing a kiss on my knuckles “Watch it, Doctor. Those charm’s could steal any man’s girl... or the man, in question” Lucio smiled, winking at Julian, who just rolled his eyes briefly before turning his eyes back to me.

“Can we start already!? The countess took long enough. We don’t have time for this,” Valdemar reproached, the other doctors nodding in agreement. “They only wanted to make this quicker because they love talking about the lives we lost in the past couple of days. Sick bastard.” She thought to herself, sitting down next to her husband and giggling at how Julian was death-glaring Valdemar. “Wait. One more thing... can I have a cup of tea?” Y/N smiled sweetly at them all, making Lucio and Volta laugh airily, directing their cups to their lips one more time.

“It’s not tea we’re drinking, sweetheart,” Julian explained after seeing her puzzled expression. “Is that whiskey?” she asked, smirking at their goofiness. “Of course it’s not whiskey! What do you take me for? A sailor? It’s brandy,” he said in a half-faked insulted tone, making Y/N smile. “Pour me some, doctor Devorak,” she giggled, reaching for a teacup, but before Julian could pour the liquid in it, a golden arm stopped him. “I don’t think that’s a great idea, Jules. You know how she can get when she drinks,” Lucio said mockingly while pulling his arm back, earning some shit-eating grins from some of the physicians looking for approval 

“And I think she’s very much capable of making her own decisions, Lucio”

The room went silent. The only noise being the one of liquid filling the cup.

“Thank you, Jules” I said, looking into his eyes, both of us knowing my thankfulness wasn’t just because of the drink he handed me “Always” he nodded, staring back at me with the same intentions. “W-we can start now, Valdemar” I said, trying to drift the attention from the two men staring at each other and successfully doing so... well, Valdemar’s vicious smirk doing most of the trick. 

The moment they started ranting about plague, I remembered why I loathed these meetings so much.

Besides Valdemar’s sick attitude, the whole ambience was discouraging and overall made me feel incredibly gloomy. All those people outside the palace’s walls who endured the disease as they all drank brandy in overly fancy tableware. That made her sick. Oh, the privilege they had; to be healthy, to not fear death constantly. Crazy how that became a pleasure of a few. 

We all pass on, we all move from being a person to a cadaver. The tragedy thus is not death, but when, where and how? If the life was one of joy and love, it is a time of celebration and thanks. If we lived the life in suffering and struggle, or cut short by a plague, then it is a tragedy greater than any poet ever wrote.

A sudden touch pulled me out of my thoughts. Lucio was trying to hold my hand, but I shoved it off instinctively, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion as Julian looked at me proudly. “Where’s your necklace?” he whispered in my ear, trying to avoid provoking Valdemar’s fury. “I don’t know,” she simply said, focusing back on them. He could’ve exploded right there, anyone could’ve guessed that. 

Lucio took great pride when Y/N wore his gifts, especially that one gold necklace. It gave him a sense of control and reassurement that she wouldn't leave. Truth is, the piece of jewelry was too one of the many little things that made him take Y/N for granted. And she knew it. The countess had stopped wearing the pendant for around two months, and this was the first time Lucio noticed.

It was always like that; those moments where his “authority” seemed to collapse. When other people made it collapse. That’s when he seemed lost, in more ways than one. And she couldn’t help but relish in those tiny little moments. 

Where he crumbled. 

The count remained silent, fuming on the inside for the rest of the meeting. And unsurprisingly, it went by just fine. You know, without all the flirting he did with literally everyone in the room but his wife, it was easier for everybody to concentrate. The brandy helped as well. 

After about an hour, the session was finally over. She wasted no time in getting out of the room, not caring anymore about anything and just looking for fresh air. Y/N got up from her seat and started walking towards the doors that stood high before all of them, the thought of going out of the metaphorically suffocating room almost implying the most beautiful of dreams. But she was stopped by a large frame. 

And when she looked up at doctor Devorak’s face, she forgot all about the empty hallways or clean air, because he was the only drag of freshness she’d ever need. 

“That was quite the show, doctor,” she giggled, referring to the petty argument with her husband. "Oh, get over it already, sugar. It was one of many minor inconveniences I’ve had with your dear husband... I’m sure we’ve put on more entertaining shows than that one,” he said, rolling his eyes playfully, relishing in the sweet sound of her laughter once again. There was silence. A silence in which they looked into each other’s eyes with lovelorn eyes and smiles, each one hoping the other wouldn’t notice the devotion in both of their looks. 

Julian was 99% sure in that moment that she must’ve been some kind of siren, using her appeals to him to make him fall in love harder and harder every day. No one could ever be so perfect and mesmerizing, no human could ever be so perfect and mesmerizing. And then, without thinking, he said it:

“Do you have any plans for this evening? I’ve been thinking of taking you on a little adventure”

Doctor Devorak had been pondering this moment endlessly, and had even planned on telling Y/N in the perfect moment, in solitude. And it was technically that way since all the other physicians had stayed behind talking to the courtiers or Lucio. They were alone a few meters away from the doors, but not completely alone. Which wasn’t an issue for the countess to respond.

“I’m free, I’m always free-”

“When it comes to me,” Julian smirked, interrupting her briefly

“...when it comes to you” she nodded, blushing slightly

●

Waves crashed on the rocks that covered Ash beach’s shore as two “friends” soaked their feet in the icy water. Numbness from cold had taken over their limbs about two hours ago, but they didn’t care; 

Because when she looked at him, flowers grew on his chest. 

Because “just friends” don’t look at each other like that. 

Y/N knew, Julian knew.

She had been wearing his cape almost since they walked out the castle’s doors, the coolness of the night crashing onto her a few minutes later; Doctor Devorak, being the gentleman he is, offered it to her. She happily complied, beaming inside.

Her blush gave it away. And he was fine with it. 

Truth is, Ilya was perfectly familiar with Y/N’s world; the castle, her fondness for the flowers in the gardens, that special place in her heart for the people in Vesuvia, how she appreciated sitting in the grass and just looking into the distance when things stopped making sense. Few people knew these things about the countess.

In fact, two people knew these things about the countess. 

Yes, her kindness was widely known, but only Julian and her knew how she adored painting but stopped doing so because of the lack of time she had after becoming royalty.

And she knew him like the back of her hand. She could decipher the little variants on his face depending on the emotion he was feeling, or she easily noticed the building up tension that had been forming on his shoulders since this plague mess started. She noticed.

Y/n, however, knew very little of his world.

Before this night, she did not know he was fantastic at singing duets or dancing after drinking some Salty Bitters to enter the mood. She didn’t know they both shared a passion for art until he asked her to let him draw her because she “looked divine under the moonlight” and pulled out a sketch-book filled with annotations. How he loved to splash in puddles just because he could. 

She’d be eternally grateful for the night he let her in. 

The night that started with them walking through Vesuvia with lovesick smiles on their faces and ended on them holding hands and embracing each other as they sat on the beach looking into the deep blue that shone from the first rays of sunlight hitting their town.

“Oh, dear... it must be 6 in the morning,” Julian murmured, not wanting to break the inundating ambience the waves had created “I’ve always liked the time before dawn” she yawned, smelling his scent further, the position of her head in the crook of his neck helping a lot “Why?” “Because there’s no one around to remind me what I’m supposed to be, so it’s easier to remember who I am” “I’m sorry if I’m ruining that for you, Y/N” he tensed up at the thought of spoiling something so sacred for the girl he loved.

“Oh Jules... you don’t need to be here physically for you to be on my mind. You can be miles away and you’ll still live in the silences between my thoughts,” she admitted, looking up at him. 

Some gazes are the promise of love and protection. His was all that and more.

And then he kissed her. 

His lips were like little butterflies when they first met her mouth, his bottom lip fitting between hers almost too effortlessly. Like it had been carved there before, a perfect hiding spot. Then they became fire. All that burning passion he had been keeping inside finally collapsing, both of their feelings melting in one hungry, desperate kiss. 

He felt raw and familiar. She felt solid and safe. She wanted to cling onto his shirt, bury her face into the warm curve of his neck and never let go. 

They dammed their oxygen-depending lungs when they had to pull away to take a breath while looking into each other’s eyes with dorky little smiles plastered on their swollen lips. Y/N giggled. Julian giggled back at the thought that crossed his mind after hearing that sweet vibration; 

He fell in love with those giggles. How could he not? When his heart was in a vortex, they were the counter-current he cried out for.

“Julian, are you sure about this? About us?”

He couldn’t help but laugh a bit more. Wasn’t it obvious?

“Y/N, after all this time, I’m still convinced the rest of my life looks like you. I think we’d be an excellent us, my darling”

“I miss our bed,” he sighed, turning his head on the pillow to look at her. “Me too,” she sighed, turning her head to meet his eyes “But you know walking home or taking the carriage would’ve taken longer and you would’ve hated getting up so early to open the clinic” she grinned, caressing the side of his face as he nodded gently and chuckled against her palm. They both loved having dinners at the palace, laughing along with Nadia, Portia and Asra as they all ate the delicious food served. Recalling adventures and imagining the next ones.

 But those damn stairs.

Nadia always offered transport and shelter when it was too late to get home. Knowing Y/N lived there for a while during the chaos back when she met Julian, she was a bit more comfortable staying there. And Julian did just fine. Don’t get me wrong. But there was nothing like cuddling on their own sheets at home. Their home made them feel even more protected in each other’s arms.

But for now, a luxurious castle full of commodities would do. 

“I’m not sleeping anytime soon. Is it okay if I light up this candle for a little while?” he asked, always kind, sitting up and grabbing a book some servants left on the nightstand. “I’m not sleepy either, mind if I read with you?” she asked, already knowing the answer and laying down to rest her head on his chest. “Oh, I know this one! It’s about a man who falls in love with a star” “What do you mean he falls in love with a star?” she smiled, looking up at him “He has a passion for the night sky, so bad, he knows every single detail from his point of view. And one night, he notices a new star in the sky. And he falls in love... believe me, that’s very much possible dear” he smiled cheesily at her, making Y/N slap his chest lightly before returning her eyes to the book. 

Julian read out loud to her for about forty minutes. Normally, that was more than enough for her to drift off, but none of them seemed to rest. “This is not working,” Y/N moaned, exasperated at her tired but restless state. “I know,” Julian groaned too, putting down the book on the nightstand. Both remained in silence for a little while, contemplating the options to cure their insomnia in their head. 

Then, Julian stands up and gets his shoes from the closet "Put your slippers on, dear” he kindly requested, looking at Y/N, who wondered what was going through her boyfriend’s crazy mind when he grabbed a notebook and a pen. She just giggled and obliged, “What are we doing?” she asked after they were both ready for whatever new adventure Julian was planning. “We are going on a walk through the gardens” he smirked, jumping on the edge of the window, making Y/N gasp in fear and pulling him back down “Julian!” “Fine, we’ll take the stairs” he rolled his eyes playfully, taking her hand and walking out their door.

They walked hand in hand, trying to hide from the guards with little innocent laughs, as if they’d do anything to stop them from going outside. They saw the exit from the hall to the garden and Y/N ran towards it, pulling Julian with her as they both laughed noisily. “Shh! It almost seems like you sneaky little thing are trying to get us caught,” he said playfully as he walked into the green. 

The soft breeze coming from one of the fountains caressed their skins, bringing even more calmness into the now soft ambience. It wasn’t cold, but they were both glad Ilya had brought a blanket, just in case. “Nadi really put some effort into these, they look so nice together” Y/N spoke, pointing to some red and white flowers on the side. “The red ones are called chocolate cosmos... well, no they’re not, but everyone calls them that,” Julian said, touching one petal delicately and smiling softly.

And Y/N? She can never see flowers too many times. She can never tire of their sweet fragrance. Each one is a delicate bloom, no matter if it is a formal garden or a wasteland. Their petals are delicate works of art and their hues are medicine for her soul. I guess it's not just her that feels that way, though. We bring flowers into the hospitals and graveyards; we send them to express our love; we plant them in our yards, though they bear no edible fruits. 

We sketch them. 

Julian was sketching them. 

She swore she couldn’t be more in love with Ilya every day and it was things like these that proved her wrong every single time. Gods, he looked adorable, studying every little detail on the flowers. “One second darling” he smiled at her briefly before returning to his drawing “Take your time” she said in a whisper Julian could barely hear, to which he nodded. Y/N walked closer to him, looking over his shoulder and into the sheet of paper. “This one’s native to Mexico. They said they’re basically extinct in the wild but they’re quite abundant over there, plus, they smell like chocolate. The name’s kind of obvious if you ask me” he explained eagerly with a little sparkle his eye. 

She loved when he got passionate about these types of things. 

He traced the pen effortlessly, capturing every single detail contained on the red petals in front of him. He never failed to amaze her. Yes, he was a man of many talents and drawing was clearly one of them. She observed patiently, not even minding having to stand next to him for a long time because time didn’t seem to pass when she was with him like this.

Time didn’t seem to pass when she was with him. 

That’s it.

He turned around, proudly looking at the finished sketch and showing it like a little kid. “What ya‘ think?” he asked, knowing full well the answer he was about to get. “It’s beautiful Jules” she beamed, filling Julian with content at her enthusiasm. “Can I try?” she asked and elaborated right after. “I’ll draw the white ones,” she said, cutely pointing at the others. “Of course, doll,” he smiled, giving her the pen and notebook. They unconsciously switched spots and now Julian was the observer. “Tell me about them,” she requested, looking at her boyfriend shortly before turning her gaze back to the paper.

Julian almost shed a tear at her interest for his random flower knowledge. “W-well, these are Begonias. Many people thought they originated from Brazil when they were found there in some areas. After records showed, you could find them in Mexico too, even during the early years and that they were used by Chinese people as early as the 14th Century... I wouldn’t be surprised if the price Nadia paid for these was... a mayor loss to her financial stability” “Love, she’s the countess” Y/N smiled at the silliness in his statement and proceeded with the drawing.

Y/N was sure she wouldn’t make a job as efficiently as Julian’s, but she still tried. 

And Julian swore she hadn’t seen such a beautiful, messily made sketch in his life.

Is that how love worked for them?

She underestimated herself like he did with himself. Y/N did it out of pure humbleness and Julian did it because he’d never feel enough for many things in his life. All this combined modesty and insecurity led to a series of words of encouragement that slowly but effectively had a positive effect on each other. 

Julian stopped feeling insecure about minor aspects like when he got overly enthusiastic about something, to the point where he thought people found him annoying and felt better about the bigger ones each day, like his “worthiness” of Y/N. Y/N stopped being too modest and recognized her abilities both in magic and other disciplines. 

They truly were made for each other. 

“Done!” she exclaimed, all enthusiastic, making Julian smile before looking at her drawing. “I love it” he said as he pecked her forehead, noticing how she made the shadows look the same as his, with the intention of them keeping some cohesion while still being different flowers. Like them. “Let’s draw those next,” she continued, already walking to some plants on their right.

Julian found peace on their little date that night. Sketching flowers with his lover as she asked about their history was not the way he thought the rest of the night would go, but he wouldn’t dare to complain. Insomnia was not uncommon to him, and this seemed to be one of the best ways he had experienced a sleepless night; next to the girl he loved the most, walking through the gardens while giggling at everything and anything like a pair of enamoured teenagers.

Little did they know, these types of moments were their favorite forms of “I love you”.

It was very common for both of them to feel that saying ‘I love you’ wasn’t enough for all the feelings they held for each other. ‘Love’ seemed so... simple. And it was at times like these where they both felt content, as if their unspoken words translated into drawing nature on a journal. And that was exactly what love was about.

And as Julian looked over at Y/N, trying to get every little detail on the beautiful manifestation of beauty and nature combined, he confirmed once again...