#illianna

Some of the girls!!

Fun fact, Briar (the gal in the first two pages) and Dante are fucking menaces when together

Twenty year comparison! This is, like, the very first picture I drew of the story, I'm pretty sure. I had no clue what I was doing with Ivy there, let me tell you. Draco looks cool. But Dracen and Illy look way better. Love these comparisons!

This is another case of updating designs for older stories because the older designs annoyed me. Not sure how I ended up on In Search of Freedom, but, uh, it was sort of dangerous that I did. ISoF is another story that I could potentially redo in November. I mean, it's not a crazy anniversary, but it has been five years.

Stories just unfold and unfold; hour by hour, the pages of our book are written. Some say we write those pages ourselves, including the seemingly ‘outside of our control’ experiences. Accidents, unwelcome circumstances, surprising opportunities, forgetting, missteps, chance meetings, world events, other people’s decisions, childhood experiences… these things that ‘happen’ make up much of our lives while we respond, or react, or acquiesce, or ignore, or endure them, or stand up to them.

But sometimes I wonder: Do things happen, or are we writing our own book… somehow, in some way, creating happenings? I know that it’s a weird question, but it seems a vital one in healing. It also seems vital as well in comprehending whether or not our personal evolution and energy transformation, as we go through these experiences, is a fractal bit of the experience of ‘All that Is’.

I’m thinking about these things because of a seemingly mundane event: my computer blue-screened and died. Empty-handed, realizing that I am an information junkie, looking around at all of the things I ‘could’ do, I picked up a novel that a friend had sent me and settled in to read. Something in me resists entertainment and distraction, but I made myself read it, thinking that I’d find something… and I did. When I reached the last line and put down the book, I found that our lives are so much more interesting than fiction.

The next morning, the ‘computer is ready’ call came. It was a fairly long drive to the repair shop, and I must have been daydreaming as I missed the last turn. It took a few minutes to notice that nothing in the landscape was familiar. As I went to turn around, I pulled smack dab in front of a beautiful ‘pagoda style’ gated temple. Above the gate was a sign that said, “Learn Chinese and Morals.” Jokingly, I thought, “Well that’s why I drove down here… somebody wants me to learn Chinese and morals.”

Well, Chinese is possible, I suppose, but morals… now that’s a tough one. Morals are imposed; and some say they were put in place to keep us from total degradation until the return of the light. That may be the case, but it looks like morals never have had a really good grip. Immorality has been oh so familiar, for oh so long. Why has the return of the light taken so long? I’m thinking maybe we have to really, really, really get finished with degradation personally, until collectively we tip the scale… if we are the writers of the book, that is.

On I went, thinking about morals and political correctness and religions and lies and rules and laws and cultures and justifications; it’s a dense mass of confusing messages about what is ‘good’.

If the sign above the temple gate had said, “Learn Chinese and Virtue”, that would ring a sweeter bell. We can seek to justify actions that society deems immoral, but with virtue, there is no hiding… no separation from your True Self. The outer rule vs. the inner code: morals will say something is right while virtue will say, “No Way!” or virtue will say, “I must do this,” and morals will say, “You’re an immoral woman if you do that.”

On the way home I stopped for a visit with a friend. He has suffered from PTSD for so many years… it’s as if one chapter in the book of his life just doesn’t want to end. There is a schism, and this too seems out of his control. Damage done to others is damage done to Self. It does not erase… it waits to be repaired. How fortunate if one can repair it in this lifetime.

Self healing is all of our work. And, not to get too serious here, but, repentance and asking forgiveness is a sacred act. It is not a spirit in the sky that forgives… it is the settling of a contrite heart in communication with ‘All that is’. Who among us has not done damage? We take risks being born into this dense and violent dimension – one must be brave and honest, and humble.

After the visit I asked myself, “Did he need this experience? Did his ‘I Am’ provide this in order to spur the evolution of consciousness and bring in more light for ‘All that is’, or was the military draft pick just some rotten karma. He is bringing in more light as he seeks healing, so I’d say the answer is… both can be true!

I headed home to discover another page being written in another book, this one belonging to Matthew. He has allowed me to tell his story, about the abuse he suffered, emotionally and psychologically; about his brave recovery, and the obstacles he faced and overcame.

If ever morals were discarded, they were discarded when it came to Matt. Parents, family, teachers, psychologists and psychiatrists did plenty of harm. And if ever a battle for spiritual life was fought, it was fought by Matt. Throughout it all he protected his core: he is one of the most empathetic and spontaneously kind persons I’ve ever known.

When I got home and settled in, Matt walked into the room, looking a little shaken. He announced, “I can sing again… did you know I used to sing all the time when I was little?” I didn’t know anything about him singing, so I listened as he sang a song. “How was I,” he asked. “Your pitch is great,” I said, “…but you need to project more.”

After the song, Matt started to talk about what really was on his mind: an incident of abuse that he had hidden from himself. The locked-away memory had surfaced when Matt had felt the desire to sing along with a song he was listening to. It was one of those awful/wonderful moments when Matt shined a light into darkness and opened yet another avenue to healing. Of course there were tears, but there was also understanding of ‘why I felt the way I felt’ and ‘why I did what I did’.

When ‘immoral’ reaches a stopping point… what is that? Isn’t that the ending/beginning that we have all been praying for… the ‘really really really done with degradation’; and the return of the light?

Matt is a stopping point for trans-generational harm, in that what he experienced at the hands of others will not be passed on through him. It will be healed. How can I be so sure? Well, you can’t write another person’s story, but I’d say he’s been tested. Even in the worst of times, he never turned to bitterness, and his heart never grew cold.

Great metaphysicians say that the ‘packet of information/energy’ that is us, has foreknowledge of the situation that we will be born into, and we willingly go into that energy in order to gain information, or complete, or repair, or transform something. We have no memory of that choice… instead we have only the landscape that lies before us, and an inner compass of feeling and intuition that leads us to create the next page, or begin the next chapter. If that is the case, then wisdom would tell us what to cherish.

So let’s take a look at virtues. Loving kindness, no matter the circumstances; generosity with self and time and resources; respect and allowing others their liberation journey; freedom from selfishness and the demands of ego; empathy; strength of heart; truthfulness. Would you say that the system hates these things, and the ‘morals’ of the immoral system are nothing but caricatures of these things, containing us within the illusion of good? I would.

To me, the system we live in is as lifeless as a book of fiction. Our own book is the wellspring of life and light… if we make it so.

Beloved beacons of light and love on the Earth, I address you from my truth speaking to all aspects of your being. I remain a presence and support for the Earth and humanity in this ascension process overseeing all shifts of ascension while ensuring a deeper sense of unity for all with the Creator.

You can call upon me to assist you in all ascension processes within your being and upon the Earth as I hold a larger picture of what is to manifest and can shower you in the light of the Creator in support and to assist you further.

Know that while my purpose has been and continues to be focused upon unity with the Creator and all aspects of the Creator which means recognizing a harmony with the Creator, I wish to speak now of the importance of love.

Many, in fact maybe all speak of the importance of love, self-love, love for all and unconditional love and yet it continues to be the focus of current spiritual growth and ascension. The acceptance of love is the key lessons and vibration to obtain in this level of ascension. The knowledge of love and its importance on so many levels has always been present upon the Earth but in this reality you are now being asked to experience love, a very personal love, the love within your being.

You are being asked to give your love freely without any expectations of love returning to you while holding the knowledge that your love is sacred and stems from the well of the Creator, therefore there is an abundant volume of love for you to draw upon and exist within. Experience of love is critical now; it is the main and key lesson of current ascension. Many of you have the knowledge of love and how it can be integrated into your reality and even how it will influence your being but now is the time to put the theory into your reality experiencing it fully.

All of you are naturally loving; love is your nature, it is the energy you were energetically created with and it is the building blocks of everything that you are as a physical being, soul and so much more. As your truth, your original essence and your divine self you cannot help but be loving, there is nothing that can take the love vibration away from you even when you don’t recognize your love vibration it is present eternally and unwavering.

With this in mind you may look at your own being, reality and the reality of the Earth and notice that love doesn’t always seem or feel present. If love is your natural energy, that which you were created from as an energetic being, and is eternal, then you may ask, where is the love? This is a very powerful question because it will bring you back to conscious awareness of love if you allow it to.

You may wish to sit in meditation or quiet time, repeating in your mind or out loud for at least 10 minutes, ‘Where is the love?’ Your being and energy has a natural ability of supporting you and bringing you back to your centre. Whatever happens to you, whatever you create or experience or whatever your mental thoughts, your being when you allow it to will naturally bring and draw you back to your centre, back to the space and energy of love within your being.

By asking this question of yourself and inner knowingness you are not focusing upon the lack of love within your being or on the Earth but more so without searching you are asking to be guided and drawn back to the space and existence of love within your being. This is akin to a safe space inside of you which is connected to all that is the universe of the Creator offering to you an abundance of consciousness, guidance, tools and truth.

It is important to remember that all you receive within the safe space is not from you personally but is the flow of the Creator from which you can draw all that is divinely appropriate. With this practice you will naturally be guided into the space of love within you and can rest in it eternally. You may notice a shift in your awareness, a deeper sense of contentment or peace arise symbolizing you have reached this space.

While you can always find, discover and experience the love of the Creator within your being, we can still ask ourselves, where is the love? With this question I wish to address why if we are all naturally loving beings do we have to search for the love within our beings. We could ask why and where did the love go? When we experience love whether on the Earth or the inner planes, and by this I mean emanate and radiate love, we are naturally in contact and aligned to Creator and all that is our truth.