ASĀ TIMEĀ &Ā LIFEĀ PASSESĀ BY,Ā Ā Ā anĀ explorationĀ ofĀ aliceāsĀ mindsetĀ regardingĀ adulthood.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā age is a concepts thatās a little foreign to alice, aside from her understanding of what her mother and father wereĀ Ā ( absolute! complete! old enough to understand the world as it is with a certain grace and wisdom that only is deigned fit for grown ups )Ā Ā āāāĀ Ā the adults she ended up handling in her more logical years as a teenager and young adult were absolutely abhorrent, with very rare exceptions. the only proper example for adulthood she was given were her parents, long before she ever faced the notion that parents are not all-knowing omnipotent god-like creatures. she was therefore cheated of that lesson, though of course made up for it in some ways. she understood the fact that not all adults are right and good and knowledgable. she knew a good deal stupid, and a good deal evil. but it left her in a sour position, where the type she wanted to grow to be was unclear. or rather, she knew she wanted to be good, and smart, but she didnāt quite know how . . .Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā as alice is forced on her more nomadic lifestyle following the murder of doctor bumby, there is a sort of relief in physical isolation, at least for a while. the independence granted her is somewhat refreshing, as sheād been manipulated by others her entire life, and lied to, at that. there were two distinct fallouts from that formative experience, however, that negatively impacted her even as she gained a sense of freedomĀ āāĀ to begin, she was extremely hesitant to trust. even a merchant felt like a liar, let alone a well-intentioned passerby. it was, unfortunately, herself and herself alone who could prove trustworthy. asking for help was simply a non-option. secondarily, she seemed to understand less of the world than she had believed. she wasnāt without some smartsĀ āāĀ sheād, after all, been taught to read as a child and had been given at least some form of a head-start by her academically-minded father. but having gone without schooling, and having spent her youth in a catatonic state which allowed for little else than staring at the ceiling, she was left wanting, intellectually. ultimately, she found, she was neither good, nor smart. she was still a child.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā having neither trait that she knew to be marks of actually proper adults, young adulthood was a nightmare. it was spent searching and aching and wondering. she would read and read and hope to learn, and find herself frustrated at the steps back sheād take, regardless of the progress forward. her open-heartedness, though she was not a cruel person, still maintained its stunted nature, and she would go on years feeling very much like she was missing something.Ā
