I had this written for a while but completely forgot about it. 😅❤️

Very bittersweet.

———

Ikuma watches Kaneki shrug off Hide again. “The work is important.” Kaneki would say. “Maybe some other time”. It’s clear to Ikuma that Kaneki hardly pays Hide any attention. He rarely offers any affection. Anyone can see that the blond is lonely. He tries to hide it behind a smile, but the smile never reaches his eyes.

Ikuma tries to comfort Hide the best that he can. Talks, some hugs, and even some late night fun. The ghoul has always loved Hide, and the fact that Kaneki doesn’t appreciate him at all enrages Ikuma.

After everything Hide has given up for Kaneki- his time, his heart, his body, and sometimes nearly his life- Kaneki should be waiting on Hide on his hands and feet.

After every night, Hide looks so guilty. He knows he’s betrayed Kaneki by laying with Ikuma. The spark of life in Hide’s brown eyes has become so dull and faint. That blinding smile never reaches his eyes anymore. Ikuma can see Hide’s empathy skyrocket as he berates himself for being “selfish”. Always putting Kaneki before himself. By each passing day, the blond’s mental state becomes warped. He knows that staying with Kaneki will further destroy him, but that loyalty of his will never let him leave. That guilt.

Hide is so sweet and sensitive to Kaneki’s feelings despite Kaneki blowing off his. The half ghoul isn’t wrong in being serious about his work, but he has other responsibilities too. The human is unhappy. Kaneki’s boyfriend is unhappy, and he refuses to take notice.

Ikuma hears their arguments from time to time. The ghoul has never heard Hide’s voice sound so vicious before. Their words are harsh and could slice away at the toughest person. Sometimes the arguments end with slammed doors. Others just become quiet. Like someone pressed mute. Those are the scariest.

Hide enjoys his nights with Ikuma. He’s so starved for love and pleasure. He soaks it up like a sponge. To watch Hide become so needy and relaxed is enough for Ikuma. To see Hide’s mind off his loneliness if only for an hour or two made the ghoul happy. The blond wants to be held, and that’s what Ikuma does. He wants to be kissed and cherished, and that’s what the ghoul provides. Ikuma knows that Hide sees Kaneki every time. The blond makes sure he’s blindfolded during every session. It hurts Ikuma that Hide is still so wrapped up in a man that will never make him a priority, but that ends when Hide decides not to wear the blindfold. It’s over when Hide cries out for Ikuma instead of Kaneki. When Hide is looking at Ikuma and no one else.

Slowly, that light came back into Hide’s eyes, and so did that smile.

Kaneki finds out. They always do. He’s outraged. They always are. Hide cries and shrinks under the half ghoul’s glare and words. That is the last straw for Ikuma. Ikuma steps in front of Hide and pushes Kaneki back in a challenge. Kaneki is more than willing to fight the trash whom stole Hide away from him, but Hide gets in between them to break it up.

“I may be in the wrong by not severing the ties before going to Ikuma, but you’re just as wrong for neglecting me and our relationship, so get off your high horse,” Hide snaps, finally speaking out. “You didn’t care before, so you have no right to care now.”

“I’ve always cared,” Kaneki growls.

“Really? Then when was the last time you asked me how I was? What I was up to?” Hide questions. He doesn’t pull away when Ikuma holds his hand and interlocks their fingers together. Kaneki snarls. “No. You don’t get to do that. Ikuma has been more loving and caring to me than you’ve been this past year.”

“I’ve been busy. You know that!” Kaneki takes a step forward. Hide holds out a hand to stop him.

“No. It’s over. No more excuses. No more guilt. We’re done,” Hide dismisses and leads Ikuma away before Kaneki could start another battle.

“I can't do this.”

“Yes, you can. You're ready and your band members-”

“Oh my god, Hide. My English is rusty.”

“Your English is good, you dramatic panda.” Hide doesn't bother to hear the rest of his friend’s unfounded predicament when he pushes Ikuma towards the stage, where the rest of Ikuma’s members are waiting for their main vocal/guitarist.

The concert is not too grand. The amphitheater is small and it's probably enough to house nearly two hundred people but Ikuma takes what he can get. The earnings will be used to provide a place to stay for homeless ghoul children.

Berlin is a little bit cold now. Winter is just at the tip of the horizon and autumn is slowly fading like an old record. Hide takes his time to glance down at his phone. Marude’s message is curt and precise: ‘Meetings start at three. Don't be late’

Hide grins. Years later, and Marude still hates being the spokesman, preferring to let Hide sway people and advocate for peace in his own eloquent way.

He can stop thinking about it for a moment. For now, Hide has a friend to root for.

The music starts, Ikuma’s voice echoes in the amphitheater, loud and steadfast. People are yelling, calling out his name and when the ghoul begins to strum the strings of his guitar, the melody kicks in until the loudness soars in the sky like fireworks.

Hide smiles and enjoys the atmosphere. From where he’s standing, Hide has the best view. And then, even now, he wonders what Kaneki is doing; somewhere in Tokyo with his family surrounded by those that have fought at his side. Once upon a time, such a thing would make Hide wonder of his unworthiness in Kaneki’s eyes.

Now, Hide is far away, in all places, traveling the world, broadening his sight and suddenly it's bright and ethereal and freedom tastes so sweet on his tongue, like crushed strawberry dripping from his chin. The stones in his chest have gradually turned to mist and now there's only the lightness of a plume.

And Ikuma-- where Hide goes, Ikuma goes.

Eight songs later, Ikuma takes a break, passing the next round to his other member as he skips off from the stage and saunters towards Hide.

“You did amazi--” Hide stops abruptly when Ikuma leaps towards him, grabs his hips and hauls Hide up, easily carrying the human and spinning him around. Hide yelps and shrieks before he laughs; his arms around Ikuma’s neck.

“They love my songs!” Ikuma states brightly. The pink on his cheeks is palpable. He finally puts Hide down and takes a few steps back, inhaling and exhaling; unrestrained and light.

Behind the softness of his mask, Hide's smile widens. “Yes yes, we're all glad. The hero of the hour.”

And oh wow, Hide is bombarded by the metaphorical evidence that points to his growing affection for this dorky ghoul; swooping in and stealing his heart, one broken piece at a time. Hide realizes he's not doing anything at all to stop himself from falling in love with Ikuma like a complete fool he is.

“Not going back up there?” Hide asks.

“Later,” Ikuma says. He spares a glance at the stage, at his fans, at his band members and finally, he turns around to look at Hide. “I did well up there, right?”

“Yep, absolutely.”

“Sooo, I deserve a kiss, right?”

Hide chokes. Ikuma raises a brow lazily. The human sputters and stares at the ghoul, losing his words for the very first time.

“Ikuma, you can't just-” Hide flails his arms around comically.

“Juuuusst?” Ikuma takes the moment to tease him, wearing the familiar grin that Hide comes to love. “Just what?”

Well, just-- many things. Hide bites his lower lip. His next question is said so quietly. “Are you sure it's me you-- y'know?”

Ikuma blinks. “Yeah. Completely sure.” He leans in and cups Hide's cheeks and Hide can feel the familiar heat from Ikuma. “Nagachika Hideyoshi, your problem is that you do not know how truly loved you are. You're good enough. You've done enough. You no longer have to carry love like it's a burden on your shoulders. I'm in love with you, Nagachika Hideyoshi, and that's the truth.”

Hide opens his mouth, closes it, and finally, he settles down with a crooked grin. Hide tucks his mask off and rolls it in his hand. He's ready to take a leap of faith. “Better be ready because you can't take those words back.”

Whatever Ikuma wishes to say die in his throat when Hide grapples his front shirt and quickly covers his mouth. Ikuma yelps into the kiss but is quick to calm down and gently, so very gently, returns the kiss. It's sloppy and messy and they're really not doing it right so Hide laughs into the kiss, trying to salvage what he can. Ikuma’s muffled laughter is soft until both of them break away and tangle in each other's arms. The laughter stays.

“That was awful!” Hide chortles.

“You shouldn't have laughed. It's your fault,” Ikuma says cheerily. A little bit too happy. It dawns to Hide that he really needs more good and bright things in his life and now evidently, Ikuma is a mix of both.

For all the things he is with and without, Hide is okay with it. It leads him here, after all.

Ikuma and Hide have that perfect harmony when they’re together. Hide works on his college homework and essays while Ikuma practices and tunes his guitar. When Hide has a mental breakdown from the stress of his classes, Ikuma is there to help him out. Ikuma soothes the human and encourages him to keep going. When Hide tries to give up on the assignments or gets distracted, Ikuma is a bit more stern. He ushers Hide back to his desk and makes sure Hide continues until he’s done.

When Ikuma is frustrated with making lyrics or learning a new song on his guitar, Hide makes the ghoul a cup of coffee and helps out the best that he can. He lets Ikuma listen to some of his music to help give him some inspiration. Hide takes Ikuma out to find his muse.

Hide knows he doesn’t have to put up a facade with Ikuma. He doesn’t have to force his smiles. Hide can tell the ghoul anything without being judged for it. The same applies to Ikuma.

They don’t hide things and bottle up their emotions. If something is bothering them, they’ll come out and say it. That’s why their arguments (if there are any) resolve themselves within a day or three (three tops).

The two share Hide’s headphones while they curl up on the couch. Hide will occasionally steal Ikuma’s beanie and wear it himself.

They spend hours talking about music they love and dislike.

Ikuma and Hide enjoy cooking together. Sure, Ikuma can’t eat it, but he finds the activity fun, and he gets to spend time with Hide.

Ikuma and Hide love watching the rain together. They smile as the summer breeze brushes against them, and they love listening to the wind chimes that hang on their balcony.

Everything about them is peaceful and relaxing. They do things at their own pace. They arent in a rush with their relationship. They aren’t going anywhere.