[[ hi here’s a text convo me and dani were having during the iimono text convo woohoo feelings ]]
小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:16 AM
iida's definition of alright is "im not completely hurting to the point where it is hard to do or think abt anything else"
rickyLast Sunday at 4:17 AM
THATS A BAD DEFINITION IIDA
小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:17 AM
if he can do his duties without being hindered he's "alright"
rickyLast Sunday at 4:18 AM
like tbh monoma's big feels rn are like
1) i wanna communicate but it feels like iida doesnt actually communicate with me ever
2) i wanna be honest but it feels like iida isnt being honest with me
3) i've been opening up a lot which im! proud of!! i can face my emotions now! but iida isnt facing HIS emotions with me and i thought uHh being a couple means we do that together so i guess i'll go fuck myselfsdfskhdgbg
but ALSO from an outside perspective iida Does Communicate and Is Honest... way more than monoma perceives it but monoma sucks. at being able to identify it
A L S O he cant stand iida taking care of him so much sfhgbsfbhsg hes starting to feel rly coddled and he Does Not Like It
and thats largely just cuz hes so unstable and feels guilty about it now that hes more aware of it and wants to either just shut down and stop emoting around iida or, like, he wants to get to take care of iida if/when he ever breaks down cuz then it'll be Equals
kdfgdfhbdfgs i just had a hunch and it was right, monoma is actually older than iida sdfbjhgs
小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:22 AM
WAIT HE IS
HES OLDER,
rickyLast Sunday at 4:27 AM
but yeah i think the other thing is that monoma wants stuff from iida but like has not been able to rly voice it (i feel like this is the first time he has ever talked like This Much about emotional bullshit) but also TBH he feels brushed aside every time iida gives him one of his lil speeches
cuz he doesnt respond very well to positivity and also will just latch onto the negative aspects
小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:30 AM
WOW then u have iida whos just like "dude im not a fuckign mind reader tell me what u want"
rickyLast Sunday at 4:30 AM
WHICH I KNOW BUT HE'S WORKING ON IT.....
iida: communicate pls monoma: ok heres a big rambling post about stuff i feel iida: ok thats nice. can you communicate with me pls tho monoma: I JUST DID HSDFKGGBDFSG I'LL JUST GO FUCK MYSELF THEN I GUESS--
^ is how he feels
also hes scared of the Boyfriend Conversation
which i think i've told you before, hes scared cuz of the sex addiction thing but also,
ppl keep coercing him to sex and he doesnt wanna date iida and then be coerced into Officially Cheating,,, pseudo cheating isnt acceptable either but at least like,,, hes Technically not betraying him,
小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:36 AM
THE RAMBLING THING isnt clear to iida bc its like yes that is how he feels but he is not telling me What He Wants From Me
rickyLast Sunday at 4:37 AM
YEAH thats what i noticed today +_+!!!
小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:38 AM
its like monoma is offering his stance but not a solution or a compromise
rickyLast Sunday at 4:38 AM
monoma doesnt rly know that's what he's supposed to do hjbsjfsg
小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:38 AM
does iida have to spell it out
rickyLast Sunday at 4:38 AM
y es
like, the last thing iida said kind of made monoma be like
wait lemme look at it again
ok he said he wanted to know the reasons behind his actions and monoma was like,,,,wha--
cuz... 1) theres like never actually a reason and 2) he didnt know iida wanted that from him
小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:40 AM
H
rickyLast Sunday at 4:40 AM
like monoma barely even recognizes half his actions cuz theyre all based on impulses and tbh if nobody pointed them out he'll just move on like nothing's happened
like he compartmentalizes,,, s o much,,,,,, and then represses it like instantly like TBH
like barely anyone talks about monoma's growing alcoholism so he just keeps doing that, and no one has had the chance to tell him to stop communicating with villains so he kept doing that too but like. Because it wasnt pointed out he barely has a problem with it and can function fine
everyone harps on him for the sex stuff tho so he's just like Drowning In Guilt
小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:44 AM
is there literally-- any way iida can actually help him because, i just , wow
rickyLast Sunday at 4:44 AM
sfjgkdfg
iida: here's a list of questions to communicate with, pls answer monoma: dissociates instantly
whOH YEAH DEFINITELYi know that sounds all depressing sjhsdfghthe fix is honestly super easy tbh
小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:45 AM
HE ASKED TWO WHOLE QUESTIO-jvhcfdjsjcxsdjhds
god im glad there is indeed a fix
rickyLast Sunday at 4:45 AM
I WAS TYPING UP MORE META I HAVENT GOTTEN TO IT YET
monoma's problem is literally just that he doesnt have the vocabulary for, like, anything
what he wants is an open relationship but he doesnt know what that is and TO BE QUITE FRANK his only knowledge of one is fucking sen and kosei
so like, he's only hesitating so much cuz he doesnt know how to voice what he wants cuz Tbh monoma hates not sounding smart and being emotive means bumbling around like an idiot
he still feels brushed off tho,
iida bls be sad around him more
小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:02 AM
IIDA DOESNT LIKE BEING SAD
its weird for him
he always like
how do i put this
he takes his sadness, pisses on it, and sets it on fire
rickyLast Sunday at 5:02 AM
oh God i just realized iida is doing the same thing the guy i was gay for did FUCKMeJFBJHFBGDG
小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:03 AM
oh he pissed on his sadness too? worm
rickyLast Sunday at 5:03 AM
he did the 'im alright is actually crashing and burning in super slow motion for months at a time' thing
小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:03 AM
iida is hollow more often than he is sad
1JDCKCDSNHSDSNDSCJ
rickyLast Sunday at 5:05 AM
meanwhile i had the loudly has breakdowns and then gets upset about being taken care of despite him insisting because of his Fetish for taking care of people thing
me: glares at iidas Fetish
小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:06 AM
ok this is more of a hc but
iida likes taking care of ppl bc his parents rarely took care of him uwus
o hes like
rickyLast Sunday at 5:07 AM
CRIES
小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:07 AM
being the Dad and Mom he never had
rickyLast Sunday at 5:07 AM
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
see that Sucks cuz my hc is that monoma was raised to be as self sufficient as possible as Fast as possible which meant wow we aint got time for emotions fam just Put Them In A Box
oh is the box overflowing, put the BOX in a BIGGER BOX
小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:08 AM
emotionally stunted boys sure are great
rickyLast Sunday at 5:08 AM
i k r
小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:08 AM
only in theory tho,
rickyLast Sunday at 5:08 AM
LOL
小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:08 AM
irl i wouldve just
choked them
rickyLast Sunday at 5:09 AM
sobs angrily about iida
share your emotions biiiiiiitchhhh
小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:09 AM
hits the back of monoma's head
rickyLast Sunday at 5:09 AM
hEY
小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:09 AM
just tell him what u want u stupid fuckJCDFJDSSD
rickyLast Sunday at 5:09 AM
HE WANTS YOU TO SHARE HIS EMOTIONS HSFBGJHFGS HE SAID THAT!!!!AND IIDA WAS LIKE, NAH
小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:10 AM
IIDA ISNT RLLY THAT SURE OF HIS EMOTIONS EITHER THATS WHY!!!
HE THINKS HES THIS BUT HES ACTUALLY SOMETHING ELSE
rickyLast Sunday at 5:10 AM
THATS MONOMAS PROBLEM TOO YOU BUTT DFHBSDFGJGSG
小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:10 AM
FUCK
rickyLast Sunday at 5:11 AM
OHMY
GODSTRANGLES THEM BOTH
IIMONO: FEELINGS?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????
小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:11 AM
w iida its more like. he knows deep down but he doesnt , think , its important enough , to be addressed
rickyLast Sunday at 5:11 AM
i i d a b l s
小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:11 AM
"as class rep i must be a leader before anything else!!!!!"
rickyLast Sunday at 5:12 AM
monoma is honestly like 'iida help this is the very first time in my life i have felt Guilt what am i supposed to do with this!!!!!!
iida: whats wrong monoma: IM SAD???? WHY DIDNT ANYONE EVER TELL ME WHAT A CONSEQUENCE WAS iida: ,
小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:14 AM
JXVCDJXCDSAHJSDSDJ
rickyLast Sunday at 5:15 AM
and t b h he kind of is like, automatically expecting like... a Reward for getting this far but iida just kind of keeps being like 'okay cool. and what else'
and monoma is like HJSFBKHBFGS THAT TOOK ME 3 WEEKS TO FIGURE OUT B L S
小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:28 AM
fuckcdncnddxjsn
rickyLast Sunday at 5:28 AM
,,,, in person or continue the text
小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:29 AM
CCCCONTINUE...they rarely text god pls
rickyLast Sunday at 5:30 AM
TBH YEAH...
小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:30 AM
iida has no Time for his phone he needs to read 30 chapters ahead so he doesnt fall behind!!!
rickyLast Sunday at 5:30 AM
monoma is Traumatized by all their other text convos so he doesnt--
im including the times when i post this btw because God Damn i love that its likefucking 5am over here
小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:31 AM
GO TO BED?
rickyLast Sunday at 5:31 AM
this is 500% a 'im sad texting my bitchass pseudo bae about my feelings at fucking sunrise after they kept me up crying all night' conversation
whats a bed
