it's an up again-down again situation that drives him MENTAL bc why is he allowing a deeply, private part of him be REVEALED, in front of the camera (which he'll make sure to review post-production process and get it cut) and more importantly, YOU? You, who's been a stranger for all his life up until thirty-five minutes ago?

idol!rafayel who is good at blurring the line between idol self and rafayel that people watching and observing him cannot distinguish whether it's the reel him or the real him. but it's actually him tired of his life and doning a mask as there's no reason for him to be "him" when no one's there to care for it.

idol!rafayel who is more puppet than human, more fiction than reality.

fangirl!non mc making idol!rafayel laugh so hard, he chokes on the fruit tea they bought off the stand. he learns that she's shy about a lot of things, and hesitant about 88% of everything, but would fully 100% lock in when it comes to him. ("i'd punch whoever badmouths your name and make sure their head is screwed on tight!" "ok calm down") she's no one special, she says, just another worker at a business, scraping by paycheck after paycheck to live another day. her boss that is sometimes an ass, and rent is absolutely abysmal, but she's got friends, she's got hobbies. she's surrounded herself with her own version of love that her reality has become everything she might ever need and thrive and bloom wherever she goes.

so when she meets idol!rafayel she thanks him for his courage to live another day, the happiness he gives his fans, the sacrifices he's made and prays for the choices he'll make will only bring him happiness. she shares with him how she lived a life unappreciative of the things she had that life became dull and monotone, until he came along and dragged all the greys and burned it to ashes. that through his perseverance and earnest desire to win, it lit an eternal flame of hope and wonder inside her again that her life changed for the better.

("and now that you're here, i think i can say thank you for completing the colors in my dull life. you are everyone's shining star and i've shared you with millions and millions of people wanting to bask in your light; i'm honored that i get a moment to be the only one you're shining for")

idol!rafayel doesn't bat an eye to these types of declarations, having been at the receiving end of it from multiple fansigns, fan calls, interviews after x years of being an idol

but somehow, in front of non mc without anyone watching (minus the cameras), with no performance he needs to jump into, no stadiums, no music, no fan service, just walking down the road lit by moonlight, sharing the silence between two strangers... he feels shy. seen. it feels sacred.

when the shoot ended and content posted, he half-expects the production team to milk more from their interaction. but non mc and rafayel doesn't meet each other ever again. it was a one-time thing. something on the checklist, soon to be forgotten by the millions of things he needs to do. he doesn't find you. not even in the comment section of his video (that he regularly checks) where his fans had already poured in all their support for him and this lucky fan. (he doesn't know what your profile will be but he's certain that he will know when you do.)

he keeps an eye out during concerts and public schedules for even a glimpse of your familiar hair and face, and gets irritably disappointed at himself for expecting too much (it breaks his heart wondering where could you be) zayne reprimands him for obsessing a little too much, and caleb sneaks a little quip here and there about how he must have dreamed the whole thing. they can say what they want, but the photo in his wallet is proof that he and you existed together for a moment in time.

that day changed everything; it was a turning point. not only for fangirl!non mc no. non mc's life changed in the way the dawn rises. you carried yourself more now; more confident, more secure. youve accepted life is what you make most of it and thank the stars for meeting rafayel to have given you the courage to do so.

rafayel's life changed in a thunderous storm. it rumbled in the background, looming but far, uncertain when the landfall begins and ends. suddenly, rafayel is caught in the middle of the storm, remembering you in the minuest details. the way your lips curve, the way your lashes flutter, the tone of your voice when you get flustered, the moment you stood fiercely in front of him with undeniable and unshaken faith that dug up the corpse of his humanity and injected life into it again.