#idleds

x / x / @idleds

ares was slightly surprised by what he took as an agreement, but somewhat relieved as well, head nodding slightly as his eyes wandered. he was grateful he didn’t have to explain himself or try to get seunggi to see it. which in and of itself was ares being even more selfish. like, it wasn’t seunggi’s responsibility or his fault or —

ares didn’t want to add that weight on the other man’s shoulders, is all.

his eyes slowly found their way back to seunggi with his words, brows most definitely furrowing. his lips even began to part as if to speak — ares would disagree at the first chance he was given, quite frankly. there would always be a small part of him that would be worried about seunggi, but that may be due in part to all those lives he’s lived. all the pain he’s seen and experienced. more than just that it was the pain he’s seen seunggi experience in the short time they’ve known one another, and how much of that pain was thanks to ares.

but it was as if every time seunggi’s hands touched him he felt at ease, and didn’t exactly want to say anything that would rock his peaceful little boat. a task that was hard to do when seunggi was asking such direct things of him. “is this going to keep happening?" that's basically what he was thinking, if he didn't want to get too deep into it. was seunggi going to continue to be hurt time and time again from nothing more than being with ares? would there always be someone to look over their shoulders for? not even a dangerous stranger, apparently it could be people he knew and loved and trusted and — god. was ares actually a terrible person, in this life or another? because he honestly can't think of another reason why else they'd be in these situations so frequently.

something's wrong. it's too cold for this time of the year, and julien has a headache. the squealing of the train's brakes on the rails does nothing to help, nor do the tinier-than-dew drops of rain on his cheeks. beside julien sits a rolling suitcase, rose gold and in pristine condition, no taller than his hip. he won't be out of town for any longer than the weekend, but seunggi's acting like he's going away forever. the moment julien picks up on the haggard footsteps from the nearby stairs, he sighs and turns away from the silvery mist that billows from his lips. perhaps he should be concerned about exactly how seunggi managed to find the very station he was leaving from, but julien is just annoyed right now.

he already manufactured the perfect excuse to break up with seunggi. a few calls and a quick hack into three people's personal calendars were all it took. everyone played their part perfectly. seunggi and madelyn, right on time for their reservations. and julien, walking in at just the right moment to find the supposed love of his life on a date with another woman at their favourite secret. he's heartbroken, of course, scorned beyond consolation. he rejects every call from seunggi, even blocking him altogether. this whole charade has been a thorn in his side, and it's long past due to be yanked out of him. julien should have done this weeks ago, but—

"go away, seunggi," he half-yells over the clamour of another train pulling into the station. "i told you, i don't want to talk to you anymore."

they've been married for three days. they should be on their honeymoon. devereux's ring has been carelessly tossed onto the bedside table; she'll have to remember to grab it before she leaves the house. she has no plans to do that for a while, though. right now she's just trying to teach seunggi how to play little nightmares. she's not one to just give people answers, but he's been stuck on this puzzle for what feels like hours. "oh my god it's just—" reaches out to grab the controller from his hands, do it herself. stops just in time. "look to the right. more. up. yes, jesus, that's it."

two months and they still aren’t used to sharing a home with someone. now there’s someone bearing witness to their mood swings, their migraines, their midnight snacks when they’ve been drawing for three hours straight. they flip on the kitchen light and their heart nearly bursts out of their chest. “jesus shit, you scared me. i thought you went to bed hours ago.” but no, he’s leaning against the counter, wearing his pajamas and eating their choco pie. they think about brushing past him to get to the bowls, but somehow that feels too intimate. “move, i want ice cream. don’t you have a meeting in the morning?”

it’s their six month anniversary so they’re going out to dinner. devereux’s ring is on his finger because they have to keep up appearances, but also because he forgot to take it off when he got home from grocery shopping yesterday. it’s fine. doesn’t mean anything. he’s just getting used to it by now. he’s just finished his makeup when seunggi walks into his room and devereux freezes. his husband is attractive; so what? he knew that. he shouldn’t be acting like he didn’t. “i’m almost ready. your tie is crooked, by the way,” he says, because getting up and fixing it feels like a strangely dangerous game. it’s fine.

the universe’s reward for surviving ten entire months with each other is a thunderstorm. xe’s laughing as soon as seunggi walks in the door; on his trek from the car to the door he’s managed to get completely soaked. “i’m sorry, i’m sorry.” an apology? from devereux hwang? strange. “i told you you’d need an umbrella.” the rain seems like enough of an i told you so. seunggi looks like a forlorn little kitten left out in the rain, so xe won’t bully him too much. xe walks over to him and lifts xir hand, nearly brushes his bangs away from his eyes. no, no. bad idea. “god, you look miserable,” xe says with one last laugh. “go change. i refuse to let you freeze to death and leave me a widow.”

they barely find themself keeping track of the months anymore. they rarely take off their ring. na seunggi has wormed his way into their stone cold heart and they’ll be damned if they ever let him find out. this is a business transaction, they remind themself as they argue over the last french fry. a business transaction, they remind themself when he compliments the truly disgusting zombie sprite they just finished drawing. business, they remind themself when their parents send him a birthday card. i am nothing but a means to an end for him, they remind themself when their tired head droops toward his shoulder halfway through the movie. they scoot to the other side of the loveseat and don’t look at him again until it’s over.

ares wasn’t quite sure why those words rocked him like they did — but they did. his brain all but stopped working for a moment or two, and honestly? he felt like his heart was going to explode in his chest. so many emotions at once, and quickly — “seunggi,” it was said softly as both hands went right to his face as if to hide any sudden flush, a quiet laugh bubbling free as he turned in his spot. it took barely any time at all for ares to turn away from the tv and into seunggi’s chest — he didn’t have to watch the scene unfold, he was literally in it.

it wasn’t like he was a stranger to praise, but there was something extra special about seunggi saying these things. especially when he was laying here watching the same episode his fiancé was.

       of course those first few words had a breathless laugh escaping his lips, and it was more than enough to get his eyes flicking open. a tip of his head and ares was looking right back down at the other man, chest rising and falling with hurried breathes. “could probably find it if you want —“ was ares joking? maybe. hard to tell. maybe later? right now he was only really interested in stripping, not fully dressing. unless … that’s what really got seunggi going. then of course he’d do it! 

       it was always a little emotional at the end, wasn’t it? the end of everything, he’d assume. the end of the movie could be a bummer. the end of the rice crispy treats. the end of the tour, even. when you saw & heard the love, the support, of course you’d get a little emotional. add in that one particular face and, oh, ares almost didn’t even remember to say goodbye to the crowd. 

       almost, but thankfully it wasn’t a problem.

       the only thing he had to think about now? getting off stage, handing off his mic, and getting out of this freaking jacket.

     it was no secret that ares was excited...