#idenity issue

Cut me in half and look at me from the inside out- when you see me bleed are you going to have the nerve to tell me my blood isn't red?

That the eyes we can both clearly see aren't brown? Or that my hair isn't curly?

You don't need to actually cut me in half to know that my blood will run red. Never needing to debate if my eyes are brown and the spring coils that grow from my head will always be curls- we never correct the things we can see and understand.

I am Irish Russian Bohemian and Black

So why is it that I am always feeling put on trial when it comes to my identity as a multicultural female?

Is it because my skin is 4 shades too yellow to be pure and 5 shades too bright to be called "dark?"

I am black and white and when I tell you this please don't ask me which one I am-

By doing that you're asking me me to rip myself in half, crumple like paper, throw it over my shoulder losing half of myself

By asking me to pick between my privileged half and my currently suffering half you're asking me to either admit privilege is a lie or be okay with living in fear- be okay with occasional arrogance due to ignorance or be perfectly aware but hateful for it.

I am not a cloth that can be cut into whatever you're wanting my to be at any given time

I am not a puppet with strings for you to control or an actress with a script

You're neither my master nor director

And I'm tired of feeling guilty for knowing that- tired of either being witness or suspect. Sometimes I want to be a bystander- nobody cares for the bystander

But instead I'm sitting up here on the stand pleading my case because you call seem to believe I'm somehow to blame for your failure to understand that my two races can coexist in one body.

When checking boxes i have decided to be "other"

When asked my ethnicity I laugh at the way people flinch when I say "mixed"

By being one I am not discrediting one; let me make that clear

I am aware that Black and white have not always played nice, but let me be honest

If you're upset I decide to not just be black you're no better than the 1950s governments "pass" rules

I am aware of what my possible ancestors went through, some of them marched with Martin Luther King for things like me to exist

My presence in this world hasn't always been accepted- time after time rejected and I'm sick of not being allowed to be proud of it

Nit-picked for not judging it- questioned because apparently "mixed" isn't a race

People like myself are in a frustrating place because we get sideways glances for claiming to be what we are because it makes people uncomfortable

Because being just white is better than mixed

Because being just black is better than mixed

Trump being in office has statues a race war and I think people are expecting me to choose a side and fight the other

I don't understand why it matters because when you tell me it's time to start fighting- you'll see half of me winning and my blood run red