not long after he’d jumped from the elevator at the shield ( former shield? ) building a wave of confusion hit him.  it felt like a punch to the guy, strong enough that it caused his motorcycle to veer to the side as he was trying to get away from one of the small quinjets.  that confusion kept on as he met up with natasha.  as they were on the run from their tail, steve kept trying to wrap his head around everything.  he tried to connect all the dots he’d missed.  working in that building ove rthe past few years meant he should’ve seen the signs, right?  every day he saw rumlow was there something that would’ve given some kind of sign that the strike team had more devious intentions?  worse were those fears at the back of his mind that were trying to whisper peggy had to know this was happening.  how could she not?

          that confusion morphed into other emotions he couldn’t quite put a finger on because he was so used to holding on to the anger to fuel him.  there were things he didn’t recognize let alone know he was actually feeling.  several times the soldier had to stop what he was doing only for the feeling to fade away.  thankfully, the aches from his jump were enough to pull his mind away from what his heart was feeling.  physical pain was a blessing that way.  gave him something else to focus on.

  Frustration follows the battle of the day, the god holding the casing of what is left of the newest cellular device Stark had given him. As it turns out, even the newest prototype could not stand up to his powers in action, though it had last longer than the previous. Well, progress at least.

  Still, Thor is uncharacteristically quiet when he turns over the remains and on the way to the lab, listening to Tony murmur new ideas. This project had brought new insights to him on the man, not just his work, wrung many conversations between the pair that likely wouldn’t have happened without the pressing need desire want to communicate across the nine. He wasn’t keen to have the limits of earth’s reaches put a stop to that.

                         “ Would you come to Asgard with me? ”

" i thought it would be worse if i warned you. ” is this what his destiny will forever be?  pulled apart by the two halves of his heart?  the half that wants what’s best for his people & the half that wants what’s best for his family?  ( and when,  when,  when did those two things split? ) thor can barely muster the energy to apologize,  cannot justify his bringing his brother here of all places,  cannot even decide if he wants to do any of these things.  all he can do is stand here,  with a sole,  sad eye,  hoping that tony will understand.  he’s all i have.  and i’m all they have. “ thank you. ”

he ought to say more.  ought to be able to deliver a grand speech to fully convey his gratitude.  ought to be able to act like the king he was born to be.  instead,  all he can do is slump against the counter. “ tell me things have been better here.  where are the others? ”

          When he’d come home from his time in the Army, Steve felt lost and alone.  If it weren’t for several other men he’d met along the way he had no idea where life would’ve taken him.  Sure, there was a point in his life when he couldn’t fathom making money the way he did now.  People were be to protected, not stolen from.  He went to the battlefield with a heart full of pride about his country and the flag that was flown.  But, when he returned that very same country cast him aside like a ragdoll...

          A half-hearted grin curls one side of Steve’s lips when a nearly naked waitress hands off an ice cold bottle of beer.  Blue eyes follow the sway of her hips as she walks away.  Music surrounds him and it’s like his heartbeat starts matching the rhythm of the deep bass vibrating against his skin.  Several times he catches sight of the driver that had been kicking their cumulative asses all day long.  He looked young.  Fresh meat.  For some reason there’s a protective flare every time Steve sees a rival walking the kid’s way.

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          married life was not really what he’d expected it to be.  everything happened so fast that steve didn’t have time to panic about it until weeks after.  when the world was quiet and he was jogging away his nightmares, steve wondered if it was destiny to turn into his father.  to some degree, at least.  the serum would prevent him from certain aspects of it but they’d both been bathed in blood.  only time would tell.  steve told himself that all he could do was trust in himself, trust in tony, and trust his friends for keeping him away from that line.

           as far as he knew, their first valentine’s was supposed to be about as quiet as their wedding was.  well, less quiet.  this would be just the two of them, the couch, and whatever got thrown up on the screen.  honestly?  steve couldn’t imagine anything more perfect.

          but, first, he had to get through the present.  he currently stood hovering over the coffee table, staring down at a large black gift bag stuffed full of tissue paper.  gold print was emblazoned on both sides, yves saint-laurent.  on more than one occasion he’d wondered if he should switch that up.  would it be too telling?  in the end, he simply left it because he had no idea what to package the contents in.

          on one of their most recent shopping trips he’d noticed tony staring at it.  there’d never really been any conversations about preference in how to carry one’s things.  steve put his wallet in his back pocket out of habit.  if he needed to carry anything else he kind of just suffered without.  in retrospect, maybe there should’ve been a conversation because it was possible steve had read the situation all wrong.  only a few minutes to tell.  

          stuffed inside the red leather purse was a sketchbook and a rolled up sketch of a bouquet of roses.  the flowers he’d done more recently as opposed to buying a dozen flowers that would die soon after.  the sketchbook, on the other hand, was years in the making.  tossing it in was an emotional decision more than anything else.  most of the images featured tony in some way.  there were a few of pepper, maria, and the rest of the avengers.  it was a journal of sorts and one of the ways he’d realized he’d fallen in love.

USER :// @icarusxfalling​ INQUIRY ://  ❝ you know nothing is ever truly destroyed. just purified and reborn.  ❞ public string { uncharted } ; accepting

          “ that’s what scares me, doll, “ steve finds himself sighing.  papers are pushed away from him since it was going to be hard to concentrate on the words until the conversation is over.  he wasn’t upset, perse.  tony rebuilding shield right under everyone’s nose was actually a smart plan.  anyone who’d wanted it to topple wouldn’t be expecting it.

          hydra was something he tried to give his life to destroy.  they’d taken his best friend from him and turned old friends into something he no longer recognized.  taking in arnim zola, for whatever reason left a bad taste on his tongue but peggy hadn’t really ever been in a state for him to ask about it.  so, his imagination was allowed to run rampant until he was disgusted with a number of things despite the fact that, at the time, he could only assumed the decisions made sound tactical sense.  the enemy of my enemy kind of thing.  although, steve had also comed to learned that howard stark morphed into something completely different than who he’d known back in the war.