#icaruswing

The wound isn’t healing. At all. I’m considering cauterizing it, just to keep the Symbiont from bleeding to death. Oh my God, I’m so scared. What am I going to do if the Symbiont dies?! 

I suppose I’ll follow suit shortly thereafter...

The probes have been reluctantly tolerating my presence again. I’ve caught them observing me randomly. Now, as I’m spending a majority of my time nervously hoping the Symbiont repairs itself well enough to boot up the PC, the probes hang around me and go into standby next to me.

Like dogs and sometimes cats do when you’re anxious. That displays an awareness that suggests self-awareness.

...

The EEA wouldn’t lobotomize a sentient creature, would they? I’m sure the patch they installed was more like a sedative than a lobotomy.

Right?

...

First, I’d like to apologize for my earlier outburst. I’ve been told that my response was inappropriate in both tone and language. Furthermore, I have been reminded that the mission logs, including this journal are public records, available to anyone, including children and as such, I’m to behave in a manner that is becoming of an EEA officer. I’ve also been told that as a mutiny prevention measure, EEA has the right to cut communications with me, which will ensure I miss my Saturn system insertion burn.

Okay, now that that’s out of the way, it looks like we have a solution set. The growth has been removed and no other growths have been found. When I removed the growth, though, the Symbiont bled catalytic fluid very profusely. Autonoetic functions were put in standby mode for the surgery, in case it had gotten more complex than it let on and panics when we start digging into it. Which is good, because the fluid pressure was too low to support autonoesis. The Symbiont/PC would have fainted. The reason I was so… curt before is because I received a request for a journal update while trying to control the bleeding. It’s not as simple as clamping an artery. Anyway, I rigged a xylem jumper system around the wound so the fluid would bypass the affected area almost entirely. A few of the smallest capillaries were left open so that the Symbiont could excrete sap into the wound and begin to heal. To aid in this process, I grafted a section of inner bark over the wound. Now, the wound should start to heal pretty quickly. Two days at most.

Trajectory update: it turns out that we’ve been burning since we left Sapience, so we’re only two months out from our Saturn system inject burn. I thought we were going to pass by Jupiter. That’s sad… That would have been a sight… I’ve been on this journey, just myself and the Symbiont for two years now… I think that’s the fastest Saturn transfer on record. We must be going enormously fast… The PC’s autonoetics are still down while the Symbiont regenerates catalytic fluid, so I can’t ask it. Which reminds me, that… seems like a design flaw. I mean, I get that I’m not a pilot, but I still think I have a right to know a little bit about our trajectory.

With the autonoetics down, the probes have been coming to me to do their daily updates. You can tell there’s something… off about them. It’s unsettling. They’ve been spending most of their days in standby mode. That’s not like them.

Anyway, it’s time to harvest the peppers.

I really appreciate all my reviewers and readers on FFN, and I’ve been wanting to make a post giving a little shoutout to the ones who read/review most often! (Of course, if you’ve ever reviewed and/or read any of my stories, know that I love you, too!)

In alphabetical order:

animelovergirl123 (animelovergirl123, animelovergirl123)

I don’t remember what your first review I read was, but know that I appreciate every comment you’ve made on the stories you’ve read since! It’s fun chatting with you and discussing ideas when they come up! I appreciate the requests you’ve given and I hope to continue talking with you! Thank you!

Ash (Ashlielle)

Ash, I was honestly worried when the first review I read from you said that the story made you feel sick with worry! I had to immediately respond and ask if you were okay, and you didn’t have to read the story if you didn’t want to, though you assured me you were just fine. I love reading your reviews---it’s so fun to see the emoticons you put in, as well as the gift of a delicious pastry and support at the end! You really know how to review a story, and I enjoy talking with you when we can! Thanks so much!

Cassie

Cassie, though you are but an anon reviewer who I sadly cannot get in contact with, I’m happy you’ve managed to find and read my modern-day SanUso and ZoLu fics! Thanks for dropping those reviews!

Icarus (IcarusWing)

Icarus, although I don’t write as much Hetalia as I used to (sadly), I remember your awesome reviews on Dear West and The Good, The Bad, and the Italian! You were the first reviewer for Dear West, and since that was my third or fourth story on FFN at the time, one which I had no idea if people would like or not, I was pleasantly shocked to find your review! And in TGTBATI, I had been wondering if people liked the story, since I was on chapter 8 with no reviews---and then I get eight emails, all reviews from you on every chapter! Despite that I can’t read your reviews as often anymore, I remember the ones you’ve left and they’re just so great! Thank you very much for supporting me!

Lew (somefangirl, some--fangirl)

Lew, you’ve read probably most of my One Piece stories, and the proof is in the favorites! Whenever you drop a review it’s always wonderful to read! I love seeing which parts made you laugh, or which parts were painful to read. You literally made me cry with kindness twice now---in a good way, don’t worry! Thank you so much and I’m glad we’re friends!

Loofah (loofahlover, loofahlover)

Loofah, I love seeing a new review from you! They always make me smile and you always have something good to say---or at least an accusation of heartbreak, which is just as good in my book. I hope we can keep talking, and I hope you enjoy anything else you read by me in the future! Thank you!

Luffys Favorite (Luffys Favorite)

Your love for ZoLu is wonderful, and I’m happy you’ve shown that in favorites and reviews! I love reading your reviews (and I’m sorry I had to explain about Zoro in Fulfilling His Promise)! I hope I can talk with you more in the future! Thank you!

Meta (MetaWolf56)

Meta, I know you don’t read my stories as much as you used to, but I remember your reviews and I love every one of them! I’m so glad you liked the Ib/One Piece crossovers, even if they got dark at times! Your reviews on the supernatural Strawhat stories are awesome, too, and I hope you’ll pick up the drabble story again one day! Thank you for the memories and good luck with your own stories!

Nari (AuthenticAussie, authenticaussie)

Whenever I see that you’ve left a review, follow, or favorite, I kind of... scream? In a good way! It’s so surprising to see someone so well-known leave a review on one of my stories, and I love every review you’ve left! I love seeing you talk about what you liked in the chapter, or how cute Zoro and Luffy were! If you ever read more of my stories, I hope you like them as much as you liked the ones you read before! Thank you so much and good luck with your own writing endeavors!

Naxu (Naxu)

Naxu, I loved reading every review you left on Return to the Gallery---and you left one on every chapter! Your reactions were perfect, though I must apologize if the story actually did make you cry! If you ever read another story of mine, I hope you like it as much as you loved that one! Thank you!

phonenix (phonenix)

phonenix, I’m glad we can be friends! I love your comments on the One Piece stories I write (esp. the ZoLu ones)! The more people to share a passion for a pairing with, the better, right? Thanks for the reviews and the adventure we’re having!

Sera (SeraSearaSpin, noro-noro-noro)

Sera, I love all the reviews you left on Dear West and other Hetalia stories I wrote! Your icon is as amazing as the day I first saw it and it’s a delight to see a new review from you! I only wish we could continue our crack roleplay more often! Thanks so much!

Zan (Zantetsuken Reverse)

Zan, you’ve been reading my stories for so long---take heart, I’ve certainly noticed! I love that you review every single chapter you read; it’s gotten to the point where I see that you’ve dropped a review and just smile in anticipation! Reading your reviews always makes me think of you reading each chapter very analytically, which is much appreciated! Even if I don’t always understand what you’re referencing, it’s awesome to know that parts of my stories make you think of games and books you enjoy! Thank you for being there with me for years!

The Symbiont is sick.

I don’t know what happened, but the Symbiont is sick. A month or so ago, I noticed the PC functions were a little bit erratic. There was nothing wrong with the PC itself, so I started monitoring the systems feed (think of it as the ship’s biologics) and I noticed a deficiency in the circulatory system. So I went looking around the ship’s xylem. I found a tumor. I cut a section of it out and ran tests and sent the data back to Sapience. About a week ago, it was confirmed. The long-term exposure to solar radiation has caused cancer. Xylem cancer. My spaceship, my best friend, my life support and my home has a deadly, incurable disease of the circulatory system. The Selenites engineered the Symbiont so that it's circulatory fluids are reactive with a catalytic converter in the PC that provides independent power from the xylem canals pass through it, which is what was causing the slowing down of the autonoetic functions.

February 3rd – The first terran month of the journey is past me (it’s only been 11 days Enceladean).  I have not had visual contact with Sapience for the better part of a week.  We do continue to receive regular injects of news and data for the symbiont.  I have been able to converse with it in a way that is approaching normal.  It is asking questions about the human experience and I answer them as best I can.  It seems that I am more familiar with plant experience than it is with humans.  It is also beginning to digest the scientific and mathematical data.  When I validated the parietal core (I’m just going to say PC from now on) outputs yesterday I noticed it had rendered basic scientific law on its own.  This scared me a lot, so I asked the plant psychologists back in Sapience who the hell was flying this thing, since the plant had just figured out Newton’s laws.  They assured me that the PC had a ‘subconscious’ section where navigational knowledge and data are stored.  The symbiont flies on instinct.

  Greeeeeeeeaaaaaaat.

  As ordered, I continue to read to the symbiont.  It is enjoying the reading thoroughly.  As a side effect, I have to figure out what to do with these flower petals.  Too much energy went into their creation to discard them into space.  I mean, the Selenites made it so the symbiont can replenish its energy stores through exposure to sunlight, but there’s a problem with that.  Solar radiation intensity diminishes with the square of the distance and we are a LONG way from the sun and only getting farther.  So far, I’ve been throwing them in the compost bin and recycling them.  I’m trying to keep as much of the energy and consumable resources in the system for as long as I can.  So far, Sapience has not come up with a more efficient way of dealing with the problem.  C’est la vie.  The symbiont is beginning to understand more and more about the plot of Doctor Zhivago.  We’re at the point now where Yuri gets shanghaied by the Red partisans in the woods.  The symbiont understands war and death pretty well, but without the concept of how very tragic it is.  I want to go straight into Anna Karenina next, but the plant psychs tell me to vary it up.  I think Of Mice and Men, next.

  Oh, I did a bad thing.  I snuck a LOT of Shakespearean phrases into the symbiont’s standard report dictionary.  Now, whenever it makes contact with Sapience, it uses the hailing tag “where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.”  And when they deliver news of some big court case or another, it replies “Thou injurious tribune!”  And when we acknowledge receipt of the transmission and signals its intent to cease receiving, it sends “Pardon, master; I will be correspondent to command and do my spiriting gently.”  Okay, so it’s not the best prank, but I’m kinda shy on resources out here and I minored in theater.  Ya takes what ya can gets.  But anyway…

  The garden is always in bloom, but it is now looking really spectacular.  I may end up with a food surplus.  I spent hours today pollenating the fruiting plants by hand.  We should have ourselves some spicy peppers soon.  I’m very excited.  Also, the wheat and barley is doing very well.  It smells amazing.

  Dealing with the aquatic probes has been less demanding than the symbiont, but much more disconcerting.  Their subconscious PC algorithms simulate intense curiosity and a desire to always be moving, so long as their energy reserves are high enough.  They are so much like dogs it is absurd.  I taught them to stay out of the vegetable garden, but in verifying their PC outputs, I saw conflicting conclusions about it.  On the one hand, they are required by their supervisor to stay out of the garden.  On the other hand, much of that chamber has not been traversed, and their ‘instincts’ give them the imperative to traverse that which is traversable.  It’s a programming conflict. 

January 30th – The symbiont, uh, reacted to being read to.  To the tune of “there are flowers all over the place.”  The symbiont went into full bloom.  Do you have any idea how freaking big a symbiont flower is?!  The petals are as wide as my outstretched hand!  I’ll just go ahead and file this under “was not expecting that…”  Fortunately, the pollen is not airborne, or I would not be able to breathe.  I hope that was a Selenite design consideration and not just a lucky accident…  well, either way.  In reading Doctor Zhivago to the symbiont, I’ve gotten to the point in the story where Lara shoots at Komarovsky.  Things have not yet gotten as complicated as they’re going to get.  Fortunately, the symbiont’s brain is partly synthetic and so doesn’t forget the rules of Russian naming conventions after they’ve been explained.  Thus, once you explain “Pasha” is a nickname for “Pavel” and that these two are the same people, you don’t have to revisit it.  Unlike me.  It took me forever to get the hang of Russian nicknames.  To be honest, though, I feel like I might have made a boo-boo in selecting this book to start.  I mean, the symbiont only cares that it’s being read to, but it’s also listening.  And this is a VERY confusing story.  I have the movie, which simplifies things, but differs from the book in a few key points.  It’s also nearly six hours long.  That’s if you’re vaguely familiar with the history of the people of the Earth.  And even then, it can be further rarefied into the problem of possession.  A plant’s concept of possession is, er, limited.  If it doesn’t threaten the plant’s growth, who cares?  So then you have to explain capitalism and communism and imperialism (it scares me that this is the part that the symbiont most agreeably related to) and revolution and war and protest and anger and sadness and love and jealousy and all the horrible things that they can make people do.

Not that plants are angels, mind you.  “You have to remember that a plant has no qualms about forcing its competition into literal starvation.  You have to realize that plants don’t know their parents and couldn’t care if they tried.  You have to know that plants can’t love, can’t hate, can’t feel sadness, and can’t feel anger,” they told me.  But they can feel lonely?

I’m confused, they tell me.  I’m anthropomorphizing a plant, seeing what is not there, drawing false conclusions based on faulty observation because I’m lonely.  We’re a very long way into very deep space.  I can’t see the Earth.  I see Mars, our next waypoint.  But it’s a reddish star in a field, a sea, an entire existence composed only of stars and the darkness between them. 

There’s a metaphor there, I’m sure of it.  Doctor Zhivago.  Yuri and Lara and poor Tonya caught in the middle. Pasha becomes Strelnikov, Komarovsky's awfulness is almost comforting in its consistency...  

Human hearts and the darkness between them… 

January 21st – I’ve spent a lot of my 33 hour day trying to think up a new calendar to cope with the extra hours.  In the meantime, I’ve been sticking with the Gregorian calendar.  I’m doing my best to try to keep track of the date on Earth and report it like that, instead of the 33 hour nonsense.  It’s only a day and a third later for me. 

The symbiont is… I don't know, progressing?  I taught it about Earth yesterday.  It had trouble with some of the concepts, but it’s definitely becoming eerily similar to human thought.  The parietal core is starting to function as advertised.  There are some problems, though, that you just wouldn’t even consider unless you were there when the problem started.  It is a human factors psychologist's wet dream.  First off, the entire span of the concept of education has been focused on teaching conscious things how to quantify and qualify the world around them.  Descriptions are the basis for all learning, and it’s frustrating trying to describe things to a plant from a human perspective.  Human beings rely on all their senses, but first and foremost, they rely on their sense of sight.  It is by a wide margin our most sensitive and accurate sense.  Most of the things that we perceive have a strong visual component.  Plants can’t quite wrap their meristems around this concept.  They have some pretty acute senses, but they are very different from our own.  There are so many concepts that are uniquely human that you have to explain without the use of one single visual.  How do you explain the Statue of Liberty or the beauty of the Norwegian Fjords to a plant?!  I feel a little better having written that.  That has really been grinding my nerves lately.

Anyway, the psychologists want me to read to the symbiont.  They tell me plants need companionship.  They need to know that someone or something is close at hand.  Like the old knowledge about plants growing better when music plays.  A plant as we know it doesn’t understand the music.  Can’t appreciate it.  But it thinks that something is nearby and it comforts them…  Plant psychology…  Anyway, the symbiont is the same, except it can hear quite well and this software is supposed to help it express how the music makes it feel, so if nothing else, it should be educational.  So I’m to start reading to it.  They packed away a couple of books for the trip.  Les Miserable by Victor Hugo, Doctor Zhivago by Boris Pasternak, Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy, Moby Dick by Herman Melville, and Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck.  I guess we’re trying to teach it emotions now…