#iamnothing

Ivan Sandakov / IAMNOTHING

Dead Field Records

I've been with tumblr for a very long time. I'm the silent type of user that's just lurking in the corner, sharing and reblogging all kinds of stuff I find interesting and things I can relate to. This would be the first time I'm posting something very personal.

I've been so invested with "ships" ever since I could remember but I'm scared that the people around me would not accept that side of me. Maybe I would look like a nerd (I'm not sure that's the right term) to them. I'm a hard core shipper. From BuffyxSpike, Dramione/Feltson, Dair, Ziam and Aldub/Maichard. I'm sensing a trend here, oh hello unhappy ending and forbidden love. 😝

I just wanted to express these feelings here because I will never be able to tell my friends about them. At least here, I won't be judge of who I ship with who.

So there's that. I wish I could do this more often (write/blog) because I used to enjoy writing SO MUCH but then I don't know what happened, it just stopped. Maybe this could be the start. Maybe it will come to me, or I will come back to it. I don't know. Maybe.

Another thing, I know this is becoming too haphazardly written, forgive me but I just want to tell everything that's on my mind.

I feel so down right now. I feel like I'm not worthy of anything. I feel like I'm so dumb compared to everyone I work with. I feel like I'm not... I don't know. Everytime I'm in the office, I feel like I don't belong. Why? Why don't I know what I want to do? I've had several jobs and everything seemed empty. I feel like I haven't lived to my potential. I feel like this is not what I was supposed to do. What do I want? I'm freaking 32 years old and I haven't figured anything yet!