#i'd rather

I’d rather be a lot of things

Than myself

On nights like these.

I wish I were someone new

Someone I’ve never seen

Someone who can tell me I’m alright and

There’s nothing wrong

With me.

I’d rather be a mindless beast

Than see humanity again

And I’d rather not wake up

Than face myself again.

I’m scared of myself

And the person I’ll be

And I’d rather be a lot of things

Than myself

On lonely nights like this.

I wish I could just say

How very tired I am

But I’m wrong and I know it

I’m ruined and I know it

Please let me speak

But you won’t

And I know it.

I’d rather do a lot of things

Than try again for you

I’m so tired

I’d rather cry

Than tell you how this feels

I’d rather be ashamed

Than fail again

I’d rather, I’d rather

But that doesn’t change

I’m still myself

I would so much rather live in a different world, a pretend world where things don’t matter.

Too much matters here and too much goes wrong.