#i dunno...

Why am I crashing out over this... I know I've always had trouble in social situations, but it's so much worse than it even was a whole month ago- and I can't even speak a full sentence anymore without stuttering so hard I have to restart from the beginning- it got better for a small amount of time and now it's so much worse...

My sister told me a very obvious joke that I would've caught and it went completely over my head. THAT'S NEVER FUCKING HAPPENED BEFORE. I have a new friend that I've been talking to recently (not naming names but I'm sure you know who you are :3), and I've been having to over-explain everything because I think that they wouldn't understand or my intentions would get missed or something, yet I feel like I'm obnoxious for it....

Or even my aus I've been making- I feel like I have to justify or explain in detail my favorite ship or a tweaked version of Noi I like so people understand, or LITERALLY ANYTHING

Reading is a hassle for me even though I still enjoy it, I have to reread the same sentence over and over again that should have been easy for a freaking five year old to comprehend. I forgot full conversations I've had with my sister that happened not even an hour ago, or something really important that I need to remember that I forget to even set a reminder for!

And don't even get me started on numbers- I fucking hate those things now- I can barely read them without feeling like I completely misread them. Sometimes it gets so bad that I can't even tell the difference between a five and a two, and I have to deal with cash every day at my job which makes everything so much fucking harder. I spent several years trying to get a job that I can keep and that Is consistent, but I can't even do my job right and I feel like I'm already so close to losing it again...

I hate this... Everyone that says anything says I'm smart, I get compliments on how- Idk, how pretty I look, how "cute" I am, how good my art is or how talented I am at something- but I feel like none of it is true- I feel like I'm just getting it all from pity or something-... I hate this body- I hate this life... I hate how weak my mind is- I hate how..... I hate how fucking weak I feel in general.... I feel so inferior to everyone else and I don't know how to change it...

God I love the Lignarius skin so much...

The fact he is mostly wooden, it makes me thing just how much of him has been replaced... He wants so badly to have his flesh returned, even if he knows it's impossible, so seeing you and just how unmarred you are... Sets him aflame with curiosity.

He can't even kiss you, his lips can barely part, so he certainly can't making any sort of smooching motion. Thusly, he's developed different forms of affection for you, from rubbing his cheek against yours to taking off his prosthetic hand to allow the mutation within his body to wrap around your fingers... His motivations are so strange, his desires even more so, and he knows that his lifespan is been narrowed so drastically with every changed limb, yet he hopes he can find a cure just so he can spend more time with you.