1) Communication is important!
I saw this time and time again - and, as SpiralTurquoise pointed out, I demonstrated it. Obviously, commuication needs to be stressed - we’re playing in other people’s heads, and doing things we can’t always see effects of. If hypnotist and hypnotee aren’t communicating effectively, something that could hinder the fun could be missed and result in a less than great session.
A perfect example of this comes out of the first class I attended, Wiseguy’s confusion inductions class. I mentioned in my NEEHU processing posts that I volunteered as a subject for this session. This led to me sitting next to Wiseguy when he invited everyone in the class to follow along with a script he was reading aloud. I understand why Wiseguy selected this script - it was a really cool use of playing with words and levels of abstraction and just lots of really cool techniques. (It was called something like “The Wizard’s Tale,” and well worth reading to see how the wordplay works, if you ever have the chance.) That said, it was also a hypnotherapy script. Now, Wiseguy does know his way around hypnotherapy, and the way the script approached things was very general, involving revisiting a negative memory with the skills the hypnotee has now, and improving the outcome. In theory, it should not have been a problem, which is why Wiseguy did it.
However, Wiseguy did not think about two rather important things. First, as he was involving the entire class, he could not adequately monitor each of us in case we started reacting poorly. Secondly, he had no way of knowing what memory each of us would revisit and if it would be a memory we actually could change with the skills and knowledge we have now. This led to me reacting rather negatively. I was revisiting - reliving, really - a memory I could not change, even with the skills I have now, and a memory that has given me nightmares for 15 years. And (though Wiseguy couldn’t have known at the time) because of the nature of the memory, the language pattern in the script that was used to discuss improving the result came across in a very victim-blaming way. And even though I was sitting right next to him, he never even noticed. He didn’t even notice Aoii (who, like SpiralTurquoise, knows the sorts of nightmarish memories I have) come up to the front of the room to ask me if I was ok.
Now, if Wiseguy had communicated the nature of the script - or if I’d asked - I would have known not to follow along. If we’d been working one-on-one, he’d likely have been able to read from my responses and body language that something was going wrong, or seen my little signs that things are definitely not ok - I tend to bite my lip, and either ball my hands into fists or curl up on myself. Failing that, if it had just been a demo, him reading to me while others watched, my boyfriend probably would have picked up on the fact I was upset and found some way to address that with Wiseguy. None of this was noticed, because Wiseguy and I were unable to properly communicate due to the situation. When I talked to him about it later that day, when we both had time to sit down and the privacy in which to do it, he was quick to apologize and very glad that I had people who caught what he had missed, and checked on me. He then used the story in his “Hypnosis 101” class to illustrate the importance of aftercare, point out that everyone can mess up, and that communication and paying attention to your partner are vital aspects of being a good hypnotist.
I demonstrated the importance of communication by informing every hypnotist I worked with over the weekend, very publicly before being a demo subject, that water imagery would be a bad idea. I clearly drew that limit, showing everyone that communicating limits is a good thing, and important. I did this for my own sake - I didn’t want to have an abreaction at NEEHU - but the fact that I did had side benefits that others pointed out to me.
2) The Erotic Hypnosis community, such as we are, still has work to do on building a culture of informed consent.
There were a number of little things along these lines, and I’m not going to be able to articulate all of them. I’ll discuss the ones I do remember and know how to put into words:
- lack of consent when demonstrating how to give suggestions
This is a big issue that I saw time and time again, especially when I was volunteering as a demo subject for things. While not universally true, when demonstrators were showing relatively innocent suggestions, they didn’t always get consent for those suggestions. One good example is when Wiseguy suggested I’d find a pen he had hilarious. I didn’t mind, not a bit, though had he talked to me before giving the suggestion I would probably have warned him that I sometimes have an issue with laughing so much I forget to breathe, and that’s a thing he should watch for, but the message sent by lack of informed consent is actually a huge deal.
- the stated rule of “no means no”
I know this is the standard line, but to me it is not good enough. It puts the onus of stopping something on a subject who, especially at NEEHU, might already be fractionated enough that it is hard for them to articulate that no. Add in a layer of being, well, starstruck (I know I was!) and saying no can be nearly impossible. Getting an active “yes” isn’t hard if it’s something the person in question wants to do (just ask people about how I was literally jumping up and down before being a demo subject in Wiseguy’s Kinky Human Tricks pt. 2 demo), and removes some of the pressure to agree.
- how fractionation can affect ability to consent
This is a hard one, because it does vary from person to person - some people retain the ability to give informed consent when they’re fractionated. Others don’t. I’m somewhere in the middle - if it’s something I’ve done before and enjoyed, I generally will have a good sense of if I’m in the right sort of mental space to do it. If it’s a new thing for me, though, when I’m fractionated I lack the ability to honestly evaluate what sort of effects that might have on my mental state, what sort of mental space I need to be in, and if it’s a good idea for me to consent to at the time (or ever).
This actually came up in my scene with Turq - he mentioned something new at the beginning of the scene. I deferred, simply because I was fractionated enough already due to the “NEEHU effect” - and the number of times I’d been up and down all day - that I knew I couldn’t really consent to something new, and he was wonderful about taking that “no” in stride (he always is). Turq didn’t realize quite how fractionated I was, I guess, and thought I’d been awake long enough to have shaken off most of the fuzziness. But it’s a thing that we as a community need to talk about more, and more publicly, so people can be aware of the impact of fractionation on negotiation and ability to consent.
3) The “big names” online are actually really awesome people
One of the early highlights of my time at NEEHU was introducing myself to Wiseguy when volunteering for one of his classes on Friday, and having him go “Oh! You’re THAT Daja!” Lady Ru’etha and Jukebox were wonderful as well, enthusing over being able to hug me. These are people I didn’t realize even knew my name, people who I’ve looked up to and admired since I stumbled across the erotic hypnosis community and the EMCSA almost 4 years ago, and who really are just some of the most wonderful, welcoming people. I was put at ease right away on Friday and just never had a chance to get nervous at all because they are all such wonderful people. Thank you all, truly, for being so wonderful and amazing.
4) Younger presenters are respected and can know what they’re doing too
I was hesitant to volunteer to present anything because, well, I’m still one of the younger members of the community, at only 23, and I was worried I wouldn’t be taken seriously. However, other younger presenters were presenting and they were taken very seriously. In fact, both HypnoMaestro and Wiseguy sat in on and listened to one of Professor-X’s classes, adding insight but very clearly letting her teach, and she’s a bit younger than me.
This, then, means that I’ll probably wind up volunteering to present at future *EEHUs, once my life is in some semblance of order, anyway. I’d love to present on negotiation from a subject’s point of view, on switching, on the importance of active consent, on so many things. And now I think I might actually be able to. So we shall see.
5) someone should do a class on how to read the body language of a hypnotised or hyper-fractionated subject.
I know I, at least, change my body language when I’m in trance or so fractionated as to be nearly tranced even when awake. My reactions to things that upset me are muted, and I find it harder to vocalize anything so body language becomes necessary. I don’t know how to teach this class, or who would know, but I think it’s important to discuss and nobody does as far as I have seen, and there are lessons to be learned there.
Ideally, you’d have a pair who are used to working together do this class, and one hypnotise the other. Then they’d point out some of how the body language changes, and see what else the class can pick up on, I’d think. But those are just ideas bouncing around in my head, and I really don’t know if they’d work.
