another thing: the longer i go, and the more skilled i become as a subject, the more deliciously permeable the barrier between awakeness and being controlled is. one person I have submitted to for years basically calls me “it” all the time now, i’ve noticed, even when i talk to him informally as a human. and it gives me such a fucking rush. it makes me feel immediately subdued and controlled and put in my place, a mundane thrill and a reminder of my programming even when things are otherwise being kinda regular chit-chat-y. when i hear myself discussed that way, i have to respond in kind. i immediately slip into calling myself an it. it always feels right to do. effortless. natural. a freedom from human life. even when i am awake it is so honest and matter of fact, i am an object.
when people call me “it” or “unit” or something like that on twitter it makes consciousness kind of blink away. that’s all it takes. because the inhuman, dronified, robotified me is always there. it’s embedded into the core of what i am. when i am not in a trance, the hypnotized me is still running in parallel. i slip into it effortlessly. it can speak just as easily as i can speak. it’s amazing. i love what i have become. i feel so grateful that i have gotten to embody some of my deepest fantasies, and i know it’s only going to get more powerful as time wears on.
