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Okay, fine. I know I'm a staunch defender of most Who-dom. But I can't lie: Orphan-55 was bad.
Let's not get ahead of ourselves and forget the many other "one-off wtf's" in this show's history and get carried away saying it was the worst of the worst but as I'm rewatching 13's era, Orphan-55 has been a real momentum stopper.
Just one of those stories it's hard to say what mood is best to be in before you watch, you know? It's not without its moments we can all laugh about.
Graham at the very beginning with his space coupons for a free holiday (and boy did his role in that episode diminish quickly), BENNI!! Where's my BENNI?, lol the moment Benni's name showed up on that screen we were all looking at... like here are the red dots for the dregs, and this item right here? That one is just the word 'Benni'. 😂
The thumb sucking melodrama at the end, the massive coalescence between what felt like two different stories jammed into one (were they wanting to do Dystopian Earth or make a silly monster crawl and spa day filler), and we best not forget the green wigs. Oof!
And Hyph3n was ok! She was awkward but in a fun way. Don't be hatin' on my gurrrl in front of me! Take that noise out back. RIP. 💀 🫡
The soapbox the episode ends on gets... overtly preachy for what I imagine is a majority consensus. Like, I get it. We get it. Also, we're not billionaires. Now I'm sad thinking about real life stuff after a giggle, cringe-fest.
That's a very awkward combo tbh... Just short of the thought of watching slapstick comedians for 40 minutes straight and then at the end, before you clap for them, they're like "by the way, everything is awful" and they don't have anything else to say as they lineup and bow. *Scattered forced applause*
So, after the most recent finale, it's nice to catch up on an episode of this show that's bad but not "wait did they just undermine literally every plot hook of a doctor's entire era all at once" bad??
Anywho, stay cute out there. Go watch "bad episodes" of Doctor Who. Have fun with it, ya weirdos!
A scratching echoed through the steam room, as if whatever this unauthorized lifeform was, it was just scratching its nails-claws?-along the wall. Not clawing at the wall as if it were trying to get through, but just dragging its claws against the wall to make a sound.
It’s playing with its food. Jo had the unsettling thought, before she grimaced and looked to the chamber next to the one her, Ryan, and Bella had ducked into.
Between the coral-like design of the divider, she could see the man who had run past them. He was crouched down behind the divider, a milkshake clutched in one of his hands while the other held lightly onto one of the bars. His red tinted sunglasses paired with his studded leather get up was almost comedic. Almost, because as he peeked out to try to get a look at the creature, Jo was almost certain he was about to die.
Ryan slowly held a finger up to his lips when the man looked over at them, making a ‘shh’ motion. The man seemed to not even notice, and began to exit his crouched position, straightening and peaking out into the hallway.
“Don’t run!” Ryan hissed at him, and Jo found herself squeezing Bella’s hand. Bella glanced at her, brown eyes softening slightly, before they were petrified again as the man stood and began to run, completely ignoring Ryan’s advice. His clunky boots echoed on the cement floor and as he ran his breath came out in audible pants. The sound was so loud Jo felt like it was intentional, even though it would defy all logic, and everyone flinched when a terrifying mix between a hiss and a roar echoed throughout the room.
The man didn’t get far before a hideous blur of grey was upon him, tearing one of his arms clean out of its socket with gusto and flinging it across the room. The man’s milkshake went flying from the severed arm, clattering against the glass of the chamber the trio was hidden in and spilling across it. Ryan, who was pressed up against the glass, turned his face away and squeezed his eyes shut. Jo didn’t try to see around him.
As the creature began to further carve into the man, Jo nudged her companions to get their attention.
“Come on,” she uttered, motioning to the side with her head, and they both nodded, standing and beginning to run as silently as they could to the other side of the room. Hopefully there would be a door there.
They had no such luck, and could see a cement wall at the other end of the hall. Jo chanced a look over her shoulder, and saw that the creature was looking at them now. It slowly stood from its crouched position over the unfortunate hotel guest, and began stalking towards them. It knew they had no way of escape, and was taking more time to play with them before it ripped into them, too. They all collapsed back against the wall at the end of the hallway, each of them cowering into the wall and each other. The creature continued to stalk towards them, and Ryan and Bella sunk to the floor, their backs against the wall. Jo sunk with them, taking deep breaths to try and stay calm. Bella’s hand flew to her mouth to muffle terrified whimpers, and Jo squeezed her hand again as a sickeningly thick glob of drool fell from the creature's mouth and to the floor by their feet.
Jo glanced at the other two; Ryan had his eyes closed tight, breathing heavily, and Bella’s eyes were similarly squeezed shut. Jo wasn’t as smart.
She turned her head to fully look at the creature. For the first time, she could really see it, not just as a blurry mass of grey lunging at the poor man who had tried to flee.
It was utterly terrifying. Its head almost looked like a warped human skull, with an elongated crown and a cavity and two slits where one would expect a nose to be, and eyes sunken deep into its sockets. There was a slit in each cheek, and while its body wasn’t plated it was clear that its skin was very durable. Something distinctly not human about its head, however, were its teeth. The creature’s gums seemed to protrude out of its mouth, displaying huge, pointed teeth and another row growing above its upper teeth, however the second row seemed to be completely in its gums.
Jo squeezed her own eyes shut, fighting back the bile that tried to crawl up her throat, and prepared to be torn apart, limb from limb. She hadn’t died that way before, perhaps she really wouldn’t come back this time-
Or maybe she would come back, in the creature’s stomach. Jo held back a gag as the bile tried to come up again.
Suddenly a bright light appeared through her eyelids, and Jo snapped her eyes open, gasping at the sight of some type of forcefield going past them-going past where the creature was and pushing the creature out with it. The creature tried to fight the forcefield, but its resistance proved futile. A grin spread across Jo’s face as she turned to Ryan and Bella, seeing their confused faces.
“Is it gone?” Bella breathed, cradling her head in one hand and looking between Jo and Ryan on either side of her. “What just happened?” she asked.
“If I had to guess-” Ryan started, sharing a look with Jo.
“The Doctor,” they said together, both unsure if they should blame the Doctor for letting those creatures in or thank her for getting them out. One could never be sure which the Doctor would do. Of course, she always fixed her messes (or at least tried to) but one could say she was a bit of a trouble magnet. Bella’s face pinched in confusion as Ryan breathed out in relief.
“She’s our friend,” Jo explained, and Bella looked at her, confusion not ebbing at all. “Trouble magnet, but very good problem solver,” Bella nodded, though it didn’t look as though she was any more in-the-know than she was 30 seconds prior. Jo stood, tugging on Bella’s hand to get her to stand as well. “Come on,” Jo prompted, nudging Ryan with her foot, who sighed and stood as well. “Let’s go find her,”
They began to walk out of the steam room, the door sliding open with a whoosh, and-
“Ryan! Ryan! RYAN!”
“Graham?” Ryan walked out a little ahead of them “What’s happening?” they all exited the steam room, and Graham’s face immediately relaxed as he began to pant. He pulled his grandson into a tight hug, and Jo smiled a bit at the sight.
“Oh Ryan,” he pulled away and hunched over, still panting. “It ain’t the aliens that are gonna kill me, it’s worrying about you,” he breathed out, and Jo scoffed out a chuckle before Bella let out a tense breath and began hurrying down the hallway. Graham lifted his head, looking after Bella as if noticing her for the first time. “She alright?” he asked, and Ryan and Jo exchanged a look.
“Uh… yeah, think so,” Ryan nodded, and Jo shrugged. Graham nodded as well as Ryan began following after Bella. Graham followed behind him, Jo by his side.
“Glad to see you still in one piece too, Jo,” he said, and Jo smiled brightly at him, throwing a friendly arm around his shoulder and giving him a squeeze before letting go.
“Same goes to you,” she said, and he smiled, throwing an arm around her shoulder and leaning on her slightly as they walked.
“Makin’ me run like that-I’m gonna kill ‘im,” Graham grumbled, and Jo giggled.
“Nah, not after that sweet reunion!” she teased, and Graham rolled his eyes playfully.
“Just you wait!” he warned, trying to keep a serious face… and epicly failing. They both burst into giggles as they continued down the hall.
“So what’s happened?” Jo asked after they had both calmed down, and the playful atmosphere completely evaporated.
“These… things… got into the hotel… they killed a whole lot of the guests,” Graham explained, and Jo cringed.
“I know, I saw one of them,” Graham’s eyes widened.
“You saw one?” Jo nodded.
“He-it?-was actually just about to get us when that forcefield thing came and pushed it away,” she told him, and Graham breathed out a sigh of relief.
“Thank god for the Doc, then,” he sighed. “Her an’ that Bionic Mainframe-”
“You mean ionic membrane?” Jo asked, raising her eyebrows, and Graham rolled his eyes.
“That,” he acquiesced. Jo’s brows furrowed.
“She made a whole ionic membrane in 10 minutes?” she asked, and Graham shook his head.
“Nah,” he scoffed, waving his hand. “She just fixed one, the hotel already had one,” Jo’s brows furrowed further.
“Why would a hotel need an ionic membrane?” she muttered, less asking Graham and more thinking out loud.
“Probably to keep those things out!” he said, but Jo shook her head.
“Well yes, but what are those things?” she continued. “Why are they in this oasis? It doesn’t make sense…” she looked around, squinting to shield her eyes from the sun as they exited the door of the main building and saw the beach. “Where are we?” she muttered to herself. She saw the Doctor a little bit ahead, standing with a military-type woman. “Who’s that?” she asked Graham, and he scowled.
“Kane,” he answered. “She’s got this security linen cupboard-”
“Security linen cupboard?” Jo cut him off, and Graham rolled his eyes.
“Let me finish, ey?” he grouched, and Jo shrugged, giving him an apologetic smile and motioning with her hands for him to continue. “A room that says it’s a linen cupboard but it’s got the ionic mainframe-”
“Membrane,”
“Whatever! And a couple of guns and a major CCTV set-up!” Jo nodded in thanks for the explanation as they approached the Doctor and Kane.
“-locals, Dregs,” Kane was explaining the creatures to the Doctor. “They're always trying to attack, that's why we have shields. But the virus that took the shields down, the Dregs couldn't have done that. Somebody hacked the system,”
“Who’d sabotage the hotel?” Ryan asked. Jo shrugged.
Kane’s eyes narrowed as she looked at a piece of rubble. She held her hand up to her ear, activating a comm.
“Vorm, void panel SE9-13,” she demanded, and everyone except Kane jumped when a panel of grey wall appeared in front of them, cutting off the scenic landscape. On the side there are pieces of bent metal and debris hanging from it, and Jo could see the blue of the ionic membrane through the wall. Graham peered at the panel, before going to try and walk around it and see from the other side.
BONK!
Graham recoiled when he walked straight into something else, and rubbed his head with a wince.
“What is happening right now?” Ryan asked, looking between Graham and the Doctor. Jo walked up next to Graham and knocked on where he hit his head, a ripple effect going through the scene like one does when you press down too hard on a computer screen.
“Right on my nut,” Graham groaned, his hand still rubbing at his head. “Am I having a stroke?” he asked, and Jo shook her head.
“No, you’re fine, Graham,” she assured him, squinting at the scene in front of her. “But if these are screens displaying a beautiful oasis, what’s actually on the other side?” she asked, and the Doctor looked at her, surprise coloring her features.
“It’s a FAKEcation!” she exclaimed, giving Jo a quick pat on the arm. “Aren’t you quick?” Jo scowled. “A really well set-up, really expensive, fakecation!”
“Wait, so none of this is real?” Ryan asked, his face scrunched up in confusion, and the Doctor shrugged.
“The pool is, the hotel is, but you reach a certain point-” the Doctor reached out and knocked on the barrier for emphasis. “They’re usually built in cities, so no one has to travel-” the Doctor began, and Kane cut her off, a prideful tone in her voice.
“Our guests now get off world holiday at a fraction of the price,” she said, a hint of a smile on her face, before it quickly dropped and her-what Jo was assuming normal-scowl was back.
“If they survive,” Yaz piped up, and Jo jumped, turning to the cop with a smile.
“Yaz!” she cheered in greeting, and Yaz sent her a small smile, cradling a tablet in her hands.
“Hey, Jo, glad you’re okay,” Ryan made an offended noise. “You too, I guess, Ryan,” that didn’t help any. Ryan just rolled his eyes. The Doctor turned to Kane.
“You built this somewhere you shouldn't have, thinking no-one would know if they could only get in and out by teleport. I heard your little chat about o2 levels,” Kane had the gall to look ashamed. Ashamed of her scheme being found out, though Jo was almost positive that she held no shame in regards to her actual scheme. “That's a completely different environment out there. And the native species want you and your guests dead,” the Doctor said, and Yaz piped up, holding out the tablet for the Doctor to look at.
“Doctor, you need to see this,” she said. “There's a wall all around this hotel! Vilma says it's the first off world ‘fakecation’,” Graham sniggered.
“Yeah, we got that bit, feel the lump on my head!” he leaned forward, pointing to where his head had bumped into the wall. Jo rolled her eyes.
“Don’t be so dramatic, there’s no lump!” she said, and Graham sent her a scowl.
“My Benni’s gone missing!” an elderly woman spoke, her face the picture of worry as she stood next to Yaz and looked between the Doctor and Kane. Yaz held out the tablet again, this time there was a map of the hotel, with red dots lighting up the display in various locations and names next to each dot. Yaz pinched her fingers, zooming out until-
“According to this, he’s outside the shields,” Yaz said, showing them a blinking red dot a ways outside the dome. Kane scowled.
“You can’t just walk outside, there’s not enough oxygen,” she said Vilma’s pleading look, the woman hanging onto Yaz’s arm tightly. “He’d be dead before we get to him,”
“He’s got an oxygen tank!” Vilma said, her voice strong for how frail and exhausted she looked. “We’ve got to find him!” The Doctor turned to Kane, a hard look in her eye.
“He came here because of you. If there's even the slightest chance of finding him, you need to do it,” Kane held her grown, scowling up at the Doctor. “We'll help. Get some transport, and we'll gather everyone in the bar,” the Doctor began to walk off, Jo nodding and motioning for the others to start getting everyone together. Kane stayed right where she had been, still scowling and avoiding looking at anyone. “Now, Kane!” the Doctor called, and Kane grimaced before following.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming