#hyperventilating tw

China didn’t know how she managed it, but God, she waited. Until he was safely off in his car headed toward the airport with a tender kiss to his lips and a forced smile in his wake. Until the front door was shut, and Cujo came sniffing at her as if she had been away for too long. Until Gabe had asked if she wanted something to eat and to talk about her trip only to turn him down.

She retreated upstairs with her suitcase and bags, the words beginning to play over in her head from the texts between Liam and Bill. The swirling haze of phrases and comments argued back and forth leaving a guilty taste on her tongue, had her chest clenching tight, breaths becoming quick with upset as she unpacked, neatly put away, meticulously, as if the distraction was welcome. She forced another smile to a passing Gabe with a comment of needing sleep; a quick blame of jet lag that she was so grateful he believed.

She heard her brother’s bedroom door close and the sound of a video game starting up muffled through the wall adding to the watery cacophony of sounds swirling through her head. Carefully changed into pyjamas her dad must have washed and put away while she was gone, welcoming some familiar comfort as Cujo settled himself at the end of her bed, awaiting treats and cuddles.

She managed to wait until she went to her’s and Lauryn’s bathroom. Locked the door behind herself, went to the bathroom sink to begin a long, arduous process of taking her make-up off, moisturising, and getting fully settled for bed. Tried her best to focus on her reflection, see what she was doing as she smoothed the wipe over her skin but her chest began to quake, and the tears followed a moment later. China tried her hardest to focus, knew if she let herself go there may be no real coming back.

But with bleary eyes came a swirling and dizzy mind, a pounding in her head that was frankly familiar now, and an oily feeling in her stomach. She let the wipe fall into the sink before retching over the toilet ridding her body of the food she had eaten today, but even that felt familiar to her now. 

China tried to catch her breath, flush whatever had just happened away and walk back over to the sink, her breathing heavy, head pounding, limbs tingling which was something new, if she were to dwell on it. She tipped out a glass that was holding some odd bits and pieces, rinsed it out quickly, filling it fast with cold water to take a mouthful and spit it back out, hoping to rid her mouth of the foul taste of bile.  

She took in another mouthful of the water, this time to swallow, trying to calm her tightening chest and foggy vision, but at the same time, found it going down the wrong way and a coughing fit ensued that she just couldn’t seem to shake. It turned into a complete hack in moments where her breath wasn’t being caught. She wasn’t sure at what point the glass shattered to the floor, spilling water and shards everywhere. 

She also didn’t remember the point in which she tumbled to the ground either, hands out to save herself, clattering in the glassy mess, mixing water with blood from deep cuts across her palms. 

All she knew was when, at some point, the door was kicked open by her flustered brother, China assumed he had heard the commotion. He ran and turned off a tap she must have left running, stepped in glass with his slippers enough to hear it give a sickening crunch against the floor, and take in the bleeding, hyperventilating form of his sister on the bathroom floor.

Gabe grabbed a towel, laying it on the floor so it wasn’t wet and slippy. Took a hand towel as he lent over China, wrapping her bleeding palms up as quickly as he could. “What happened?!” He asked, but it still sounded muddled and like it was under water. “Breathe. I need you to calm down and breathe.” 

She was damn lucky her baby brother was strong. A moment later she was scooped from the bathroom floor, and set down on her bed, Gabe forcing her head between her knees, loudly breathing to get her to follow the same.

It felt like forever.

It could have only been minutes.

Soon enough her breathing settled out, and her eyes and mind cleared with a newfound feeling of pain coming from her hands, and a bath towel that was once a pristine white now marred with red blood that was increasingly getting redder.

“You with me?” Gabe asked, focusing his eyes on her’s. 

China didn’t trust her voice, so she nodded instead. 

“We need to get this seen to.” He instructed her, and China had never been more thankful her baby brother had his head screwed on so right, because at that moment in time, she just wanted to curl up and cry a little more. 

It all still felt like a daze of actions, going through motions to get from one point to another. Gabe handed her a pair of jogging bottoms and a tank and hoodie, told her to get changed quickly so she didn’t catch her death sitting soaked like that, which was odd, because she hadn’t realised she was soaked from the water on the floor until a moment ago.

He went into the bathroom to try and fix the mess while she did as he asked, trying not to wince as glass embedded deeper into her palms, or blood managed to mar her new outfit along with the towel. 

Soon enough they were in Gabe’s car, driving to the nearest ER to be seen to, China still holding the towel as best she could, her brother giving her worried eyes the entire time. 

“How’d you even manage this?” He asked at one point whilst they sat in the waiting room.

China didn’t even know she had it in her when she gave him a straight face and a shrug. “Slipped on some water, must have smashed it along my fall, and when I went to stop myself...” She looked down to the reddened towel as if that finished her sentence. China sighed softly, because he brought the lie with a roll of his eyes and a bump of his shoulder into hers.

“You’re a clutz.” Gabe informed her.

China could only nod. 

They sat there for a while, and an hour later she was called in for a lovely tetanus shot, then a careful process of finding and removing all the shards of glass. The bigger parts of her cut up hands were glued shut, the smaller parts simply cleaned, then she was bandaged up and sent on her way with painkillers and promises to be more careful next time.

China pretended to sleep the drive back to their place so Gabe didn’t bother her with comments or questions. He shook her shoulder gently when they got home, parked up and helped her into the house with watchful and careful eyes.