#hyperchicken

I was shaken from my life of non-blogging leisure a couple months ago with a nonsensical screed from old friend of the blog and general madman Paolo X. I won’t bore you with a full re-printing of the electronic ramblings of an unwell man but the gist of it was discontent over banned from commenting amid other grievances. My understanding is my former brothers in blog had been receiving these correspondences for some time and I somehow angered the gods into him finding my email address and adding another disinterested ear to his blathering about suing us or whatever the fuck, I had checked out by the end.

I considered blocking the email address but, as has become my custom since cheating death and cutting back on drink, I was high and ready to test my knowledge of maritime bird law. Turns out since my profile is still on the masthead as Blogger Emeritus I am just as liable as the rest of the RTARL scum and have thus been caught in these same cross hairs. But after a brief, impolite back and forth the thread went quiet and remained that way (I assumed he drowned after thinking he heard a mermaid’s siren song in the toilet and went in for a closer inspection). Unfortunately the cease fire ended yesterday morning.

The long and short of it is RTARL is somehow a racist and bigoted blog (seeing as how I mostly wrote about Chris Christie’s gunt and ABC family programming from the early-90s I don’t know how I fall into this but you’re judged by the cyber company you keep), and restitution is demanded. I haven’t yet asked the fellas if he’ll be satiated with RTARL merch or what this entails, I assume we’ll convene as a group closer to the trial date should that day arrive.

But look at my going on and on like an online nutjob, just like in the comics the hero and villain are a lot alike! Once again I was faced with a decision as to whether ignore the message, block the email address or engage the probably unkempt foe. I wasn’t high this time but I was work looking to do anything but work so I fired off a simple “Paolo I'm countersuing you for paternity, I can't raise our baby alone”. He didn’t care for this.

He expressed concern for what smoking marijuana is doing to my lungs amid other warnings. The end of the email however a creepy break from his usual Ally McBeal-level law talkin’. The two gentlemen below share a first and last name, the second line included an address and phone number.

I don’t want to read too much malice in what this was supposed to mean, just know that am the first (that’s right, look upon my Irish-ass name) but Paolo has Beaver Dam Shaun’s address so I did what any concerned citizen would do in a situation such as this and kindly asked him not to murder that guy. I received moderate assurance that this would not take place but when your brain malfunctions as often as Paolo’s it’s possible he will think I said I was not from Beaver Dam as a means to throw him off my scent.