#hurtcas

AO3

“Dean, I love you.” Cas says while he’s coughing blood and grasps Dean’s wrist - the man who had beaten him up so pretty bad minutes ago.

Dean’s hand, the one who’s gripping the angel blade so damn tightly, is beginning to shake and Cas almost thinks that this is where Dean is  starting to realize that he is indeed fullfilling  Cain’s prophecy.

But Cas is so damn wrong as Dean is chuckling. It’s a quiet laughter that escapes the hunter’s mouth and doesn’t suit him at all.

And Cas considers for a short moment that this may be where it all ends. This is not Dean, this is the Mark being content to be satisfied, being happy to kill an angel. But when Dean looks at him with his green eyes, Cas realizes that this man above him is still Dean and the black-haired man is getting sick of that thought.

It’s suddenly too much.

What if this is Dean’s anger and not just the curse of some Mark? What if this is Dean releasing his feelings he has hidden for several years now? The unsaid? The betrayal? The doubts?

It’s too much and therefore Cas repeats his confession one more time.

He notices his angel blade rushing down and the darkness in the Winchester’s eyes right after the words has left his lips.

But Cas feels nothing. No hit. No stitch. No burning. Nothing.

Dean is lightly shaking his head as he gets up and off of the bleeding angel who’s sighing in relief. However, not because he himself is still alive but of the fact that there is still enough left of the old Dean since Cas is still alive. That was a good thing, right?

It’s still too much but nontheless Cas tries to get back up. He is stopped by Dean’s cold voice.

“You’re a fool. Naive. You say that you love me and all I can hear is Bla bla bla. Do I have to listen to your crap? Leave me the fuck alone and save your Chick-Flicks for someone who does actually care. Because I do not need you anymore and I certainly do not love you. Capiché?”

Cas stills and hopes for a good second that Dean is only talking bullshit to mess with the angel.

“Next time I won’t miss.” Dean adds after a few moments while Cas has brought himself to open his eyes and is now staring at the angel blade, a few inches away from his head.

Almost... Dean is about losing the fight against the Mark, about killing Crowley, Cas... and even Sam.

“Next time I will rip you apart. I will be your murderer and it will be a freaking party. You wanna know how this is possible?” Dean asks and Cas hears Dean walking away from him, possibly acting like he doesn’t give a shit that the angel is still aching and coughing blood.

“Because I don’t care for you. Hell, I don’t feel anything for you. You might as well die now and I wouldn’t literally give a shit. You don’t mean a damn thing to me, Castiel. Or did you really think someday we would hold hands, give each other little pecks while shopping groceries? Never been interested, man. Never. Not with you at least.”

That one hurts. Cas is blinking tears away, wanting nothing more to be deaf as Dean’s words are reaching his ears and finding its way to his unbeating heart, breaking it a little - a metaphor he does now understand all too well.

Cas takes a few seconds to adjust to the hole forming in his stomach and the knot building in his throat before preparing to look at Dean and perhaps realizing that it’s still just Dean, no demon or the Mark, saying those cruel things and having to accept that there is no hidden lie, no joke, no denial.

Dean simply does not love Cas. There is no future, no hope, no home. Simple as that.

But as the angel brings his gaze from the blade towards Dean, it’s so much better.

No, it may not be the Mark. No demon.

But it’s Dean.

His hunter.

Trying to push Cas away by wanting to hurt him in the worst possible way.

And Cas finds in these unbelievingly green eyes what he was looking for:

Anguish.

As Dean turns around and leaves Cas feels his home getting away from him.

And that was good.

Because it’s still his home.

Dean is stll is home.

yoo i hate this holiday but HAPPY NEW YEAR ILY

wow your url is beyond perfect dude, and your icon is so cute omg 

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thank you!

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