#destieldrabblesdaily

When it's time to exchange the rings, Dean turns slightly, looking back down the aisle both he and Cas walked down earlier. There at the end with Ellen looking a little harried behind him, is their three-year-old.

He's dressed in a tiny little tux and Dean remembers when they first tried him in it—Cas was practically in tears and Dean will admit he wasn't far behind.

He's still a little wobbly on his legs, and Dean's heart melts as he watches his kid—his kid!—toddle towards them with a small royal blue pillow clutched in his grip.

On top of the pillow are their rings, they didn't go for anything fancy, a simple gold band from the outside, the inside engraved with happiness is in the being.

The nerves in Dean's stomach etch up a notch when Jack finally gets to them, a few coos of cuteness from the small audience. This is real, they are real. The first day to the rest of their lives, though Dean knows its not really going to change.

They've loved each other for a very long time, even the days when they didn't know it. This wedding is just signing their names to it, exchanging rings and sealing it with a kiss. The last deal they'll ever need to make requiring a kiss. (Though the number of kisses they'll exchange in the future will be in the thousands).

"Dadas!" Jack squeals, holding up the pillow.

Castiel leans down, kissing Jack on the top of his head and untying the green ribbon holding the rings in place. Dean's handed one of them and he looks to Cas with a wide grin.

Cas is handsome everyday, but today? He's beautiful. There's a particular glow about him that he's not sure he's seen before. It suits him, he's radiating happiness, just like their rings suggest.

The celebrant goes on and Dean misses some of what they say but Cas is taking his hand, smiling at him, reaching all the way to his blue eyes which are a little watery already.

"I do," Castiel says confidently, sliding the ring onto Dean's finger.

"And do you, Dean Winchester, take Castiel to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

Dean feels giddy. His voice stuck in his throat.

He swallows. "I do." The ring slides onto Cas' finger as perfect as he needs it to be.

"You may now kiss your husband," is the next thing Dean registers, their newly ringed hands coming up to one another's faces.

Dean's other hand goes behind Castiel's back pulling him in impossibly close. They stop for air after a moment. "I love you." Dean whispers before they part to complete the ceremony.

Jack goes between them both as they walk back down their aisle. His hand tiny in Dean's and he babbles with happiness.

"Daddies happy!" he yells and Dean can't help but laugh and Castiel scoops him up on to his him so Dean can hold his hand.

As the reach the doors to the hall, Dean leans in to kiss him again. Jack comes in too with his poorly coordinated kiss but they both smile nonetheless.

The Impala is waiting for them—Bobby leaving a few mins earlier to drive her up and leave her idling for them.

Jack stays with Bobby. Dean drives, with Castiel in the passenger seat, just married written in chalk pen across the back window and tin cans tied the the back. Dean's too happy to let it bother him.

They're driving now. They're both happy, both got what they want and need and ready for whatever they face in their future.

Dean looks across to Castiel who's gazing out the window at the dying sun as it streaks reds and oranges across the sky.

“Hey.” Sam tilts his chin in the direction over Dean’s shoulder. “2 o’clock.” 

Dean glances over his shoulder. Cas, who is sitting next to him in the booth, likewise cranes his head, albeit a little more obviously because the newly human ex-angel still has no sense of manners. 

He knows what Sam is gesturing to immediately: brunette, leggy, skirt on the northside of too short. He distinctly remembers the predatory face she made when he asked her back to his hotel room. 

“Didn’t you hook up with her last time we were in town?” Sam asks in a hushed voice.

Dean pokes a fork at his scrambled eggs. “Uh, yeah. I think so.” 

“Well, go talk to her!” 

“Why the hell would I do that?” 

Sam scoffs, giving him the Younger Sibling Incredulous Look. “Didn’t you say you liked her?” 

“You’re right, Sam. I did like her. So naturally, the next step is me getting down on one knee and saying I want to have her babies.” 

Cas scrunches his forehead. “I have two questions.” 

“Colloquialisms, Cas,” Dean says shortly. He stabs a sausage link and savagely chews it, pointing his fork in Sam’s direction. “I got a rule and you know that. I don’t double-dip. Comes with the job.” 

To Cas’s confused expression, Sam explains, “He means he never sleeps with someone twice, or he might catch feelings.” Cas continues to stare. Sam adds, “Fall in love.” 

“Why would that be bad?” Cas asks.

“Have you seen our profession?” Dean scoffs. “Ain’t for me, that whole thing. But sex is good,” he adds with an especially leering grin. 

Sam groans into his coffee. “You’re gross.” 

“Love is bad,” Cas says musingly. He takes a bite of his waffle drenched in syrup. “I think I understand.” 

“No, just—” Dean sighs. “Forget it. Maybe when you’re more human it’ll click.”

Cas looks at him curiously as he chews. Dean needs to look away. 

* * * 

“There’s too much of your mother in you,” John used to say. 

Too much empathy. 

Too much love. 

It’s what got her killed, after all. 

destiel, spn 15.13 pre-coda

bro i just postponed my shower by 20 min bc i had the urge to write about jealous dean in 15.13 so here you go please enjoy despite it being rushed

"This is so strange,” Dean breathes out, his brow slightly furrowed. He watches impatiently at the scene in front of him as some form of frustration begins to creep up his arms. 

Sam, who has just begun to adjust and accept the alternate version of himself, simply shrugs in response. Sure, he also has his own ambiguous feelings towards the situation, but, knowing better, Sam’s wildly aware of how such a situation was something squarely in their ballpark. 

Dean shakes his head again, shuffling on his feet. “This is so messed up,” he repeats, the frustration beginning to affect him more. 

Sam turns, throwing an eye at his older brother. “I mean, yeah,” he says, studying the other hunter carefully. “But it’s our type of strange, dude. I’m not that surprised.” 

The words don’t seem to comfort Dean. Instead, the hunter shifts even more, looking at his brother once before scoffing and rolling his eyes. 

Sam frowns, throwing a look at the scene in front of them. The two alternate Winchesters were at the dinner table, next to Cas, the three of them sharing a lighthearted conversation. Turning to see the deeper scowl on his brother’s face, Sam’s worry starts to kick in. “Dean, what’s wrong?” 

Nothing. Dean says nothing, and Sam sees nothing. 

It takes a few moments before the older lets out the breath he was holding in the form of a forced chuckle. “Nothing Sammy,” Dean tries to explain, waving his hand around exaggeratedly. “You’re right, this is our type of weird. I was just hung up on nothing.” 

Sam tries to open his mouth to interject, only to be interrupted by Dean walking past him and straight to the beer shelf. 

Sam knows Dean’s excuse is bullshit. 

Dean knows that Sam knows he’s just bullshitting. 

Yet, he can’t help to do so. 

What’s wrong? Where does Dean start? 

How does he explain to Sam what’s wrong with the way the other Dean is looking at Cas, throwing bright, loving eyes in the angel’s direction as if it were only the two of them in the room. 

How does he explain to Sam what’s wrong with the way the other Dean is talking to Cas, calling him silly pet names such as “Darling” and “Angel” as he literally drools over the angel. 

How does he explain to Sam what’s wrong with the way the other Dean cozies up to Cas, invading the other’s personal space, becoming closer and closer with each story he brings up, all of it being a tactic to maintain the angel’s attention whilst he has a chance to creep up nearer and nearer. 

How does he explain to Sam that he’s wary of the other Dean and his intentions with Cas. How does he explain to Sam that he never trusted his other self the minute he invaded their home with his disgusting Fiat and revolting reaction to seeing their his Cas for the first time. 

How does he explain any of this? 

“Cas, darling, you should know, one of our hunter friends is a beekeeper, and he gives us freshly harvested honey whenever we stop by.” 

Cas blinks in response, a smile forming on his face. Dean wants to throw up. “Wow,” the angel says, the excitement clear in his voice. Dean’s urge to throw up increases. “Dean, that’s amazing. You know, I used to really be into bees.” 

The alternate Dean grins brightly and gives Cas a nudge in the shoulder. 

“Well, if you ever need honey anytime soon, you know who to call,” he speaks softly with a wink. 

Dean freezes from afar. The bastard. 

Taking a swig of his beer, Dean slams the bottle onto the metal surface in front of him. “We have a shit ton of honey already. Don’t need anymore,” he grumbles loudly. And with that, he walks storms out of the room, unable to watch anymore. 

Halfway through his beeline to his room, Dean pushes down the urge to go back and check up on Cas the rest of them. 

Shirley!! hello o magnificent one

1. Song of the year?

spotify tells me that my most listened song of the year is Almost (Sweet Music) by Hozier, which I find hilarious because I played it a lot for about six days in August and then didn’t really listen to it much again, so I must have absolutely lost my mind for it so much more than I thought in those six days. it’s a great song though, I stand by what I did.

9. Best month for you this year?

god it feels weird honestly to try to think about a best month of 2020, even though good things did happen this year (good things do happen, em?). I’m going to say maybe February? my D&D group came together in February I think, and I also think that was the month I got a job at a museum not too far from where I live. time is fluid and if those things didn’t happen in February, now they did. they happened in the February of my heart.

 23. If you could send a message to yourself back on the first day of the year, what would it be?

hmm, another message for my past self! I might actually just say “y yo a ti, Cas”, and that’s it. because I’d have no idea what it meant until suddenly I did, and maybe I’d go even more bananas about the whole thing. :D

Belonging.

Word Count: 2.6k

Rating: General Audience

Warnings: Mention of depression.

Characters: Castiel, Dean Winchester

Summary: Set post 13x06 (Tombstone). Castiel just came back from the Empty. Jack left the bunker and now Cas is ready to leave to find him.

Author’s note: I’m a first time writer; honestly this is not what I do! So please ignore my mistakes! It’s an angsty with a happy ending CODA and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I loved writing it.

———————-

It’s extraordinary the things you can accomplish once you put your mind to it. At the time, Cas had little hope that his plan to escape the Empty would work. He never thought he had it in him. He took a gamble and now he’s out of that dark place, the void, leaving behind the worst parts of himself in the Empty. All his time on Earth, and the Winchesters, taught him to fight for what you want and when the time came, Cas knew what he had to do.

Sitting in his car, still parked in the bunker’s huge parking lot, he’s desperate to do anything he can to find Jack and save him from everybody; the demons, the Angels and probably himself. After Jack vanished, Cas and the Winchesters tried every lead they had to track the nephilim, but he’s surprisingly good at staying under the radar, considering he’s only been here for a few weeks. Jack was so angry and hurt when he left and Cas feels responsible. How could he let this happen? Jack was his responsibility and he had made a promise to Kelly that he would protect her son no matter what and teach him everything he can about embracing the human side of him. And now Jack’s gone and Cas doesn’t know what to do. He’s helpless at the moment and he can only hope the Angels haven’t gotten a hold of him, or worse, Asmodeus’ demons. He can tell Jack’s a good kid from the little time he’s spent with him. After all it was Jack who woke him up in the Empty.

He knows he should start the car and start moving but there’s something that’s eating him up. He wishes he still had his wings and he could just zap himself anywhere but it’s his fault that the angels fell. It was a trap, and he fell for it like a fool. Just like he thought he could help by letting Lucifer in. Dean tells him that it wasn’t his fault; that he was only trying to help but Cas still feels guilty for everything. He wishes he could be of help, and not just be a screw-up. Whenever he tries to do the right thing, he fails, and that burden, that failure is absolutely crushing him every moment of his existence because he’s hurting everyone around him. He doesn’t know how to fix it. Nothing seems to work in his favour and he’s starting to feel like he shouldn’t be anywhere near Sam and Dean for their own well-being. He’s never told them about this, but he feels like if he does, they’ll agree with him. He is broken, and he knows it. He doesn’t know how to get rid of this feeling. Feelings. He has feelings now and no way to cope with them. It feels strange, to be a cosmic being, an angel who’s fallen in every way possible. Ever since he experienced what it like is to be human, it has always stayed with him. His compassion, his morality, the taste of PB&J, a slight feeling of belonging, and most importantly, his feelings for Dean. But he also felt the pain, the guilt, the feeling of hopelessness, his inadequacy and his failures. It still haunts him to this day and he doesn’t know how to make it stop.

It’s time to leave his thoughts behind and get going, he tells himself. He told the Winchesters he will check with the Angels if they had any information that can help him find Jack and bring him home. Dean wanted to join him, but he can’t let that happen. He can’t let Dean accompany him. He’s only been back a couple of days and they haven’t even had a chance to talk. And with everything that’s going on, Cas can’t focus on anything else but Jack, no matter how much he wants to stay at the bunker, his home. Home. Not in heaven, not with the Angels, but with Dean, with Sam, his family. He still doesn’t know if it’s true but that’s what Dean always says, and Cas wants to believe it, so bad, but he’s not able to.

The day Castiel saved Dean Winchester from hell was the day this one insignificant human became his mission. He would do such things for him that he didn’t know he was capable of doing. He was a warrior of heaven, always following his orders, always being the best at his job, and always fighting for what’s righteous. He never thought anyone could change that; anyone, let alone a human. Dean Winchester changed everything for Castiel. For starters, he became “Cas”. He’s always liked his nickname, the one Dean gave him. And Cas loves it. Dean. Dean. Dean. He can never get him out of his head. He remembers it all, right from the beginning to where they are now. He was just a “hammer” as Dean says, not caring about anyone or anything. And then he started having doubts, all because of him. He wouldn’t have been able to help stop heaven’s dirty plan had it not been for everything he learnt from Dean - his mission, his friend, his best friend and now, his family.

He will never forget the day he woke up in the Empty. It was pitch black, nothing to see and nowhere to go. How poetic, Cas thought. After everything he’s done, he probably deserves it. An eternity of solitude and unrest, nothing but his memories to accompany him. And then just when he thought he was all alone, he found someone. It called itself “the Empty” but it looked just like his vessel. How can he forget looking in its eyes and seeing his worst fears, and the most terrible part of him staring back at him? Everything the Empty told him was true, or it seemed true at that moment, and Cas was on the verge of giving up, but he didn’t. Because somewhere along he realized that he’s not worthless. He has a family on Earth. Sam and Dean may be damaged but they love him. He had to get back to them and be the guardian angel that he’s always been. And now there’s Jack too, he’s Cas’ mission now, after Dean, he has a cause and he just cannot abandon him. He can’t give up.

And just like that, he was out. The sun shone on him again and he was free. He called Dean; he’ll always be the first phone call Cas makes. And look how happy Dean was to have him back! How can he ever doubt him? That he doesn’t love him? But he will never ask Dean about it. He will never read his mind. And he will never act on his feelings for him. He’s still an angel and Dean’s not. Why did it have to be like this? His time as a human taught him so much about them - about their feelings, about food, about pain and heartbreak, but most importantly, about love. Love that he felt in his heart, his soul and his whole body, love for Dean. His soul ached for Dean’s comfort, his warmth. All he wanted was to stay with him, be with him and hold him close. But he didn’t know it would be this hard. Dean told him to leave just when he needed him the most. And that was the first time he could hear his pulse racing, his body numb and every atom in his being telling him to scream at Dean and ask him, how he could do that to his friend?

He got lost in thought again. And in fact, he’s so lost that he doesn’t even hear footsteps coming down from the bunker. He looks to his right and watches as Dean’s rushing towards him, waving him to stop the car. Cas stops the ignition and gets out of the car, all confused and worried. Did something happen to Sam? Why would Dean be in such a rush to stop him otherwise? Dean reaches the car, and puts his hands on his knees, panting, gesturing to Cas to give him a second to catch his breath. That moment Cas is reminded again that he is an immortal being and he’ll never grow old, but Dean is not. He will age, and he will one day, leave him. He puts a hand on the hunter’s shoulder and asks him with concern, “Dean, what’s wrong? Is Sam okay?”

“He’s fine. Listen. I know you told me to not come with you but I don’t care. I’m coming with. Can’t let you get yourself into trouble again.”

“Dean. I’m an Angel. I know how to handle myself.”

Dean felt a flash of irritation followed by a moment of grief. He remembers what it was like with Cas gone.

“Are you sure? Because from what I remember, last time it got you killed. And I can’t let that happen again!”

Dean is staring at him like he’s about to murder him. Cas could see Dean is running on sheer anger now. He decides to reason with him. He knew there’s no point arguing with him right now. He takes a long breath and speaks calmly.

“I was trying to protect you and Sam. You know that.”

“Cas, I don’t care. I’m coming with you and that’s it.”

“Dean, please. Let me do this. I owe it to Kelly. Jack was my responsibility and I’ve already ruined it once when I died. I can’t wreck it again.”

Dean looks away and takes a step towards the driver’s seat to open the door, and looks back at him and speaks with conviction in his voice.

“That’s what I’m saying, Cas. I can’t let you get yourself killed again. I just can’t. I watched you die. I won’t let that happen again. Ever. So you get your ass back in your crappy car and we’ll do this together.”

Cas takes a step back. He doesn’t know how to stop Dean. Again, nothing works. Dean can be so stubborn. Why wouldn’t he just back off this once?

“Why do you care so much Dean? What if you get killed while you’re trying to protect me? What will I tell Sam? I can’t live with that guilt for the rest of eternity. I can’t take that chance. So if I die, I die. I deserve it. I’ve just made everything worse for you. I don’t want Sam to lose his brother because he’s trying to save me.”

Dean can’t believe Cas just said that. He looks at his angel with a resolve. He’s determined to stop him and he will. He’s not going to leave Cas on his own again. He’s always had trouble talking about his feelings, no chick flick moments, but not today. Cas just came back from the dead, again. Dean can’t lose him now. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever.

“Cas, can we talk about this?”

“What is there to talk about, Dean?”

“I know I haven’t always been there for you, especially when you lost your grace and you needed me the most. I was a dick to you. I still am sometimes. But you’re my best friend and I care about you, man. I need you!”

Dean takes a step towards Cas. It’s been a few seconds since he stopped talking but Cas hasn’t said anything. Dean can feel the tension building, he can see the beautiful ocean blue eyes staring at him, and the pain they bring with them, something he never noticed before. Cas is the first one to break eye contact, he looks down and then looks back at Dean. In all the time he has known Cas, he’s never seen him like this.

“Cas? Say something?”

“I don’t know how to make you understand, Dean. It’s not just about that. I can’t stay here. I want to, I do, but I can’t. You don’t understand, you never will. And I can’t blame you for it. It’s better if I go. Let me go, please.”

“Too bad. I’m not going to let you just leave like that. So try me.”

“Dean, please. Don’t force me.”

“I’m not forcing you. I just want to know what’s wrong. So tell me, I want to know.”

“You don’t understand the consequences it can have if I tell you. It can be catastrophic! I can’t risk it, Dean!” Cas raises his voice.

“Damn it, Cas! Why can’t you just talk to me? Can’t you see I’m trying to help you? You’re my best friend!”

Dean pauses for a moment, collecting himself. “You’re more important to me than you think, Cas. Can’t you see that?”

“What…?”

“I… I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t understand anything. All I know is that when I lost you, I thought it was final and I tried to bring you back, I tried! I prayed to Chuck, I begged him to bring you back, to bring mom back, but nothing happened! There were days when I didn’t want to live without you in my life. I didn’t know what to do!”

Dean moves closer now, and Cas can see the tears forming up in his eyes. Just when he’s about to say something, Dean raises his hands and cradles his angel’s face gently, his thumbs caressing his cheeks.

“Cas. I don’t understand how it happened, I don’t know when it happened, but now you’re back by some miracle and I have to tell you. You are my everything. I’m not losing you again okay? Now you better tell me everything that’s going on.”

“Dean… I don’t know what to say, or how to say it. I’m not human and I’m not allowed to feel anything. But the day I met you, everything changed. I rebelled, I constantly went against my kind and now I don’t have a home. I’m neither an Angel nor a human. You and Sam are my friends but look where that got you. I always bring trouble and when I can’t even protect myself, how will I protect you?”

“You have a home, Cas. This is your home. I’m your home. I want you to stay here with me. I don’t care about anything else!”

“Dean, please. You have to understand that we don’t belong together. We can’t. I don’t belong anywhere. I’m an outsider and I always will be.”

Cas cannot let this happen. Dean must understand. He can’t risk his life. He can’t be with him. He gently moves Dean’s hands away from his face and turns his back on him.

Dean won’t let this go. It took him so many years to finally realize how he feels. So much time wasted, so many missed opportunities. He goes around Cas to face him. He won’t back down, and this will not be the end. Cas is not even looking at him, but he will make him.

“Cas. I love you. I’m in love with you.”

Cas looks up at Dean, astonished to hear these words.

“I want to be with you. You get it? I want to spend the rest of my life with you and only you. You’re not an outsider to me, Cas. You’re my family. You’ll always be. You can never hurt me or Sam. You belong with me.”

“You deserve someone better than me, Dean. You deserve to be happy.”

“I deserve you. You make me happy. I dare you to take that away from me.”

Castiel smiles. Dean Winchester is stubborn.

“Now let’s go upstairs and tell Sam, he’s been waiting! And after that, we’ll go and find Jack, the three of us. We’re better together.”

———————-

If you read it all, thank you from the bottom of my heart :’D Please don’t hesitate to leave comments, I would love love love to know what you thought about this :)

Thank you @dochollidayed & @bend-me-shape-me for all your input and being so effin’ patient with me :’)

Thank you so much, Shirley

Castiel knows nothing about cars, so when his tire goes flat on a back road in the middle of absolutely nowhere, his first thought is that he’s completely, undeniably screwed—cell service is practically nonexistent out here, and he hasn’t seen another car in over an hour. In light of this, he leans against the trunk of his Hyundai and stares at the stretch of road behind it as if mere power of will could conjure aid.

A half hour later, while Castiel is hunched over his back wheel and about ready to just give up and drive on it as fucking is, there’s the growl of an engine and the loud thump of classic rock; Castiel shoves himself up, knees groaning in protest, and waves the car down. It’s a beautiful mass of gleaming black metal, and as it rolls to a stop on on the shoulder, he notes that its driver is no less stunning—a young man is at the wheel, tan and freckled, with the most captivating green eyes Castiel has ever seen.

He learns that the man’s name is Dean, and that he was more or less born with a wrench in his hand—he changes the flat out for the spare in under five minutes; when he’s finished, he stands, wiping his hands off on his shirt, and says in no uncertain terms, “Normally I’d charge 15 or 20 bucks for somethin’ like that, but how ‘bout you buy me a drink instead and we call it even?”

Minor spoilers for 14.01

Castiel walks slowly to his room. His beaten face stings, but it's nothing compared to the ache in his chest.

Dean Winchester is still missing.

It feels like blasphemy to 'take the night off' as Sam had suggested, but Cas knows he's in no shape to travel. He's been running himself ragged for the past three weeks, hunting down any scrap of information he could find, any whisper of Dean's whereabouts. So far, he'd found nothing, and that hurts worse than any beating.

He enters his room, head bowed, and closes the door behind him.

It's only then that he senses the presence inside the room. He looks up, hand instantly calling for his blade, but then he stills when his eyes land on the figure standing calmly in the center of the room.

"Dean," Cas breathes. For a moment, he feels nothing but overwhelming relief, but that chills instantly when 'Dean' gives him a cold smile.

"Guess again," Micheal says. Cas's heart clenches painfully in his chest and he glares. If he looks, he can see the light of the archangel inside Dean's body, beautiful and terrible and cold, completely eclipsing the light of Dean's soul.