Exception On Line 129: Ephialtes Interlude

Most people know their body and sleep patterns well enough, that they can predict certain things. Maybe they know what will make them sleepwalk, or give them nightmares. Maybe they know how to wake themselves up from a bad dream, or fall asleep within minutes of deciding it’s time for bed.

Zero never understood people who were really in tune to their sleep like that. Although he was broadly categorized as an insomniac, he learned that he could sometimes invite sleep sooner with a few shots of vodka. Or, it would keep him up later by encouraging him to have another round, but it wasn’t consistent which way the night would swing when he went to pour one out. However, if there was one thing Zero could guarantee about his sleep, it was that he got wet dreams when he was stressed.

Embarrassing, but true. Maybe it was his subconscious way of coping with stress. Makes sense why when he has a bad day nothing takes the edge off more than a night of drinks and going home with a stranger.

But, somehow, tonight’s dream was way more vivid than the usual.

The first part of the dream that really started being memorable was Numin pushing him aggressively up against a wall.

The room was dim and cold, and so was the wall behind him, but Zero’s lips were locked with Numin’s, and their bodies pressed up against each other provided a sweltering heat that kept him warm.

The place was familiar, and the second Zero spared a thought about it he realized they were in his apartment. Or maybe their apartment? It felt like they lived together in this dream.

Broad, strong hands slid over his slender waist, teasing him as they stopped at his hip bones, and with a yearning whine Zero pressed his pelvis forward to invite those wandering hands behind him. With a dark chuckle, Numin pulled his tongue out of Zero’s mouth for a split moment, so he could watch his face as he aggressively grabbed his ass with both hands.

With a delight groan, Zero arched back into his grip, throwing his head back ever-so-slightly to ravish the feeling.

The hands underneath kept a firm cup under his bottom, and in a sudden motion Zero felt himself hoisted up, which he greeted with a short gasp of pleasant surprise. Almost naturally, his legs came up to wrap around Numin’s waist, steadying himself by a needy grasp encircling the larger man’s neck for support. Upon looking up, he saw some of the glint of light barely filtering into the room hit the bright canines of Numin’s devious smirk.

Something about the way his teeth glistened threateningly felt as if Zero couldn’t tell if Numin was going to kiss into his neck or rip out his jugular between his incisors.

And before he could predict which one it would be, the beast rushed forward to devour his prey, and Zero couldn’t help the little noises escaping his throat as he felt those dangerous teeth leave a certainly inhibited bite on the skin between his neck and shoulder.

The idea of wearing a scarf of delicious bruises and hickeys from Numin’s mouth made his hip buck forward, grinding down on the man he was wrapped around. Almost as a reward, he felt himself rub over something firm and prominent, albeit muted from the barriers of fabric between them.

Eager to make his own excitement be known as well, Zero gave a rolling arch of his back, allowing his own erection to rub up against Numin‘s. And almost as if rewarding him, Numin gave a fervent suck of the stolen flesh between his teeth, not ceding until it tinged with a reddish hue. The tangible formation of that hickey made Zero whine needily under his mouth, only encouraging Numin’s ego.

Upon drawing back to admire his own work, he saw Zero’s mouth agape in carnal delight, and pale face flushed into a rouge hue. Heaving, still enraptured by the fresh bruises blessing his neck, Zero licked his bottom lip at him, carefully pushing the ring around it suggestively.

Entertaining him, the larger man tightened his grip around Zero, before pulling his hips down against his own to grind up into them. It earned a desperate cry from the smaller man, but he was in the mood to hear more from him than just incomprehensible noises.

“Say my name.” He commanded, voice husky and laced with an obvious note of his own enrapturement. The way that voice commanded the air sent a wave of goosebumps sailing over Zero’s skin, intoxicated by his deep and velvety tones.

Eager to comply, Zero’s mouth opened on a moan, ready to put his name on his lips-- until, he realized, he didn’t know his name.

A sudden embarrassed panic dropped in his chest, and he hoped it was too dark for the man to make out the obvious perturbation in his face. How could he forget the name of a man like this?

“Zero. My name, say my name.” The voice commanded again, although less commanding and more… monotone, this time. Like the texture of his vocal cords was getting lost in Zero’s fragmented memory.

“I-I don’t know, it doesn’t matter…” huffing, feeling the spike of adrenaline in his blood, he tried to wave it off and continue on with the more sexy details.

Until those details weren’t there anymore. The hands on him stopped feeling hot, or even warm. It was getting too dark to even distinguish anything but a silhouette of the man before him.

What happened to the details?

“What’s my name? What’s my name, Zero?” This time the voice wasn’t just monotone, it was borderline inhuman. Like a bird spitting out sounds that it didn’t understand, mimicking words in pseudo-speech that treaded into the uncanny valley.

Regretting his position against the wall, Zero had no room to distance himself and he meekly unhooked his legs from the strange figure, stumbling a bit on his feet as he squeak back, “I-I’m sorry, I don’t know--”

The place where those hands made contact with him had noticeably lost its warmth; the man’s skin felt like ice, almost as if he had become a corpse. The creature holding onto him wasn’t even human at this point. The noises out its mouth were merging words like one big stream of sound, spitting out gibberish that was only vaguely understandable.

“My name, what’s my name? What’s my name, name, name? Zero, what’s my name? Name? What’s my name?”

Like a horrible interlude, it began just making noisy lip smacks and pops, like the mouth around those words were melting as it spoke, and it needed practice with it to accommodate. It babbled like its tongue was sticking to the roof of its mouth, like it was speaking with a gloopy mouth full of peanut butter. The outline of the figure got fuzzy, alike to the blurry details in a dark black-and-white photo or an out-of-focus polaroid, walking the line between being something to being nothing. Staring at the supposed edge of the silhouette didn’t help either, as it continuously yet slowly distorted beneath the gaze, at a rate slow enough that the perception felt more like vertigo than a sincere deformation of the figure. The growing pit at the bottom of Zero’s stomach twisted in nausea the longer he tried to discern its shape, dread swelling up in his chest and settling in all the wrong places.

He didn’t just forget the name; Zero couldn’t even remember the face of who that creature was supposed to represent, and that failure of his memory reflected back to him through this eldritch simulacrum. Before him was the culmination of every vague and forgotten information lost from the individual it once represented. The silhouette was ever-changing, yet remaining a looming dark mass. The details of color, shape, or likeness had melted into the backdrop of darkness around it, and its only dimensional consistency was its lack thereof.

Worse yet, the simulacrum continued its mockery of speech once it had adjusted to its malformed mouth.

“What is my name. What is my name. What is my name—“

To call it a voice was unfitting, the words lacked any nature in their cords that could lead Zero to believe a living creature was making them. Even trying to imagine it was a creature producing them tinged the presence of metal in Zero’s mouth. The simulacrum, this vile ephialtes invading his consciousness, spoke so uncanny that its words were stuck echoing in his ears, as if the garbled voice was ricocheting inside his own head.

“I don’t know! Just stop, please just stop…” Voice straining against the thick suffocating air, they sounded almost mute compared to the insistent repetition of the simulacrum.

Then, as if the world was pulled out from under him, he felt a sudden drop out of this horrific rendition of reality, snapping back into the real world with such a speed that it felt like conscious whiplash.

Startled, he jumped, and in that moment he recognized the departure out of dreamland and into his body. Even though the sheets around him were light and airy, his skin felt hot and damp, and the first thing he became aware of was his sweat mending his back to the fabric beneath him.

The lights were dimmed. It was the middle of the night according to the plain white clock ticking softly above the door, contesting with his heart rate monitor between being the only noises in the room. Yet, their off-sync tempos almost made it seem as though they were complementary, somehow adding calmness to the room. Or, perhaps anything compared to that nightmare seemed like the epitome of tranquility.

Confused, he checked his hand, and surely enough noticed his IV line was taped back upon the poor vein it has been yanked from one too many times. And next to the IV printed in neat lettering was a name: Numin.

A sigh of relief escaped at the recognition of that name.

He was so certain he had forgotten. Actually, even now, he can’t remember the last interaction he had with Numin. After freeing himself from his medical shackles and shuffling over with a grace that rivals a toddler learning to walk, Zero didn’t remember much besides kissing his roommate.

A sudden color tinged his pale cheeks.

They kissed. That much, Zero is certain of-- even though his memory after said kiss got very butchered afterwards. On top of that, beside the certainty of said kiss existing, he was also positive that it was Numin who had grasped his hospital gown and pulled him down into it.

The color on his face intensified, waxing with every second he spent dwelling on that memory.

They hadn’t just kissed; Numin instigated the kiss.

However, like a dismal cliffhanger at the end of a fantastic season finale, Zero drew a blank on what exactly happened next. Hell, he couldn’t even remember returning to bed and falling asleep. Did they spend the time fondly cuddling and sharing intimate thoughts on hushed, quiet breaths between themselves? Did they continue making out, before not really feeling into it and learning they didn’t have as much of a spark as once thought? Did they just flat out have sex last night?

Anything was on the table at this point, and Zero was prepared to play this scavenger hunt with his own memories. After all, it would be quite embarrassing to wake Numin-- whom Zero could tell was fast asleep from his sporadic snoring across the room-- and ask him what happened. Not only would it be embarrassing on Zero’s part, but what if his lack of recall of a potentially fond and intimate moment was a red flag to Numin that’ll make him recede his interest in a fresh amnesiac?

Sitting up, slow enough in case Numin was a light sleeper, Zero brought his hand up to the faint glow of the heart rate monitor to examine the IV line.

Despite the darkness of the room, the dim monitor light was just enough illumination to realize he didn’t even have the IV line in. Rather, it looked as if the medical tape was just tape back over the vein to hold the line in place, leading Zero to the relieving conclusion that a nurse hadn’t come in and interrupted them. Instead, it appears Zero himself probably taped the line down and planned on pretending to a nurse in the morning that it had fallen out of the vein during the night. After all, he didn’t have the original needle to insert the IV tube, and probably wouldn’t have the best idea on doing it both safely and believably.

Even though it was the plan of a forgotten consciousness, a soft smirk of pride ghosted his lips at the idea of taping the IV line down. Or perhaps, maybe he was just retrospectively grateful his former self even put an effort to hide the freed IV line at all, for Zero could completely see himself having a steamy night with an interesting man and going to bed without a care how conspicuous he appeared the following morning, consequences be damned. Said consequences would without doubt be sharing Numin’s state of handcuffed confinement, although unlike him Zero would sooner break his own wrist before successfully breaking out any cuffs.

Disrupting the line of thought to continue his own self-detective work, Zero carried on.

It only took an exploring hand snaking into his gown to tell that the stickers holding the heart sensors were also inexpertly returned to his chest. So more or less, he was checking all the boxes to at least appear at a glance like he had spent the whole night in his bed.

Now that he had confirmed his former consciousness had already established his alibi, his efforts redirected to figuring out what exactly happened after their kiss. Lucky for him-- although not as lucky for his liver-- Zero has had plenty of experiences deciphering a night he doesn’t remember from all the countless times he’s gotten blackout drunk.

If there was anyone who would probably make a good amnesiac detective, it was Zero. That or every morning-after hangover investigation he had ever done would have all been in vain.

There was a bathroom door in the room, on the far side closer to Numin’s bed. If he could make it there, he could check if maybe he had a hickey or two that’ll allude to what he and Numin was up to a few hours prior.

Zero couldn’t help a little smirk at the thought. After all, maybe Numin finally put those dangerous teeth to use.

Aside from a sly bite of his lip, exciting himself at his own thoughts, he made an effort to try and not let himself get carried away by his suggestive imagination.

Once again, he undid the taping on his hand to detach himself from the IV, and peeled off the sensors from his chest with a bit more care than his haphazard yank earlier. After pushing back the sheets that freely crinkled noisily amidst his stealth, Zero stole another glance up towards Numin, confirming he was still deep in sleep whilst he pushed smoothly off the bed.

Or at least, as smooth as he could over his still unadjusted feet. There were a few patters as he calibrated himself, the balls of his feet meeting the floor and dancing his weight back and forth between the two as if they just weren't landed on the floor quite right, before the muscles of his legs finally all synced together and kept him steady without feeling the need to constantly shift his weight. The sensation of jelly in his legs didn’t go away, but at this point it wouldn’t be a shocker if his head injury was compounding with his lack of coordination. Nevertheless, feet ready to be walking or not, Zero made his way towards the bathroom door as softly as he could to remain quiet.

Embarrassingly enough, the lack of adjustment showed in his gait, as it swayed unsteady and borderline on a stumble at points before evening out as best Zero could manage. Perhaps, what with his lack of an audience it was only embarrassing for himself, but it still brought a sensation of heat to his cheeks that made him that much more cautious to not wake Numin.

But somehow his feet still found it’s way guiding him to the bathroom door, even if he walked with about as much confidence as a newborn deer. There was an auditable sigh of relief upon reaching the door, and completely ignoring the loud creak it made on its hinges, he hurried inside and flicked on the light.

The sudden brightness made him recoil, hands reflexively coming up to shield his unprepared eyes. After a series of squints and blinks, the room became perceivable, albeit a lackluster view what with the bland setup. The walls were a simple powered blue, and the sink and toilet the same porcelain white. Adjacent to the mirror above the sink was an automatic soap dispenser, the kind Zero remembers seeing at shops or restaurants bathrooms, generic for commercial use.

When his eyes laid on his own reflection, he gave a meek whimper at his face.

Adorning one side were the dark blots of bruises, discolored with greenish hues to suggest they were days old, trailing over the cheek of the side the cop had kicked mercilessly, and fading off slightly over his brow. Zero often had bags with his chaotic sleep schedule, but the dark puffiness beneath the eye on the more abused side looked much different than under-eye circles, instead it was more rounded and shiny in appearance. Never having a black eye before in his life, it almost turned his stomach to see one on his own face, even if one so minor in comparison to ones he’s seen on people before.

The gauze around his head was wrapped expertly and tight, with particularly thick padding above that sore spot on his head that wouldn’t stop throbbing. Worst yet, perhaps exacerbated by his recent activity, there was a tinge of bleed-through coloring the thick padding over his head injury, suggesting he had reopened the wound.

Lastly, and probably just as disheartening as the rest of his appearance, he bore no hickeys or bite marks over his neck. But after taking in his own reflection Zero almost doesn’t even blame Numin; he looked so battered and frail that it was no wonder the nurse was surprised he had woken from his coma so soon; it almost looked as if he had no right waking from his coma at all.

A dark, dismal drop sank deep into his hollow chest. He wasn’t in any state that even remotely screamed desirable. And while that was a silly thing to be worrying about at the moment, it was a major clue that things probably didn’t go anywhere exciting last night with Numin.

In all honesty, Zero was surprised he was even interested in him enough to kiss him.

Dejected, and a bit over this whole detective game, he shuffled out of the bathroom pitifully, hunched over and over wishing he hadn’t gotten out of his bed to begin with. Yet, to his even sadder surprise, Numin appeared roused awake upon his exit from the bathroom.

Even though the half-lidded look upon his face suggested the lingering presence of sleep, Numin still offered a single raised brow at Zero, a silent question to what he was up to in the dead of night.

“Ah, I didn’t mean to wake you.” He offered sheepishly, almost phrased like an apology. Compared to only hours before, his demeanor had noticeably repressed, not even offering eye contact as he kept his downcast gaze locked on the powered blue vinyl lining the floor below.

“Doesn’t take much to stir me.” With a casual stretch, Numin replied with a cloudy tone, sleep still overtly overcasting his newfound wakefulness. “Can’t sleep very well? You don’t look rested.”

Offering a half-hearted shrug, Zero shifted to leaned against the closed door of the bathroom, having a bad feeling this wasn’t going to be a short conversation.

“I slept some, just had a bad dream,” with a nod towards the bathroom he came from, he elaborated, “I figured I haven’t seen myself in the mirror since the incident so I got up to check.”

The delivery was shallow, as if meant to hide the deeper disturbance Zero held underneath to seeing his reflection. Enough so that Numin could note it, knitting his brow at the smaller man slouching meekly against the bathroom door, looking like a deer caught in the headlights.

“Don’t like what you see?” Guessing, Numin straightened up, seemingly more alert at the notice of Zero’s perturbation.

Unintentionally confirming, he slouched in even more, wishing the darkness of the room was enough to hide his marred features.

“Nah, I’m absolutely thrilled with the bruised and bloody look.” Zero retorted, voice with a backbone of sarcasm, yet delivery surely missing a few vertebrae.

The corner of Numin’s lips just barely peaked, gauging the jest as a good sign. “You’re in the hospital for a traumatic brain injury and currently being detained for a felony cyber crime. But sure, your swollen eye is definitely your biggest problem right now.”

Reflexively at those words, Zero folded his arms around his chest tight, unintentionally emphasizing his thin, fragile-looking frame.

“I’m not saying it’s my biggest problem. It’s just, I’m not exactly the fighting type, so this look is just…” hissing, as if he was trapped into finishing the sentence now, Zero struggled to pin down the correct adjective,“...it is just unsettling, to me.”

His anxieties were only met by a deep, reverberating chuckle from the larger man, who only seemed amused. “Guess I’m just used to seeing people bruised and bloody.” Numin shrugged before looking up, but upon noticing the red glow of embarrassment adorning Zero’s face, a deep part of him stirred in discomfort.

Before he had even realized, his tone took on a much different tenor as new words suddenly found their way on his tongue, that deep part of him yearning to diminish that disheartened look on Zero.

“The black eye will fade in about a week and a half. And your bruising has already turned green so I’d give it another five days, seven tops.” Huffing out a sigh, feeling that deep part of himself settle, Numin offered another ever-so-slight peak of the corners of his lips before finishing. “You’re fine, Zero.”

Blinking thrice, Zero found himself taken aback.

“Th… thanks. That’s good to hear the worst of it should subside in a week.”

If Zero didn’t know any better, he would have guessed that was Numin’s best efforts at trying to comfort him. At least, it would seem that way in his delivery, but such an assumption would be a bit brash to make with a seemingly heartless individual like him. Or perhaps there was a heart in there, somewhere deep and hidden as to not invite harm, that Numin kept guarded ferociously lest he be taken advantage of.

Zero had to wonder if he was born so abrasive or if it was learned, like a defense mechanism. And he couldn’t lie; he also wondered what was so different in himself that Numin cared not to bare his teeth and intimidate him, like he seems to do to all others who dare interact with him.

Shrugging off the wall, Zero took a few idle steps forward.

“Or at least the worst appearance-wise should clear up, that is. I’m honestly not sure about my memory, though.” On finishing, he was just about at the foot of Numin’s bed, and he extended both hands down on the plastic baseboard to lean in a bit. “If I’m being honest… I can’t even remember what happened between us earlier tonight.”

Although his body language was noticeably less embarrassed, there was an obvious shame in Zero’s expression, and he bit absently at his lower lip as if his lip ring was still present to fidget with.

Numin’s brow peaked up.

“You don’t remember anything?” Stiffening up, Numin tried to ignore that deep part of him festering once more, sitting like a weight at the bottom of his throat. Swallowing didn’t help; it only made the heavy sensation more vivid. “Do you remember my name, Zero?”

He pretended that he didn’t notice Zero’s mouth twitch into a momentarily frown, before his jaw noticeably clenched to keep himself leveled.

“When… When I woke up, I didn’t.” Woefully, he raised his right hand, and gave a tap to the name still penned on the back of it. With what could only be described as a pitiful smile, he assured Numin, “I did remember where to find it, though.”

Releasing a controlled sigh, Numin accepted those words as enough for him.

“But a few hours ago? Nothing?” The inquiry held an awful weight in those words, one that Numin wasn’t bothering to hide.

Clicking his tongue, Zero’s gaze wandered up momentarily, as if testing his own recall.

“I remember what the nurse said, about you attacking your previous roommates. And that you offered a trust-fall exercise to show you weren’t a threat to me.” The pale color of his face reddened slightly, and Numin noticed his gaze was now more purposely avoiding his own as he continued, “I-I went over to your bed, and… w-we…”

“We kissed.” Numin finished for him. An uncharacteristically soft smile graced Numin’s features in response to how bashful Zero had become, knowing well it wasn’t the amnesia that was holding Zero back from completing his sentence.

Rewardingly so, he watched as Zero sighed in relief, as if he had been self-doubting if the memory was even real.

“Y-yes, we kissed. But, after that, I-I’m not all too sure what we did…” trailing off, Zero’s eyes kept low to avoid contact with Numin’s, but his diffidence wasn't about to be coddled and catered to by the other man.

“We didn’t fuck if that’s what you’re asking.” Numin supplemented, albeit delivered with a grin of jest. Part of it was just to take delight in watching Zero’s face immediately flush and redden, but a sliver of it was indeed meant to clarify.

And redden he did, almost instantaneously feeling the heat rush to his cheeks. Yet watching Numin subtly smirk at the rise he got out of him, Zero felt the need to justify himself.

“No, no of course not. After all, it’s not like I woke up sore or bleeding down there or anything--” Cutting himself off, Zero realized his insinuation exposed his typical role in the bedroom, and although it didn’t take a lot of detective work for Numin to figure that one out, Zero still found himself somehow even more embarrassed by the second. Which only served to widen Numin’s already entertained smirk.

“For shame, Zero! Give me more credit than that.” Brazen, but still maintaining an atmosphere of jest, Numin continued with a cocky grin, “I would never prepare a partner so half-heartedly that they bleed from being with me. Or hell, even feel sore.”

“I-I didn’t mean to insinuate, I-I’m just used to—“

“Used to tops that don’t know what they’re doing? Come on Zero, you don’t need to put up with that.”

Zero gave a meek shrug, before slouching into himself.

“I know, I-I know… but I’m used to it, it’s not a big deal.” He leaned off the baseboard, and stepped around it to sit at the foot of Numin’s bed before continuing. “Besides, it already comes with the territory that it’s gonna hurt a little bit each time.”

This time Numin scoffed a bit, seemingly a little less entertained and a bit more irritated at whoever convinced Zero that anal sex was doomed to always hurt a bit. Surely a former sex partner, to excuse their own laziness or inexperience; or at least, Numin guessed so.

“I’m telling you, it really doesn’t have to.” The slight irritation in his tone almost immediately waned upon seeing Zero’s worried gaze up at him, and instead Numin found himself forming his next words before a devilish smirk even had time to grow on his lips. “Still don’t believe me? Oh Zero, don’t make me prove it to you.”

Immediately, the lewd suggestion earned a flustered squeak of surprise from the very much embarrassed Zero.

The amount of blood rushing to his face looked enough to cause a faint, what with the bright vermillion glow his naturally pale skin bloomed with. So much, in fact, that Numin almost expected him to swoon— in the quite literal sense of fainting, that is. It wasn’t as if a man as thin and lithe as Zero exactly had so much blood to spare to bring with.

“P-prove what—?” Finally managing to stutter out a line, Zero looked as if he didn’t believe what Numin just suggested. Perhaps in his already sensitive and embarrassed state it wasn’t the right atmosphere to pose such an offer, but Numin couldn’t lie that it was quite cute to watch his sarcastic demeanor wither away into endearing bashfulness.

Numin caught himself thinking that word again. Cute.

It was surprising how much Zero drew that word into his head.

“So coy all of a sudden, hm? Do I need to be more direct?” Leaning in, confined by his shackled wrist from getting too close, his face still managed to be only a foot or two away from Zero’s. In his pause, he noticed that despite his blush, Zero leaned in towards him reciprocally, as if awaiting in bated breath for his continuation, sealing Numin’s confidence in what he planned to say next.

“Do you want to fuck me, Zero?”

Eyes immediately widening, Zero’s mouth parted momentarily as if the words got stuck in his throat. In those bright green irises pooled a storm of different emotions, all too intertwined to differentiate, but each playing a role in the dumbfounded look on his face.

No words. No reply. No nothing.

Numin, still smirking, was almost about to poke fun at his sudden stupor until Zero leaned in fast, crashing his lips onto his own hungerly.

And, pushing back into the kiss once he realized what was happening, Numin heard Zero’s non-verbal response. He heard it in the way Zero’s tongue slipped into his mouth, and in the way his slender hand found hold onto his shoulder. He heard it in the feel of Zero’s back arching slightly towards him, he heard it through the muffled groan released against his lips.

Zero’s whole body was practically screaming one word.

Exception On Line 129: Not So Stranger

By the time the sedatives have wore off, the prying nurses and noisy cops were long gone. They had originally wanted to question Zero, and so did his doctor, in order to gauge the extent of his head trauma; but all parties concerned were informed he was incompetent for questioning due to his sedation, and deflected until tomorrow to pester him later.

And incompetent indeed; when everyone had left, Numin had attempted to ask how he felt, only to get a slurred ‘what’ back at him, to which he assumed it was best to wait for Zero to be back in a sober clear mind before attempting conversation again.

Sometime in the afternoon Zero slipped under, falling asleep in the same position looking up at the ceiling, with the only indication of sleep being the closure of his eyes, and his already slow heartbeat growing even further apart in tempo on the beep of the heart monitor.

By the evening of that day, when he awoke, his head was finally clear enough to think straight, and the headache was fainter as it ricocheted inside his skull.

Shifting, the most movement he’s made since morning, Zero sat up in a daze, blinking blankly around the bright fluorescent room. Outside he noticed it was dark behind the paper-thin blinds, yet the unnatural lighting in the hospital room kept the room too bright for it to feel like evening. An uncomfortable discrepancy, especially considering how he had fallen asleep during daylight with only a hazy recollection of the day, only serving to further his ongoing confusion.

“Lucid now?” A familiar voice pried, surprisingly gentle, despite the unhidden harsh edge it innately carried. Turning to face the voice, a bit delayed in his reaction due to the lingering effects of the sedation, Zero faced the stranger in the bed beside his own.

When he met his eyes to the other man’s soft green ones, a sudden intrusion of memories flooded in.

His roommate. Zero couldn’t recall his name, but he felt fondly in his recognition of him, even though their interactions were hazy to retrieve.

Actually, not hazy; they were basically absent. All he knew was that this man was one he was familiar and friendly with.

“Barely lucid… god, my head feels like cotton.” He groaned, bringing his hand up to rub his temple, only to find the texture of soft gauze at his fingertips, bits of it snagging at his short jagged nails. “I… I was asleep for a while, but we met earlier today, right?”

The green hue of his roommate’s eyes darkened, in a melancholic transition that somehow made his next words seem despondent. “Yes, we’ve met. Do you remember me, Zero?”

The pressure to take away that undying anguish in his expression made Zero stressed to probe his memories for an answer that would sate his roommate.

“I remember… you… wrote something on my hand, I think?” Not even confident in his own foggy recollection, Zero knit his brow at the other man, as if silently asking for confirmation.

The other man let out a short sigh, almost in relief but not quite there just yet, at the sign of even a sliver of working memory in Zero’s head.

“Yes, I wrote my name down so you wouldn’t forget. The nurse put your IV back in but it should still be visible.”

Tilting his head down at his hand for confirmation, surely enough he found a name printed on the back of his palm in neat lettering, alongside his IV line buried deep into a superficial vein.

“Numin. Oh, that name does ring some bells.”

His roommate chuckled, albeit still tensed in the manner. “It should. You needed to be reminded of it quite a few times.”

With a couple blinks, Zero tore his eyes off the print on his hand to look up at Numin. “It’s weird, it feels like I met you years ago. Like the memories are so far back in my head that I have to focus to try and retrieve them. Did I really just meet you today? We didn’t have, like, a class together or anything?”

He ended his inquiry with a little cock of his head to the right, like an honest signal of innocent curiosity, and Numin consciously wondered if he was trying to be a little cute on purpose.

He stopped that thought right in its trail, though; since when does he think of others as cute?

“This morning, when you woke up for the first time since your accident, we met,” he hesitated, just slightly, remembering bitterly how badly Zero took this information last time, “you’ve been in a coma for several days now.”

Although there was an undeniable widening of Zero’s eyes in surprise, it quickly waned, as if the knowledge had awoken within him the fact he had heard that before. Nevertheless, his heart did start skipping a beat faster on the heart rate monitor, and Numin noticed Zero began biting his lower lip. Centered both above his top lip and below his bottom were two pierced holes, so Numin deduced that he must’ve had a habit of biting a lower lip piercing; although, regardless of its presence, Zero seemed to chew his lip anyway. Made Numin wonder if at some point he just got it pierced to have something to bite at.

“Ah. Yeah, I think I remember something about that.”

In his palm, Zero had a handful of his bedding’s blanket gripped tight, anxiously holding onto anything that could ground him. A sore pang clawed in Numin’s chest; he wished he could go over there again. Almost yearningly, he tugged gently at the handcuffs keeping him in place, a deep inner part of him imploring himself to just break it off again like last time.

“Is there anything else you remember?” Prying in order to keep his thoughts from getting him in more trouble, Numin looked back up to face Zero. He was sitting off the edge of his bed, fist still full of his paperthin hospital blanket, looking up in almost a bit of a daze. Numin couldn’t tell if it was because he was lost in thought trying to remember the events from earlier today, or if the Valium was still lingering a bit in his system. Nevertheless, it was enough of a daze to leave him oblivious to the slight drop of his hospital gown off one of his shoulders, exposing his collar bone, as well as a small written tattoo beneath it. In black lettering, it marked: ‘Print (“Hello World”)’, a basic one-line computer program, leading Numin to infer he must know how to code.

Although placid, the exposed skin had that word bubbling back up into Numin’s mind again. Cute.

Was his face just hot or is he now blushing over the visible collarbone and that tattoo?

“I remember, you were talking to me, but I can’t recall what about,” Zero finally spoke up, breaking Numin’s distraction on his slightly exposed shoulder, and with his headspace back to reality Zero absentmindedly tugged his gown’s collar back up, none the wiser that Numin was growing red in the cheeks as he stared at it.

As if to compose himself and continue on as if he wasn’t lost tracing his eyes on that soft skin beneath Zero’s gown, Numin swallowed, continuing the conversation.

“We talked about a handful of things. None of them come to mind?”

Blinking thrice, Zero looked down from the ceiling back at him. “Maybe, I don’t know…”

Awkwardly, his fumbled with the slack of blanket in his hand, crumpling it anxiously. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but… did you say something about being gay?”

Startled, Numin let out an unexpected laugh, amused as Zero’s bashfulness to address it.

“Bisexual, but yeah. You got the gist of it.” And, almost teasingly, he added, “Seems like you made that information top priority to recall. Are you always that good at remembering sexual orientations, or am I just special?”

Adding fuel to the fire of Zero’s embarrassment, now he was the one blushing. However, keeping his usual front, he managed to bite back with his own quip, despite the rouge color of his face betraying his actual thoughts.

“I don’t often forget when an interesting man tells me he likes men.” As if in an effort to divert the subject matter, he continued, “besides that… I think I remember you being here?”

He made a pat to the side of the mattress, on the bed where Numin had sat with him during his anxiety attack. And although he didn’t remember too clearly the details to which Numin was beside him, Zero does recall a warming comfort. Even if the actual memory was absent, it left a fond afterglow, and even through the frightening awareness of his amnesia he felt the sentiment they must’ve held.

“I was. Got in quite the bit of trouble, too.” Numin agreed, with a sigh, dejectedly giving his handcuffs another clank. As if maybe they’ll just phase through the bar if he moved them enough.

Regardless, they were symbolic anyways. If Numin wanted to keep out of anymore trouble at this point, he’ll have to allow the cops to have their illusion of control over him.

Even if that’s all it was. An illusion.

“If… if it’s proper to ask, what are you here for?” Meekly, Zero gestured vaguely at the hospital room around him. He’s never been detained before himself, and he wasn’t too sure if it was an appropriate question to ask.

But instead, Numin offered a little shrug, nonchalant.

“Shot in the forearm. Very minor surgery to remove the shards, but it didn’t do any major damage.”

The casualness of his tone threw Zero off, and he gave the other man a noticeable wide-eyed look.

“You were shot!?”

The shock in his tone made Numin chuckle. The cavalier nature he had about his injury was unnatural, like violence was something he found ordinary and injury was something he found unthreatening.

“Yeah, cop tried handcuffing me, so I stabbed him in the stomach,” at that, he made a gesture to with his free hand towards his own abdomen, lightly tapping below his ribs as if to indicate where the cop had taken his knife before continuing, “but the bastard was able to reach for his gun and got a shot in before I knocked it out of his hand.”

Still appalled, Zero blinked thrice in bewilderment, as if trying to process the exact capabilities Numin had. The energy he had was commanding and all-consuming, and it seemed he was way more than just a front in that regard.

“What... happened to him?” Zero barely managed to get out on the border of a whisper, quiet in almost a careful way, in case this was a question that could provoke a negative reaction.

Hearing the breathless nature of his question, Numin drew a toothy and predatory smile. The look of it almost seemed like he was reminiscing on fond memories, but his green eyes were festering with a darkness that betrayed a more sadistic delight to his face.

“Dead. I shouldn’t have even let him live long enough to get a shot in. Disgusting little maggot...” the last part of his sentence road his vocals on almost a growl, with each word dripping with abhorrence.

It sent a chilling shiver down Zero’s spine.

Aggression and violence wasn’t a surprise from his roommate, not in the slightest considering his demeanor. But something about the idea of actually killing someone, taking a life and having no regret, was absolutely bone-chilling.

There was a soft voice in the back of Zero’s head, warning him if his acquaintance with this man was dangerous. It begged him to withdraw from the conversation, to stop entertaining his roommate lest he accidentally got on his bad side. However, there was an even louder voice fighting that reasoning, and drawing him to continue.

It was at first terrifying to learn Numin had murdered someone. A deep, unsettling seed of knowledge that is now embedded into Zero’s brain, and it felt like he was watering the seed with every passing moment he dwelled on that unnerving idea. And as with any seed, it grew, and changed, and the more Zero thought about it the more his feelings about it were fuzzier than originally anticipated.

And after dwelling on it for a few moments, Zero can’t exactly lie that the idea wasn’t now also alluring, interesting in a way he can’t describe. Like a mixture of morbid curiosity to know more, with the knowledge it was bad to be interested but undeniably being drawn to it nonetheless.

His roommate had murdered someone.

And somehow, he wasn’t afraid of Numin for it.

“Is that what you’re in trouble for? Stabbing a cop to death?”

As if intrigued by Zero’s lack of fear, instead finding just shock and interest, Numin narrowed his eyes curiously, holding his dark smile. But it was no longer in glee to his lurid memories, instead it was in growing fascination for Zero’s interest.

“He was arresting me for something else, but his death is added onto my charges at the moment. However, my civil defender said something about being able to claim he shot me first and I stabbed in self-defense, but that’ll be a tough story to sell.” There was a taste of annoyance in his tone, as if reluctant to peddle the idea of being shot first before stabbing the cop. As if it strangled his pride too much for his liking, that he would allow another to harm him first.

Or, perhaps, that he would allow another to dare harm him at all.

“Wait, so he was already arresting you for a different crime at the time?” Suddenly, as if the thought of more charges was an alien concept, Zero’s eyes noticeably widened at his revitalized surprise.

Unbeknownst to him, it left another doe-eyed astonished look on his face— albeit still probably due to the lingering drug— that had a bit of warmth suddenly rising to Numin’s cheeks again, subtly but still nonetheless present through a hazy rouge ghosting his complexion.

Cute. He couldn’t tell if he hated himself for thinking that word at all or if the feeling was just frustration from yet again noticing how attractive he thought Zero was. Either way, the surfacing of that word bothered him.

Numin hadn’t the slightest clue why he couldn’t quite shake the idea from his train of thought. The idea that Zero was being cute right now.

“Yeah. I was being arrested for a separate murder charge at the time, so I thought, hell, what’s another?” Although there was a jesting tone in his voice meant to convey a bit of humor, the tension he was carrying found itself laced among his words and inwoven with his expression. Tension only aggravated by the newfound evasiveness Numin’s eyes took on.

Zero noticed the reddish hue on his roommate’s face now. A quick smirk rose onto his lips before he stifled it, killing it as fast as it was born— he’ll pretend he doesn’t notice, but he’s well aware that Numin knows he definitely did.

“Makes sense. What’s one when you can have two.” Despite the topic at hand currently being murder victims, Zero continued with a cadence that was surprisingly cavalier. Guess when someone is noticeably blushing and growing a bit hot and bothered when they’re speaking to him it really takes the fear out of talking to someone with possible murder charges. After all, a cold hard murderer showing a bit of sheepishness like a nervous teenager talking to their classroom crush?

Oh, dare Zero even think— it might be a bit attractive.

Someone so calloused and violent, coming undone ever so slightly in his presence. Even if the undoneness was painted in just a faint blush of attraction on the other’s face, or slight tenseness in their words.

It made Zero feel a bit special, in a way.

“Two? Ah, I forget how many, but it’s well over two.” Although still collecting himself a bit, breaking his eyes back down to his handcuffs as if to hide the unspoken redness in his face, Numin’s voice composed itself with his next line, as if more thought would distract him from that word he kept trying to ignore whenever he looked at Zero. “Definitely more than two, it’s maybe… Maybe around a dozen or so? Although however many I’m charged with is beyond me. I’m certain the cops aren’t aware of all of them.”

The shock momentarily got to Zero for a split second, just at the sheer number. Or perhaps the shock was over Numin not even knowing the exact count; both were equally something to raise his brow in surprise at.

“Damn. Well, spoiler alert, I’m not here for murder myself.” After saying so, the memory of the officer pounding at his apartment door over an arrest warrant bubbled up into his consciousness, giving him an involuntary shiver when it popped at the surface.

Like old film flickering in his head with how vague and out of focus the memories were, he felt it more so than saw it.

Pain zipping up and down his back as he was knocked to the floor. Frail legs desperately kicking to keep the officer off of him. Hard boot connecting with his temple once, and the world darkening as everything slips away for a split moment into sheer pain and confusion. The second kick he doesn’t remember, but only assumes must’ve hit him after those memories cut short, hitting a blank wall as the world around was stolen away from him.

Unexpectedly, he noticed his mouth was a bit drier than a moment before.

“Come to think of it… I-I’m not all too sure what I’m arrested for, exactly.”

There was an unsteady shake in those words. Numin felt that deep part in his chest ache for him again, and without even thinking there was an audible jingle as he tugged the handcuffs yearningly again, subconscious desire turning into subtle action.

He wished he wasn’t confined.

“You can’t remember?” Softly, despite the gruffness of his voice, Numin verbally acknowledged Zero’s amnesia again.

Giving a weak half-hearted shrug, Zero blinked twice blankly, as if his eyes were focused on an absent memory. Or, at least the spaces where a memory may have been.

“I don’t know if I can’t remember or if I never knew in the first place. It’s weird, but somehow… even when I think I forgot something, I have the feeling that the information was once there.” A couple more blinks calibrated his eyes back to the dull hospital room around him, before continuing. “Like I noticed that I can’t recall your name again. Although for certain, I’m sure I’ve been told it more than once.”

The start of a weak and curious frown ghosted Numin’s lips. “Do you remember where to find it?”

There was another nervous bite on his bottom lip from Zero. Hesitant, as if taking a fifty-fifty shot at where he could possibly find his roommate’s name, he shakily raised his hand and checked the back of it.

And sure enough, confirming his hunch, there was a name in neat lettering there.

“Ah, the name Numin does ring a bell.”

His roommate chuckled deeply. “You said that last time.”

Tossing a perked brow up at him, Zero narrowed his eyes playfully.

“Well, then… let’s hope this time it’s louder bells.”

He ended his own retort with a slight chuckle of his own, almost distracted enough to not notice when the door opened for a nurse to hurry in. Numin recognized him as the one who injected the Valium into Zero’s veins this morning, and the viridescent hue of his eyes turned stygian and dark in bitter spite towards a particularly guilty party who Numin saw at blame for this morning’s fiasco.

“Oh-- Mr. Novem, I didn’t expect you up.” Tense, perhaps giving a few cautious glances at Numin to ensure he was still properly restrained, the nurse made his way for Zero’s bedside, only to have his patient narrow his eyes at him in distrust and sit up tensely in his bed, body language insinuating that his memory still recalled the face of who injected Valium into his veins earlier today.

Or perhaps, it was less of the memory of who Anderson was, and more of the innate emotion that seeing him evoked. Not a name, nor face, nor even incriminating action to seed a taste of discontent on Zero’s tongue when he saw the man; rather, it was a raw and visceral recoil, like how one would instinctively recoil from a bee’s sting before they had even realized they have stepped upon one.

Simply put, it was a knee-jerk reaction, memoryless by nature. Yet, the reaction his mind and body naturally had towards the nurse told Zero enough of the story; he was not a friend, nor was he one to be trusted.

“Yeah, I’m sure you would’ve liked not dealing with me for a few more hours, huh?” Leveled as to not betray enough defiance that could warrant another injection, Zero hissed at the nurse ever so begrudgingly.

A few flecks of guilt surfaced in the nurse’s soft umber eyes, uncensored and uninhibited. They gave his patient a genuine look of remorse that both Numin and Zero were surprised to see.

“My apologies for this morning. Things were, um, out of hand… in more ways than one.” Despite him reaching for Zero’s chart and making a few routine recordings of heart rate and alertness, the actions seemed more methodical and habitual rather than cold. “You had sustained quite a bit of damage from your arrest. Your coma was expected to last much longer, and finding you awake and lucid in addition to your roommate being unrestrained probably wasn’t the best atmosphere. The sedation was a tragic necessity to get things under control.”

Audibly in the background, Numin scoffed. But, perhaps in a more complacent state of mind considering his physical circumstances, Zero leaned more towards the believability of Anderson’s words— at least, if only noticeable by the slight release of tension knitting his brow in distaste.

He decided to entertain that the nurse was being truthful. At least, because he had no memories to contradict Anderson’s story of how this morning went.

“How long was I out for?” Inquiring through a hesitant tone, as if to attempt to gauge how serious the nurse actually was on his remorse, Zero pried for some answers.

Or, at least he tried to, if Numin didn’t interject almost immediately.

“A few days. I told you earlier already.” As if they were the only two in the room, Numin shot Zero a stern look, conveying a level of seriousness and intimidation in the darkness of his eyes that wasn’t quite there a moment before in their lighthearted words. And, nestled in the shadows of that darkness was a condensation to the nurse; he wasn’t even going to grace the guilty party with recognition, instead speaking only to Zero.

“A-ah, so have I been… under arrest? I’m not handcuffed to the bed like he is.” Words feeling thick and off balance on his tongue, Zero stuttered them out gracelessly, but not out of meekness to the nurse’s presence; he was instead nervous from the obvious cue from Numin that he wasn’t to continue addressing the nurse.

And, without even looking in his direction, Zero could feel the cold darkness in Numin’s eyes bearing down on him, festering in what the best case scenario is frustration, and worse case anger.

Noting the atmosphere himself, the nurse seemed meek to pique up. It took a few moments before he could muster to.

“You’re temporarily detained, not technically arrested. Your injuries and coma seemed severe enough to not warrant restraints, but if you pose a danger to others or a risk of escape—“ he made a curt yet polite nod towards Numin, signaling his example, “— then, you may also be handcuffed as well.”

“Ah. Makes sense. Guess I’m not complaining, then.” Zero replied back, albeit without complete presence in his own words. There was an obvious distraction hovering over his cadence, perhaps a voice inside him asking if the questions were worth Numin’s irate stare burning through his skin.

“It’s for the better. Honestly, if I’m being level with you, your charges might even be dropped.” Continuing the conversation between short scribbles and readings he was recording, Anderson’s nerves seemed to have ironed out a bit. Perhaps the reality of Numin being confined was comforting. Perhaps the irate glances being the most hostility he was expressing reassured him.

Zero could only guess the nurse has seen him in quite a rage state to be so initially cautious.

“Dropped? Dropped how? Honestly, I’m not entirely sure what my charges even are.” His words were strained, their delivery being just a bit faster than his previous reply, exposing his underlying urge to hear what he was actually arrested over.

Anderson peaked an eyebrow in slight surprise, looking over his clipboard of vitals and notes at his patient.

“You were charged with cyber crimes for breaching the Cray Incorporation’s computers. I don’t know the details, but I’ve been told it’s not exactly a grave offense,” there was a gentleness in his eyes, softening a bit in sympathy, “but, due to the brutality of your arrest and the injuries you sustain, I’m no lawyer but… I don’t exactly see the charges going through.”

A short catch of his breath exposed Zero’s relief and surprise— he honestly didn’t even register his hack as major enough to even be noticed, let alone criminalized.

“Finally, some words from you that have actual meaning: you’re no lawyer. So why don’t you stop talking to him and stringing him along on these guideless assumptions?” Sharply, like the irritation towards Zero was being snuffed out and instead ignited onto Anderson, Numin diverted his attention.

Zero blinked, taken aback but also secretly relieved he was no longer under those threatening eyes.

“I-I’m just saying, that’s what it looks like at the moment. Were you even aware of his charges, Mr. Belua?” Without much confidence underlying his reply, Anderson noticeably tightened his grip on Zero’s chart sheepishly. Nevertheless, his dominant hand still continued their short and purposeful scribbles, as if to hide the idea his nerves around Numin may be preoccupying him.

The restrained, dangerous man chuckled. Zero has never heard someone laugh with both darkness and irritation enveloped together, intertwining in an unnerving way as to coax goosebumps from those who heard. Surely enough, confirming with a quick glance, some bumps were already decorating Zero’s exposed forearms.

“Doesn’t matter what he was charged with. I knew it wasn’t a violent crime, that’s for sure.” Giving his chained fist a quick pound against the bed’s side rail to rattle his handcuffs, Numin made both a show of his aggression and a show of his containment. Nevertheless, there was a bit of a sadistic gleam in his eyes that Zero saw, a noticeable delight Numin took when the poor nurse jumped at his threateningly loud hit against the side rail.

“You know, those handcuffs aren't just for my protection-- they’re for his, as well.” Anderson gestured to Zero, pen still in hand as he pointed, before turning to said patient. “I’m sure for your consideration, you might want to hear he’s a danger to his roommates. He put his last one in the ICU.”

“Don’t you dare!” Numin growled, straightening up in his bed but unable to do anything more than yank threateningly at his cuffs.

“W-what are you talking about?” Zero squeaked back at Anderson, almost meekly at the news.

“I’m talking about why he was put with you. We put him with a comatose patient on purpose… He kept breaking out of his restraints and assaulting the other ones.”

“Because they were disgusting! I couldn’t stand to listen to anything that came out of their worthless mouths!” Numin nearly shouted back, seething with so much irate that it dripped off each syllable like venom. His unshackled hand came down to grab the side rail that he was cuffed to, tightening around the metal in a white-knuckled grip, and he gave another violent shake that sounded close to breaking it. The jarring noise of it made Anderson drop his chart, recoiling with a startled step back.

“Mr.Belua, calm yourself or I’ll have to call in the head nurse.”

“You want me fucking calm!? Then get out of here! I’ll rip your tongue out if you wanna stay and keep talking!” Like an animal in a cage, he thrashed savagely, clanging the handcuffs around in his fit. The bed rattled with it, loud and unnerving, hinting his threat was going to be fulfilled if Anderson dared stay any longer.

Even though the words weren’t even directed at him, Zero found himself curling up nervously, tucking his knees under his chin and holding onto his legs like a surrogate security blanket. Whether between the room’s atmosphere or his surfacing anxiety, the wound on his head throbbed deep with his heart rate, fast and heavy. The air was getting too thick to breath in smoothly.

Weirdly enough, that tone and anger reminded him of his father.

Even the nurse seemed shaken. His eyes only parted off Numin to make a glance at his clipboard and pen on the floor, rethinking his decision to aggravate such an infamous patient. Although it only took a few mere seconds, the racy thoughts in his head to finish his rounds and leave this room was apparent on his face. A few beads of sweat made a constellation of fear on his brow, and rather than make a deal out of this and call in the head nurse, he decided to pretend this didn’t happen.

After all, if worse comes to worse, he didn’t want Numin breaking loose; Anderson already knew he could. And he didn’t want to be the guilty party who had provoked him.

Without much other words, Anderson gave a sorry glance at Zero, before reaching for the chart on the ground. After hastily clipping on the pen and returning it to Zero’s bed post, he turned heel and left, stumbling slightly in his hurry and shutting the door quickly behind him.

It took Zero a few moments before he realized his body was shaking.

He could hear Numin’s quick, frustrated breaths from across the room. Almost like the breathing of a wolf about to growl. Like an impending attack was coming, that maybe if he stayed still and quiet he could avoid. Meekly, Zero slouched into himself, as if trying to not be there.

He’s used to not being there. He’s used to trying to pretend not to exist. If his dad has taught him anything, it was that.

Numin didn’t say a word. Just kept breathing, deep and upset. Angered.

Zero wanted to remember something about his roommate to trust. To fall back on as reassurance that this man wouldn’t vent his anger upon him now that the nurse is gone.

But aided by his anxiety, his memories all seemed distant and fuzzy.

His head was pounding.

All he could feel right now was fear for him. It felt like his father across the room. It felt like that was the last time he had been sober and so afraid of someone before.

“Zero. Are you okay there?”

It was Numin speaking, anger still laced in those words but concern still surfacing. Yet it wasn’t his voice Zero heard.

It was his father’s.

“Say something. P-pl…” hesitating, as if reluctant to cede his pride, the voice dropped an octave lower before continuing, “p-please, just say something, Zero.”

It sounded like his father’s voice. Not him, not Numin-- It was his father.

The memories burned in his head, blistering with the searing pain of his headache. He can’t remember this roommate. For whatever reason, in this godforsaken bright white room, he only remembers his father.

A few sparse tears beaded his lashes, barely held back from rolling down his hot red face.

“Please… I-I didn’t mean to scare you, just… Just tell me you’re okay, Zero.”

The words didn’t even register.