seen from Pakistan
seen from Russia
seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from Yemen
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from Russia
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from India
seen from United States
seen from Brazil
seen from United States
seen from Uzbekistan
seen from United States
anger does fuel me,
despair paralyzes me.
anger can't exist without despair, neither despair can exist without anger.
anger helps me to act. but when despair is stronger than anger, i feel almost crushed.
i realized mourning is natural, and it's not something that makes me weak person. but i can't just stop acting because of it.
seeing colonizer's forces poisoning everything i love is still killing me.
28 Oct 2024
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sometimes homesick feeling is almost physically painful. i was dreaming about snowy forests last night. i miss cold summers so much i could cry.
i feel like i'm in the right place right now, because it feels like a second home with my loved ones & i am most useful here than everywhere else.
but still...... i hope i will able to visit at least Karelian regions of Finland some day. even tho it's not what i craved for (independent Karjala), but it still is my homeland... in a sense.
13 Sept 2024
"Without the ability to communicate with parents or other family members, it becomes difficult to create an identity intertwined with one's heritage culture. In fact, once the heritage language is lost, children may lose the cognitive ability to understand certain concepts or beliefs in their heritage culture. Those who lose the heritage language and choose not to actively maintain its use often assimilate into the dominant culture rather quickly".
absence of guidance from the important native caregiver makes everything much harder. learning on myself without proper cultural experience in my childhood is tough. even with a few Karelian friends, which are most welcoming people i know, it's not easy. Karelian hospitality helps. indigenous solidarity helps.
but somehow i still feel like i'm too far.
i guess Karelian diaspora in Ukraine would help. like personal meetings and talks or something. i wish i had enough energy and ability to make such thing exist and be safe for everyone. too risky right now.
*sigh*
29 Dec 2024
