#hte

you've never regretted anything in your life more than deciding to type out that comment. within the hour, those 8 words had almost as many likes as the post itself and it'd already began to make its way around every social media site possible.

editors on tiktok were already using it for their intros, it trended faster than you could say 'x' on twitter, and billie's reply only blew up the whole situation a hundred times as big as it should've been.

but of course, the way she'd texted you right after maybe, just maybe, made the whole thing worth it.

so naturally, with that ominous text and you being you, there's no way you were going to pass up the opportunity. you're sprawled out across your bed, grinning as you repost a couple tiktoks and like some interesting instagram reels just to test the waters a little.

ones that talk about not being able to finish or the importance of personality in a relationship, to be exact.

you can already imagine her reaction--the way her jaw would clench, her narrowed eyes, how she'd be bitter about it for the next month--as you smile yourself to sleep.

and it's never ceased to amaze you just how quickly the fans work, especially when it comes to you and billie. the next morning, you're bombarded with enough notifications to make all your apps lag and your phone start to grow hot the minute you open it.

damn. there's hundreds of users stitching your repost, their view counts and likes climbing by the second and it's so funny you're tempted to like all of them:

user05 she still got that big dick energy tho! #billie eilish #y/n

user06 helppp this is reminding me of that one time billie reposted the same shit when she was with jesse 💔

user07 it's not the size of the boat it's the motion of the ocean 😔☝️

in the first 24 hours, it's already become the new running joke in the fandom where people are dissing billie's "strap game" and she still hasn't said anything yet...which is weird.

you thought there'd be a text or call waiting and you were expecting her to half laugh and be half offended. but there's absolutely nothing and you're starting to wonder if she's just going to give you the silent treatment.

probably not, though. every time in the past she's tried to, she lasts a good thirty minute before she breaks and comes running right back.

you're still contemplating all the possible scenarios as you unlock the door, walking back home from the gym. and the sight before you is a possibility you never saw coming.

billie's lying on the bed, a massive bouquet of flowers lying on the nightstand table...alongside her strap. "surprise," she smirks, standing up to walk over.

you can only stand there dumbfounded. is she not supposed to be in new york doing sound check or something right now? there's already fans starting to camp near the venue and she's here?

"billie? aren't you performing tomorrow?"

"mhm," she hums, taking your bag off your shoulder and dropping it to the side with a definitive thud. "but i got somethin' more important to do right now."

she places her hands on your hips, walking you backwards to the edge of the bed as you grin. "more important than work?" you tease.

her hands come up your sides, working the zipper of your hoodie down. "well," she murmurs, pushing the fabric off your shoulders, "my girl's reposting shit about me being bad in bed. you think i'm just gonna let that slide?"

you opt out for a shrug just to rile her on even more, "i dunno. i thought it was pretty funny."

the effect is instantaneous. billie's left eye twitches as she throws your hoodie behind her and it falls all the way to the opposite side of the room. "funny, huh?" she repeats, her voice dropping to a whisper.

her hands fist in your top and with one sharp, effortless motion, she has it over your head. "let's see how funny you think i am in a minute."

before you can think of a comeback, let alone say it, her mouth is on yours, tongue already past your lips and leaving you breathless. one of billie's hands tangle in your hair, tilting your head back for better access, while the other palms your breast through your bra.

she breaks the kiss, leaving you gasping and still processing what the hell is happening. "bed. on your knees and face the headboard."

whatever ego you had earlier completely disintegrates with that command. you scramble onto the bed, back facing towards her as you hear her click the harness on.

"you talked so much shit," she says, nonchalant, her voice right beside you.

you can feel the bed dip down as billie kneels, fingers sliding down your spine and hooking into the waistband of your panties before she yanks them down immediately, all the way down to your thighs.

"strap game this, small dick that," she says, followed by a stinging slap to your ass.

"you were so brave behind the screen baby," she grins, her fingers tracing the reddened mark.

"i--"

before you can let another word out, two of her fingers slide through your folds and you groan into the sheets. "look at you now," she says and you can hear the smile in her voice, "soaked for me, for the strap you made fun of."

she brings her fingers to your mouth. "taste."

you part your lips as she pushes them in, your eyes fluttering shut. "atta girl," she purrs, taking her hand back and pressing the tip against you.

"is this okay?" she asks, her voice soft.

when you nod she laughs out a "you gonna take back what you said?"

of course you still shake your head, "no--it's still funny."

billie only laughs. "alright, have it your have way."

she thrusts in, filling you completely in an instant and the pleasure's so intense and so good you already take back everything you said.

"still funny?" she grunts, her hands gripping your hips hard.

she doesn't wait for you to answer, grinding her hips hard and deep, each one punctuating her words. "you think--" followed by a sharp push until she's all the way inside, "--i'm--" another jolt of her body, "--bad--" again "--at this?"

you shake your head no, moaning as she fucks you with a brutal, focused intensity. your arms are close to giving out as you fall to your elbows, ass in the air and fully at her mercy.

billie leans over you, chest pressed against you back and mouth at your ear. "look at how you're taking me, ma," she groans, "look at you. a mess on my cock."

you can only whimper in agreement, the defiance fully fucked out of you. she pulls you through your first orgasm with no mercy, speeding up her rhythm even as you clench around the silicone, chanting her name into the mattress.

she doesn't stop, not for a second, not even when your legs start to tremble beneath you and your body starts to jerk. "fuck," you breathe, "please bils, it's too much."

"hm? thought you said you couldn't finish," she laughs.

here we go with the pettiness.

"i obviously can," you whine, moving too much for her liking.

"watch that attitude," billie warns, holding you down by your hips.

"i'm just gettin' started. you don't get to come once and call it even. we're going until the only thing you remember is what this--" she says, thrusting as far inside you as she can, "--feels like."

you can barely hold yourself up now and billie pulls out suddenly, the emptiness between your legs a mix of relief and torture. before you can protest, she's flipping you onto your back, looming over you as her hair falls around her face.

"what's wrong?" she grins, "you tired already?"

she places your legs just above her shoulders, folding you nearly in half, and the angle hits even deeper, a spot inside you that makes you arch off the bed with your eyes screwed shut.

"i--ngh--i can't," you pant, hands fisting in the sheets.

"yeah you can," she slows her pace a little, "c'mon, look at me angel. one more, okay?"

billie's fast, rough thrusts turn into much gentler grinds that push you even closer and closer. her hands come up to your face, tilting your head for a messy, breathless kiss as you moan.

you clench around her strap with a wince, the orgasm pure pleasure, and her movements slow to a stop before she pulls out. you can hear the harness fall to the ground with a soft thud and she collapses beside you, pulling your body against hers.

it's silent for a moment, but of course that never lasts long with billie.

"so...did you come?" she jokes with a grin.

"obviously not," you laugh, "i was just acting--don't wanna hurt that big ass ego y'know?" you point at her chest.

"uh huh," billie hums, not buying it for a second. her hand drifts down your side as her knee gently nudges right between your thighs.

you can't help but flinch away from her touch with a gasp and she raises her eyebrows, the fattest, shit-eating grin spreading across her face. "'obviously not,'" she mimics your voice perfectly, "you're a horrible liar, you know that?"

you bury your face in her neck with a laugh and her arms tighten around you. "truce?" she says, pressing a kiss to your forehead, "or do i need to remind you again tomorrow?"

you look up at her, at the playful glint in her eyes and the genuine softness right behind it. "truce. only cause i can't feel my legs anymore and you're supposed to be working."

"good." billie smiles, "speaking of work, y'know i cancelled soundcheck for this, right? you owe me."

you run your fingers through her hair, "yeah? what do i owe you?"

"well, for starters, those reposts and likes better be gone or next time i'm not going easy on you. and second--" she pauses as you laugh out a, "two wishes? damn, that's greedy."

billie rolls her eyes, still grinning though. "second, you can cuddle me until my flight," she says, throwing her leg over yours.

and as you drift off, tangled under the sheets with her in the dark, a slow, satisfied smile spreads across your face. maybe that comment wasn't so stupid after all.

# 111 . . . QUESTION MARK

# 222 . . . SUNGLASSES

but things are different when you're a brat. billie being a dealer she's always gone for too long, but those hours can feel like days when there's nothing left to do. so when she's busy at work, and you send her risky photos she can't help but be mean, i mean you were disturbing her while she was working, and she's so easily distracted by you.

the second you're remotely even acting up she's quick to put you in your place, on the bed, behind the kitchen counter, on your knees. anything that'll just remind you that you can't act up.

she could tease you for hours, pull at your hair, even keep your hands tied just because you decided to talk to someone she didn't like, or flirted with her friend as a joke.

but you know that she falls to your mercy just as easily, a little bit of whining and maybe even sucking her off, she's forgotten everything that's happened and it's all back to normal.

that is until you're annoying her with your newest vocal stim. it's not like she doesn't do it either! i mean you're her 24k gold labubu after all ❤️ .

if billie is working even an hour later than the time she says she's going to be home, she's quick to picking up a box of chocolates, flowers, (sometimes even something designer) because she doesn't want to make you upset.

sometimes while the two of you are fucking, billie will take her hat and place it on your head, and it'll drive her insane (so will seeing her in her clothes, or with no clothes at all, basically just seeing you). her chains are also always falling onto your chest, and you love the feeling. billie's favorite thing is having her hands on you. she can't go a minute without her hands on you.

but what drives her crazy is when you challenge her just enough to make her earn it. the way you pout, the way you pretend not to listen, how your eyes glimmer with mischief right before she catches your wrist and pulls you back where she wants you.

you can feel it in the way her breath hitches when you wear her clothes with just your panties, or even nothing underneath, around the house. she’ll lean in close, fingers slipping beneath your chin to make you look at her.

billie makes sure she knows you're her girl, and loves fucking you face down ass up, but is obsessed with when you ride her. especially while she's working, she'll make you cockwarm her till you can't handle it, just begging for her to fuck you, and then of course she gives in because how could she say no?

dealer billie who fucks you in the car before an event, or a dinner, and when you complain to her that your panties are all ruined she just opens the glove box in her car where she keeps your panties anyways. but of course she will make a comment of how you won't need them anyways. billie who is obsessed with when you send her pictures when she's working (even if she calls you out for it) but will send you pictures back of her dick. she then calls you begging you to help her out.

billie is also a top at heart, super dominant, but the second you're yelling at her, she's shut up and on her knees for you. poor girl is so whiny when you don't give her enough attention.

billie will also take work calls while she's deep inside you, just confessing that she can multi-task, but she'll hang up before she makes you cum because only she can hear you then.

billie is also big on aftercare, she takes the most care of you, bringing you water, snacks, cleaning you up, basically everything. she's very soft when it comes to you, because she loves you, and always brings up the fact that you are her wife.

© dragoneyelashart

you and billie had a great relationship, until fame hit her like a brick wall. one day, things seemed like they were normal. date nights, relaxing times together at home, everything was perfect. the next, her life seemed to move at a speed neither of you could keep up with.

tour schedules stretched across continents. label meetings filled every free afternoon. interviews, photoshoots, rehearsals, flights, appearances… there was always somewhere she needed to be and something she needed to do. it wasn’t really anyone’s fault. success was something the two of you had dreamed about for years, and now that it was finally happening, neither of you knew how to complain about it without feeling guilty.

you understood her life. after all, you’d been a part of it for so long. long before the sold-out arenas and screaming crowds, before the awards and magazine covers, you’d been her best friend. falling in love with billie had never felt like a dramatic turning point. if anything, it felt inevitable, like the natural next chapter of a story that had already been unfolding for years. 

but understanding why something was happening didn’t make it hurt any less. 

missed calls became missed conversations. arguments lingered unresolved because one of you always had somewhere else to be. texts that used to get answered within seconds suddenly sat unopened for hours, sometimes days. eventually, you found yourself asking for attention that billie genuinely wanted to give you, but couldn’t seem to find the time for anymore.

the worst part was that neither of you stopped loving each other. you were simply exhausted. so after months of trying to force things to work around impossible schedules and growing frustrations, you both made the decision to end the relationship.

there wasn’t a dramatic fight. no screaming. no betrayal. just two people sitting across from each other and admitting that maybe love wasn’t enough to fix everything. you promised you’d stay friends. for a while, you even managed it.

you attended shows when you could. after-parties. birthdays. award ceremonies. whenever your paths crossed, you hugged, smiled, and slipped back into old conversations with an ease that made everything feel normal again. until it didn’t.

because every time you saw billie, it felt like her attention was already somewhere else. she was focused on improving the next show, planning the next project, talking with friends she’d met on tour. sometimes you’d catch her flirting with one of her openers and feel an ugly twist of jealousy settle in your stomach.

you hated feeling that way. hated what it turned you into. so little by little, the distance between you grew. and before either of you realized it, months had passed.

billie lay across the hotel suite bed after another show, staring at the ceiling while the city lights filtered through the curtains. the room was quiet in a way hotel rooms always were. not peaceful. just empty.

her body ached from performing, but sleep felt impossible. every time she closed her eyes, she thought about you. she missed your laugh more than anything. the loud, ridiculous laugh that always made her laugh too.

she missed your smile. your jokes that would make you giggle like teenagers. the way you’d skip ahead of her during date nights only to turn around and walk backward in the middle of the sidewalk because you couldn’t tell a story without seeing her reaction. she missed the flowers you’d bring home for absolutely no reason.

most of all, she missed moments like this. coming back after a show and finding you already curled up in bed waiting for her. your arms wrapping around her waist. the familiar weight of your head against her chest. sleepy kisses pressed wherever you could reach before exhaustion finally pulled you under.

god, she missed you. before she could stop herself, she grabbed her phone from the nightstand. your contact was still there. same photo. same conversation. same name. billie stared at it for nearly ten minutes.

her thumbs hovered over the keyboard, typing and deleting the same sentence over and over until frustration made her groan and toss her head back against the pillows.

finally, she typed:

hey.

12:20am

i know this is probably the last thing you want to see. but i’ve been thinking about you a lot lately.

12:21 am

another pause.

i miss you. i miss us. i think about you all the time.

12:27 am

i know we broke up for a reason, and i’m not trying to disrespect that. i just… idk.

12:31 am

i needed you to know that i still love you. i just think we made a mistake. i need you.

12:36 am

she hit send. then waited. hours passed. nothing. a day. nothing. a week. nothing. eventually, weeks turned into months. still nothing.

billie cried over it more times than she’d ever admit. but she respected what she believed was your answer. silence. she convinced herself you had seen the messages and chosen not to respond. so she left you alone.

what she didn’t know was that you felt exactly the same. your life had simply changed. a few weeks after the breakup, you landed a new internship. the company provided work phones, and eventually your old number was replaced with a new one. a new job. a new number. a new chapter.

and because of that, every single message billie had sent disappeared into the void. you never received them. you never knew she spent months crying over you. she wanted another chance with you.

she sat awake at three in the morning rereading old conversations and wishing she’d handled things differently. you assumed she had moved on. you thought her career had simply become more important.

it was the exact reason your relationship had ended in the first place. so eventually, you moved forward too. because what else were you supposed to do?

a year and a half later, you sat in one of your favorite coffee shops in los angeles.

ironically, it had always been one of billie’s favorites too. a frequent lunch date location. your laptop sat open in front of you while you worked at one of the tall side booths along the wall. the familiar chime above the entrance rang.

you glanced up, and froze. billie. black gym shorts. oversized white graphic tee. backward green dodgers cap. jordan 4s. mismatched socks. you’d recognize her anywhere. for a moment, neither of you moved. then she smiled, small and tentative.

“hi.” you smiled back. “hey.” she walked to the counter and ordered, her usual. ‘a medium iced vanilla oat milk latte’ you gathered as you read her lips.

while she waited, she glanced toward seat opposite of you at your table. “mind if i sit?” she asked, gently, not wanting to impose. you closed your laptop. “not at all.” she smiled and sat down. for a few minutes, conversation came surprisingly easy.

how you were. your friends. billie’s family, including shark. life. the tour. anything except the thing sitting between the two of you.

“you look good,” billie said softly. “thank you, you do too, bil.” something flickered across her face. then she looked down at the table. “you know,” she cleared her throat. “i texted you. was kinda sad you didn’t respond.” she played it off with a nervous snicker and hand thrown on the table. your stomach dropped, but you laughed it off. “no, you didn’t.” 

billie’s eyebrows furrowed. “yeah.” she looked confused, still smiling. “i did.” you stared. “when?”

“like six months after we broke up. i was on the last leg of tour and it was late. thought you just ignored me, to be honest.” your smile vanished. suddenly your mind was racing. six months after the breakup. the internship. the new phone. the number change. your eyes widened.

“billie…” her expression slowly changed. “i got a new number.” silence. “what?” billie’s voice came out, quiet and unbelieving.

“i got a new number around that time. i got that internship i had told you about months before then.” your throat tightened. “i never got any texts from you.” the color drained from billie’s face. “you didn’t?”

you shook your head. “no.” for a moment neither of you spoke. because suddenly every missed opportunity. every assumption. every day spent healing. every attempt to move on. all came crashing down at once. a phone buzzed and without missing a beat, billie glanced down.

incoming call: nat ♥️

you recognized the name instantly. billie’s opener, now boyfriend. you had suspected it from the obvious flirting you’d witnessed backstage in the green room. her best friend’s brother. your chest ached, but you covered it with a grin anyway. “if you have to take that it’s okay. i understand.” 

billie swallowed hard, containing what composure she had left after the bomb that was dropped between the two of you. you nodded, trying not to show any signs of the emotions brewing inside you. “i’m happy for you.” her eyes shimmered with tears, slightly pink. for a second, she looked away. and you couldn’t tell if it was guilt, regret, or grief. maybe all three.

“it was really good seeing you.” her voice cracked. “you too.” you echoed. billie stood and walked to the front counter, her tattooed hand grabbed her slightly-watered down iced latte from the front counter. looked at you one last time and smiled. the same smile you’d fallen in love with years ago.

“see you around, babe.” you both knew she wouldn’t. neither of you exchanged numbers. neither of you asked. some doors only hurt more when you try to reopen them.

billie turned and walked out of the café. the bell above the café door chimed softly as she stepped outside. you watched her disappear into the afternoon crowd. and for a long time after she was gone, you couldn't stop staring at the door. for the first time in a long time, the wound you’d spent years healing felt fresh again.

billie made it halfway into her house before she fell apart. her vision blurred. she ran to her room and gently sat on her bed, one hand covering her mouth as a broken sound escaped her chest.

"fuck." the word came out strangled. another breath. another. but it didn't help. because all she could think about was the look on your face when you'd told her you never got the messages. all those months. all that time. you hadn't ignored her. you hadn't rejected her. you hadn't decided you were better off without her.

you never knew.

billie hands slid down her face smearing the mascara she had put on that morning. tears streamed down her face unchecked. she thought about that night in the hotel room. the way her hands had shaken while she typed. the way she'd stared at her phone for weeks afterward waiting for an answer that never came.

she remembered crying herself to sleep, believing so many falsehoods as faith. that you had moved on. that you didn't want her anymore. god. you never even saw the messages. a laugh escaped her through the tears. except it wasn't really a laugh. it sounded more like grief. because suddenly every memory hurt. every moment she'd spent missing you. every relationship she'd thrown herself into trying to move forward.

times she'd told herself that things happened for a reason. all of it. wasted. not because the two of you had failed. not because you didn't love each other enough. because of a phone number. a fucking phone number. billie buried her face in her hands.

for a few minutes, she let herself mourn. not you. she'd been mourning you for years. she mourned the future she'd lost. the one where you would’ve answered. where she picked up the phone and heard your voice, the two of you would have met for coffee six months after the breakup instead of a year and a half later.

maybe it would’ve worked it out. she’d have learned how to balance fame and love. she’d come home to you. that version of her life had died before it ever got the chance to exist. now she was standing at its funeral.

eventually, the tears slowed. her breathing steadied. the ache remained. it probably always would. billie wiped her face with the hem of her shirt and looked down at her phone. three missed calls. all from nat. she stared at the screen for a long moment. then pressed call. it rang twice.

"hey, baby." nat's voice came through the speaker, warm and familiar. "everything okay?"

billie closed her eyes. for a second, she almost broke again. but then she pictured you sitting in that coffee shop. healed. moving forward. living a life that no longer had room for the two of you. she mumbled, “yeah i’m fine.” billie held back her sniffles so she didn’t spiral into a sob. she quickly wrapped up the conversation and hung up, wanting to be alone in her thoughts.

the silence carried on around her as if nothing had happened. like she hadn't just discovered that the greatest heartbreak of her life had been a misunderstanding, right when she had just healed from the pain and loss; after she buried the last remaining idea of what could have been. with one final thought towards you, billie had a realization, clear in her mind.

you would always be the one that got away.

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