𝓪𝓶𝓲

those few words only confirmed what you thought was bugging him is exactly what's making him act so stupid.

he's in love, and as much as it pains you to give it to him—your blood brother—of all people, he's the one who came to you begging for advice on how to ask a girl on a date. that certain someone, however, is his coworkers who he sees almost every single day of the week, which would make it awkward if he fucked it up.

huh.

maybe that's why he came to you. he knows you won't lead him down a path that results in failure of any kind.

that kinda makes you feel a little bit better about giving him dating advice.

eugh. okay, maybe not that much, but him coming to you is a compliment in itself. or you think it is, at least. the only time he's ever come to you for something is either for money or a favor.

“thrice isn't a word, dummy,” you deadpan, tossing the tv remote at him without caring if he catches it or not.

much to your dismay, he does.

he groans into his hands immediately after, loud and exaggerated. the sound is similar to what an elephant sounds like.

“this is hopeless,” he sighs in defeat. “i mean seriously, in what ways would she benefit from dating a guy like me?”

i, too, wonder.

that thought doesn't leave your mind though. instead, you nudge his shoulder with yours as he flops onto the empty spot on the couch next to you.

you shrug mindlessly. “it's not hopeless. plus, nikki likes spending time with you. you'd entertain her.”

that sounds terrible.

bear seems to realize it too, his hands drifting away from his face slowly as he furrows his brows at you.

“entertain her?” he scoffs, then quickly shakes his head and focuses on everything you said before the last point. “and sure, but she likes hanging out with me as a friend and nothing more. shit, sarah has more of a chance with her than i do.”

“well, maybe…” bear glares at you, then you continue. “but i don't think she's… y'know. well actually i'm not sure, she could be bisexual, for all i know."

“so you're saying i'm right.”

“no,” you sigh, “that means i don't know because i'm not nikki fucking freeman, bear.”

“so you're saying she likes sarah?” he counters, brow cocked. “aw shit, what if they've been dating on the low and she isn't even attracted to guys at all?”

bear looks at you with the saddest eyes you think you've ever seen from him.

it sort of crushes you to see him like this, especially since you know how long he's been pining for her. ever since he moved into town a couple of years ago and got a job at that sketchy music shop downtown, he found himself infatuated with his coworker, nikki. unfortunately for you, you are also just as obsessed with her as he is.

the reality of it, however, is much worse. he's your older brother, for goodness sake, which means you aren't allowed to make your move before he does. it's some kind of unspoken rule between siblings—or maybe it's just some stupid rule you made up in your head to put a barrier between you and the confession that's inevitable.

but seriously, how are you supposed to tell your brother's coworker that you've liked her since the moment you met her at the park when you two were just kids?

it's not like it's your fault bear decided to move out of state and never got the chance to even consider talking to her and finding out what she's really like.

you and nikki have been friends since fifth grade, "two peas in a pod" one might've called you back then, and that bond hasn't changed—not even over the many years that you two have been in contact. sure you drifted away a little bit after graduation but that's just because everyone was trying to find their way and figure out if they were going to continue school or move in a different direction. unfortunately for bear, he made a plan to move out of your childhood home the moment he turned eighteen and had free will.

during the years that he was out of your life—oh, and did you mention that fact that he cut contact with everyone—how exactly did you spend it? great question. you did what he's now wishing he could've: spending time with nikki after that boring gap year between the end of high school and the beginning of your adulthood.

when the awkward stage between what you thought was "freedom" and the realization that it, in fact was not, you and nikki reconnected. in some old, dingy bar downtown just near her workplace, you'd somehow found yourselves sharing a couple of drinks at the counter and chatting it up about what the two of you had been up to in the past year.

you got her number that night, and ever since then, you'd been creating a strong bond that you enjoyed having with her.

and, if you're being honest, and that amusement slowly twisted itself into something scarily similar to the wretched feeling you've always dreaded—love.

well, a crush, really.

love might be too strong for anyone with a developing crush.

oddly, it feels pretty spot-on to you.

but then bear showed up a few years ago, snagged at job at cassell's, and suddenly he was the one who was seeing her everyday instead of you like you used to.

“bear, i—” you pause, the words caught in the back of your throat. truth is, you don't know how to respond to that.

actually you do, you just don't know how to respond to it in a way that would please your brother and calm his nerves.

with anyone else, you'd have replied, “if they're open-minded, maybe they'd let me slide between them.”

but to your brother?

oh, that'd crush his soul in irreparable ways.

instead, you just sigh. “i'm almost fifty-percent sure she's into both guys and girls,” you reassure, nudging his knee with yours. “just don't stress out about it too much. if she likes you, she likes you. if she doesn't, oh well, there's plenty of fish in the sea.”

bear huffs a laugh, exasperation and sadness mixed into the little noise.

he smiles despite himself, quietly grateful for you and your advice. “i don't understand how, but you always know exactly what to say.”

you almost laugh.

if only he knew.

“yeah well,” you hum. “just don't listen to whatever the hell ian is telling you.”

“so don't call her freaky nikki?”

“fuck no, absolutely not!” you exclaim, eyes widening in bewilderment at when and where he'd gotten that idea from in the first place. “who told you to call her that?”

he sighs, the weight on his shoulder suddenly feeling a million times heavier.

then he murmurs,

"ian."

yeah, that checks out.

if you're being completely truthful, you're kind of glad ian gave the guy such god-awful advice. it makes you feel a little bit like a savior, even if you're helping your brother get your crush wrapped around his finger.

you just wish he didn't barge into your life so suddenly and practically forced you to welcome him back home with open arms. that's not how life works, especially not with how he cut all ties with his family the moment he left town when you were younger. and now he thinks he can come in and swoop nikki off of her feet just like that?

yeah, right.

all you can hope is that when, or if he even does, confess his feelings to nikki, she remembers who raced her down sidewalks on old bikes, helped patch her scraped knees when she'd fall trying to jump over fences, and care for her with every fiber in their being. all you can hope is that she knows who was really there for her back then.

and that person?

that's not bear, never him.

because he didn't notice the way she'd absentmindedly talk faster whenever she was bluffing, nor did he notice the small litter of freckles along her nose.

whatever.

the damage is already close to being done.

and nikki deserves someone more mature, someone who is really willing to put themselves out there instead of sitting in silence in the background.

so you'll just push down that quiet wish.

"so yeah, maybe don't say that," you sigh, your disappointment for bear's brainless coworker only growing. "and please, for the love of god, don't ever even consider calling her that. not even when you're really desperate."

bear nods, a little embarrassed.

a dusty pinky hue crosses his face, further emphasizing how humiliating this conversation has turned.

"okay."

"i think i'm done here," you finalize.

"thank yo—"

"wait," you interrupt, suddenly realizing you hadn't really gave him a starting point. "you know what she likes, don't you? you remember things from when we were kids?"

bear sits there, unmoving.

you almost kick him out of your apartment right then and there, because how does he not remember?!

"right... okay," you murmur, continuing, "well, for a start, she likes crystals. she's more of a... her love language, i'm almost one hundred percent sure it's gift giving and acts of service, maybe a little bit of physical touch but you are nowhere near that yet."

he nods, mentally noting everything down.

you add on.

"she's really into things like that. crystals, i mean, and she just recently lost hers down the drain so... i think that might be a good gift to give her before you ask her out," you explain, brow furrowing in thought. "but don't make it seem like you're trapping her. usually when you give people gifts, there's a lot of thought and intention behind it, so don't lose your mind and cry about how much it was worth or some stupid thing like that if she rejects you." you catch his expression the moment the last words leave your mouth.

"if she rejects you."

he isn't even a little bit reassured.

but then you go on, tone softening, "just don't do anything crazy if she thinks you're not the one, okay? it's more likely she might develop feelings overtime if you're calm and understanding about it. and, bear you did just move back into town not that long ago, so keep that in mind."

you see his shoulders relax in real time, his demeanor calming as he leans back into your couch cushions.

a small smile quirks up at the edge of his lips as he hums quietly. "you know a lot about her. it's kinda surprising... you two never really seemed close when we were young."

okay.

now you're really hoping it goes wrong.

—

maybe you should remind yourself what day it is the next time you give someone advice.

furthermore, you should check your calendar the next time you give your big brother advice on how to ask out your mutual crush.

today was not the day you should've spilled all of that to him, because today is the day you'd told most everyone in your and bear's shared friend group to come over and hang. it's the one day everyone has off, and since neither you or your brother have anything better to do, you both thought it was a great idea to invite everyone over.

now, as the sun slowly falls back behind the horizon, most everyone is piled out here.

ian and bear are inside, having fought over who was the better cook a few minutes prior, most likely still trying to settle that point.

you escaped to the front porch for a minute of silence the moment nobody was looking.

you enjoy company, but today is just.. different. bear still has you hot-headed and with the addition of ian's idiotic jokes and even dumber topic choices, you want nothing to do with either of those boys.

nikki and sarah are the only ones you'd probably join back in for again.

but then you remember how bear hugged nikki when she walked in, hands a little lower than would be perceived as one you'd give your friend. and how sarah practically jumped into his arms when it was her turn for a greeting.

so nobody here is really of interest to you.

they're probably all having the time of their lives anyway, chugging down cans of beer and getting shit-faced.

and that's not really—

"...you need a break or have you officially decided you hate us all?"

you turn, startled.

and there she is—the woman of the hour.

nikki stands there, one foot in the doorframe to keep the front door from shutting, the other bent slightly as she extends her arm. in her hand is a soda, and she smiles softly as if she's giving it to you as a peace offering of some sorts.

despite your mood, you reach your hand out and accept the drink anyway. nodding up at her, you scoot over, making space.

"thanks," you murmur, cracking open the can with a small hiss.

she doesn't sit down right away.

instead she leans against the railing, running a hand through her perfectly messy hair.

her smile only grows at the confused look on your face. "they're idiots, you know."

"spot on," you hum in agreement, a small smirk finding its way on your face. "but they're our bunch of idiots. you can't blame me for sneaking off."

nikki huffs a laugh.

then she pushes off the railing and bends to situate herself onto the empty spot on the stairs next to you.

"mostly bear, though."

you laugh. "oh most definitely bear."

something warm bloomed in your chest the moment her laugh reaches your ears again, soft and gentle like always.

that feeling always finds you whenever you're around her, whenever you watch her do literally anything, even if it's just something simple like... like concentrating when she reads a book or cringing when she tries playing an instrument and the note is terribly off pitch or out of tune.

you only realize nikki's been staring at you for a long moment when you turn your head to glance over at her.

she doesn't even try to hide it, and that somehow makes you feel all fuzzy inside. it's embarrassing, honestly, and you can't believe she hasn't noticed your so very obvious crush on the girl.

"you've been helping him a lot," she comments quietly, stretching out her legs across the last step.

her words make you tense.

does she know about your confession advice?

and did bear finally man-up and ask her out in the few minutes you've been outside?

you reply through grit teeth, trying to play it cool, "yeah well, someone has to. he'd never know what to do with himself if i wasn't here... i just wonder how he made it back when he left town all those years ago."

she snickers, shaking her head.

her knee nudges yours, her skin soft and still cool despite the blazing temperatures that summer always promises.

"you're a good sister."

shrugging, you nudge her back. "just want him to be happy, s'all. and he has nobody to look up to since he's the oldest, so..."

her eyes drift down to her can, half-full and dented on the side, dripping with condensation and leftover water droplets from the cooler she pulled it from.

you tear your eyes away from her before you get too greedy, shaking your head subtly and exhaling heavily.

it's useless.

you and bear don't have too many things in common, but being terrible flirts is the one thing you can bond over.

"hey," she chirps.

your eyes meet hers not a second later. "hm."

"can i... can i tell you something?" there's a puzzled look on her face, one you can't really put a name on like you're usually able to. she's a pretty hard girl to read, but you've found it easier and easier over the years.

"always."

she hesitates for a second.

just a second before she's spilling like a high school girl spreading gossip.

"i think..." a small smile spreads across her face slowly, smug and knowing and dangerous. "i think bear likes someone."

you nearly choke on your drink.

shit.

"you noticed?" you murmur, eyes wide.

"i'm not blind, babe."

babe.

okay, that's completely fine.

she calls everyone that. well, she calls a select few people that, but still. it's something she calls most of her friends.

"yeah," you nod. "right."

nikki sighs then, head hanging low now.

you fight the urge to ask her if she's okay, if she wants to go back inside and lay down.

the sun is blazing right now and you wouldn't blame her. you're sure everyone working at cassell's is probably three seconds from dropping to the floor from heat stroke with how that store isn't air-conditioned properly. hell, you wonder how half of their instruments aren't junk by now.

"i just wish..." she trails off, blowing a stray piece of hair from her lips. she stops herself before she can continue.

instinctively, you glance over again.

she doesn't look unwell.

"what?" you whisper.

"...nothing, nevermind," she dismisses, and you fight the urge to push her towards telling you whatever was about to slip out from between her lips.

her name leaves your lips before the logical part of your mind can catch up.

"nikki, come on."

she looks at you then, eyes gleaming.

"i just wish he didn't—" she pauses, stammering for a moment, "—i wish he didn't like me because i—i... don't..."

your smile faltered.

oh, that's going to hurt when he hears it.

"wha—uhm, why?"

she goes quiet for a long moment.

in that moment, you take the silence and comfortable atmosphere to lean back on your palms, skin warming from the hot pavement of the porch.

everything feels like it's spinning right about now, and you almost drop the conversation immediately because if nikki is about to start trash talking your brother, you want no—

nikki speaks again.

"because i like someone else."

your stomach drops.

right.

yeah.

there was no way she was into either you or your scruffy little brother.

"oh," you say, feigning nonchalance. "cool."

she nods, glancing over.

"...yeah," she murmurs. "i just don't know how to tell him. maybe i'll do it when he finally has the guts to ask me out."

you force a smile.

at least she's not going to be an ass about it.

"i hope it works out," you nod over.

"yeah... me too."

silence envelopes the two of you after those words leave her mouth.

birds chirp somewhere up power lines, the leaves on the trees in your yard rustling with the gentle breeze. it's warm and it does nothing to cool either of you off.

you stare at the grass instead of nikki now, trying very hard not to wonder who it was, but even that was no use when the girl who you have a crush on who doesn't have a crush on you is sitting right next to you. it's pretty much useless to even try, because now that's all that will consume your thoughts until she's really in a relationship and you have to let her go for good. maybe then you'll find yourself bonding with your big brother.

nikki simply sits there, taking one last sip from her can before throwing it on the last step and crushing it beneath her boot. the sound makes you flinch, and the girl beside you chuckles quietly before you even realize you did it. that laugh definitely belongs to someone more worthy of it than you.

you really need to start kicking rocks sooner than later. she's obviously way out of your league and—

"you really don't know who it is?" she laughs suddenly, startling you again.

you blink, confusion painted across your face.

"what?" you scoff.

nikki just stares at you like you've missed some very crucial information that is insanely, painfully obvious.

she shakes her head in disbelief.

"i've liked them forever," she continues, gesturing in the air with her hands slowly.

"lucky them."

"they're really kind."

great!

now she's going to start listing off the many qualities she likes about this asshole.

you wish the ground would open up beneath your feet and swallow you whole. this is more than humiliating.

"they're funny," she sings.

"...sounds nice," you deadpan, then whisper, "wish i was."

she laughs and you almost think she heard you until she adds on, "they've always looked after everyone around them even if they didn't have any reason to."

you almost roll your eyes.

this guy sounds like a real poser.

"and they're completely oblivious," she huffs, feigning disappointment. "like it's really funny, honestly."

a frown finds itself creeping onto your lips.

"for the love of god nikki, just tell me already and stop—"

she's already staring at you when you look over again, and the words get caught in the back of your throat.

and then she laughs.

"it's you, stupid."

everything around you freezes.

because there's no way in hell you heard her clearly.

you point to yourself without thinking.

"me—wait, wait, wait, me?"

she nods slowly, waiting for you to fully process her confession.

you don't believe it because she just made it seem like confessions are the easiest thing in the entire world.

like you haven't been rehearsing your own confession for years on end.

"mhm, you."

you just stare at her.

"but i thought you..."

"you thought i liked your brother?" she hums.

you nod frantically, "well yeah!"

she laughs, a full-body laugh that makes her shoulders shake. she even snorts, quiet but still noticeable, and you fight the urge to not burst out in laughter as well.

you've never seen her act like this.

so weird.

it's almost like she's flustered.

"i love bear."

fuck.

you're moving out of state tomorrow.

"...like an annoying older brother."

"okay."

she scoots closer, knee brushing yours now. she doesn't even need to lean over anymore, she's just... there.

it's suddenly very hard to breathe now.

you've never acted like this either.

"i've been trying to flirt with you for months, yn," she confesses quietly, voice just above a whisper as her eyes flick everywhere on your face. "you've just been so blinded by your jealousy caused by bear's crush that you didn't see it."

consider yourself dumbfounded.

and maybe a little embarrassed because sure, okay yeah, maybe what she's saying does carry a little bit of truth.

"oh," you say, volume dropping. "...you have?"

she groans in faux annoyance.

you wince.

jeez, you're really selling this right now.

"oh come on," she exclaims, "you thought i just really liked borrowing your hoodies for long periods of time? you seriously never questioned, even once, why you never got them back?"

"i never gave you your hair ties back either, so... i guess i thought it was an exchange of some sorts."

she drags her hands down her face.

a low groan escapes the back of her throat again, but this time it's ten times louder and twenty times more exaggerated.

"oh. my. fucking. god!"

"i'm sorry nikki, i didn't know!"

"dude, you wouldn't know a good thing if it slapped you across the face."

you laugh nervously.

this is beyond embarrassing.

but at least you have the chance to finally admit your own feelings now.

"i've had a crush on you since we were kids," you confess finally, tone softer now. your guard lowers, shoulders relaxing. "i just never told anyone because of—"

"because of bear?"

you nod. "because of bear. and also because i didn't want to hurt him immediately after he moved back here."

she smiles so softly you almost die on the spot.

"you're sweet," she compliments, smiling way bigger than you've ever seen. "i like that about you, yn."

"i've also apparently been incredibly dense."

"mmh.. maybe a bit," she giggles.

then she reaches for your hand, pushing away your empty can from between you two. your fingers fit together like they'd been interlocked a million times before.

"so..."

"so?"

she glances up. "are you gonna keep helping bear gather the courage to confess?"

you sigh, frustrated at the reminder.

"i think i have to now," you huff.

she laughs, nudging your arm with her free hand. you just shake your head and look into her eyes, grateful.

"we should probably tell him before he does," she suggests. "so we don't break his heart in a different way."

"sounds good," you nod in agreement. "he'll probably kill me though."

"oh absolutely not!"

you grin, tilting your head.

she just nudges you again. "he's sweet as sugar."

a laugh escapes your throat at that, and nikki squeezes your hand once more.

"he'll probably just complain that he spent weeks asking the wrong person for dating advice," she shrugs.

you hum in response. "...worth it?"

she leans over, pressing a quick kiss to your cheek before pulling back.

"absolutely worth it."