#htbabfd

You have this power over me and I hate it! With one look, one word, one blink you can make me feel like shit, make me question everything, make me forget all the nice things about myself. And really I don't know when I gave you that power and I don't know why I value your opinion this much if all you do is make me feel like shit. But I don't know how to change this. I just value you too much, want your approval, your love, too much.

I don't like myself a lot

I'm the boring, fat friend that no one talks to at social gatherings because I just don't know what to say and don't feel comfortable. So yeah I can be alright with the people I know, but otherwise I just want to hide in a shell and never come out. But I also want to be comfortable around people You see my problem here?

I'm upset as fucked and so done and tbh I don't even know why! I only know that I want to curl up and cry my heart out right now but I know that no one wants to hear it! And now I simply sound like a pretentious little stuck up kid and everything just keeps upsetting me more!

It just feels so great when you are reminded that you are not good enough! I mean jut for one minute I was ok with myself and I felt like even though I am overweight I could be good at sports and could fit in, but no apparently I'm not good enough! The only thing my fat ass seems to be good enough is warming the bench. It's not like it's totally humiliating to be the only one that only gets to play for 5 minutes. Seriously I squeeze myself in a fucking size 14 (I wear size 20) for this cunt of a coach and I don't even get to play?! Cheers babe!

Last night and i am scared of the future

By trying to find myself, I just lost myself further

I'm sorry that I am clingy and attached, but that is how I show my friendship, because let's be honest you mean so much to me by now and it's going to be so weird not to see you again. Like I already miss you just because we haven't hung out in a few days.