#hshqtask023

her dreams do come true up until inna turns two and she develops to be the most self-sufficient two year old. she says no to almost everything karyna suggests or asks. it’s as if she clued in on how to poke fun at her sister. and why did she always follow leon around? he’s a boy! using her problem solving skills, karyna thinks of alternative methods to get her way. inna doesn’t want to walk to karyna’s room for tea time? no problem! karyna would bring the tea time to her. inna doesn’t want to play dress up? no problem! karyna will force the clothes on her tiny toddler body. inna doesn’t want to get her makeup done? no problem! karyna will apply it for her when she’s taking her midday nap.

karyna mistaken inna’s calm and stoic demeanour as being lenient and nonchalant. it doesn’t take long for tea times to turn into a disaster when inna quite literally tries to make karyna’s stuffed animals drink by forcibly pressing the cup to their faces while allowing the liquid to soak into the fabric while dripping onto the ground. dress up would turn into inna repurposing karyna’s dresses into her own custom designs with scissors and markers. and makeovers weren’t fun simply because inna was never asleep! it’s like she was staying awake on purpose to irk her.

the final straw was when inna traumatizes her by cutting off all the hair on her dolls. karyna cries to their mother and asking if inna is broken or if she’s adopted and that they should get an exchange. their mother laughs and comforts her, but then she says the most bizarre thing! “inna does this because she likes you.” those words only cause karyna to sob harder. “why would you do this to someone you like!” she yells.

karyna held hope. mother is always right! the most determined child to train her younger sister to become an extended version of herself.

inna did like karyna. her sister is so fun to play with! she lets her make a mess, she lets her draw on her dresses and she’s always with her when she’s awake! and when karyna raises her voice and sometimes cries, inna is puzzled, confused! they were having so much fun! their mother asks inna to be nicer to karyna and to stop terrorizing her. inna simply responds by saying “no.” it’s not her fault they have different ideas of fun. karyna crying in response to whatever inna did became routine. why would inna want to be around someone who cries so much! petro was easier to be around and more fun. he didn’t cry and he let inna do whatever she wanted which included unlimited piggy back rides and pushing her on the swings. he also provides snacks!

karyna tried retaliating many times. one time she cut a hole in what she thought was inna’s favourite shirt. inna does not have a favourite shirt and she did not care, which annoyed karyna enough to start another crying fit.

they fought a lot throughout the rest of their childhood and into their teens. mostly karyna reacting to what inna says or does and inna rolling her eyes at how sensitive her sister is. their idea of "making up" would be ignoring each other for half a day and then acting as if things are normal before their next argument. this method of resolution was slowly taking a toll on karyna. not because of how often they'd fight, but because she doesn't understand her sister. she found it impossible to accept inna for the way she is. there must be a deeper reason, something that makes sense. inna finds no issues in their relationship. siblings fight, sisters fight even more. karyna is the way she is and inna would never change anything about her. yes, what her older sister does is questionable at times and incredibly infuriating, but without any of those traits, karyna wouldn't be complex. karyna wouldn’t be karyna.

with karyna leaving to boarding school in switzerland, it remedied some of those thoughts and concerns. the need to feel in control of inna and their relationship slowly eased once she took control of the student body. bossing people who worshipped her is how it should be. everything was right in the world until she'd go back home and see inna and leon closer than ever. it didn't matter how many people she had wrapped around her finger in school when she still hasn't figured out her baby sister. she's jealous leon has. she's jealous inna always follows him and not her. for inna, it was boring without karyna. no one to bother, no one to bicker with. even if they didn't spend a lot of time together, she liked their comfortable silence. she missed the absence of the sound of her heels clicking on the floors, her shrill voice echoing through the halls and her horrible cooking. karyna made the days go by faster.

their differences become more apparent when inna graduates high school. inna is decisive, logical and prides herself on being rational. karyna is not, karyna is selfishly ambitions and lives more for the moment. how karyna tries to control inna, inna unknowingly tries to do the same. the difference is, karyna only wanted to control inna to do what she asks for her own benefit. inna wanted control since she felt like karyna was making bad life choices. the fighting only stops when karyna starts dating the crown prince of france. of course she would. she wouldn't expect her sister to want to date anyone of a lesser status. inna never liked arnauld. then again, if karyna was a stranger, she wouldn't like her either. overall, the relationship doesn't bother her, it doesn't affect her. and unless if arnauld does something seriously hurtful to karyna. inna will continue to not care.

after karyna's break up with arnauld, inna tells her sister she deserves better and it's better to let someone else suffer through arnauld’s bullshit. the break up is still fresh and karyna takes inna's words as an insult. she gets defensive and inna walks away before an argument occurs. she gives karyna her space. it’s not as fun to fight with her when it’s about something so serious. then someone worse than arnauld comes around. and by worse, not in personality, all men karyna chose are just as bad as the other in their own right. he's worse because he lives farther away. with arnauld, inna still saw karyna, she was still around. with francisco, karyna was no where to be seen.

when their parents pass, the dynamics between the soletsky siblings shifted. especially between karyna and inna. inna apologizes to karyna for assuming the worst from her leading up to the funeral and coronation. she tells inna she understands and there's no need to apologize since out of all the times inna has been sharp with her, this time was different, this time didn't feel like an intentional attack and this time she understood inna. this breakthrough was a turning point for karyna. it nearly broke her to see inna crying and so full of remorse. it took this tragedy for karyna to see and accept inna for who she is.

when francisco proposed, inna disapproved. she told karyna it was a bad idea. by then, it was already too late, there was no telling karyna otherwise, she was set and focused on making this work. a part of inna felt like her sister was being stolen from her. she should already be used to karyna being gone, but this time feels final and she actually felt sad. this doesn’t strain their relationship. with the distance, inna now only takes between three days to a week to reply to a text and sometimes she’ll pick up a call. if she’s feeling generous, she’ll be the one to call first. 

It’s the late 90s. You both have a deep love for the garden in the palace, more specifically the southeast corner that has the best hiding spots and the prettiest flowers. It’s a very small and a very exclusive kingdom. The state secrets are the things that won’t even be written in a diary — it’s how sensitive they are. Your chest is empty of fear and shame, and you let the words flow from your lips freely. The worst thoughts you’ve had. It’s late spring and you feel a shock course through you when she doesn’t know the feeling you’re describing. It’s an odd feeling to be left all alone with the thoughts.

While you spend your afternoons at the stables, she is studying a foreign language. It’s smart, you know, it’s useful, you know, it’s what you should be doing too, you know — but the question is: is it really necessary? You can impress people in other ways! She can too! She shouldn’t worry too much about being liked.

Teenagers can be cruel creatures but it’s almost too natural for both of you to venture into the other’s clique. There is no you without her, there is no her without you. It feels natural to sew each part of your lives together in some way. One time you ask her to skip a lesson for you. All you get is a short answer: I can’t. No matter how much you think about it, you can’t understand the reasoning for the adamant response.

It feels euphoric to hold the diploma in your hand — the first part of your life is now officially over. The two of you are on the brink of adulthood. The whole world is open to you! A graduation party to end all parties, you’ve never drunk quite as much. It’s that night that you talk about your big dreams. ‘Love’ is a word that rolls off your tongue numerous times. Three… Four years and you know you’ll have it. You look at her like she’s mental when it’s her time to speak. Her ambitions sound so grandeur. They are noble and respectable — they are as impressive as the very person talking about them. It feels foreign to realize that you’re on different paths. What will life be when you don’t circle around each other like you’ve done the first 18 years of your lives? It’s daunting but you know it’ll be alright. Talking to her is like breathing: easy, automatic, and vital.

University starts off tough. She can’t understand all of your sentences because she doesn’t know the people you’re talking about. She doesn’t know the places. She doesn’t know the traditions. It’s hard work to explain everything in great detail — if only she could always be there with you! Her stories are just as confusing and bizarre but you enjoy them anyways, it’s like getting to hear what you could have if you had picked differently. It’s interesting but only makes you certain that you’ve picked your place well. You’re comfortable. You know what to do. She’s always been better at adapting, going further, and improvising. Where did that drive come from? And how far away from you will it take her?

You’re surprised every time you hear how much she has accomplished on her short trips. The names she drops have begun to sound foreign — these are no longer socialites and handsome celebrities that are fun to discuss, these are real powerful influential people. You briefly wonder how she does it. It’s passion, you decide later on. The coldness that brews at the bottom of your gut is not caused by her new connections, it’s knowing that she has successfully followed her dreams and managed to accomplish things. She has checked things off her to-do-list, while you have your hopeless flings to talk about. The duke of Debrecen ended up being a silly detour. At least you threw your first gala and it was a success! It feels foolish to mention it after hearing about her accomplishments, but the energy she puts in her response makes you feel better about it immediately. It’s nice to be appreciated.

Then you’re giggling like teenagers again. There’s Thore Glücksburg and there’s Omari Zulu. What if you had a double bachelorette party? How wild would that be? A plan that would have never happened but it’s fun to throw around silly ideas. Her ring looks like her. The rock is heavy but the size of the ring is perfect, it stays in place. The jewel gleams prettily when light hits it. Ah, you can’t wait for yours!

You don’t even try to keep the tears of joy from ruining your makeup as you celebrate her day. She looks happy. It’s straight from a fairy tale. You only wish that she had found thee happiness in Hungary. Thore is a thief, but you’ll forgive him for it when you see her face.

And you wish the calls were easy. You wish it was the same as in the garden. You wish you didn’t feel so terribly lost when it’s your time to speak. You don’t have good news to share anymore and you feel like a burden. Her words are soothing but you feel like you don’t hear what you need to hear. There’s a great mutilating crack in the mirror. Everything is distorted. Your words need an interpreter. The only one with the qualifications is the one not hearing you.

The ball in your throat is not from joy even though you’d like it to be. It’s the ugliest part of you nesting just below your filter. You are unable to say a thing and she believes it’s because you’re overwhelmed by happiness. You think it’s a miracle that she doesn’t hear the artificial note in your voice, but if you only had paid attention, you would have been able to hear something weird in her voice too.

But when you’re around her, it’s alright. You feel warmth when you get to hold your goddaughter. She has chosen to share even this part with you, you are grateful because it’s the only thing keeping envy at bay. You don’t know how to tell her things anymore. It’s a defense mechanism — too many times have you felt disappointment fill you when you learn that she just can’t know or understand.

Men did not get between you. You didn’t fight over them, you didn’t let their opinions bother you, to you they were entertainment. So why is it that now the wall between you is caused by one name that neither is willing to say aloud? There are plenty of feelings that come accompanied with him — and around her, all of them fill you. It’s almost crippling. You avoid talking about him since you cannot help but to fear that every doubt you have will be solidified by her words.

There has always been a certain type of sincerity in her that you have never managed to emulate. It now bothers you greatly because the only ways to protect yourself are the things that she sees right through. Your cheap lies, stupid smiles, and feigned modesty do not work on her. If anything they are a slap in her face. Your only option is to strip your skin and let her touch your raw essence… or to do your best to keep her from seeing you. When she’s at an arm’s length, you are safe.

Eventually a bad strategy fails and devastation follows. You can’t tell when it began but you can pinpoint the moment when the festering happened. The rot is deep in your bond. You could take the first step, try cleansing the wound and seeing if it’d heal with time — but a part of you doubts the odds. You hate the person you’ve become and you know she would too. She already does, a bit, she just hasn’t realized that it’s really you. She is confused because she’s expecting the you she left behind. How can you tell her without pointing a finger? How can you tell her without letting envy and bitterness sully each of your words?

What are you to do when your person is no longer yours? What are you to do when you can’t find the words to explain yourself? What are you to do when you can’t get her to say the words you need to hear?

it makes sense. anya understands. it’s not like she’s the heir to the throne who’s marriage will be plotted and strategized and thoroughly examined…but she could strengthen political ties for a royal family that was rebuilding. her university relationship had come to a mutual amicable end, love fading to fondness as they chose different paths. so anya agrees to an arrangement, with the understanding that she could veto potential candidates and her parents (her mother, for once) are pleased. 

and so anya begins accompanying her father on diplomatic visits, to duchies in the heartland and far reaches, to neighboring countries, and those across oceans. the travel is exciting, even if the teas with suitors are less so, and she gains a deeper understanding of her family’s place in the world. and when she is not with her father, anya still travels across russia, learning everything there is to know about her country. a year passes without betrothal. then another. her mother’s gaze is condemning. but it’s hard to find someone who doesn’t mind anya’s impatience and barbed tongue, it’s hard for anya to find someone who doesn’t want to use marriage as a way to take advantage of a new royal family. between her high standards, protective streak, and difficult personality, it seemed that lyosha would marry next after all. 

it’s 2004 when anya visits santiago, chile with her father for an apec summit. the chilean king was keen on building ties with russia and took a liking to the fiery russian princess. his children were already married, or spoken for, but his sister’s son had just inherited the title of duke of valparaíso, second most populous of chile’s sixteen duchies and home to the country’s largest oil refinery. javier larraín valasquez ( santiago cabrera ) is just shy of thirty when he met twenty-three year old anya. at the time he seemed far older, wiser, more mature. their first meeting goes well: anya finds him intelligent and measured, ambitions limited to chile rather than russia. he finds her acceptable -- clever enough to carry a conversation, young enough to eventually bear children.

it’s another year before they marry, partly due to the extravagant preparations required for the wedding, partly due to the extensive negotiation for business contracts that suddenly came russia’s way. anya is irritable in the weeks leading up to the wedding, but javier finds it charming that she does not care to spend time thinking about decor and dresses. he does not notice that anya doesn’t smile once throughout the entire affair, though she had looked extraordinarily beautiful walking down the aisle, swathed in lace and tulle. perhaps one day, he mused, we will come to love each other. 

that day never comes. anya is homesick from the day she lands on chilean soil. it is only a six hour time difference, but she feels every kilometer of the 14,000 that separate her from her family. video calls weren’t as reliable as they would be some years later, and it wouldn’t look good for her travel back home as often as she truly wished. javier is patient, though distant. there’s enough to juggle with his new responsibilities as duke. he does not know how to ask for her help in these matters. she does not know how to offer it. while he remains in his office, meeting her for dinners with representatives with perfunctory kisses to her cheeks, anya spends her days being tutored on her fourth language, and learning the boring business of running a household. she is expected to host parties, invite other wives over for brunches, all those little things irinka did so well intuitively, that anya had never learned. 

it’s in the midst of preparations for their first wedding anniversary that anya realizes that this life is not meant for her. this cannot be her purpose.  marriage was a prison, death by a thousand paper cut slices. it was one thing to be a princess. it was entirely different to be someone’s wife, to have a shared investment not bound by blood but commitment. a few days before the party, she comes to javier with tears in her eyes, begging for a release from the vows they had made to each other. javier didn’t see it coming. “ let’s discuss this after, ” he finally says, too stunned to make any quick decisions. the air between them is smothering....until he places a hand on anya’s head as she removes the rouge off her cheeks and lips and quietly utters, “ go home, anya. i won’t keep you here. ”

javier realizes it’s the first time she has hugged him.

her mother is furious when she returns home, refuses to speak to her for months. her father is disappointed but knows his daughter better, knows where her skills lie and where she can use them. his expectations of her are clear when he names her duchess of moscow. across oceans, anya and javier work together to maintain relations, to reassure magnates that their investments were still sound without the familial connections between the royal families. they attend a few meetings together, email talking points back and forth, and again anya learns, grows, hones her rough edges into something sharp and cutting. she is notably different, and javier thinks perhaps he had never truly seen her before. they spend more meaningful time together during the process of their divorce, come together in the midst of the one time javier loses his temper and bellows at her, demanding why she had entered the arrangement if she was only going to leave. anya can’t answer him (she was young, she made a mistake, she thought she could do it but she failed), but she knows he is a good man, that she is ending something that could have been good. it’s why she lets the papers tarnish her name -- prickly princess anya, who expected otherwise -- rather than his. 

they sign the papers a few months after their second anniversary. anya begins her graduate studies at the university of munich. javier meets potential brides. a few years later, anya is grand duchess of central russia, and javier is married again with a daughter on the way. any and all business between them is conducted through official channels, electronically. 

𝐈 —  arthur finds a jewel among scholars

he really thought she’d be in his life for a moment. just some future duchess, only there for a quick and fun visit. there were so many of them, and he had never been very interested in norfolk, the duchy of sheep and cows. his expectations for nicole were low. but much like everyone around nicole, he became mesmerized. people like nicole were hard to come by and in his eyes she was exceptional. she’d talk and he’d lose sense of time. nicole was entertaining. he ended up looking forward to her parties, despite once promising to himself that he wouldn’t be a person who sought other people. his self-image certainly took a hit, especially because of their 10-year-age gap. he couldn’t really believe that he cared for her opinion.

𝐈𝐈 — eysham hall disappears from his mind alongside nicole

all good things come to an end. nicole was exciting and interesting for roughly two years. then the invitations to oxford began slipping from his mind. he had been there a million times, there was nothing to see, nothing to talk about. most of the times he remembered to decline the invitations but sometimes he simply didn’t tell her whether he’d show up or not. 

𝐈𝐈𝐈 — arthur makes a deal

if he only had lost all interest in nicole ! it would have saved him a lot of trouble. when nicole called him and demanded he listen her, he never expected to hear that she was pregnant. the possibility of it ever happening had never crossed his mind. so he got her to make a deal: his name would stay out of her mouth and he’d stay out of natalia’s life. he knew nicole would take the deal — she knew too much about him to have silly dreams. both of them knew he wouldn’t just do the right thing and marry her. her compliance made a big difference, it was what made him keep her number. her calm reaction made him want to call her and check up on her. occasionally he even missed their late mornings together. without nicole, he didn’t quite have anyone to talk to. only after she wasn’t a constant presence in his life, he realized that he was bad at keeping himself together.

𝐈𝐕 — staying away is proven to be surprisingly difficult

it’s not jealousy. it’s not ! he would be never be jealous ! especially not of someone like cecil armistead. god no. but the husband’s presence irritated arthur to no end. which was why arthur began calling nicole away from eynsham. he had the worst excuses but nicole still showed up. it was what mattered. at first he expected her to fall for his charm once more but it never happened. she had certainly learnt to know him and his tricks by then, it shouldn’t have surprised him. her disinterest in committing an adultery was perhaps what cleansed their relationship. for the first time in a long time, it felt like nicole there was for him. not for some cheap fun or for his favours. and when she began speaking and opening, he realized that he had never had anyone confide in him. he never thought he could dislike a person without meeting them but chantal de marquis proved him wrong. he began blindly hating her for nicole’s sake.

𝐕 — apparently, words can be more painful than knives

cecil made the mistake of accompanying nicole to london one time. exhaustingly boring cecil. it was sunday morning and arthur opened his mouth — he said all the things he had ever thought about cecil right to nicole’s face. a fight erupted. what started as “ constructive criticism “ ended in the most horrendous personal insults. he would have burned with fire for weeks to come if not the last thing out of nicole’s mouth would have been an accusation. how easily he had used her and then forgotten her ! they would have not been friends if nicole hadn’t forgiven him. it was the undeniable truth. it made arthur feel hollow and cold, and he didn’t force nicole to stay when she stormed out of the palace. 

𝐕𝐈 — arthur learns that nicole has no soft spots

like a scared child, arthur let nicole be. he didn’t have the capability to fix what he had broken. time healed everything ? he wanted to believe that. time or... revenge. nicole and natalia’s faces on the covers of every magazine published that day... arthur knew what nicole had done. three months went by before he asked if natalia could visit and spend some time with him and art. six months went by before nicole, despite living in london some miles away from the palace, was asked to stay for tea. 

𝐕𝐈𝐈 — forged steel is stronger than cast

there were no more issues to talk about. everything had been laid on the table. nicole became the most frequent visitor of the palace, and wherever arthur showed up, nicole was two steps behind him. what arthur loved about nicole was that she never became condescending. arthur knew, arthur was very aware of his limits. the only reason he survived the world of politics wasn’t skill or wits — it was just experience. there weren’t many new tricks you could come up with, and arthur had seen almost every one of them. he avoided the worst catastrophes by knowing what people had done and what they could do. nicole never made him feel inadequate. she was smarter than him, he was aware of it, but she never implied so. she never asked him rude rhetoric questions. she just helped. she told him things would be alright. she gave him solutions when he couldn’t think of any. nicole became a support beam that he could put his whole weight on.

You don't want to hurt me, But see how deep the bullet lies. Unaware I'm tearing you asunder. Ooh, there is thunder in our hearts.

i want to say that at the end of the day, with a clear head, arthur would have forgotten about implicating nicole and natalia. the hate he felt, it would have disappeared with time. the desperation that dug up every imaginable feeling of resentment, envy, and hatred. eventually, he would have seen nicole’s decision as something else than an act of betrayal. nicole who had been by his side for quarter of a century. nicole who had been there for him at every turn. nicole who had done terrible things to help him. nicole who had been the only one who had stuck after his exile. nicole who held his brain on her palm. nicole whose laugh was the only sound he could remember from his younger days. nicole who could remember his stories so well that she actually corrected him when he made a mistake. their last fight would have ended up being like any other of their fights. it was always just him and nicole. 

natalia, five, wide-eyed and nervous, the duchess’ daughter. art, eight, the lonely bastard prince taken up charitably by their king. they stand in the lobby of buckingham, her mother’s hands on her shoulders and art standing an awkward few steps away from her real father. their father ! the king !! at five years old she understands the weight of the “princess” title - but it doesn’t feel like the bedtime fairytales that have been read to her. her new “family” is scary, cold even. arthur is scary, intimidating. here they meet, unaware of what fate would have in store for them.

it’s nice to have a friend. art has to become accustomed to having natalia around. and it’s a change, for sure. whether it’s good or bad depends on how one sees it. the little bit of attention given is split between the two of them, and what the hell does a new sibling even entail ? but mealtimes are a little less quiet, she makes her best attempt to fill it with chatter, free time is no longer just art and his thoughts - it’s nat learning to navigate the new space. she has dolls and toys but they barely hold her attention before she nosies her way into art’s games. days together turns to weeks, weeks turns to months: and before they know it, clarence house is just a little warmer with two kids running in the halls, reading in it’s library, staring at it’s antiques.

their care for each other is in the small things, and for the most part is unspoken. at her first event, art makes a grab for her hand before the doors open. art’s lessons run later than hers, so she waits another hour for dinner. art attends the recital she thinks no one will come to. nat sits front row at rugby matches. they’ve made some normalcy out of their situation. they form a real bond, by the time the new ones come along they are almost a team.

they meet antonia together, they meet vaughn together, they meet andrew together, they even meet cecilia together ( i believe they were still getting along phuket at that time lmfao ). they. they are equally related to one another, but anyone but them are outsiders. it’s stupid because they’re all equals, but they haven’t gone through the same experience, have they ? because it’s one thing to have an absent father. it’s another to have one under the same roof, to get the recognition but none of what was important. the vying and hopefulness in their childhood, that maybe one day out of the blue the king would suddenly declare his love and affection. it never comes. it’s a special type of resentment they share.

art had given up on this impossible idea a long time ago. natalia ... hasn’t. she might say she has but it will always be a possibility in the back of her mind. that maybe if she does enough, she’ll wake up and things will change. it’s sort of indicative of their dynamic and how their treatment has pushed them towards two ends of a spectrum. art is crass and pessimistic and nat is sensitive and optimistic. they’ve learned from each other. for as cynical as art is - there’s a part of him there that has tried to cushion the disappointments. bit his tongue when nat needed to hear something nice and not the harsh truth, showed up when he knew no one else would, learned he could dig deep in his heart. nat is more grounded - her skin is just a little thicker, and with reflection she can see things in new perspectives. it’s like yin and yang, if you will.

the crown ruins it all, because they can’t ever one-hundred percent, fully trust each other. there’s conversation topics they’ve always brushed over and things they can not discuss. it is the one thing that prevents their bond from being unbreakable. it has their priorities confused and skewed and has them split between the impossible choice of me or them. and when natalia chose herself ? it shouldn’t feel as much as a betrayal as it does.

YOU GOT SOMETHING TO CONFESS 

Viveka and Nike’s relationship started out as a casual fling, which grew into a one sided thing. Had Nike been more cautious and less hopeful, problems they faced later on would have been nonexistent. 

WELL, SHE JUST WANTS TO DANCE 

 Viveka was just that one princess from Switzerland — the middle one, the one with brown eyes and blonde hair and a rhythm in her voice that made each of her monologues sound like a song. Nike, during her years in Denmark, should have befriended her immediately: they were pretty much the same age, Viveka was a frequent visitor in Copenhagen, and Nike could have used some practice in her Swedish. High school was a busy time for Nike and creating political friendships was not on top of her list — boys, good grades and underage drinking were.

THE LIGHTS ARE BLUE NOW  

Then came her eighteenth birthday and on the second Saturday of November she could finally just walk up to a bouncer and simply walk into a club. Her whole entourage was with her since she had been the last one to turn eighteen. First time at a club... it needs to be memorable. Someone had gone the trouble to reserve a table for them — and had later on sent the bill to Nike because not everyone was a princess with a few extra numbers on their bank account. The night could have been perfect. It was so well planned, in theory it was a great success waiting to happen. She had the best of the best around her, booze and good music. But then she spotted the golden hair, shining eyes and the dimple that always showed up by the left side of Viveka’s lips when she smiled widely enough. It showed up when the smile was genuine, Nike would come to learn.

AND THE FLOOR IS WET 

That evening Viveka did absolutely nothing special and still Nike ended up hooked. Her bubbly personality and her brain that produced speech at a rate that most people could only dream of. The new first impression Nike had of Viveka did not leave her head. The kiss Viveka gave Nike on the dance floor all of a sudden replayed in Nike’s mind for the weeks to come. It had not been the first kiss she had shared with a girl but it had been different. It wasn’t just a drunken kiss she had been given by a friend who had a boyfriend. No dare had been involved. The text she received from Viveka made her jump on a train. She would have traveled all the way to Gothenburg if she had been asked to. But it’s a quick trip from central Copenhagen to Malmø. Metro, train, metro, and she’d find herself at the other end of the Øresund bridge. Viveka was the first person in ages who had made Nike curious. Viveka was something different, something special, and most importantly, Viveka was cool. Nike was desperate for her attention. 

YOU GOT YOUR FINGER ON YOUR 13TH CIGARETTE 

Spending time with Viveka was the most exciting part of Nike’s week, the highlight. Viveka tended to laugh a lot, smile even more, and she was so gentle. So kind, the kindest person Nike had ever met, an angel. So different from the Greek princess who’s only talent at the time seemed to be upsetting others. Nike thought the Swiss was perfect in every aspect. Then seeing each other on coffee dates turned into spending nights together and Nike couldn’t believe she had wasted so much time on boys when under Viveka’s touch she came undone with such ease. Yes, Viveka was perfect --- and Nike couldn’t wait to be able to call her hers. She knew it wouldn’t happen immediately, it wasn’t what their relationship was like but since Viveka had kept her around for so long, surely she could feel it too? There was a future there, it was a love story in the making, Nike just knew it. 

FOR HER YOU’D DO IT ALL

By the time Nike realized how emotionally unavailable Viveka was, it was too late. Viveka talked a lot, she was chirpy, and she always had a strong opinion on everything. Nike was astonished by the other’s passion and strong sense of justice. What she didn’t realize was that Viveka never said anything about herself. She could talk about the society for hours but not mention her favourite color ever. Nike didn’t really know who Viveka Bernadotte was. Nike had kept her image of Viveka polished. Stainless and glimmering. It was impossible to tarnish it when Viveka only spent time with Nike when she needed a distraction. Nike would have Viveka’s undivided attention until the Swiss got bored and made up an excuse to leave. Nike thought she was very close to her while in truth, she had barely been given a peek into Viveka’s mind. Then one evening, Viveka cracked the door open. She mentioned Ilona. The bitterness in her voice was unmistakable, and such resentment went into her wording that Nike felt color drain from her face. That evening a small fear began brewing in Nike’s chest: maybe Viveka was something unattainable to her. 

BUT NOT EVERYTHING SHOULD BE DONE

Nike tried her best to avoid upsetting Viveka. She tiptoed around subject she realized reminded the Swiss of Ilona. Nike wanted Ilona to cease to exist. She wanted to scrub Viveka’s mind of the Hungarian. It was unfair! Ilona was not in Viveka’s life, Nike was, so why was Nike competing against her? Why wasn’t Nike given a chance? She was there. She fought and fought and fought but never did Viveka look at her with the same fondness in her eyes as she did when Ilona was mentioned. It shouldn’t have surprised Nike when Viveka just ended things abruptly. She invited Nike to the apartment, and without much of a warning told her that the apartment had been sold. She was ending the chapter in her life. The Malmø chapter, the Sweden chapter, the Nike chapter. She was moving to new more exciting things, Nike realized. It filled her heart with anger which just bled from the holes Viveka had left in it.

IT DOESN’T LOOK GOOD ON YOU, SON

Maturity should have come with time and experience but that was not the case with Nike. Not when it came to Viveka at least. The betrothal felt like a second chance. Nike was not a stupid senior in high school anymore. She was finishing her bachelour’s, she had projects, she had substance to her that had not been there three years ago. Her determination to change the story the second time around was exactly what made it impossible for anything to come out of the engagement. Nike would be charming, Viveka wouldn’t buy it, Nike would get offended and decide she was above Viveka’s approval. Back and forth. Pretending and pretending some more. Viveka’s opinion on her meant too much to her and she hated it. So she pretended it didn’t. There was a torturous fear: what if Nike wasn’t lovable? If Viveka Bernadotte, the sun, the warmth of summer, the purest of hearts, could not find her lovable, then who could? 

IT DOESN’T LOOK GOOD

natalia was an unexpected gift. truth to be told, nicole spent the first two weeks thinking the pregnancy was the end of the world. as things slowly began to work out for nicole and she could concentrate on being pregnant not what would happen once she gave birth, nicole found herself spending more and more time thinking about the baby girl growing inside of her. it was the first time in a long time when she felt such unconditional love for another human being.

as much as nicole loves natalia, the young woman has never been safe from nicole ( unreasonable ) criticism. nicole believes she knows best and she tries to control almost every aspect of natalia’s life. “ so it can be perfect ! she’s too young to realize what’s good for her ! ” it comes from a place of caring but it doesn’t make it any less damaging. since natalia is so dutiful and compliant, nicole is completely oblivious to the toll her expectations and micromanaging has taken on her daughter. people tell nicole she’s being too harsh on natalia but nicole ignores the concerns since natalia has never voiced her discomfort.

the thing is, natalia is the center of nicole’s world. the only thing in the world that gives her life some meaning. playing the political games is fun and a passion of nicole’s but back stabbing, backroom deals and empty friendships aren’t what her best memories are of. nicole’s london townhouse is filled with thick photo albums and the walls are decorated with bad drawings natalia made when she was young. natalia makes nicole feel more like the people around her. less cold, less callous.

while nicole finds many things to criticize about natalia, she never ever sees her as anything less than perfect. natalia is perfection in her eyes, all the other children were ugly trolls compared to her little girl. this notion hasn’t gone anywhere. natalia is the brightest, kindest and prettiest person to walk on this earth. nicole can say whatever she likes about her daughter but god forbid someone else has something bad to say about natalia ! nicole won’t hesitate to snap back at the people who treat natalia anything but kindly. 

            growing   up   in   a   savoy   household   was   never   meant   to   be   an   easy   task   .   there   would   always   be   an   endless   list   of   expectations   ,   lessons   to   be   learned      &      lessons   to   attend   that   should   have   moulded   them   into   society   the   way   they   should   have   been   .   fun   was   never   a   word   they   were   taught   ,   only   logic   ,   strength   ,      &      pride   .   even   though   those   lessons   did   work   ,   in   their   own   way   ,   the   palace   walls   were   never   short   of   bouncing   laughter   that   would   echo   from   the   pair   whenever   they   found   a   moment   to   be   mischievous   ,   which   laid   it’s   route   for   their   relationship   .

            brothers   ,   not   just   by   blood   but   by   two   souls   connected   ,   alessandro      &      giovanni   grew   up   practically   attached   to   the   hip   ,   something   that   over   the   years   they   began   to   cherish   .   their   first   memories   are   of   being   in   each   other’s   lives      ;      a   near   -   constant   reminder   of   them   always   being   there   .   remembering   a   time   before   their   brotherhood   is   an   impossibility      &      if   it   weren’t   for   that   ,   then   maybe   the   fact   that   they   shared   a   room   for   the   majority   of   their   childhood   would   solidify   their   relationship   just   the   same   .

            of   course   ,   their   tastes   would   soon   differ      &      eventually   they   had   moved   into   their   own   quarters   ,   but   that   couldn’t   erase   the   years   of   late   night   conversations   spent   under   the   dull   light   of   the   stars   shining   through   their   bedroom   window   .   it   couldn’t   make   them   forget   the   times   they   scale   the   palace   walls      &      escape   to   the   outdoors   ,   for   just   a   temporary   moment   of   peace   from   the   ever   -   growing   pressures   of   royal   life   that   only   seemed   to   become   worse   as   they   grew   older   .

            that   ,   however   ,   didn’t   stop   them   from   cherishing   their   bond   .   they   would   be   each   other’s   listening   ears   in   times   where   it   felt   like   the   rest   of   the   world   was   against   them   ,   they’d   offer   each   other   advice      &      a   pat   on   the   shoulder   to   reassure   one   another   that   everything   would   turn   out   okay   .   eventually   ,   it   did   ,   but   they   could   give   each   other   strength   to   believe   it   .   they   developed   a   sort   of   trust   between   them   that   neither   truly   understood   or   could   explain   until   they   were   older      &      could   understand   how   it   really   felt   to   have   someone   who   you   could   talk   to   about   anything   .

            all   seriousness   aside   ,   they   knew   how   to   have   fun   .   their   mischief   in   their   childhood   years   plagued   the   palace   guards      &      caused   ernesto      &      stella   quite   a   few   headaches   that   would   only   grow   worse   as   alessandro      &      giovanni   stepped   into   their   teenage   years   .   they   never   did   anything   too   gut   -   wrenching      (      god   knows   how   their   parents   would   survive   that      )      ,   but   they   did   enough   to   be   chastised   ,   where   after   they   would   laugh   it   off      &      carry   on   planning   something   perhaps   a   little   more   worrying   for   their   next   adventure   .

            their   antics   were   halted   a   little   when   they   both   parted   ways   ,   though   .   gio   was   off   to   college   ,   ale   dedicated   his   life   to   the   military   .   but   they   never   ,   not   for   a   moment   ,   lost   touch   .   they   would   talk   every   day   ,   either   a   simple   phone   call   or   an   exchange   of   texts   at   the   end   of   a   particularly   hard   day   .   ale   yearned   for   his   brother   more   particularly   during   this   time      &      was   rewarded   by   a   smile   on   his   face   when   he’d   get   the   chance   to   speak   to   him   .   they   could   talk   for   hours   ,   if   allowed   ,      &      if   it   weren’t   for   gio   ,   ale’s   not   sure   how   he   would   have   been   when   he   finally   left   the   military   .