#hs5

Cassian woke up in his hotel room on New Years’ Day and wondered how much shit he’d be in if he just skipped his brother’s wedding. 

No one would admit it, but they’d heard his argument with Nesta on the front porch Christmas morning, knew that Nesta was doing everything in her power to avoid him and make sure he didn’t see Amina. He’d only been allowed five minutes with his daughter the past couple of days, and that was because Azriel had “accidentally” let it slip that Elain was watching the little girl. She giggled and let him show her the proper footing for sword play before the front door opened and Nesta was standing there ready to spit fire at him. 

Since then, he’d been helping get everything ready for the wedding, setting up tables and chairs and  light fixtures. Feyre kept him busy, giving him sympathetic glances every so often. She’d tried to talk to him about it, but he shut it down every time. Nesta had made it quite clear how she felt about everything. And once that woman made her mind up, it took nothing less than a miracle to change it.

Sighing heavily, he tossed back the covers and threw his legs over the edge of the bed, rubbing his face roughly. He stared at the suit hung up on the hotel room mirror, the fabric a deep navy with a white undershirt and matching navy tie. A memory tugged at the edge of his mind. 

“What kind of wedding do you want? Tell me and I’ll make it happen.”

Nesta propped herself up on her hand, looking down at him with a soft smile. “You’re being very bold.”

“I’m going to marry you one day, Nesta Archeron,” he drawled, running a finger over her bare shoulder. “And I want it to be everything you’ve dreamed of.”

“It doesn’t matter,” she breathed. “As long as you’re the one I see at the end of the aisle, I don’t care what the wedding looks like.”

His heart stuttered at her words, but he played it off with his signature smirk, grabbing her up and rolling on top of her as she laughed. He kissed her deeply and then pulled back, grinning. “Don’t tempt me, I’ll be waiting for you in a gold suit.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” she laughed and he decided he wanted to hear that noise for the rest of his life.

His phone buzzing yanked him out of the past, and a sharp pang pulsed in his chest as he recalled it. Frowning, he picked up the phone, a long list of things to do already waiting for him from Rhys. Sighing, he gathered his things and headed to the small convention center where the wedding and reception would be. 

The grand ballroom was mostly finished, needing just a few more last-minute things before the wedding in a few hours. Rhys was rushing around and barking orders, none of the women to be seen. He knew they’d be upstairs getting themselves and Feyre ready, and his heart stuttered slightly when he thought about the other Archeron sister that held his heart. 

“Rhys,” Cassian stopped him after half an hour. “Everything is fine. Let the rest of the staff finish the last details. We should be getting ready too.”

His brother’s shoulders were tense under her hands, and his eyes were slightly wild with what Cassian expected was pre-wedding anxiety. “I just want to make sure everything is perfect.”

Cassian’s mouth twisted into a grin and he looped his arm around Rhys’s neck, dragging him towards the staircase that led to conference rooms upstairs. “Feyre couldn’t care less about what everything looks like. She’s marrying you, not the ballroom.”

Rhys gave him a long suffering sigh, but allowed his brother to lead him to the room where all the groomsmen would be getting ready. Azriel was there pouring whiskey into glasses, Varian and Tarquin arguing over which shoes would look best with their suits. 

“Get dressed and do all your pretty man things, and then we’ll drink until it’s time,” Azriel drawled to Rhys, a slight smirk on his face. 

Once everyone was dressed and ready to go, they took turns passing stories around, drinking whiskey until they felt warm and loose. Cassian stopped the pouring, not wanting Rhys to be drunk on his wedding day. An alarm went off, signaling it was time for Rhys to head down. Cassian clapped him on the shoulder and poured one more round after he left.

Minutes later, Cassian turned the corner to where the bridesmaids were already waiting, and his breath caught in his throat. Nesta was first in line, an icy blue dress clinging to her figure. It was sleeveless, and billowed at her feet, the bodice looking like ice crystalized over her abdomen and up her chest. Her hair was down and lazily curled, falling around her. She had a bouquet of flowers in all hues of blue in one hand, the other fixing a loose curl on the dark head of the small child before her. 

He wondered if he was about to pass out from lack of oxygen as he took in his daughter, dressed in the same navy color as his suit, the dress puffing out in a tutu fashion, white tights on her legs. There was a flower crown on her black locks, the same flowers in the bridesmaids’ bouquets. She had a basket in her hand, and as he stood there and watched Nesta and Amina smile at each other, he realized how much of a godsdamn idiot he’d been. 

When he’d woken up on Christmas morning to an empty bed, he knew something wasn’t right. When he’d found his phone next to him, open on his text thread with Emerie, inappropriate photos glaring right in front of his face, he knew he was in deep shit. Of course Nesta had assumed the worst. He would’ve done the same. He had immediately deleted the messages, sick to his stomach as he realized Nesta had seen them and left him there. But she’d had to know that Emerie meant nothing to him. In fact, the moment he’d landed in Velaris he hadn’t thought of the woman once. He hadn’t even thought to tell her he was staying in Velaris longer, that’s how little he’d thought of her since he’d been here.

And then Christmas morning had been so thick with tension, and the fight they’d had on the front porch had struck him deep in his heart. The way she’d looked at him, with heartbreak in her eyes, had been worse than the first time he’d seen it four years ago when he’d told her that he was leaving for Illyria. 

Now he was standing here looking at the woman he’d loved for a near decade, the woman who was it for him, it was going to be Nesta or no one else. The mother of his daughter, who was looking up at her mother with an adoring look. All he wanted, all he needed was standing here in this convention center and he couldn’t believe it had taken him this long to figure it out.  

He walked up to her, trying his best to stay relaxed as he watched her shoulders tense up. She didn’t look at him but she knew he was there, straightening up and pretending to pick at a loose string in her dress. He just stared at her until she let out a disgusted noise and looked up at him, that steely fire in her eyes. “Can I help you?”

“You look beautiful,” Cassian murmured, his face open and soft. 

That fire guttered and she swallowed hard before looking back to the doors to the ballroom where Rhys had just slipped through. He looked over everyone and then gave Cassian a nervous smile. 

“The music is going to start in a minute, and the attendants will open the doors,” he explained, even though they’d already gone over this many times. “Once the doors open Amina will go down and you just follow her.”

“Yes brother,” Cassian huffed, giving him a playful shove. “Now please get back in there and wait.”

Rhysand let out a deep breath and disappeared back into the ballroom. Cassian just shook his head and smirked, watching as everyone started to fall in line. He looked back to Nesta and was surprised to find her already looking at him. She said nothing as she held out her arm, and Cassian wrapped it around his, resting her hand on his forearm. She opened her mouth as if to say something, but the music started and the doors opened. 

His eyes were on Amina as she smiled at everyone and threw flower petals all over the floor. She was a shining star, and his heart melted as he watched her. He wondered how that smile would mature, if it would turn subdued like her mother’s or wild and wicked like his. He knew he couldn’t wait to find out. 

He reluctantly let Nesta go as they headed to their respective sides of the aisle, Cassian standing between his brothers as they all turned their attention back towards the doors. A moment later, Feyre came into view, and a grin crept across his face. 

She was absolutely beautiful. Her dress was a soft white, that ice-like beading matching the bridesmaids’ dresses. A crown sat on her head, the same bridal crown that Rhys’s mom had worn during her wedding. A soft smile sat on her face, her eyes locked on only one person in the entire room. 

Rhys had a hand on his mouth, eyes shining as his gaze stayed on his soon-to-be wife. As she neared, he dropped his hand to reveal a devastatingly handsome smile, reaching out his hand to take hers. 

Cassian’s eyes drifted to where Nesta stood off to Feyre’s side as the couple went through their vows. The words hit home with every syllable, and when her eyes connected with his, he knew this was where he was meant to be. He hoped his own eyes reflected the romantic words Feyre and Rhys were exchanging, hoped she could see the decision he’d made the moment he saw her standing there in that dress. 

Her blue-gray eyes never left his, even when the minister announced the couple to kiss and everyone clapped and shouted. They didn’t leave his when Feyre and Rhys walked back down the aisle, and didn’t leave his when he reached for her to follow them. He only looked away when he felt a tug at his pants, saw his daughter looking at him with a bright smile. That smile took his breath away, and he grinned back, grabbing her up in his arms. She fit just right in one arm, his other hand reaching to grab Nesta’s. She surprisingly allowed it, and he could see that she was fighting a smile. 

They made their way to the reception area, finding themselves at the same table with Feyre, Rhys, Azriel and Elain. Nesta took Amina from him and they sat on the opposite side of the table, and Cassian tried not to let it sting. He wrapped himself up in conversation with Azriel, finally getting to catch up with him. 

Then it was time for dancing. He watched Feyre and Rhys dance together, smiling slightly the whole time. He knew his brother would be happy for the rest of his life, as long as he had her. When everyone else began to join, he suddenly felt nervous, as if he was going to prom for the first time all over again. As his eyes landed on the woman opposite, he figured it was kind of similar. He’d asked Nesta to prom, fully expecting her to laugh in his face. She had surprised him by saying yes, and when she’d said yes again to a date with him when he’d dropped her off at home, he knew she would change his life forever. 

He stood and came around the table, holding out his hand. Nesta looked to his hand and then up at him, her eyes guarded. 

“May I please have this dance?” he breathed, holding her gaze.

It seemed like he waited a lifetime before she nodded and put her hand in his, letting him pull her out of her chair. He guided her to the dance floor, placing one hand on her hip and clasping one of her hands in the other. Her free hand came up to his shoulder, her body slightly stiff as if she didn’t know if she wanted to touch him. 

“Relax,” Cassian drawled, pulling her closer. “Pretend we’re juniors at prom again.”

She rolled her eyes but he felt her body slowly start to loosen under his hands. They swayed to the soft music of the song playing, her body warm against his. Her hand felt right in his, and he wished he could bottle up this feeling and get drunk on it for the rest of his life. 

“I need to tell you something,” he said, sighing when she tensed again. “And I need you to listen to every word of it.”

Nesta looked up into his eyes, seeing the seriousness there, the pleading. She exhaled a deep breath. “Okay.”

“When I left after college, I thought I was making the right choice,” he began, not looking away from her intense gaze. “To get a job with a high-end law firm… I never thought that would happen for someone like me. And being young, unemployed, and not sure where I was going in life, it was like a miracle handed to me. 

“I thought you would follow me. I was so… I was so set on this job, I thought you would see how much I wanted it and would just… upend your life for me.” He shook his head. “I should’ve realized that would’ve been a shitty thing to ask of you. And I should’ve realized it was a mistake to take the job.”

Nesta’s full mouth fell open slightly, eyebrows narrowing in surprise at his words. 

“I meant what I said on Christmas Eve,” he breathed, hand releasing her own to come up and stroke her cheek. “I can practice law anywhere. I don’t…” he shut his eyes briefly before opening them again. “I don’t need the job in Illyria. I don’t need the law firm, I don’t need Emerie, I don’t need the recognition it gave me.”

He cupped her face between his hands, staring into the hazy blue gaze. “I need you. I need you, our daughter, this life. I want to wake up to you every day, I want to hear our daughter’s laugh, I want to watch her grow up and I want to keep falling in love with you.” He released a shaky breath. “I have never stopped loving you, Nesta Archeron. And I’m so fucking sorry. I am so sorry that it took me this long to figure it out. I’m sorry that I missed so much of your life, of Amina’s life. And you don’t have to forgive me, but I will spend every day of the rest of my life proving to you that the only things that matter to me are you and our daughter.”

They stood still on the dance floor, couples still dancing around them, but all Cassian could focus on was the woman looking up at him with wide eyes, her face completely open, every emotion he was feeling flickering across her features. He said nothing more, thumbs stroking her strong cheekbones. Her eyes roved over his face almost wildly, and then her mouth parted again, her breath shaking. 

“I…” her voice was hoarse. “For the past four years, Cassian, that’s all I wanted to hear.”

His knees threatened to buckle at the relief that flooded through him. He pulled her even closer, forehead resting against hers, noses brushing. “I will say it every day until you believe it. I’m not going anywhere. My home is here. You are here, Amina is here. I’m not going to make that mistake again.”

Tears dropped down Nesta’s cheeks, and he wiped them away, his thumb brushing across her bottom lip. 

“I don’t know if I can forgive you, but I want to try,” Nesta whispered, her voice thick with emotion. 

Cassian couldn’t stop the grin that spread across his lips. “Good enough for me.”

And when he leaned down to kiss her, when she didn’t hesitate to kiss him back, he knew that this was his forever. 

—

THREE YEARS LATER

Nesta Archeron-Laskaris often thought about what a whirlwind the last seven years of her life had been. From losing Cassian when he went to Illyria, to finding out she was pregnant, to then trying to deal with a newborn baby that grew into a stubborn, headstrong little girl, her first years out of college were a constant juggling act. But over time, and with help from her family, she went from feeling like she was drowning in a sea of uncertainty and self doubt, to being able to tread water most days. Then Cassian came back for the wedding, and flipped her world around again so she didn’t know which way was up. 

A small smile crept onto her lips at the thought of Cassian. Her husband. He’d spent every day of the last three years making up for the time he lost with her, and with Amina. He’d moved back to Velaris permanently about six months after Feyre and Rhys’s wedding and had moved in with her and Amina. They’d had a lot of time to work on their relationship, rebuilding the trust they’d lost when he left. Cassian had started his own law firm in Velaris, and was doing extremely well for himself.

Once they finally felt like they were in a good place, that they’d been able to work through everything that had happened while they’d been apart, he’d gotten down on one knee and asked the question they both knew he’d been waiting to ask for more than a decade. Cassian had made everything perfect, taking her back to their lake spot where they’d made so many memories when they were kids. After he’d proposed he’d laid Nesta down and made love to her under the Velaris starlight, worshipping her body and whispering promises of his commitment and love for her into her skin.

They had a short engagement, wanting to be tied together as soon as humanly possible. The wedding had been about a year ago.

The autumn leaves created the perfect backdrop of red, orange and gold behind the archway Cassian was standing under. Nesta had always wanted a fall wedding, but after Cassian left she never thought she’d get to this point. It shouldn’t have surprised her that Cassian still managed to make every single dream of hers and every promise he’d ever made to her come true.

It was a perfect day for a wedding, not cold enough that the guests would freeze but the air still carried the scent of crisp leaves and fires that Nesta always associated with the season. She watched Amina walk down the aisle, just as she’d done for Feyre and Rhys’s wedding a few years ago, spreading flower petals and smiling at everyone. She’d grown so much in the last few years, and she amazed Nesta and Cassian every day with her intellect and her bright, bubbly personality.

Feyre and Elain followed after Amina, and then suddenly it was Nesta’s turn and all she could see was Cassian. The moment he saw her tears sprang to his eyes, and Nesta could see every single ounce of love and adoration shining in those hazel eyes she loved so much. A single tear slipped down his cheek as Nesta reached him, and she quickly brushed it away before they turned towards the minister.

The ceremony was simple, but neither of them heard a word the minister said. Their eyes were locked on each other, not looking away for a single second until it was time to exchange rings and vows.

As always, Nesta went first.

“Cassian. Our life together hasn’t always been the easiest, but there are very few things I regret because it’s led us here, and given us a beautiful little girl and a wonderful life together. I’ve loved you every single day for twelve years, and I’ll love you every single day of the rest of my life. You’re an amazing father to Amina, you love me more than I deserve, and I thank the gods every day for giving me you. Every day is a new adventure with you, and I can’t wait to see what our future holds.”

Then it was Cassian’s turn. He was visibly emotional, as was Nesta, and he swallowed past the tightness in his throat before speaking.

“I told you a couple years ago that there was nowhere else I’d rather be than by your side. That you were my home. And while I meant it with every fiber of my being then, that had absolutely nothing on how I feel about you now. Everyday I’ve fallen more in love with you, with what an amazing mother, sister, and friend you are, and I know I’m going to keep falling harder for you every day for the rest of my life. I knew at sixteen that you were it for me. My only regret is the time we lost, but I can make peace with that knowing that we’ll be together for the rest of our lives and even beyond that. Because I belong with you, Nesta Archeron, in every single life. Not just this one.”

Then the minister pronounced them husband and wife, and Nesta thought that when Cassian kissed her, she was going to combust right then and there from sheer joy.

Nesta looked out their dining room window, thinking about that day. She’d been doing that a lot in the last week, the news she’d gotten from her doctor making her more nostalgic than normal. She’d told Cassian she couldn’t wait for what their future together held, knowing it would be full of surprises. She just hadn’t anticipated the surprises starting so soon. Although, with Cassian as her husband and her daughter being the spitting image of him, she supposed she should be thankful they didn’t start sooner.

At that moment, she heard the front door open, and Cassian and Amina burst in the kitchen after Cassian went to pick her up from her sleepover at Elain’s. Amina ran over to her mother, throwing herself into Nesta’s lap. 

“Hi Mommy!” Amina grinned up at her.

Nesta laughed lightly, pushing Amina’s hair out of her face. “Hi baby. Did you have fun at Aunt Elain’s?”

Amina nodded vehemently. “We had pancakes for breakfast! Uncle Az even let me put whipped cream on them!”

Nesta smiled at her, deciding to ignore the fact that her daughter had eaten that much sugar so early in the day. “I’m glad you had fun. Go put your bag upstairs, okay?”

“Okay!” With that, Amina bolted up the stairs, leaving Cassian and Nesta alone in the kitchen. 

Nesta stood up, walking over to Cassian and folding herself into his chest. He immediately wrapped his arms around her, rubbing soothing circles on her back.

“You okay?” He asked, mild concern lacing his tone.

“I’m fine, just missed you,” she replied softly, looking up into his hazel eyes. She gave him a quick kiss then turned to grab a drink out of the fridge. “Hey, while I have you here, will you look at the papers on the table? We both need to sign them but I need you to look them over first,” she said as nonchalantly as she could.

She heard more than saw Cassian make his way over to sit down at the dining room table. “Sure, what are the papers for?”

Nesta deflected quickly, not wanting to give it away. “You’ll know as soon as you read them.”

Cassian shuffled through the papers, and she saw his brows knit together in confusion. “You got the paperwork to change Amina’s last name? I didn’t think we were doing that yet. I know we talked about it, but—” He broke off suddenly, finally noticing what was under the paperwork that he’d just picked up. “Nes, why is there a sonogram picture on the table?”

Nesta let out a soft sob, smiling through her tears as she walked over and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. “The sonogram is mine. I had an appointment two days ago. I just got the paperwork in the mail this morning, but I figured we should probably do it now, since Amina will probably want to have the same last name as her little brother or sister.”

Nesta had hardly finished her sentence before Cassian had launched himself out of the chair, grabbing Nesta around the waist and spinning her in a circle as they both laughed. He set her down and rested his forehead against hers, tears already running down his face. “You’re pregnant? Seriously?”

Nesta nodded quickly, wiping her eyes. “Seven weeks yesterday.”

“We’re having a baby,” Cassian whispered, eyes alight with wonder and love.

“We’re having a baby,” Nesta echoed.

Cassian kissed her, pouring all his love for her into the kiss. When he finally pulled back, breathing heavily, he looked into the steely, gray-blue eyes of the love of his life, the mother of his children, and said “I love you, Nesta.”

Nesta brushed his lips with hers and whispered back, “I love you too.”

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