my absolute favorite about the scene in tampa bay where ilya has finally let shane break down his walls enough that he's crying is how shane chooses to comfort him. ilya's fear of vulnerability comes from a history of an abusive family that always degraded him when he showed any weakness it's just deeply ingrained into him that the second he shows weakness he's not desirable anymore.
but shane climbs on his lap so ilya can't turn away from him and shane first kisses him deep and gentle like no no I still want you. I want you. and for the first time since he's a child ilya doesn't suck it up and act cool or indifferent or mean, for the first time he allows himself to just crumble, to sob, to cling, to seek the comfort he's always been denied. bc shane consoling him isn't different from what he expected he knows the sweet, strange man he loves. what he's afraid of is pity, is perfunctory kindness. he can hardly stand that from anyone else, if it came from shane he might die. but no shane kisses him and pulls him to his chest and ilya's brain finally understands that home means safe.
