#hpangs

@thebibliosphere

Help I’ve fallen in love with these characters and I can’t get up

Also Hunger Pangs isn't fanfic of anything, it's original content. I did the world building, the characters, the plot. It's based on an idea I had for flipping paranormal romance tropes on their head and attempting to make something fun out of it. So in that sense I guess it's AU Vampire Romance where toxic hetero-normative bullshit is invited to go fuck itself, commonly violent werewolf ideas of masculinity and dominance are rejected, and while it's a well known fact that any woman who falls into a paranormal romance with two male characters must be in want of a love triangle, except this one is happy. It's called a polycule. Bisexuals do not need to pick a side.

And then I started getting a few messages, asking if they could give their copy of Hunger Pangs away. And I was like “oh, you don’t want to keep your pre-order? Uh, I mean, I can refund you if you don’t want it” and they said “oh. no, no. I’m still buying your book for ME." and then explained in detail, that they want to give an extra copy of the patreon book away to someone who couldn’t afford to buy it themselves, or who couldn’t safely have openly queer fiction on their kindle/amazon purchase history in case their family saw it and...this has happened multiple times. I have had multiple messages from at least 12 people asking me, “hey, if I buy an extra copy of your book, can you give it away to someone who can’t afford it?”

And I’m just...you guys are just...so...I can’t even with how good and kind and wonderful you all are sometimes. I really can’t. You’re amazing. Not only because you are thinking of me and helping me to survive using my words, but because you are thinking of others and going “hey, I bet someone could use a happy queer story about love with vampires, werewolves and punching undead fascists in the face right about now” like, what kind of honest to goodness Saints are you. 

Thank you. 

I really cannot express how wonderful this whole experience has been for me. I never thought I’d write a book. I thought I might try, but I never thought in a million years it would be something people would be interested in, let alone want to share with others. And just...thank you. From the depths of my humbled and terrified little heart. Thank you.

And thank you for giving me the opportunity to give multiple copies of my book away for “free” to those who couldn’t afford it, or couldn’t safely own a physical or kindle copy. I’m sure it will mean a lot to the person who gets it. And if you want to do the give away yourself or if you want me to organize a mass give away post or something, please, let me know. I am more than happy to do so.

Just. ugh. UGH. You guys. I didn’t expect to spend my night crying over how good and wonderful people are and yet here we are. Thank you. 

Oh boy I love asks like these cause it means I get to pull up my obscure character notes.

In the modern human AU, Vlad’s mother was a classical pianist and taught him how to play, as well as the violin. Ursula once remarked that he plays with a beautiful kind of heavy sorrow. His taste in music is predictably, somewhat moody and more than a little bit eclectic. He went through an emo goth phase in high school and never really left and still listens to things like JJ72 and Staind when he’s working, but draws the line at “The Sound of Silence” because he’s actively trying to stay sober these days and he still remembers the way his mother’s voice would crack on certain notes while listening to the original. He still can’t really listen to Joni Mitchell because of this, and God help anyone who tries to play Don McLean without warning him first cause you’re going to have to pick him up off the floor afterwards.

When he wants to be angry but upbeat while he works he has things like Muse and Awolnation on a loop. He’s more than a little in love with Hozier and refers to him as “my other boyfriend” in conversation. You’ll also hear a lot of Jefferson Airplane coming from his art studio, something he’s managed to reclaim from his mother’s collection without breaking his heart listening to it, more recently however it’s been this song on a loop, for obvious reasons. It makes him happy despite the gently melancholic tone of it.

If he were a Queen song he’d be Under Pressure.

Nathan is a total mess when it comes to music, it doesn’t matter what is playing, he’s here for it and ready to dance whether it’s Brittany Spears Toxic or Electric Six’s Danger! High Voltage. That said his phone is primarily loaded with theme songs from films and video games. The battle themes from Elder Scrolls makes great running tunes on the treadmill as far as he’s concerned. As does the main theme for Pacific Rim. Ursula got him addicted to Florence and the Machine sometime around the first week they started dating and he apologetically listens to Howl all the time while wearing his “do you even shift bro” werewolf t-shirt. Ursula likes to joke that his love song for Vlad is Jace Everett’s Bad Things. And not just because it was on True Blood and he’s never gotten over his vampire fixation from early adolescence and Vlad is absolutely 100% his Type in that regard, aka romantic sad goth in skinny jeans who looks good in fangs, nope, nope, nope, how very dare. (He feels attacked. This is slander. But yea, actually, no that’s...fair...)

He’s also got about 20 nieces and nephews at this point (or is it twelve, feels like a hundred) so he’s also got a million and one Disney songs stuck in his head at any given moment and can sing them all on command. Right now he’s had Shakira’s Try Everything from Zootopia on a loop in the kitchen for the last six months and the other two are on the verge of forming an intervention. Again. 

If he were a Queen song he’d be Don’t Stop Me Now

Ursula identifies with Florence Welch on a spiritual level because she too is both the aesthetic of Here Comes The Hurricane To Fuck Up Your Life and Ethereal Early Morning Light Glinting On Still Waters.

On the flipside of this she’s pretty certain Hozier is her patronus and also refers to him as “my other, other, boyfriend” in unity with Vlad. Him and Jeff Buckley, who she’s not unconvinced wasn’t a celestial being who decided to grace this world with his voice before he was called back to beyond the ether.

Like the other two she’ll listen to pretty much anything, but tends to avoid the more melancholy choices Vlad makes. She’s more of a “burn the sadness out of your veins with rage” sort of person than a “I need to sit down and have a good cry”. You always know when she’s annoyed at something because she likes to scream along to the opening of Immigrant Song regardless of the time of day or night. It’s best to just let her get on with it. (Their neighbors are mercifully old and deaf.) If the boys hear Martha Wainwright's Bloody Mother Fucking Asshole coming from the crafting room however it’s usually a good idea to go in armed with chocolate and a blanket because she’s probably under the desk not crying. She never cries. Vlad finds it unnerving and wishes she would. He thinks it’d help.

There’s a lot of Fleetwood Mac and Stevie Nicks in there too, as well as  Loreena Mckennitt and the occasional insertion of Bill Hicks (yes the comedian) singing his song, The Moon Is Smiling.

She also likes the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and listens to Sacrilege fairly often. It’s the song she left on her ultra conservative adopted family’s voice mail when they found out about both Nathan and Vlad and called her a sinner. Immediately followed by Millie Jackson’s Fuck You Symphony. They haven’t tried to speak to her since and their voicemail appears to be deactivated. She can’t imagine why.

At the moment her personal anthem is What's Up by 4 Non Blondes and you’ll often find her gently singing it to herself while she works. Vlad tends to join in, not even realizing he’s doing it. It’s easy for them to harmonize together and Nathan enjoys listening to them both.

If she were a Queen song she’d undeniably be Killer Queen.

Regardless of their differing tastes, no matter where they are in the house if The Killers Mister Brightside comes on they’ll all bust into the same room singing it. They’re aware the lyrics are ironic for them but it’s impossible not to sing along. 

I'm afraid I've somewhat rag dolled from exhaustion and trying to answer all the questions on patreon last night. Etd had to very sternly put his foot down and tell me it was time to go to bed or I'd make myself too sick for Christmas and I'm afraid he's right.

I have a lot to do over the next three days. His family is huge and it takes us three days to see them all, and I have to bake and make food for every event otherwise I can't eat, so I'm afraid I'm stepping back from tumblr and patreon a little bit until after Monday.

I will however post a master post of the questions I am getting asked, along with a better explanation of patreon and how it works for those who need it.

For those asking if pre-orders will run out: the only version of the book with a limited number is the hardback. Once I run out of those 200 copies that's it, or until I do a second edition run if enough people ask for it. (Unlike paperback and ebook I am buying those on mass and shipping them out myself and they are very expensive to produce. Which is why they are part of a gift bundle. So you kinda get a Hunger Pangs gift box when you pledge $75+)

Ebook will not run out, and paperback will be print on demand, so you can buy those whenever you can or want. The reason I hosted the pre-order on my patreon was because I was flat broke this time last year and up to my eyeballs in medical debt and was having to borrow money to pay for extremely vital oral surgery. Some people expressed a wish to support me, and I made my patreon account, not really expecting it to be a success. Boy did you prove me wrong.

Pre-ordering from me now also helps to supplement my income now, meaning I dont need to take on any extra editing work to make ends meet, meaning I have more time to work on Hunger Pangs. As of right now, you've managed to make sure I don't need to do ANY editing work for the whole month of January. I can just write and finish my own edits. What a time to somehow still be alive.

Thank you.

So yea, please don't panic thinking you wont get an e-copy or a paperback. Those will still all be available well after and into the New Year. It just helps me a little lot to have some of that income now, and not tied up in amazon. So thank you. I don't think I'll ever be able to stop saying thank you.

It’s going well! Thank you! I’ve been managing to work on it nearly every day without being interrupted. And still managing to make myself laugh at the things I don’t remember writing from the great pain haze of 2016 :P

“Well what about Jaunty?” Isabella asked, and Vlad laughed shortly.

“Oh please,” he said, taking another drag from the silver cigarette holder and delicately tapping ash from the end as he exhaled in a cloud of smoke. “Jaunty was already as merry as a summer garden party without my help.”

“Well you certainly helped him along.”

In Hunger Pangs (you may need to be more specific I am writing quite a few lol)? I do indeed have characters who would probably be considered chubby, although some might argue with me. I find it’s rather subjective.

I have been told I am somewhat vague when it comes to physical descriptors, which might be because I have personal issues with body dysphoria which are often triggered when reading romance novels (which is super great in my line of work...just, really, peachy keen...), so I try very hard not to focus too much on describing physical appearances beyond brief descriptors of vital things like “he was tall with dark hair and blue eyes” or “she was medium build with long red hair and a glowing smile”. 

Nathan gets described as “large” a lot because he’s a 6ft 5 werewolf and it’s rather hard for him not to loom over people. Vlad is described as well dressed and fidgety more often than anything else, and Ursula is noted for her confidence and self possession and the way her smile makes her eyes crinkle.

I much prefer to read and write about things like freckles and the crinkle of smiling eyes, the person’s mannerisms and quirks that make them attractive and fun to be around. I think it’s healthier than pointing out whether a person is slim waisted or not (I hate that, I hate the breaks in narrative that make sure to tell you the hero is thin but not too thin and how perky their tits are but how totally average they are too while listing off the features of a plastic surgeons wet dream. or in the case of a lot of current mlm fiction being written by women “he took care of himself but not too much, he was after all a masculine man” like what the fuck is that even supposed to mean Sharron, oh I see he’s gay but not one of those gays, I see, uhu, great thanks, I’ll be returning this book now. I don’t care that it was 99 cents, it’s 99 cents you don’t deserve. Get your fucking toxic heternormativity out of here) 

It’s partly why I’ve enjoyed writing about paranormal creatures so much. They can’t do the “look into the mirror and describe self” thing, all of their reflections are distorted, either by the silver or by having to use another hammered metal instead, so even they only think of themselves in vague terms and in Vlad’s case hope like hell their eyeliner isn’t too badly smudged. (Personal headcanon: vampires invent the smokey eye look because they can’t fucking see what the fuck they’re doing until someone invents modern mirrors and by then it’s just a Look)

But for whatever it’s worth, Ursula is not described as a small person. She’s broad hipped and big thighed with a belly she doesn’t care to hide with tight stays. She’d rather just be comfortable. And she’s comfortable being pair shaped. Her tits are definitely not pert and perky or perfectly sized or made to fit into a man’s hand.

Nathan as well is not a lean V shaped hollywood muscle man. There’s no dip in the shoulder to hip ratio, there's just solid muscle and a good layer of podge protecting it the whole way down. He’s tall and often described as broad and thick. He’s the type of person who if the horse went lame, would pick up the horse and pull the cart along behind him. 

Vlad is really the only one of he trio specifically described as slim, which, most of the vampires are—a predominately liquid diet will do that to you. He is the classic hollywood V shape, the kind of person three piece suits were made for and even then he wears his waistcoat so tight it might as well be a corset. He does this because he’s self conscious of the fact that he's stuck looking forever 20, and if you’re going to be stuck looking tall and skinny for your entire unlife, you might as well find a good tailor and plump for sleek and deadly while you’re at it and make the most of it. The phrase “legs for days” applies rather well to him.