~ Please read authors note at the end! Thank you! ~

          I leaned on the wall and looked out the window of my quarters. The sun was shining and I felt the warmth envelope my skin. A genuine smile spread across my face.

          It had been a few months that I had begun fighting in the Survey Corps. Commander Erwin requested for any available recruits to join in their most recent expeditions due to dwindling numbers of soldiers. Our instructor, Keith Shadis, was forced to pick a group of recruits he thought were ‘expendable.’ One of them just so happened to be me. I remember cursing myself the night I found out I would be leaving training early to join the Survey Corps in their next expedition. I couldn’t help how easy certain aspects of training was, I felt as though I could afford to slack off a bit. Bad move (Y/N), bad move.

~~~~~~~~~

          I carried my bag over my shoulder as I exited the place I called home for the past few years of my life. The cold breeze blew past my arms and I suddenly longed for the comfort of the plain wooden barracks. The comfort of my friends who had hugged me just before, unable to send the calming words of ‘you’ll be alright’ because who really knew. Would I be alright?

          I looked towards the carriage that would be carrying the cadets who were chosen to leave training early. There were maybe ten of us total, but any amount was ‘desperately’ needed as Shadis had put it.

          I reluctantly walked down the creaking steps of the barracks and walked towards the carriage. The closer I got the clearer I could see my fellow cadets faces. Some were blank, emotionless. Unable to express what they were feeling in that moment. One or two seemed excited, ready for the challenge.

          ~Arrogance will get you killed~ I thought.

          But the majority of them had looks of fear in their eyes. Eyebrows scrunched together in thought as the realization slowly hit them more and more.

          We would finally be facing titans. Real titans. Not just those shitty wooden figurines. Titans that would grab us, attack us.

          Eat us.

          I swallowed the lump in my throat as I finally reached the back of the carriage. I looked to my right and saw instructor Shadis putting his hand out to help me into the carriage.

         “Thank you sir,” I spoke quietly. He nodded as I grabbed his hand and lifted myself into the carriage. I sat down on the hardwood, closed my eyes, and took a deep breath.

        ~I can do this~ I told myself. ~I can stay alive, I can kill those bastard titans~

         I was broken out of my small mantra as a hand rested on my forearm. I opened my eyes and looked towards Shadis. He looked at me, a stoic look in his eyes, but I could see the anxiousness he held behind it.

        “Good luck cadet (L/N),” He spoke. “Try not to get killed out there.” Surprisingly his words calmed me slightly. The realism in his words, the focus being on ‘not getting killed.’ Gave me a focus, a ‘game plan’ as you may say. Because currently my mind was jumbled with ‘what ifs.’

        He released my arm and stepped back as I nodded towards him.

        “You prepared me well, sir,” I said with a small smile on my face. Trying to reassure him, as well as myself. He nodded towards me and spoke under his breath as the carriage began to move, I almost didn’t catch his words.

        “I hope so.”

         I hope so too.

~~~~~~~~~~

         Arriving at the Survey Corps headquarters that night felt like our fates were set in stone.

         “Welcome to your new home cadets,” A deep voice spoke as we exited off the carriage.

         We were greeted by Commander Erwin. I stared up at him. His stance oozed confidence, his uniform bore the wings of freedom I had only ever seen in passing glances. He truly lived up to the stories we had all heard about him. He carried an aura of strength and determination I’d never seen on anyone. He gave a warm welcoming despite the context of the situation we were in. I could see why so many members of the Survey Corps were inspired by him.

         He showed us around headquarters. The walls of the building were made of stone, the glass windows were a beautiful sight to see the outside. The view was incredible and left me in slight awe. We saw where we would eat, sleep, and train. Everything seeming more beautiful in comparison to the dingy training facility we were previously in.

         The Commander introduced us to the few scouts who were still awake. They held smiles on their faces but I could see through a few of their facades. The dark circles under their eyes, the tired smiles on their faces, and the stress behind their eyes. I wondered if I would last long enough to know what they were feeling.

         We continued through the building and we soon reached his office as well as revered Squad Leader Hange’s laboratory.

          The woman appeared out of nowhere, eagerly excited to meet the new recruits. Her assistant, Moblit Berner, followed behind with a look of stress on his face. She rambled on about titans and the tests she had most recently been running. Although it was hard to understand her throughout her ramblings, I found myself deeply interested in her discoveries and plans for the future. She certainly had a fast moving intelligent mind, even her mouth couldn’t keep up with her thoughts.

          Her tangent went on for what seemed like hours before Commander Erwin told her we must move on.

          What I failed to realize before I left was that she had noticed my interest. While the other cadets were staring at a wall or shitting themselves in fear, she saw my attentiveness.

          “I can tell that one will be joining us soon Moblit,” Hange spoke with a sadistic smile on her face.

          Moblit cursed shakily under his breath as he observed Hange’s look in her eyes, “I sure hope so.”

          Commander Erwin began to lead us down to where our sleeping quarters would be. We walked thought the eerily quiet hallways of the building.  The small illumination of candles lighting our way. 

          After passing through the dark hallways seeing as most people were asleep, my eyes were quickly drawn to one door where light shone brightly from beneath it.

          ~Who was still up at this time?~ I thought.

          As Commander Erwin's candle passed by the door I saw a small plack with a name scrawled over it.

          Captain Levi

          My eyes widened and a slight chill ran up my back. To think that humanity's strongest soldier was right behind that door. The one that many cadets had the gall to compare themselves to, but never managed to reach the prestige of the well known Captain.

         “You coming cadet…” Commander Erwin paused. His voice broke me out of my thoughts and I noticed how I’d fallen behind the group. I felt nervousness build in my chest as I looked towards him.

          “(L/N), Cadet (F/N) (L/N), sir,” I spoke clearly with a salute. He walked up to me and extended his hand for me to shake.

          “I would introduce you to him, but he dislikes being disturbed,” Commander Erwin spoke. “And he’s quite cranky at night.” He whispered as he smiled at me.

          My nervousness dispersed as I held back a small giggle and smiled up at him.

          “But I’m sure you’ll meet him soon enough but for now, keep up,” He finished as he patted my shoulder before walking back to the front of the group. 

          We continued walking down the dark hallway. I caught my last glimpse of the light from underneath the Captain's doorway as we turned the corner.

          We soon reached the sleeping quarters and Commander Erwin sectioned us off into our rooms. Since I was at the end of the group I was last to be placed into a room.

          “Aren’t you a lucky Cadet,” Erwin spoke. “A room all to yourself, not many get the privilege on their first day.”

          I looked up to him with a grateful smile as I entered the room. I took a moment to look over the new sleeping arrangements. And they were a definite upgrade to the cramped barracks we were stuck in at the training camp.

          The room had a small work desk on the left wall with a hanging oil lamp above it. A dresser was pressed on the wall across from the doorway next to a small window. The bunk was on the right wall with a small table in the center of the room. Somehow it felt ‘homey.’ It didn’t feel like the death sentence I had originally felt when I heard I was leaving for the scouts this soon. Surprising.

          I walked over to the bottom bunk and set my bag down on my new bed. I took a breath and turned to the commander.

          “Thank you sir,” I smiled. “But I’m sure these empty bunks will be filled soon, I’m almost certain many friends of mine from cadet training are planning on joining the scouts.” I assured him.

          He nodded towards me with a thankful smile as he reached for the door handle.

          “Goodnight cadet,” He spoke kindly.

          He began shutting the door and for some reason anxiety ripped through my body. I didn’t want to be alone, what would tomorrow bring? Would I die on my first expedition. Was I ready?

          I was scared.

         “Commander!” I called out just as the door was about to click shut. Commander Erwin pushed the door open slightly. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he looked at me.

         “Yes?” He questioned. I tugged at the bottom of my shirt in nervousness. I felt stupid. Childish. For the question I was about to ask him.

         “Commander, a...am I going to die on my first expedition?” I shakily asked. I could feel pressure build behind my eyes. I took a deep breath, forcing the tears to retreat. I didn’t want to look any weaker than I already felt.

          Commander Erwin looked at me. His face was cascaded into seriousness. All signs of warmth gone from his face, determination replacing it.

          “That’s up to you (L/N),” He spoke bluntly. “Every one of us goes out into titan country knowing the possibility of dying.”

          “We struggle each expedition, not only with titans, but with the choice between surviving and protecting our squad,” He told me. “All of us in the scouts have seen enough deaths of comrades to last a lifetime. New cadets such as yourself, as well as people who have been fighting with us for years, there is no bias as to who dies on each expedition.”

          “But no one truly knows how they’ll react when they are faced with a titan, faced with death, until it happens. So I can’t answer your question because I truly don’t know. But I can give you this advice.” His eyes narrowed slightly and his lips pressed together.

          “Remember why you joined the military, remember what you’re fighting for.”

          The honesty in his voice was unwavering. The idea of how many cadets had been through this, had come and gone, was a scary thought. But many had made it through for many years. And it was clear Erwin was a commander that wasn’t going to let his scouts give up without a fight, without pride in their hearts. 

          But in the end it was up to me. It was up to whether I would allow fear to withhold me and control my actions on the battlefield.

          And although I was still fearful, I felt almost, hopeful of tomorrow.

          “Get some rest cadet, we have an early morning ahead of us,” He finished before lightly shutting the door with a soft ‘click.’

           I felt exhausted as I threw my boots off and jumped in bed. I looked up at the bottom of the top bunk above me. I steadied my thoughts as they continued to race until I was left without a single thought.

           And I soon curled up and fell asleep.

Next Chapter! : How It All Began ~ Part 2

~ !IMPORTANT! I hope you guys liked it! This is going to be a two, possibly three, part story that will be setting the tone for other fan fictions I may do. 

          The point of this story is to give context of the character (you/(Y/N)) you will be reading about so you have a backstory for yourself and your connection to the characters in the manga/show. 

 Start here! :  How It All Began ~ Part 1      

           I was awakened by a few resounding knocks on my door.

          “Get up cadets!” A female voice spoke. “This morning's training starts in ten minutes! If you want breakfast you better hurry up and get outside!” She advised.

          I placed my hand flat over my stomach as it grumbled lightly.

          “Damn I’m hungry,” I whispered to myself.

          I heard the same voice bounding down the hallway, repeating her same warning. And she was smart for it, food would pull any of these cadets out of bed. Including myself.

          I sat up and proceeded to stand up and stretch before turning around. My bed had been made a mess throughout the night with my tossing and turning. I looked over to my backpack that I must have knocked over in the night as it was laying carefully on the ground.

          ~Should I change?~ I thought to myself. But quickly decided against it seeing as I was going to end up sweating anyways.

          I grabbed a brush from my bad and combed through my hair, tying it up nicely when I was done. I then tugged my boots onto my feet and tied them tightly so I wouldn’t trip in training. I grabbed my cadet jacket that was laying messily on the bed and pulled it over my arms.

          ~I really need to clean this mess up~ I thought as I quickly made my bed and put my backpack over my desk chair.

          Once that was done I approached my door and proceeded to turn the golden knob. It clicked as it unhooked from its hinge, creaking as the door was pulled back, and I soon stepped into the hallway.

          As I began walking to go outside I noticed the hallways were much brighter now. Things around us were much more visible as light shone through the windows. There were a few framed paintings on the walls as I walked along. Beautiful imagery of trees, sunlight, the landscape we lived in. I couldn’t help but wonder if these were taken in or outside of the walls.

          I paused as I saw a beautiful painting of an ocean. Or was it a river? My practicality made me assume it was inside the walls. But the water seemed never ending in the painting. The sun was peeking out brightly over the blue water, reflecting over the surface. There was no way this was inside the walls.

          Was this a way to excite us? I’m unsure. But it sure did excite me, and made me want to see what outside of the walls had to offer.

          I reluctantly began to walk away from the enchanting painting. As I continued I turned my head and glanced out a passing window and saw as all the cadets were outside already, stretching and talking with a few of the older scouts.

          I guess I was late.

          Shit.

          I tried to quietly run to the door that would lead me to the training area. My footsteps were quiet but my movements were quick, and I was almost there when someone grabbed my arm and pulled me to a halt.

          “(Y/N)! Good morning! Good to see you! How are you doing?” Squad Leader Hange happily spoke.

          I turned to look at her face and was slightly stunned. She had a cheshire cat smile across her face, and to add to that her goggles made her eyes look abnormally large.

          I stepped back and she released her arm as I saluted her.

          “Good morning Squad Leader Hange,” I spoke with a soft smile. She passively waved me off.

          “Oh you don’t need to do all that foo foo formal stuff, just call me Hange,” She spoke as she extended her hand out to me.

          I reluctantly shook it. Not because I wasn’t welcoming of the idea of having a more laid back superior, I just wasn’t used to it. Throughout training we were taught to be completely respectful of our superiors. Always salute when greeted, always speak to them in their formal titles. Don’t joke, don’t act childish.

          This was certainly new.

          “Ok...It’s nice to meet you Hange,” I softly spoke with a smile. She squealed slightly before pinching my cheeks.

          “Awe! You’re so cute! You remind me of my Albert,” She proclaimed, slight sadness lacing her voice. “Bless his poor soul.” She wiped a small tear from her eyes.

          ~Albert?~ I thought, scrunching my nose in confusion.

          I laughed awkwardly and patted her arm as my face was stretched in odd directions.

          Luckily, my savior arrived as someone pried Hange away from my face.

          “C’mon we need to go start preparations for today’s experiments,” A concerned voice spoke. I looked up to see it as none other than Moblit.

          “Yes! I almost forgot, (Y/N) would you like to join us in our preparations?” Hange asked me, that cheshire smile returning to her face.

          “I would love to Co...Hange, but I have training this morning which I’m sure I’m already super late for,” I spoke regretfully.

          “Well poo,” She declared. “How about after your training I’ll take you to see my recent inventions, hm?” She practically pleaded, as she was filled with a sudden burst of excitement.

          “Ok I’ll meet you then,” I agreed, giving her a thumbs up. She smiled at me wildly, but then almost immediately changed expression into one of seriousness as she turned sharply on her heel.

          “Come Moblit, we have discoveries to make,” Her voice boomed down the hallway as she walked off. Moblit ran behind her, trying to catch up while whispering under his breath ‘please give me a break.’

          ~Poor guy~ I laughed lightly at Hange’s antics. ~I have a feeling we’re going to get along quite well.~

          “Shit!” I exclaimed, realizing how much time I wasted.

          ~I’m in for it now, I’m in deep shit. Deep, deep shit~

          I quickly ran outside. I strode across the training field to where the rest of the recently ‘graduated’ cadets were still standing. They all turned their heads to stare at me. I shyly turned my head down slightly and stood on the outer part of the group.

          “Ah, so we have a late riser,” A voice spoke. I searched for the source of the voice as I watched all the cadets eyes, following an unseen figure approaching me.

          An older looking man appeared as he confidently walked over to me. He was relatively tall and sported an odd hairstyle. I glanced at his attire, which was nothing unusual to other military members I’d seen, he had a cravat that was tucked into a collared shirt. He had his regiment jacket on with the wings of freedom shining bright in the early morning sun.

          “Late to training with me? The infamous Oruo Bozard? Tch,” Genuine shock exuded out of him as he turned around and walked back in front of the group.

          ~Wait, Oruo Bozard? I remember that name. But from what?~

          Suddenly it hit me. All throughout training at the cadet base, Eren went on and on about the members of the Special Operations Squad, otherwise known as the Levi Squad, and how incredibly talented they were. Not going to lie, I tuned out after about the tenth time he brought it up.

          I peered around a fellow cadet’s shoulder and saw a short girl, not much older than us, with red hair, sporting the same regiment jacket as her comrade. I watched as she raised an eyebrow cocked towards her arrogant friend.

          ~That must be Petra Ral!~

          Shock filled me. Two members of the Levi Squad were personally taking the time to train us. Now I kind of did feel guilty for being late.

          “To make it clear, you cadets aren’t even close to my level,” Oruo spoke cockily.

          I rolled my eyes. ~Nevermind.~

          “And if you want to get even close to me, it’s going to take a lot of work,” He continued as he sized up one of the smaller recruits. And damn did that recruit look terrified.

          “A lot of work,” Oruo reiterated as the young cadet looked down at himself, panicked.

          Oruo, after intimidating the young cadet for what seemed like ten minutes, turned his attention back over to me.

          “And you sure as hell won’t make any progress by being late to training,” He concluded. Getting oddly close to me in an attempt to unnerve me.

          “Alright, why don’t you stop flirting with the girl Oruo,” Petra joked as she placed a hand on his shoulder, pulling him back slightly.

          “Is that jealousy I hear Petra dear? If you want me all to yourself you just have to say so,” Oruo flirted, eyes narrowing in an attempt to look more sensual.

          Petra pulled her hand away from his shoulder as if he were made of acid. Her nose scrunching up in disgust.

          “In your dreams,” She sneered. He winked back at her and she scoffed, trying to hold her composure. But it was quite obvious with smoke practically shooting out of her ears, that would not last long if he kept that up.

          “Moving on,” She stated clearly as she glared at Oruo. “What my comrade here was trying to explain was that this training is very important. We all know that you guys were forced to come early. So we’ve tried to prepare a more difficult training course than you’re used to, to prepare you for our next expedition.”

          Shuffling of feet in anxiety was heard next to me. You could practically feel the fear in the air surrounding us as Petra continued onward. The idea of an upcoming expedition is exactly what we’d all been dreading. All of us blissfully unaware of when we were actually departing from the comfort of inside the walls.

          “So now that that’s covered let’s get started, ten laps around the perimeter of the base to warm up,” Petra commanded.

          A few groans were heard but we all began to jog. Right as I began to pull away from Oruo and Petra’s location I heard Petra scold Oruo.

          “You’ve got to stop with this act, is it your attempt at mimicking the Captain?” She questioned.

          Luckily I missed his response as I got furth enough away.

          ~So that’s what the Captain is like? I sure hope that’s not true, I wonder how Petra handles two Oruo’s in the squad.~

          I chuckled to myself and looked up towards the building as I rounded a corner. And I could have sworn I saw a figure surveying us as we ran. Chills ran up my spine, feeling as though the person’s stare was shooting through me.

          But by the time I came around for my second lap the figure was gone.

~~~~~~~~~~~

          After a long day of cleaning our gear, practicing with our 3DMG, listening to detailed lectures, and much more ‘fun’ stuff, we finally finished.

          The sun was still up, barely holding on to it’s morning light as it prepared to descend into darkness as night loomed on.

          We all trudged up the dirt path back to base. There we’re so little of us. Such a small, inexperienced group of cadets, and I didn’t even know any of them. I recognized a few from training but I had never properly spoken to them, let alone introduced myself. My chest ached for my friends that I missed dearly.

          ~Hopefully I will see them soon.~

          A loud panting was heard from next to me. I looked over to see a female cadet that was struggling to breathe, from what I assumed was our exhausting training session.

          “Are you alright?” I asked her politely, patting her back lightly. She looked up to me and abruptly stopped in place. Then she snapped.

          “No! I am not alright. Goddammit, I am going to die. DIE!” She screamed at me. Her eyebrows scrunched and her lip quivered before she fell to her knees and held her head in her hands.

          “I was supposed to join the Military Police and bring my family to the inner walls,” She weeped as she choked on her words.

          I looked at her with wide eyes. I was frozen. Unable to form words as my brain seemed to have malfunctioned.

          How could I comfort her? I can’t tell her she’ll be able to transfer into the Military Police because we all knew how unlikely that was. How could I tell her things would be alright? When I didn’t know if they would.

          Commander Erwin said that it all depends on how someone reacts to a titan, but even then it’s not a sure thing. And I don’t think she would even make it that far, not in the state she’s in.

          A scoff was heard ahead of us.

          “Then just leave, you’re useless to us anyways,” One of the cocky male cadets spoke. She began to sob harder.

          ~At least she doesn’t have a rock for a brain. What a brute.~

          I glared up at him and he put his hands up and turned around before continuing back on his way.

          After he left I knelt down and soothingly ran my hand up and down her back as I fought with myself over the right words to say.

          I thought about the male cadets' words. And although his execution was terrible.

          He was right.

          “Then go home,” I told the girl softly. She sniffled as she peered up at me through her reddened eyes.

          “If you can’t do it, that’s ok, go home,” I continued. “Give up.”

          ~Please fight back, tell me I’m wrong~

          “Why are you saying this?” She countered, her eyebrows furrowing in defense.

          ~Bingo~

          “Because you have two choices, neither is wrong but it’s yours to make,” I challenged.

          “You can go home and be with your family and hope there won’t be a repeat of what happened in Shiganshina,” her eyes darkened as I spoke.

          “Or. You can stay here and fight with me and we can fight to change the world we live in,” I spoke passionately. “Fight beside our comrades, fight strongly, and with purpose.”

          I watched the conflict in her eyes arise. She struggled between choosing the easy path and the difficult one. Go home to the warm embrace of her family but have to face her failure. Or push onward. The same struggle I’ve fought with ever since I arrived here as well. Hell, I was almost trying to convince myself from giving up through helping her.

          After a pause she wiped her eyes and stood up. She brushed the dust off her knees and held her head up high, a new sense of purpose in her mind.

          She made her decision.

          “What are we waiting for then,” She croaked out, her voice deepened from crying. She didn’t look at me as she followed the path the other cadets had previously been.

          I sighed deeply.

          ~I’m starting to sound like Commander Erwin. I’ll give him a run for his money in inspirational quotes~ I quietly laughed to myself.

          I slowly lifted myself from the ground, my aching body fighting against me. Once I stood I raised my arms and stretched my back, wincing slightly as cracks sounded from up and down my spine. 

          I sucked in a breath and began walking down the path but a familiar sensation came upon me as I felt the hair on my back stand up. I immediately looked up to the window where I had seen the mysterious figure before, and there it was again.

          I squinted in a failing attempt to get a better look but it was too far for me to make out who it was, but someone was definitely there. Watching.

          As I continued walking the sun glared in my eyes and when I got back to some shade the figure was gone just as quickly as before.

          “Who the hell is that?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

          After we all returned and cleaned up, one by one we made our way to the dining hall to eat. And damn were we all craving any sort of food to consume.

          I made my way down the long hallways but soon found myself drawn to a large doorway that was slightly cracked open, voices heard from inside. I couldn’t help my curiosity as I pushed the door slightly.

          It squeaked and I paused, praying no one heard me. As I hoped their conversation continued smoothly, I peeked inside to see a group of four people sitting at a small table, drinks in hand.

          I saw Petra, lightly sipping at her drink, sitting next to Oruo who placed his feet on the top of the table in an attempt to look more laid back and ‘cool.’

          I struggled to refrain from scoffing.

          There were two more people sitting across from them. They must have been Levi Squad as well.

          ~Dammit, what did Eren tell me, dark hair, big nose…Gunther Schultz~ I thought as I identified the man.

          Strength is well known throughout the Survey Corps, also known as the most reasonable and good in stressful situations.

          ~And the other one…~ I thought as I scanned my eyes over the other figure. ~Blonde hair...starts with an E...Eld Gin!~ I smiled in a cheerful manner when I finally remembered.

          Known as a man of few words. But when he did speak, it was in your best interest to listen.

          Captain Levi’s second in command.

          “How could he do this?” Gunther proclaimed as he slammed his drink down on the table. “I mean they’re kids? Most haven’t even seen a titan in their lives and he expects them to survive when he throws them in the field lacking months of training?” He scoffed and placed his palms over his eyes.

          “Well if they’re not prepared now they’ll never be, hm?” Oruo spoke before taking a sip of his drink.

           “Cause your one to talk, the fine fearless soldier who pissed his pants on his first expedition,” Eld sarcastically remarked. Oruo’s eyes widened in shock, his cheeks flushing in embarassement. 

          “Cut the shit Oruo, they’re kids, they shouldn’t have to be prepared now,” Gunther’s anger rose with every word, nearly lunging at Oruo.

          “Ok calm down,” Petra’s steady voice spoke. “I get what you’re saying Gunther, but although I hate to say it Oruo is kind of right.” She cringed at herself for actually agreeing with the man. Oruo’s face returned to one of confidence.

          “Not too late to proclaim your love for me Petra, I’d have no problem warming your b…” Oruo was stopped as Petra slammed her hand over his mouth. A small tint to her cheeks as she did so.

          “As. I. Was. Saying,” Petra articulated in a slow staccato. “A few months isn’t going to make much of a difference Gunther. Although I agree that it’s unfair and it’s unfair that most of them were probably forced into this regiment. If they weren’t prepared a month ago they won’t be prepared a few months from now when they reach their proper graduation.” She finished sorrowfully.

          A look of defeat fell upon Gunther’s face as he slowly seated himself back down. A drawn out sigh falling from his lips as he ran a hand down his face.

          “I just don’t understand why Erwin would do this now. There’s no change in our expeditions. Our losses are the same. And we’ve never taken cadets early like this. Let alone forced cadets to join our squad early like this,” He said, tiredly. “We won’t be able to protect them all.”

          My face was sullen.

          Never taken cadets early? Gunther filled me with questions. Questions that may be left unanswered. How could he do this to us with no purpose? No purpose to our very probable losses? Was it true?

          Each one of them held a regretful look on their faces. Confliction filling their eyes as well.

          ~Is everyone in the Survey Corps conflicted?~

          And Eld stayed silent with the others. Stoic in expression but silent. Until…

         The door creaked. I watched as all their ears perked up.          

         “What was that?” Gunther questioned. I watched as Eld’s eyes slowly made their way towards the door where I was standing.

          I quickly sidestepped away from the door, away from view as well as unable to see them. I held my breath hoping I didn’t get caught.

          Silence.

          “I’m not sure, but dinner is probably ready,” Eld finished bluntly. I breathed a sigh of relief. Until a chair pushed back.

          “Great, cause I’m starving after a whole training day with the recruits,” Petra’s said. More chairs began to screech against the floor and I ushered myself down the hallway and around the corner before they could spot me.

          The thought of food re-entered my mind and my stomach growled.

          Dinner.

~~~~~~~~~~~

          Dinner was a godsend.

          The lackluster potato soup and bread felt like a four course meal of wondrous assortment after a hard day's work.

          I even watched as a few cadets attempted to steal each other's bread. And I would be lying to say I didn’t try as well.

          But I succeeded.

          We all sat back in our seats and relished our meal. The meal hall being boastful and loud with all the Survey Corps members jostling around.

          I took notice in the fact that the loud, happy manner everyone presented themselves in seemed to mask what was really there.

          Or the lack thereof.

          For there were way fewer members than I would have expected. In comparison to the Garrison this seemed half the size.

          ~This couldn’t be all of them, could it?~

          “Cadets!” Petra’s friendly voice rang as she approached our table. “As I can clearly see…” She paused as she looked over our mess of a table where the food was scarce.

          “You’re done with dinner,” She laughed. “Now I need you to come, the Commander needs to speak with you in his office.” She finished.

          All of our backs straightened up, and the relaxed looks on our faces turned to ones of intensity.

          “Oh, and don’t worry about cleaning up,” She waved us off as we began to lift our plates. “Oruo willingly volunteered to help you guys out.”

          She looked over to Oruo with a poison like smile on her face as he groaned in annoyance. She motioned in the direction where the Commander's office was held and we all followed.

          Every one of us walked in silence. Wondering why he needed to see us.

          Was he sending us back? Were we going home? And on and on.

          I pitied the cadets who held hopeful looks on their faces.

          “Here we are,” Petra announced as we waited outside the door. “He’s waiting. Go on in.” She gave us a reassuring smile as she waited for us to enter.

          No one moved. A few glanced at each other quickly, waiting for someone to grow a pair and turn the golden doorknob and enter.

          So I did.

          And we all haphazardly ushered our way into the room.

          “Good evening Cadets,” Commander Erwin’s deep voice spoke.

          We all spoke, “Good evening Commander.” Saluting as we spoke. Our right fists rhythmically pounding against our perturbed hearts.

          “Tch, brats.” A voice spoke.

          My eyes were quickly drawn to a figure that stood off to the side. Arms crossed, peering at us through squinted and uninterested grey eyes. Black hair falling loosely over his face. The light from the sunset illuminating his well defined features. Regiment jacket around his shoulders. He looked us over and soon his eyes met mine.

          My eyes were locked on his. And then I realized.

          The man in the window. This was him. The same stance. I could feel his cold stare digging into me.

          “I’d like to introduce you to someone before we begin our debriefing,” Commander Erwin spoke.

          ~Debriefing? How come?~

          My mind filled with questions but I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the mysterious man.

          “This,” He continued as he motioned his hand towards the bored man. “Is Captain Levi.”

          We all stiffened.

          Immediately saluting again. This time towards the Captain.

          And he lazily rolled his eyes at us.

Am nächsten Tag konnte ich es kaum abwarten, anzufangen und im Atelier und Lagerboxen nach geeigneten Leisten. Ich baute in Windeseile den Rahmen zusammen, zog die Leinwand auf, trug das Raster auf, legte die Vorzeichnung an und trug die erste Schicht Hintergrundfarbe in Acryl auf. Abends emailte ich ein erstes #workinprogress Bild an Kim.

Ein paar Tage später starrte ich in einer Kaffeepause gedankenverloren auf die Wand, vor mir ein halb vollgekritzeltes Skizzenheft zu dem "Anna-Bild". Ich dachte beiläufig welch schönes Gesamtkunstwerk da vor mir war, wie die Wand hinter der Palme als Träger ihres Schattenspiels eine Verbindung zwischen beidem schuf: Das Objekt selbst bleibt statisch, während sein Leben auf der Wand dahinter sich in teilweise beleuchteten, teilweise verschatteten Facetten zeigt. Ich sah näher hin, länger. Und mit einem Mal wusste ich genau, wie Annas Bild auszusehen hatte. ---

Ein langer Sommer ging zu Ende. Anna und ich hatten uns in vielen Sonnenuntergängen angefreundet, Seelenheil und ausbleibenden Weltfrieden erörtert, den Weltenplan neu entworfen, und nicht zuletzt hatte sie mich mit ihrer Vision eines großformatigen Bild angesteckt, das Ölmalerei und Zeitungspapiercollage verbinden sollte. Ich entwarf die ersten Skizzen. Das Hauptproblem aber blieb bestehen. "Die Papiercollage bleibt zweidimensional; ich schaffe aber in der figurativen Malerei immer eine Raumwirkung. Die Collage kann ich nicht dreidimensional erscheinen lassen und die Figur selbst mag ich nicht zurückführen auf Zweidimensionales. " Wir steckten fest. ---

Eines Tages lernte ich im Sportstudio Anna* kennen. Sie war im Zirkel direkt hinter mir, wusste offensichtlich wer ich war. Sie sprach mich auf meine Collagen an, die sie im Internet gesehen hatte. Vor allem "Invasion1" und "Invasion2" hatten sie sehr beeindruckt. "Sie stellen genau dar wie ich die Welt um mich herum wahrnehme. Als Bedrohung und Totalverlust des Lebens wie es einmal war." (*Name geändert)