#hospitalsuck

I wrote this two nights ago... yeah.. ok... moving on So, here I am at the hospital, it is now 1:19am and I’m waiting for the doctor to call me! So in the meantime I decided to write a letter that anyone could read if they wished to do so. Here is my experience at the Verdun (NOT animal) Hospital, in the emergency ward to be precise... First, I must say that I got here at 21h40 or around that time. The longest I had to wait for was, wait for it, wait I said, the “Triage” (btw ain’t that like the most important step? They decide if you die in a long, very long, agony or if the Doctor see you fast). There was no nurse in the booths so after I waited 20 minutes, I could kinda confirm to myself that I would most definitively spend my night at the Hospital. So, once the nice nurse took all my history, she sent me to the waiting room, and to my surprise (GASP!), in less than 3 minutes I was called... to register... (Bah, no worries, as long as they keep calling my name while I’m still awake, I’ve got nothing to complain about) But again, to my biggest surprise, about 15-20 minutes later they call me for the doctor to see me! (WOW!! First time it’s that fast for me... man I must be really sick... but granted, there were only 5 people in the emergency room...) So here I was, in room 4, waiting for the doctor (which I kept callin “VET” in my head) and I wait, and wait... They did say room 4 right? Do I have to make myself acknowledge? Do I have to stand by the door so someone can see me? Bon ben... I take a book and a pen and I start to write... I can hear people on the other side making rather inappropriate comments about patients... I really don’t think they know that my door is wide open and that I am STILL in fact in the room! And to my joy (Hallelujah!) someone is at my door! A nurse! He tells me that the doctor will soon be in and then he shuts my door... That Bastard took away the only source of entertainment that I had! So I kept writing... A little later a lady comes in, speaking extremely fast, saying that they needed my room for another patient and that I’ve been moved to room 2. So ok, I take my bag and go to my new destination (Bonjour room 2!) Moments later the same lady with the super power voice accelerator tells me her name is Dr... (wait, that was too fast! Could you repeat you na- Oh wait, WHAT?!? Did you just ask me if it burns when I pee? No that’s not.. what? No I don’t have blood in the urine Dr Who?! These symptoms that you’re shoving out of your mouth are not MY symptoms!) Bon back to me now, after she read my file she began to ask the pertinent questions associated with my problem(s) and then as any good doctor, she tells me to get naked... and to hurry! (wow... just wow... yes indeed you are fast Doctor Blahblah!)

I’m mesmerized So the exam was super fast, poked places that I wish she had never poked and then as fast as she was talking, the exam was over and I was back in my comfy clothes. She blurted something about blood and an echo tomorrow and of she went through the door! I only had the chance to ask if I had to wait in the room and she said “yes”, and mumbled something about a nurse... So there I was again, alone, waiting for someone to show up... Later, maybe 30 minutes had passed, I was still wondering if I had understood properly, and my doubts were even more aroused (Yes... I used the word aroused, got a problem with it?) when a small foreign man with a hand injury opened my door... (Eh buddy, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM! ... Nah I didn’t say it, but I was sure hell thinking it!) So this little foreign man was called into my room but I told him that I was not done, he asked if I was almost done and I simply said “NO” and so he left... but then a new lady Doctor showed up and looked at me as if I were from another planet, and then asked me if I was “So-and-so” (Euh, non, I’m waiting for my nurse to get my blood so i can GTFO!) So she left... I must say I’m really impressed with our medical system... yeah no SARCASM at all! Finally, a man nurse showed up with his cute little tray, and prepped my arm to have a nice needle stuck in it... I think my man nurse was a newbie... Not only did he NOT even got to feel a vein, he also poked me once without even being sure there was a vein to poke there! (Fine, I do that all the time with cats and dogs... but they’re not ME!) So yeah, this was the first time in my life that someone doesn’t get my vein in the first shot! I mean I was told I had Super Veins! Anyways, he finally poked my hand, which didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would... (I may or may not be lying here...) and slowly (Tout le contraire de la Docteur) started to rob me of my red precious juice of life... (Indeed...) Then he told me to sit at the waiting room and that a different doctor would speak to me about the results (I guess lady Doctor #1 was at the end of her shift... I don’t get stupidly fast at the end of my shift, if anything I get sloooow and stupid!) Fast forward 2 hours and I’m finally called back to my lovely room. Wait, wait, wait and then, indeed, another nice and normal speaking lady Doctor comes in and tells me that all is good with the blood and that the next step is the ultrasound... and then she gave me a nice little morphine pill to help me sleep at night (But nice lady Doctor, what about tomorrow night? And the night after? And the one after that? Can’t I get a yearly supply?) So man nurse comes in and watch me swallow the pill and off to home I was sent... at 2h45 in the morning (shit I think I missed the last metro...) So I guess I’ll continue my hospital adventure when I come back tomorrow... for the ultrasound and other doctor meeting!