#hospitability

1. Taking a different route and a different ferry.

It took my friend/ now roommate a couple of times to convince me to go home with her to our province and to take her route (Cebu – Baybay) and try a different ferry because I thought the ferry we’d take would make me regret the day I was born 😁 since its travel duration (6 hrs) is twice longer than that of a fast craft which I always take. But kidding aside, when I finally got in, to my surprise, it turned out to be one of the best things ever invented and I couldn’t contain my happiness and amazement, although I had a couple of things running on my mind at the same time.

It is totally different from the fast craft from the Cebu – Ormoc route I take. The fast craft is small and it only has seats so people can’t lie down if they want to, while this one is big (probably thrice its size) and it doesn’t only have seats, but also decks (beds). There is a small prayer room, and a vip room for the staff. Everything I love having in one place are here — TV, aircon, CR, comfortable bedspace, and cafeteria, except the wifi, and it’s already a good deal for me because it’s cheaper even though it travels overnight. Going home is closer and cheaper from Baybay as well, but most importantly, the chance of me getting seasick is very low because even though it is slow, I cannot feel that it’s moving on the surface of the sea since it is a big ferry.

In the picture I look like I am upset or sad, but that’s just my face when I’m serious as I have an RBF. I was watching TV then. (I’m sorry I forgot to take photo of the ferry. 😦)  This experience taught me to not be afraid to try or to risk esp. when someone is or other people are there to support, and if not for my friend, I wouldn’t have experienced it and wouldn’t have been able to save much on fares. So nice of her. I couldn’t be more thankful for her kindness. ☺

2. Meeting new people.

She offered to stay at their house since it was around 4 am when we arrived and still dark so I went with her.

Staying at other people’s house isn’t something new to me but I still kind of find it hard at times to adapt. Good thing her family is nice. They were hospitable. They let me eat their food and use their stuff like the wifi and bed. It just felt like I was home when I was there. I also learned a lesson that is we don’t need to really know a person to give them help because anyone who’s in need of it is deserving.

I took this photo outside their house at around 5 am. I had missed this kind of sunrise.

Other photos from Baybay.

3. Visiting VSU (Visayas State University)

Before heading to my hometown Dulag, I made sure I’d get to visit this university which is popular in the province for its branches, the quality of education they provide and of course, its vast area.

I first learned about this when I was in 4th yr high school because some of their staff went to our school and they introduced to us their school and what courses they offer. I was totally amazed with their map on the brochure and since then I had been dreaming to get there.

Good thing a friend of mine whom I met and was one of my close workmates at a previous job and is studying there offered to tour me around. We met around 5 pm because she had exams on the day, so we only got to stroll around the upper part of the university but even though I didn’t get to see the whole area, I was already happy because another bullet has been checked off of my list.

By the way, there is where I’m planning to enroll this coming January but I’m still not sure if I really will be able to. Wish me luck. 😊

4. Visiting mom’s (stepdad’s) place

I headed here the day after I visited VSU because I had decided not to go for my plan to go check the other local tourist spots alone. I don’t know if it is only me, but sometimes I overthink. It makes me conscious when people start looking at me just because I’m the only one taking pictures. (Stupid, eh? 😁 Pardon me. 😊)

So I visited my mom, stepdad and sister in a barangay in our municipality. My mom’s partner isn’t really someone I like for her not only because the idea of having a stepdad never came into mind before, but also for the fact that his children don’t really like my mom even when their mom has already passed away just like my dad. However, there’s not much I can do for now. I cannot take them away from him because it’s not going to be easy as they are not like teenagers, and I don’t have my own place yet here in Cebu which I could let them stay and it’s not as if they would even like the idea of moving here. He’s actually okay and nice though, yet I still wish my mom didn’t entertain him. Call it selfishness or whatever, but I think some people could actually understand where I’m coming from.

Anyway, aside from the reason I mentioned on my previous post that I was afraid my uncle (mom’s only brother who really hates me for what I did) might visit there and see me and hurt me, I also don’t like staying there so I opted to stay at my another uncle’s (my late father’s brother) in another barangay. But before I headed there, my mom and I had a catch up talk. I also gave her shirts (from ukay ukay) I brought from Cebu as they are really cheap here but still good. (I’m not much a fan of ukay-ukay, though.)

5. Staying at my uncle’s place and visiting our abandoned house.

Their house is close to ours (my late father’s house) and I used to go there when I was a child so it wasn’t my first time to stay there and sleepover. They are also the immediate people we would run to every time there was a problem at home and when we needed help. They have always been welcoming esp. now that my uncle is the chairman of the barangay.

My aunt knows that I don’t like staying at my mom’s so she welcomed me. Her daughter who is my age and has been one of my best friends since we were kids was also there so staying, using their stuff and eating their food just felt normal. It was as if I was home. They gave me the same treatment that my friend’s family in Baybay did, so I was able to contemplate on my options and relax although the phone signal was very weak I could barely get online.

We have to cross this river to get to our houses so my uncle had built this improvised bridge.

      So my supposed backpacking trip turned into a staycation trip, staycation at other people’s places. My bad. 😁

When I was there, I took the chance to visit our abandoned house as I really had missed it. I felt sad upon seeing it because its roofings are still good but then its other materials are slowly rotting. Weeds are surrounding it but it’s still liveable. I wonder if mom is willing to let other people use it, or if there are people who would love to stay there.

This is our house and our more than 15 year old well.

This house has a lot of memories I’ll forever keep in my heart and I would love to pay it a visit every once in a while in the future so it should be maintained, I thought to myself.

6. Taking my younger sis to Tacloban City.

It’s the only the city that’s close to us (There are two other cities — Ormoc City and Baybay City in Leyte, by the way.), so I decided to take my sister out on a date because I know my mom barely takes her when she goes to the town and esp. to the city.

So I took her to the mall, had window shopping yet we bought some groceries and we dined at Jollibee. We couldn’t make the most of our visit, though, because the weather was bad and when we arrived home, it was already 9 pm which is already late in the province (’cause it’s too early for the people in the city). But at least we got to spend some time together and that’s what matters.

7. Having fun at Camp Cawayan Resort.

The day before I headed back to friend’s in Baybay, I, together with my only one younger brother (who stays at mom’s sister, because my other younger brother who stays at mom’s brother was busy and we didn’t get to take our youngest sister ’cause we weren’t sure she can swim and we were in hurry as we just rented the motorbike we used,) and 2 cousins went here as I’d been itching to swim in a swimming pool like I always do.

I really love plunging into any body of water because not only it is refreshing, but also I get to improve my swimming skills each time and I become more confident with myself when I’m in the water. (Also, the supertyphoon Yolanda wayback in November 2013 made me realize more than any occassion, about the importance of swimming.)

8. Taking a look at our barangay.

Before leaving for Baybay, I went to the center of our barangay to take a ride to our town proper, but while I was waiting I visited my two aunts whose houses are close to this momument. I checked on them and had some catch up talk.

I used to hang out and play around this monument of General Roxas (which our brgy is named after) with my childhood friends when I was a kid.

This is where I studied Grade 1 until Grade 5. (General Roxas Elementary School) 👇

9. Roadtripping (not literally, though 😁).

On my way back to Baybay, I was lucky to be seated on the front seat of the van because it’s my favorite spot as I get to enjoy seeing the views of the places we pass along and I love it more when there is a good music in the background.

  View this post on Instagram

What do I love about road trip? It is this. 😊 #roadtrip #travel #leytephilippines #destinationsph #countryside #nature

A post shared by Erma Lazada ♡ (@lazada.erma) on Nov 2, 2017 at 10:38pm PDT

I was so glad that there’s not so many houses on the national road from Dulag to Baybay because I find the nature’s view more appealing when I’m riding on a van, although it seems like it’s boring in those places, and it is what I love about the country side. The view of the mountain ranges, the seas, the rice fields, the vacant lots, the coconut trees and especially the sky fills my soul with so much peace.

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So, that’s it. I hope you learn a thing or two from it. Thank you as always for reading. 😍

"Because of the civil war in my home country Yemen, my family fled in a number of directions. I took the scary risk of going to Berbera, not knowing what to expect. I was in many ways scared when I first arrived in Berbera because you have this image in your mind that Somalia is going through a brutal civil war similar to Yemen and because of what we used to see on TV but I noticed the opposite. I was welcomed like a fellow Somali and received my residence card straight away. I then saw many of my friends from Yemen and their families in Hargeisa. Never could I have imagined that Somalis were this open and hospitable. I’ve been later told that hospitality is a big part of the Somali culture. I immediately told my remaining family members in Yemen to come here. Through my many encounters with Somalis, I have noticed plenty similarities with Somalis and Yemenis, and they have an amazing cultural tradition. I now feel like I’m in my country. I found work here as a decorator and work with many Somalis. Now, lots of Indians have joined us, and the work environment is like one big happy family. I will never forget the love and brotherhood that I’ve received from the Somalis."

(Hargeisa)

"Dagaaladii ka dhashay waddankayga Yemen waxay sababeen inaan qaxno oo dhamaan qoyskayga qoloba meel uu yaacdo. Anigu waxaan go’aansaday inaan aado Berbera. Markaan imaanayey baqasho ayaa igu jirtay oo waxaan aaminsana in guud ahaan Soomaaliya tahay dhul dagaalo ka socdaan sida Yemen oo kale laakin taas mid ka duwan ayaan la kulmay. Runti, aad baa la ii soo dhaweeyey, dabadeed sharciga degnaashada waa la ii siiyey. Markiiba waxaan arkay dad badan oo asxaabtayda ah oo xagan usoo qaxay, qoysas farabadan sidoo kale oo xagan aanu ku kulmay. Dadka Soomaalidu waa dad daacad ah, aad ku wacan dhanka marti-soorka. Kadib waxaan uu sheegay qoyskaygii oo qaarkood Yemen jogaan inay xasan usoo guuraan. Waxaan aaminsanahay inaan nimaadnay dhulkayga, marmarka qaarna waxaanu nidhaahna, Soomaalidu waa walaalihiin, waayo dhaqanka Soomaalida iyo ka Yementa aad bey iskugu dhawyihin. Hadda waxaan ka shaqeeya qurxinta guryaha, aniga iyo asxaab Soomaali ah. Hadda waxaa nagu soo biiray Hindi oo dhamaanto isku ujeedo ayaanu nahay oo waa shaqo. Dadka aanu la noolanahay waxay na tuseen walaatinimo iyo inay nala dareen yihin, weligeyna taas ma ilaawayo."

We survive in a world where we’re constantly hounded by expectations of all sorts. Whether we’re torturing ourselves by trying to slim down into the dress which is deemed almost impossible to fit into or maintaining a double life in social media, we’re consumed by the need to represent ourselves as better and more interesting. We harbor the strongest desire that people will shower us with compliments all the time while finding ways to put down others in order to feel gratified about ourselves.

Before you label me as cynical, I assure you I’m not entirely pessimistic. I believe in working hard, giving back and most importantly, treating people the way you want to be treated. Of course, I’ve had my large share of blunders when I’ve blurted out insensitive things in front of the wrong people, and being overtly defensive about my opinions, even when they were wrong. Lately, I’ve been trying to be more aware of the things I’m saying. I’ve begun thinking twice before opening my mouth. I’ve also hurt myself by pretending to be something that I’m not. I shouldn’t try to say anything to counter reality and portray a positive but mostly false image of myself, I decided. However, a few days after my twenty-first birthday, my determination to remain true to myself, being more honest and treating people the way I want to be treated, came to a test. I was talking to a few guests at a party my parents were giving. It’s been nearly a year since I’ve come to Bangladesh, and I could immediately tell that one of the guests (whom I met for the first time in my life) already had certain preconceived notions about my experiences, and of course, my character. Starting from an unnecessary jibe at my age and appearance to showcasing visible disdain throughout the entirety of the conversation, the whole thing felt quite draining. And absolutely unnecessary.  “You don’t know anything about the way universities here run,” my guest remarked snidely, after I casually commented that Physics—which she was majoring in and talking about—has always been difficult to me when I studied in school. No, I don’t know how universities here run, because the Internet is something I’ve never learned to use, I thought to myself, feeling irritated that my attempts to fill the awkward gaps in the conversation were being met with such a reaction. I’ve also never listened to my friends studying here, either.

Last week I wrote that being hospitable depends mainly on values, limitations and the host they have to be hospitable to.

There can be multiple types of limitations a host might face.

Firstly, they can have favouritism limitation where the host prefers to be more hospitable to a certain type of non-human. This limitation could mean that the degree of hospitability the non-humans receive from the host could vary. For example, if the host prefers dogs over cats, dogs are likely to get hosted better than cats would.