When a sheep is brought up among wolves, it grows fangs, and a domesticated wolf might not have the upper hand against a feral sheep. A SCORPIO’s appearance might ward off the flock, but once a shepherd loses their sight on CANCER, they must go into hiding unless they crave demise at their cloven hooves.

Eyes stray everywhere but the person right in front of them. Will the universe bestow the gift of sight upon CAPRICORNS or will it forever curse LEOS with the woes and despair of being their blind spot?

A sense of control is empowering until the reins begin to cut into the tender palm. Loosen your grip, TAURUS, or you will grow to learn—the hard way—that the world does not revolve around you. TIP: Order a pizza and ask for their cutest delivery person to soothe the wound.

Devotion is the most epic testament of love, but it can also be somebody’s greatest downfall. ARIES should not look back at GEMINI for they might succumb to the tragic fate of Orpheus and Eurydice.

Astral projection is back in! Channel the energy of a thousand moonlights to travel through the dimensional realms. Peek through the curtains of your previously scorned lovers, VIRGO, especially AQUARIUS’. You might be pleased with what you find.

The pedestal you are putting everybody else on is not ascending; you are waist deep in quicksand. Best to dig yourself out before your dignity hits the bottom, LIBRA.

There is nothing CAPRICORNS do not share with a TAURUS: grudges, Excel spreadsheets, and sometimes, even partners. If you wish to keep the peace, avoid the full moon at all costs lest it brings out the beast within you.

It is no longer the era of carrier pigeons. You do not have to try and catch one by the neck before it can fly away with your drunken mistake. But before you delete that message, GEMINI, remember: that SCORPIO might just be worth the risk.

There is nothing more humiliating than a failed attempt at seduction, but nothing will ever deter a LEO from their goal. Best try your luck with an AQUARIUS; their foreplay is almost as unconventional as yours.

VIRGOS are not an oasis in the desert—it’s merely a mirage. All that love-bombing is eventually bound to abandon a PISCES in the drought.

Give CANCERS a minute of your day, ARIES. They hold the keys to your emotions. TIP: Keep an open mind in the bedroom. Some things are more interesting when they are locked. 

Revenge is a dish best served cold and nobody serves it cooler than a SCORPIO. But if things were to grow dire, would their VIRGO partner in crime plead guilty in their stead?

Carpe diem, CANCER! Time to reap your loom of the week for it seems to be the most fruitful one yet. TIP: Spend your unexpected $100 find on a brunch at Café Marta to celebrate the negative results of your pregnancy scare.

SAGITTARIUS and CAPRICORNS are intergalactically entertwined yet they cannot seem to move past each other’s icks. If the bar is at the top of the bean-stalk, the average-sized humans should have the right to access an escalator for aid.

PISCES, do not fret. That chain email might not have any real and tangible consequences upon failure to meet its requirements, but sending it forward might ignite a new spark in your life. But be careful navigating your inbox in case of unsorted spam; by now, many scammers have learned your information by heart.

Warning! Class D fire hazard. For continued protection against risk of fire, all LEOS and ARIES are strongly advised couples’ counseling as well as therapy for everybody within their social circle.

A GEMINI shall feel rightfully justified for their first-date obsessive background checks when a particular night with an AQUARIUS ends in utter disaster. A quick skim of somebody’s Facebook page would have never hurt as much as blind faith.

A VIRGO may suffer an ego death at the hands of a GEMINI’s venomous spit that spreads like a dandelion’s seeds.

Best to hide or defend your truth—your reputation is at stake, whichever path you choose.

Could LIBRAS ghost CANCERS without enduring the grave consequences of their own trivialised perception?

Keep an eye out for a trail of eggshells in case you find a LIBRA at the dead-end.

The king of the jungle is nothing but a male lion taking all the credit. LEOS, who aren’t men, are rightfully the pride of the pack. As for the opposite, it is best to lay low for a while for there are many enemies lurking in the shadows.

TIP: Do not be fooled by their size.

SCORPIOS are secretly clingy, but so is their ominous energy suctioning onto someone else’s soul.

Check in on your SAGITTARIUS friend’s mental well-being for they are often victims of the enemies to lovers (and back to enemies) trope.

A TAURUS is the apple of a PISCES’ eye until an AQUARIUS enters their peripheral vision.

Should they resist the temptation, they will be awarded with only mildly exciting things that will forever leave them wondering about the what-ifs.

Watch out, CAPRICORNS. It is a terribly dreadful time to start dating again lest you run into an ARIES.