#hopeintheashes

First Best by hopeintheashes (@hopeintheashes)

Buddie | 25k | Teen

"How come you're never around anymore?" Chris asks, in the moment he's least prepared.

"What do you want?" Taylor asks, tangled up on the couch together, wine in hand.

What he wants— who he wants— feels impossibly far away.

. . .

Buck and Taylor as friends with benefits, where the benefits are platonic cuddling and a little bit of tough love.

Buck and Eddie, figuring out that they don't have to live without each other, or by anyone else's rules.

Opening the door to find the two of them asleep on the couch was still his favorite thing in the world.

Eddie carefully set his keys in the dish so they didn’t make a sound; the last thing he wanted to do was wake Buck and Christopher.

In the week and a half since the tsunami, Buck had taken over school pick-up, homework, and dinner on the evenings Eddie had a shift and all it had taken was Eddie causally mentioning it— for Christopher; and sure, Chris needed the routine at home, but he needed Buck right now and Eddie understood it; what Eddie also understood was the edge Buck was on, how close he was to falling too far out of reach the longer he held up in his damned loft and if Buck couldn’t save himself, Eddie and Christopher would; the extra help didn’t hurt.

Coming home to his boys resting comfortably, nightmare free was the biggest blessing he could ask for if he knew the words to say.

If he could stay and watch them forever, Eddie would, but the moment ended too soon as Christopher stirred, causing Buck to tighten his hugging grip ever so slightly as he slept on, then nearly blinded Eddie with wide grin as he found his dad home; pressing a finger to his lips, Eddie urged Chris to let Buck sleep, but it wasn’t to be.

Didn't forget about you, I promise!

It's the thing he likes best, he's decided.

Leaning against the railing watching his crew coming in first thing in the morning gives him a unique perspective about the day.

Should he put a pot of dark roast on because Chim is dragging; make pancakes with the scrambled eggs because Eddie is rushing and definitely didn’t eat; keep Buck paired up even for chores because he’s a bit too in his head; shift Hen to second rig because she’s looking burnt out?

It’s more than that though, it's watching Chim snag Hen’s arm in the parking lot and start in on a story before they’ve even hit the doors; it’s watching the way Buck and Eddie bump shoulders continuously from their cars to the locker room, too wrapped up in their conversation and what’s on Eddie’s phone to notice anything else; it’s the way Buck will ruffle Chimney’s hair like an annoying little brother or Hen will crack a towel at an unsuspecting Eddie.

It’s his crew acting like a bunch of children before any of the heaviness of their jobs can settle over them; not just a bunch of kids, his kids.

Most Captains prefer to keep their crew at a distance, but Bobby prefers his this way, clutched as tightly to his chest as possible.

Thanks love!! Enjoy!

"I'm just tired.”

Chris’s voice is muffled from where he’s got his face all but buried against the side of Buck’s chest, sounding too rough around the edges for it to just be sleepiness.

Even without taking his temperature, Buck can feel the heat radiating from the little body clinging like a barnacle to his side; it doesn’t stop him from gently pressing the cool heel of his palm against Chris’s head, hissing at the warmth, before sliding his fingers through those sweat-damp curls.

He definitely has a fever to go along with his scratchy throat and runny nose and his headache; poor kid has felt terrible all day even though he’s tried valiantly to hide it, Buck knows, not wanting to let it impede the long awaited “Buck and Chris’s Day of Fun”.

He also knows, however, that they can’t take any chances; not with Chris’s immune system, not with all the viruses running rampant, not when a sniffle could take a bad turn too quickly on them.

Chris grumbles in protest, shuffling closer and tugging his blanket tighter around him, as Buck leans forward to grab his phone off the coffee table; “Sorry, kiddo,” Buck murmurs against the top of his head, “Think it’s time we call your dad.”

Thanks for the prompt love! Just so you know, I was thinking so much of The End Comes Near for this one. I consider this a warm up to the sequel ;)

There's a hand on his arm, and then he's being pulled into a tight hug.

A familiar voice is murmuring reassurances, but Eddie can’t think, can’t focus past the panic that is clawing at his chest, threatening to tear him to pieces right here in the middle of the hallway.

He feels like his heart is being pulled in opposite directions, stretched so thin he might actually rip down the middle. Should he go home to his son, try to break the news and comfort Christopher when he doesn’t have any answer to give, when he feels like he’s falling apart himself? Or does he go back to Buck’s beside and hold his husband’s hand, praying for a flicker of life to return?

Eddie clings to the person hugging him, fisting their shirt in his grip like it will keep him afloat if he just holds on long enough, as a soft voice repeats over and over “everything’s gonna be okay”; he’s not sure how, can’t possibly be when it feels like his life is splintering apart right in his hands, but he’s desperately trying to believe them.

📥 What is your fave fic to receive comments/messages on?

I have to pick one? Rude. But pressed, I would say probably Pull the Pin. It was my first official Buddie fic and it was inspired by a Sleeping At Last song (which now every time I hear it I think of Buddie so thanks brain lol) so it just gives me lots of feels. Also I'm gonna cheat and say We're Still Here as well. I wrote that and it's preceding fic so fast and they just really hit me hard when I was writing them. The nightmares, the struggle, the scene with their scars ... I really just love it a lot.

🌝 Who is one character you haven’t yet written for that you would like to?

I would say probably either Maddie or Hen. I actually have a story outlined for BTHB that features Hen and Buck which isn't a combination I've featured before so I'm excited to explore their friendship.

✨ Choose three adjectives to complement your own writing.

You are dastardly! Just ... rude. And honestly my brain just stopped working. Emotional (is that a compliment? i think so, right?), descriptive (???), and good-ish.

1. What color are your socks? No socks, just bare feet! Though when I was forced to wear socks today, they were blue with pink jellyfish.

12. What's your favorite scent? The air right before it rains. Fresh baked bread. Salty beach breeze. Butter as it browns in a pan. Clothes fresh off the line. The smell of your skin after you've been out in the sun all day, like suntan lotion and salt and fresh air.

50. State five facts about your personality: - I'm shy until for the first five minutes you know me - I am definitely a procrastinator and am well aware of this flaw - I've been described as the "mom friend" - I am well organized ... on my computer, files in my real life are a disaster - I need total distraction or total silence, in between is too hectic