#hookedspeaks

well that was dramatic but I am American so. 9/11 joke for you before I tell you. (good news at the bottom ok please don't panic)

I have 🍒 🎀 𝓋𝒶𝓁𝓋𝓊𝓁𝒶𝓇 𝒽𝑒𝒶𝓇𝓉 𝒹𝒾𝓈𝑒𝒶𝓈𝑒 🎀 🍒

And for those of you who can't read that/it won't load: I have valvular heart disease.

Let's tally it up!

(March 2025) Grandfather/boss retires - work goes to shit. (May-June 2025) Car crash + five day migraine that turned out to be a hypertension migraine + high blood pressure diagnosis - yay! an even more restrictive diet for Kate. (Also I got ghosted by who I thought was my best friend. She was the first person I had called a best friend as an adult. You have all seen me ranting about her.) (September 2025) Grandfather then DIES (the audacity) - I get a new PTSD and new anxiety diagnosis. (Not really new on the PTSD because I already had it but they did say this instance was like "getting a new PTSD" so... idk what to do with that. Anyway PTSD and cPTSD gang rise) (December 2025) I don't get the raise I was supposed to, I don't get any raise at all so I start looking for a new job! (January 2026) the big wigs find out I'm leaving - bam. 40k raise. I am no longer leaving (February 2026) I sit down on my couch. Apparently that was a mistake. I tore my hamstring. At the appointment to rule out DVT, they tell me "Hey... you need to get imaging of your heart. Something sounds wrong." (March 2026) I am diagnosed with valvular heart disease.

THE GOOD NEWS

I am not dying. I am not in danger of suddenly dropping dead. I am otherwise a very healthy individual (as in, I'm devoted to cardio, working out and eating clean anyway) (we're not going to talk about how that's all coping for an extreme eating disorder) so I have inadvertently kept myself from a worse fate (such as heart surgery). The current treatments are basically: medication and monitoring. That's it. I am okay. I'm just a bit weaker than I was. I just have to take it slow. I just had to...give up my litigation career to reduce the stress on my heart. I'm in the middle of a complete crisis of identity here. But. I'm okay.

Hi everyone. I am going to shed a little bit of light on my next two POV cycles, how they're being written and when they're coming out.

So, as you know, Edge(ING) Fitness is currently published through Chapter 39/XXXIX.

Chapters 40 through 48 are going to be written together and will be coming out for eight consecutive days, twenty-four hours between each one. They will not be coming out until December.

Once they are ready, as I said, there will be a chapter drop each day for eight consecutive days.

So, that being said, after this two chapter cycle arc, what would you guys like to see from the Edgies? I do mean little things, not entire plot lines or anything of the sort. Anything you want to explore? Let me know.

And, if you've read this far, I'd love to indulge you with a teeny sneak peak:

No one cares because ST INSTRUMENT I GET IT

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT I'm finally going on vacation!!! I'm going to Sonic Templeeeeeeee

I'm so excited

And my boss can SHOVE IT, idgaf, yall he can pile on all he'd like, I have DONE MY JOB and I know our higher ups are HAPPY WITH ME.

If you're curious, below

It's the moment before hitting the button on the Manhattan project. It's the infinitesimal situation where the bomb burns up the whole atmosphere.

It's the kettle analogy. "You can't boil water from an empty kettle" and I am burning the whole house down.

I don't know what it is. It's probably the manifestation of long term untreated CPTSD combined with multiple instances of regular PTSD, just fucking stacking. Maybe it's nothing anyone can point to.

Maybe it's surrounding myself with people in such a way that they always need me, and I can pretend I never need anyone in return. It's the thought that to be needed is to be loved. It's...

Pinned Post

Kate/hooked/whatever. 26. She/her. Probably. She/they? I don't care.

Series/writing list below the cut.

Join my bookclub!

Terfs/bigots fuck off. I don't like you.

I was...someone before law school. Given the pandemic that began shortly before law school, I found myself in the unique position of trying to figure out who I wanted to be. I was twenty one, at the time, and still lived with my parents, and what I did was take up running to stay out of that house. That house, which had done so much damage to me. I ran every day for over a year, before law school took over.

I was...someone before the pandemic. I was a sick kid. I was a history student. I was minoring in African American studies because I was, and I quote, "sick of old white men writing my degree." I was angry, and I was smart, and I wanted to be something, but I didn't know what.

I was a child, before that. But not just a child. I was a child who lived with attorneys. I was a child who volunteered with a local organization dedicated to bat conservation. I was a writer, though I wasn't very dedicated to it. I was a fan of bands everyone loved to hate, because everyone loved to hate them. I fancied myself a makeup guru. I was a reader.

I was something before the pandemic, and before law school. And it took me until now to remember that. I obviously knew I enjoyed writing. I finally picked up a novel again. It just...took time.

Around the new year (because I am so prone to the magic of the new year. I love it.) I realized I am still, somehow, not where I want to be. I made it. But was it my dream that I had made it to? No, of course not. I never gave myself time to dream. I decided I needed a new job. I don't plan to leave the legal field. But I knew I needed a new job. And that was a lot...a lot...a lot of scrolling. So many jobs I saved, none of which genuinely called to me. I hesitated to apply to any of them, and honestly only applied to one. Until something popped up in my endless search.

It was a job helping animals. Through the law. It was "these animals need lawyers." And I remembered giving vampire bats pedicures so we could tell them apart. Sunshine yellow. It was one of those lightning strikes, "here is the clearest memory you'll ever have" moments.

I didn't even think before applying.

I promise, I'm getting to the song.

Basically, the line "I have fought so long to be here, and I am never going back" has resonated with me the whole time. But it took on a new dimension.

I forgot there were different parts of me fighting for different things. And when I remembered that, I felt something break.

I knew that the flood had started, then. And I knew it was time to move.

So I did. I remembered that I was a person first, lawyer third (maybe), and I decided to do something about it.

Weirdly, it was like something mirrored, but I recognized the feeling. It wasn't the decision I once made, but it was the decision in a major key. And it was so, so much brighter than the other decision I'm referencing here. I've never, as an adult, made the decision to put myself first until now. I definitely understand the idea of infinite baths now. Like I. I thought I did. But I didn't.