“I want my eating disorder back”... _ Quick chat 💭 over the past few weeks of having a dedicated workout only every 3 days for the sake of not burning out and not being able to tackle the CFA curriculum, left me feeling extremely anxious and frustrated. This coupled with stress, with feeling as though my life was spiraling out of control, with fear of losing my disorder more and more each day, the fear of the future, day to day anxiety, the fear of being imperfect and things not being in their perfect place left me extremely nostalgic for something that could have killed me. _ This might sound ludicrous to most but let me explain. You wouldn’t get angry at a child for missing their pacifier, or a puppy for missing their mom. Just as a dummy and a mother provide love, guidance, safety, purpose and self-soothing, an eating disorder is no exception. ED’s are evil and they kill but they, and their behaviours, serve a purpose and their absence is felt. _ If you feel the same be curious and not judgemental. What do you need a safety blanket from? What are you fearful of? What survival mechanisms can you implement that are more gentle? How can you soften a little? _ If this doesn’t apply to you, I hope this at least helps you understand that ED’s are not about outer appearance but more about coping. _ Understand that the habits you created to survive you won’t need to thrive 💛 Hop onto my story for this recipe 😘 _ . . . . . #EDawareness#iwantmyeatingdisorderback#protectyourmentalhealth#thepurposeofaneatingdisorder#faceyourfears#chataboutedrecovery#opendiscussiononmentalhealth#honestyalways#pancakestack#kikseats#edwarrior#staystrongloves#dietculture#haes#edrecoverythoughts#wantingyouredback (at Pretoria, South Africa)
