#holycrapdoublewrap

Get ready, dear readers. Grab a loved one, a stuffed animal, or maybe just a snuggie or something and settle in for a tale of redemption. I write this review full, satisfied, and generally happy. I wasn't sure how today was going to go. I'll admit I was nervous as I walked down Wisconsin Avenue to the mall. I remembered my visit just a mere 48 hours ago, and the bad feeling started to swell. I scowled as some yuppies rode past me on those stupid electric garbage scooters. I was so relieved to see The Game working. I knew it was going to be ok. If there is one person at the Grand Ave Qdoba who I can count on, it's The OG Game. He got my tortilla warming It was the last one in the package, which you know sometimes worries me, because there has to be some reason that particular tortilla wasn't chosen before. I tried to ignore it. I did my best to not let the bad thoughts creep into my brain, because that's a slippery slope. He gave me 2 big scoops of rice and a nice, hefty scoop of each bean. The veggies looked great today. Very vibrant and fresh, and you could see the specks of seasoning on the peppers and onions. Don't ask me what seasonings specifically, because I don't know. It's a closely-kept Qdoba secret. The Game got in there with his tongs and grabbed a bunch of those veggies. He carefully smeared some guacamole around to ensure good distribution, and by the time he put the fresh lettuce on there, I wondered how he was even going to wrap the dang thing. Then I remembered, he's The Game, and he has impressed me before with his abilities to wrap burritos that I once thought were unwrappable... Then something unexpected happened. He had wrapped up the burrito and looked up and me and asked "Do you want me to double wrap it?" I froze. There was no visible rip in the burrito or anything, but he offered me the double. Of course I took him up on it. I can't remember the last time I had a double wrap. I mean, I could figure it out, but I can't spend all day doing research on my own burrito history. He got another tortilla warmed up and wrapped it tightly around the burrito. The Game also had no trouble swiping my gift card. It all went through perfectly, and to top it all off, this week is double points for Champs like me. What a glorious day. There was one more cool thing that happened! While on my way out of the mall I found a neat little binder clip on the floor. Those things come in so handy in so many different situations. You can't have enough binder clips, I've always said. Been saying it for years. It's even a cool anodized green color!

Today is another busy day. I ate my burrito a few hours ago, but I haven't had a chance to write anything down yet. There's a certain blonde psychic lady in town today, and it's a high stakes, high security, high spookiness show where this lady is going to seek out people in the audience and deliver messages from their dead loved ones. It's all real too. Definitely not fake.

Today is also our editor's birthday! Happy birthday, Hannah! I'm glad that you pushed me to follow my dreams and blog about Qdoba. Hannah went to a different Qdoba today and was hashtag blessed with a double wrap. I got that text message from her as I was in line to get a burrito for myself. I had to step out of line though, because our Tech Director called me to talk about guest list for tonight, and I refuse to be that guy who is on the phone at the Qdoba line. The Adept was working behind the bar all alone today. I could tell she was hustling. When it was finally my turn, I let her know what I wanted. She didn't have many pinto beans left at all, so she went back and loaded me up with a lot more black beans. I can't tell you how much I appreciate that. The fajita peppers looked great today. She almost moved right past them over to the salsa, but I made sure I got some. She ripped the tortilla, so I was also hashtag blessed with the double wrap. What a wonderful day to be alive.

This was my free burrito today, which made it even tastier. Despite being free, I am going to say that this episode was brought to you by Hannah, since this whole dang blog is brought to you by her. I met Hannah on October 20, 2007 at a party. Nine months later we became coworkers. Four years later she became my boss. Fourteen months ago she became editor in chief of Both Kinds of Beans. I'm happy she was born, and if you are a fan of the blog, then you should be too! Come party with us at Bremen Cafe tonight after we get done with work.

When I got to the food court today, there were already two people ahead of me in line, but there was no Burritista in sight. The man directly in front of me was either a Footlocker employee or an actual referee. The man in front of him was calling out “Are you open? Is anyone there? Are you open?” and eventually Ashley came out. The louder man stepped aside and let the referee go ahead of him and proceeded to ask someone on the other side of the food court what they wanted. The person he was talking to also appeared to be on their phone and ordering from another eatery in the court at the same time, but somehow they were able to communicate “diablo queso sauce” to each other. It must have got too complicated after that, because the loud man walked away.

At this time, I'd like to take the opportunity to thank our first ever sponsor of an episode of Both Kinds of Beans. My lunch today was brought to you by longtime friend of the blog David Noo. David is a multimedia content creator who I have known for quite a few years, long before I started eating Qdoba regularly. I recommend you all check out his website noomania.com and YouTube Channel youtube.com/noomania to see his various projects. Thank you, David. I hope to continue working with you in the future. Maybe we can do some crossover episodes or live episode of Both Kinds of Beans. I'm sure everyone is dying to see how unfunny I am in real time.

If you would like to get involved and sponsor an installment of Both Kinds of Beans, send us a message on Tumblr at bothkindsofbeans.tumblr.com or on Facebook at facebook.com/bothbeans420. Buying me lunch is the best way to get me to post more often.

And now, our feature presentation.

When there are two people behind the counter at Qdoba, there are multiple approaches they can take. I think of it almost like a strike-partnership in soccer. Depending on the duo, they may each make one burrito from start to  finish, or they may split it up duties by the hot/cold sides of the line. I wasn't sure how Ashley and the Librarian work in tandem, but I really wanted to time it so Ashley would at least start my burrito. I know I praised the Librarian's work last time, but Ashley has been there for me for years now. If ever given the choice, I'd choose her. I thought my plan was going to fall apart when someone got into line just before me, but she ultimately decided she didn't want Qdoba after asking a bunch of questions (her loss). Also, there's a special place in hell for people who are talking on their phones while ordering Qdoba, right? I don't give a shit if you're on the phone with Oprah. Put Oprah on hold. Hang up on Oprah. Just give the Qdoba workers your undivided attention for 3 minutes, you turd. I hope your damn burrito tears, and they don't offer you a double wrap. I hope its contents fall out all over your lap.

Ashley got a second tortilla going for me right away. It would have been a perfect burrito today, double wrapped and all, but they were once again out of guacamole. Even when there's not a ton of guacamole on the burrito, it provides a little bit of refreshment that you may not even notice until you're tricked into eating a burrito without any. I wonder who the lucky bastard was who got the last of the guac.

The popcorn stand on the ground level is now gone. It's been replaced with signs for “Laura's Gourmet Popcorn”, which is that newer shop near the old pen store. I wonder if Laura put them out of business, or if they were maybe affiliated from the start, and maybe this was always the plan.

I've forgotten what it's like to do your job for a weekend of shows. I'm a little stressed out and burned out. I haven't had any time to cook at home, and I knew today was going to be a burrito day. I showed up pretty late in the afternoon on the Sunday, a time when the mall food court is dead, and everywhere looks like it's getting ready to shut down. I found the Apprentice making the burritos while the Technician worked the register. I got a healthy portion of rice, but I could tell this guy is still thinking in “half and half” mode, which counter to popular belief, does not make my burrito one whole. When we got to the cold side of the line, the Technician said, “You're going to enjoy the guacamole. It's fresh. I just made it,” and it was indeed very fresh-looking (and tasting). While I paid the Technician, the Apprentice must have fumbled and rolled a critical miss, because there was burrito filling spilling. The Technician teased the Apprentice for his failure while the Apprentice warmed me a 2nd tortilla. I was pleasantly surprised to get the double wrap when there were so few beans. In the end, I was full.