#hoebi

The pain always came in form of tears, it came in waves of sobs stifled at first in an attempt to hide his grief then apart by short pauses for recovering breaths. The muscles of his chin trembled, his face looking down at his feet as if he could somehow make them start to walk just by looking at them. But even if they started walking, where would he go? Home? No… there was no actual place he could call home anymore- not since a long time. Taehyung tried hard to turn a blind eye to the situation, but the fake facade could not hold up any longer. He knew that the moment he stepped again inside the apartment- inside the apartment he shared with his boyfriend- would be the last.

—

Hoseok opened the door and walked inside. It has taken him, easily, five failed attempts to insert the key inside his door before he could successfully turn it to get inside, his hand unsteady after taking too many shots while going out with his work colleagues. Stumbling down the hall after closing the door behind him he began removing items of his clothes and dropping them carelessly on the floor. His head was pounding and his stomach felt like 300 buff guys had just taken their sweet time punching it, so he concluded on heading to the bathroom to grab some pills and then flop in bed until the next day- but the night was far from done. In the living-room just before he reached for the bathroom Hoseok was met with a bloodshot-eyed Taehyung sitting on the couch.

“Why are you still up?” Hoseok asked his boyfriend, finding strange he was awake this late at night. “Your eyes look swollen. If you’re tired you should go to bed…It wasn’t necessary you waited for me.”

Something about his word triggered a hidden emotion inside of Taehyung which provoked a long and cracked wail to come out from his mouth-and so the tears began to flood his eyes again. Hoseok stood there in the hallway, looking at his crying partner, not sure on the reason why.

“Why are you crying?” He unknowingly asked.

Taehyung sniffed and bite on his upper lip, looking away from Hoseok, not baring the thought of his obliviousness. “ You forgot about me.” He whispered, a knot forming in his throat.

“Come again?” Hoseok, who was still intoxicated, leaned to support his weight on the frame of the living room door to hear Taehyung better.

“You forgot about me!” he spat at his boyfriend. “Hoseok you forgot about us.”

He closed his eyes “I what? I― I don’t get what you mean…” Hoseok scratched the back of his head.

“Fuck, you don’t even remember it, do you?” Taehyung growled, getting up and walking to the window to look outside. “This is so like you lately…” he huffed.

The harshness of his words began to wake up the mind-numbing state Hoseok was in due to the alcohol. “The fuck you’re talking about, Tae?”

Taehyung hands closed to a fist, all the impotence he felt concentrated on it. “I’m talking about…you forgot today was our two years anniversary, you ass.”

Hoseok fixed his gaze on his visibly disturbed boyfriend, his head hastily looking for the memory of the date he and Tae started dating, the date of their first kiss. But he couldn’t remember at the moment. “I need a minute…” he requested, knowing a cold splash of water would bring him back to full consciousness.

Hoseok was leaving for the bathroom and Taehyung followed thinking he was avoiding the subject again, the desperate need to confront his boyfriend about his hidden suffering and put an end to it pushing him forward. “You don’t need a minute, You need to explain yourself to me. Tell me the truth for fuck’s sake”

Hoseok grabbed his head and turned on the faucet while listening to Taehyung demands. “What truth are you talking about? Be clear!” he raised his voice to him.

“Haven’t you noticed, Hoseok?” Taehyung queried, entering the bathroom.

“Noticed what? Jesus fucking Christ you are always so dramatic…” Cupping water between his hands to throw it to his face he didn’t notice how Taehyung was falling apart right behind him.

“These, asshole!” he grunted, grabbing his boyfriend by the shoulder and turning him so they both were facing each other. “Do you see them now, huh? The tears in my eyes?” he shouted, pointing to his eyes.

Hoseok was shocked to see Taehyung’s face so up-close. His eyes were dripping tears, he never saw him like this before, his beautiful brown eyes filled with so much grief the redness of the small veins looked about to burst. He was a complete douche, and he was sorry.

“This is all your fault!” Taehyung cried, shaking his boyfriend’s shoulder while small sobs escaped his lips. “I can’t take it anymore Hoseok…I can't― I’ve tried so hard to love you despite all the times you hurt me, but I can’t, not anymore.”

Hoseok wanted to reach out to those tears, he wanted to wash them off, to apologize for all he had hurt him and hug him, he wanted to let Taehyung knew how much he loved him, how happy he was to see his beautiful smile every day. But Hoseok also thought how those smiles probably hid something behind them, like unhappiness, pain and only God knows what other miseries his voice left unspoke. Because Hoseok was unhappy with himself he was selfish and left the love of his life aside making him feel unwanted.

“It’s OK…” Hoseok said out loud, hanging onto the fabric of his pants with his hands to refrain from reaching for Tae. He made out his mind. Tae deserved to be happy- and he couldn’t make that happen.

“What’s OK?” He asked naively, licking the tears which had run down to stain his lips.

“It’s OK, you don’t have to love me” Hoseok added, holding back his own tears. “I don’t need your love. I need you to leave…”

Taehyung face twisted, looking at him as if what he just said was a lie like he hadn’t really said those words to him. He felt hollow, his life was crumbling but there was nothing he could do because Taehyung believed him, he believed his words. So he ran.