#hittingrockbottom

Lost http://wp.me/s1KlUr-lost

  As you know I’m unemployed for the soon-to-be-forth year. I have tried to think of all kinds of jobs I could do and I have applied for it, but without any luck at all.

Everyday for the last couple of months I have felt lost. Lost and the not knowing of what is coming next have messed me up.

Since I wrote “hitting rock bottom” people has been coming to me and told their own story to give me…

On Monday I woke up with one thought and it was suicide. I had hit the bottom and it felt like there was only one way out of it. Never have I thought that unemployment could take me to this point. All of my friends wrote on Facebook about their morning with train problems, work and kids, while I was lying in bed just thinking of suicide. I was scared, really scared.

For over three years now I…

I never realized how bad I had gotten. I thought it was normal to dislike everyone around me. I thought it was OKAY to blow off my friends because I just wanted to lay in bed and cry myself to sleep.

It was not OKAY. It’s never okay.

2013 has really been a tough year for me. I realized so many things but mainly: That we never stop growing as people, and although there maybe people who bring you down (whether it’s in their intentions or not) THEY don’t matter. No one does, no one matters. Not if you don't have self love, self respect and self acceptance. I always heard those words “Self Love” yet I never really understood what they meant. It’s not about getting up early in the morning to do your makeup or to workout. It’s about waking up and looking at yourself in the mirror and being happy with yourself. And when you have finally reached that point when you have self love, self respect and self acceptance; then everyone around you can learn to do the same too. And if they don’t. They don’t fucking matter.

I will always be a caring person, that’s just who I am. No matter what anyone does to me, if they come to me and need help, I’ll help them. But now I’m at the point in my life where I have realized the difference in being a caring person to other (which you can always be) and being a caring person to yourself. Which requires you to tell people to fuck off. Because let’s be serious, some people are just there when they need something but when you are the one in need they don’t give a fuck.