Just wanted to say hi! And that I've been here since Les Mis and I was slightly confused with all the Chinese drama gifs recently, until I saw it was you! Ever since, I've been lowkey into it 😂
hello!!! bless your SOUL putting up with me for so long ahahaha you’re an ANGEL! also i’m glad you’re appreciating heres a shameless plug,
you can watch the untamed here and here (or search on youtube but that sub is more than 10 episodes behind) and read the book here, you can watch guardian here and read the book here, and you can watch history 3 here and read the book here so now you can be highkey into it!!!
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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Lee isn’t sure why he decides to go back again and again. Maybe he needs to know it’s real– that he didn’t dream up a scary flirt and a ghost from his past. He doesn’t tell his dad how ridiculous it is or how useless it seems. No, Lee takes the next check and hops on his bike.
He hopes this is the part of him that wants to get better taking over.
Lee had woken up early. Immediately uneasy from a forgotten dream, he’d slugged through his morning ritual with persistence and resistance smacking at each other. Every room felt unfamiliar, and for a halting moment, he couldn’t remember which toothbrush was his.
The first breath of outside air felt like a parachute. He was no longer uncontrollably hurtling toward– something. Relief was so loud. Loud enough that he didn’t hear the broken latch crack against metal.
Lee is taking the longer, safer, back-road through the trees. Riding in the narrow strip of gravel along the highway is far less peaceful; tractor-trailers and pick-ups roar by with their coughing diesel engines, hardly taking care to avoid bicyclists. The wind off their tires and exhaust burn the inside of Lee’s nose.
Here, it smells like pine and blooming pollen. The breeze carries gently over to his back. Cars are sparse, so he can look up to notice the sky and enjoy how it looks against the white of birch bark. This route is longer, too. Something like contentment finds him three-quarters of the way there.
When he arrives, two people are visible through the front window. One has a dark, beanied head, the other has voluminous curls of black hair. The two least likely to talk to him.
Despite this, anxiety starts to boil deep in his chest. He’s going to have to sit in that tiny waiting room with them and their “not-talking.” They’ll be looking at him. They’ll wonder what a guy like him is still doing at group therapy. They’ll look at him and think about how pitiful he must be to land here from where he was.
Lee takes his time unwinding the bike lock. He plays with the idea that he can’t remember the combination. Then, of course, the rubber-like material on the coil is absolutely confounding. It’s not his fault if he takes an extra minute to examine its properties.
A car skids into the parking space behind him, forcing him out of his mind. With a hand over his pounding heart, he reflexively turns around.
Theo barely shifts the car into park before he’s swinging out of his dingy-gray Honda Civic. His eyes are harpooned through Lee’s neck.
Fucking hell.
Lee puts additional focus into the chain-link fence, fantasizing about the glorious safety of the waiting room. Russ and Daphne’s gazes would be kinder. He imagines ripping his heart out and chucking it across the lot, Go fetch!, and breaking for the building.
Theo doesn’t speak. He walks over slowly, occasionally dragging his rubber-soled shoes over the pavement.
When the noise stops, Lee manages to look up.
Heat floods the two-foot gap between them.
His face is completely blank. He doesn’t know what Theo wants from this. Lee should probably say something. Ask him. Make it friendly. Impossibly black eyes give nothing away. Freckles across his nose and cheeks don’t spell any clues, and his lips are cracking, in desperate need of Chapstick.
Freckles?
Why is he so scared of this little bespeckled kid, again?
He’s about to release his bated breath when Theo sniffs, making Lee and his traitorous cheek flinch in surprise.
Theo nods and starts over to the door. Okay.
There’s something off about that guy.
In an unspoken agreement, everyone sits in the same spots as last time. Dora slouches languidly in the largest armchair, Cassie twirls on a padded office chair, and Theo hops to his perch on the arm of a yellow loveseat, strangling the life out of a decorative pillow.
Dr. Usa opens “How is everyone today? Anything big happen since we last saw each other?”
Cassie immediately raises her hand.
“Cassie! Great. With a small group like this, you can feel free to just shout it out.”
“Yes, ma’am!” she enthused with a dinky salute. “Well, I put pictures of some of my paintings online– watermarked, of course– and someone bought one! I don’t know them, but they’re going to send the money through PayPal. They gave me their address. I’m sending the painting– it’s a view of the sky from my backyard– to them in the mail!”
Lee feels a smile force itself onto his face, cracking the plaster of an incomplete mask.
“That must feel very rewarding.”
“Oh, yes!”
His hours of sleep feel infinitely far away. What has he got to be proud of. Anymore. Lee remembers newspaper clippings on the fridge, surprise parties from his team and his family, his little brother swearing up and down Lee was the best football player in the world, and how Neal was going to be a quarterback just like him. God, did he take that harmony for granted. Now, his father and Neal just look at him. That’s all they manage to do when he’s around.
“Lee?”
“Yes?” He blinks a couple times, meeting Dr. Usa’s gaze. “Sorry. I was...” he trails off.
“Someone didn’t have their listening ears on.”
He sighs and looks at Dora. Eyes tired, he says “That’s why I apologized.”
Something flashed in her eyes, face assuming a rather odd expression. Surprise, maybe? Embarrassment... seems unlikely.
“It’s quite alright, Lee. I just asked how your day off went.”
Air puffs through his lips. “It was fine. My little brother had a soccer tournament, so he and my dad were out all day.”
“You didn’t want to go with them?”
“Nah. I liked having time by myself.” He starts fiddling with his sleeves. Alone is safer. Fewer awkward conversations that no one wants to have.
“I feel that.” Theo agrees in an exhale, thumb and middle finger pressing over his eyelids.
With the focus momentarily elsewhere, Lee takes the opportunity to sink into his chair. The heat of the spotlight recedes. Theo is talking. From what Lee’s seen, it’s obvious he takes to attention like a plant to the sun.
“We had extended family from all over tarnation at the house yesterday. It was ridiculous! They wouldn’t understand my right to privacy if it bit them in the–”
“Theo.”
“Sorry, but they wouldn’t! They act like lowering their voices protects the sanctity of the quote, unquote ‘secret’ when they’re telling it to everyone!”
“Why don’t you like your family discussing this?”
“‘Cuz it’s me they’re discussing!”
“Please keep your voice down.”
“Sorry.” Theo says it quick, like an afterthought. “They aren’t acting concerned. They’re tossing around what’s ‘wrong’ with me like hot gossip. Like– finally something interesting is happening in the family.” The last part is drawled with a dramatic touch of the fingertips to the sternum, but his voice is too sharp to be simply joking.
“Every family, and every person in it has a different way of expressing their emotions toward a situation. It’s possible this is their way of showing that they see what’s going on, and just don’t know how to help.” Dr. Usa’s voice is melodious and quiet. It’s a very distinct contrast to Theo’s frustration.
“Well. I wish they’d cut it out.”
Lee notices the subtle tremors in Theos hands as they cover his face. Something’s coming loose. He has a feeling that when Theo falls apart he doesn’t crumble. No, those are bolts rattling, threatening to blow outward with the shriek of scalding steam.
“My family acts like nothing happened at all.”
When silence strikes the room, nerves punch him right in the gut. Shit. That’s where his plan ended. All eyes have moved back to him. He successfully got the attention away from Theo– go him– but he, being an eternal idiot, failed to realize that now he’d have to hold it.
Thankfully, Dr. Usa says “It’s likely a very painful topic, seeing someone they care about hurt.”
He laughs. Immediately he covers his mouth, feeling like he’d just smacked himself across the cheek. Wiping the knee-jerk reaction from his face, Lee swallows.
“Yeah.”
Before Dr. Usa has a chance to follow up, Cassie bursts in.
“If they don’t care, they don’t matter!”
Her nose is scrunched up, pinched by the angry purse of her lips. A newly pale-painted, manicured finger points at the ceiling, as if that’s where the injustice is hiding.
Cassie always seems to have a motivational quote up her sleeve. This is not the first time one had been directed at him. And though the words themselves aren’t helpful, the earnest way she delivers them always heals a small part of the ache.
“Thanks, Cassie. They matter. They’ve just moved on. They have other things to worry about.” The half-lie tastes weak as it leaves his mouth. He knows his family is embarrassed by his mistakes; they can’t bear to revisit the shame.
He sees movement in the corner of his eye, where movement is usually not. Russ is signing something.
“Family is not always right.”
Instead of going home right after, Lee decides to sit cross-legged on the pavement next to his bike. He has Twitter open on his phone, but he’s not really reading anything.
It’s nearly 10:45. His brother is probably up. Neal’ll probably hang around the house for a bit, texting a couple of his bajillion friends to meet up. Then, he’ll borrow dad’s car and pick them up on the way downtown, uptown, or a McDonalds in either direction.
Dad is probably working on the shed. The roof caved last winter, and he needs a dry place to store the tractor. Since his brother is taking the car, he’ll have no choice but to stay home.
A kick to his left shoe startles him back to the real world. He sees ragged black jeans.
Theo looks at him, avoiding his eyes.
“Thanks.”
Thanks? Not sure what he’s referencing, he responds “Uh, yeah. No problem.”
“Sorry. You know, about earlier. You’re confusing.”
Not as confusing as this conversation. Lee just looks at Theo, hoping for some elaboration.
“Okay.”
Theo turns and skips back to his car. He opens the drivers-side door and points to Lee over the roof.
“You’re a real one, Lee Pugnator,” he shouts. “If Nicki Minaj lyrics were enough I’d be serenading you right now, you gorgeous son-of-a-bitch.”
