#hissed

It’s the next morning, and my ma is bringing her keg to lift over her head, 100 times, and her ankle weights to give me to use, please no, and her “buns of steel” workout, which I yell about…

I am so screwed…. 🙀😾😴😵🤣

On the plus side, I bought an exact replica of Olivia Newton John’s sweatband on Amazon, so, I can look… like a jadrool, and NOT like her, cause she makes it work. Everyone is doing it…

My body, got physical, and got into physical. And the body talked, ok?! Just like Olivia Newton John wanted it to, and I hope she hears the body talk, cause I’m letting her hear it, and matter of fact, it didn’t just talk, it yells, cause I’m now an old sore story yeller, Aka “old yeller”, from getting too physical. And it screams in pain, to the point where I too, would rather be put down then to get more physical ever again like they did in the 80s, cause they were fierce. But I just realized that A. Old yeller was a depressing movie to mention, and B. I’m a cat in the above picture. So, my new moniker will now be, “old meower”, because all I do is complain about the physical of it all. And so, with my body’s last exasperated physical breath it will whisper this final message to you all about getting physical…..

….No, to it…. No, to the legs up, ok? Cause that’s effort. Ok? That’s extra exertion of the muscles that I’m not willing to expend this, or any other time, alright? Cause no “beach ass” is worth the culi pain that I’m enduring right this minute. And that’s some shit, ok? It’s not a pain I enjoy. I don’t think there’s much pain I do dig, cause I’m not sadistic, cause I’m not into that shit, but this lactic acidosis stuck in my gluteus Maximus back there and around here, is like, “but what did I ever do to you, for you to turn around, and do this to me?” And you know what, Culi? I don’t have a good answer for that. Cause John cougar mellencamp used to sing a song called, “hurts so good”, he probably still does, but this? No. Not so good, John cougar, not so good at all. Matter of fact it hurts real bad. And thank god my ma didn’t make me do the shit today. But you know what I did do? I tried the rainbow cone ice cream cake that they have over at buona beef over there. And that was good. Cause didn’t want to do the legs. You know why?!? Cause real real real sore. Is there a stronger synonym for the word “sore”? If you know of one, sub it in for me, cause my ass hurts so much that I can’t even look it up, that’s how bad my ass hurts, everyone. Ok? So no to that.

But, a resounding yes, to bringing back the 80s sweatbands… cause that has nothing to do with the torture of my ass and it’s surrounding areas. 🙈🤷‍♀️😹

Addendum: I’m pretty sure misunderstood my ma yesterday. Cause when she came over, she didn’t bring the keg to lift. So, I dunno… cheers regardless! 🍻 🙈🤷‍♀️🤣

While I’m thinking about ‘grammar rules’, I don’t get people who have a problem with ‘hissed’.  You’ve seen this too, right?  People saying using hissed is inappropriate if the dialogue doesn’t have a load of S’s in it?

To me this makes about as much sense as instructing people to refrain from writing “The general barked the order” unless the order is: “Take the WOOF platoon WOOF east and WOOF attack.”

Hissed, purred, chirped, barked--they are animal-verbs, but that doesn’t mean they’re meant to convey “oh, so-and-so literally sounds like an animal.”  It means something about their speech reminds us of or invokes the traits we commonly associate with the animal.

“Hello,” she purred.

She’s not literally going “rrr, rrr, rrr” like a happy cat.  But she is charming, seductive, and possibly untrustworthy--traits we associate with cats. 

"I wouldn’t be so sure,” he hissed.

The character is speaking softly but intently, is furious, and is either the antagonist or a protagonist who has been Pushed Too Far.  It does NOT mean that the character is stretching their damn S’s unless that has been established in some other way, like if he’s Cobra Commander in the G.I. Joe movie and is turning into a literal snake.  WASSSS ONCCCE A MAN.

“I can’t wait to show you around town,” she chirped.