#hippiebae

Her .

When things happen, how do you know it’s not something that “just happened”? Or maybe it comes down what you believe in. I had a session today with my therapist, ( yay for mental health ).. I started to peek at some clarity surrounding my friendship and just for a moment I was able to step outside my normal overthinking and give myself what could be deemed as grace. I am able to exist in way that I haven’t been able to in a very long time, I think that is the draw. My entire life has been based on the expectation whether it be from self or others that I am consumed by independence. I have carried things for so long, that for once I felt like I could trust someone else to take over. It’s terrifying because it seemingly happened so fast, and in a way randomly. How do you explain that, or is it even necessary to explain it. Maybe I have been harboring on something that shouldn’t even need to happen. When you go through life trying to tackle so many things at once, and becoming your own person as a human being you get overwhelmed. For me, I get that but I also feel like I take into consideration so many things that the phases of going through the emotion shouldn’t be drawn out. That’s the expectation I have for myself. All the trauma, all the influences, all the experiences, have landed me right here. Right now. I guess if I’m being honest, I don’t have time to figure out space to have a mental break down. I have things that need to be accomplished, and shit that needs to get done, things have to keep moving forward. I guess that’s why 

So here we are post breakdown, and clarity may be presenting itself finally? I have this overwhelming sense of needing to further my knowledge with astrology. I just know the energy of the planets had an effect on my mental health these last few days. I realize that wanting to be a good person, and wanting to make decision solely based on the progression of where I feel like I need to be doesn’t always FEEL good, no matter how much I want or need it to. Someone I care deeply about, although I am still 10000% trying to process all of that told me they loved me today. He’s said it before, but it’s been a while and it just gave me this feeling that I haven’t felt in a while. There’s a process of grief that I feel like comes back and fourth when it comes to my current life affairs. I like saving people, I like “fixing” people. I don’t like feeling I’m breaking someone though, and I know it ultimately comes down to what I choose to take on but damn, sometimes I just need to know that it’s okay to be ....human. On this search for a deeper meaning of life, sometimes the lesson leaves you with more questions than answers. I’m hoping we are progressing in the right direction, but maybe that’s my problem. I always feel like there is a right or wrong way, when we all know that life isn’t just black and white. So ultimately, maybe that is the lesson to learn. Learning to exist in the area that is shaded gray, even if that means the answers aren’t clear. 

When you spot bae at the gym 😂😂😂 #hippiebae