#liferants

Post ka ng post about motivational and feminism tapos ganyan ka luhhhhh girl mag grow ka din utang na loob.

Checking on different social media acounts. Sleep, eat and then repeat. A pattern of my daily life, I am stuck into this while contemplating what to do next. I wonder what went wrong? Someone, care to enlighten? I used to be a person full of color, who knows what I want, who already figured out what I aspire to when I reach 30, oh yeah, youngest principal by that age eh? Well, those days are gone. Here I am, struggling and seem to be in this loop of never-ending why? What happened to me? If only Google has the answer, I would be sleeping and snoring by now. Shhhh Drama. 🙈🙉🙊 A year ago I was in a classroom, giggling and having fun with my happy pills doing ABCs and 123s. Now, I am in my bedroom, reminiscing what had to be a great time. But hey, I'm baking, a therapeutic way of curing my overthinking. Yes, you read it right. 🤯 A year ago, I am a healthy and a complete being, juggling and jumping to different rhythms. Now, I'm still strong as ever only that I might not have a baby after. Good bye to my Miss Universe daughter's dream.🤰 Ohh before I forgot, a year ago I have friends, now I have no one but myself. A brief moment of self-pitying since humans seems not to care. Enough, I'm done with them. If I still communicate with you, youre an exemption then. 🧡 I am sad. I am broke. I am depressed. Yes I am and I have to admit it. Only by recognizing and not masking it will I heal from it. Everything went shattered. The debris from my recent disaster was very hard to fix. Can you lend me a helping hand please? 🤞 A minute of your time will be greatly appreciated. Not that I am begging, or yes I am? But, just in case you have the energy and vibe to listen to my rants then that will be fine. 🙉

So here we are post breakdown, and clarity may be presenting itself finally? I have this overwhelming sense of needing to further my knowledge with astrology. I just know the energy of the planets had an effect on my mental health these last few days. I realize that wanting to be a good person, and wanting to make decision solely based on the progression of where I feel like I need to be doesn’t always FEEL good, no matter how much I want or need it to. Someone I care deeply about, although I am still 10000% trying to process all of that told me they loved me today. He’s said it before, but it’s been a while and it just gave me this feeling that I haven’t felt in a while. There’s a process of grief that I feel like comes back and fourth when it comes to my current life affairs. I like saving people, I like “fixing” people. I don’t like feeling I’m breaking someone though, and I know it ultimately comes down to what I choose to take on but damn, sometimes I just need to know that it’s okay to be ....human. On this search for a deeper meaning of life, sometimes the lesson leaves you with more questions than answers. I’m hoping we are progressing in the right direction, but maybe that’s my problem. I always feel like there is a right or wrong way, when we all know that life isn’t just black and white. So ultimately, maybe that is the lesson to learn. Learning to exist in the area that is shaded gray, even if that means the answers aren’t clear. 

PS: my stomach is growling more like my crowning if you know what I mean😭

So I mentioned on Twitter that I would do a planner/supply tour since I got sick and now it’s ready to watch. If you want to see it then here’s a link — Keeping It Together! Planner & Supply Tour https://youtu.be/ddGiLqdLgHI . . #liferants #planner #monthlyplanner #artistonyoutube #artistontumblr #artistoninstagram #abmakeitartworks